27. In the Hospital Bed
In the Hospital Bed
Electra
I walked into the hospital through the back entrance, feeling like I was stuck in the most horrifying nightmare.
Images of Bastian lying on the ground, pale and unconscious, were burned into my brain.
I will never forget the helplessness I felt when the paramedics gave him CPR because his heart had stopped beating.
I was told he probably had some internal bleeding and needed surgery, but because of the terrain, the helicopter couldn’t land. So the ambulance had to drive him through the forest while they tried to keep him alive long enough to transport him to the hospital.
They managed. Bastian arrived an hour before me, and he was at the surgery, yet his life was in critical condition. No one could say how big his chances for survival were.
I stopped at the entrance hall, looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the reporters outside. News about our crash traveled at the speed of light, and the press was going crazy about it.
I sighed heavily, hiding my shaking hands in the pockets of my wet jacket.
I was barely holding myself together. My eyes burned from tears, the blood rushing in my ears was deafening, and I couldn’t breathe because of the lump in my throat.
Fear for the man I loved was holding me in its tight embrace, disarming me.
I did my best to stay optimistic, but the reality of Bastian’s situation was horrible.
We spent the night in the car. I knew he suffered some injuries, yet I didn’t notice how severe they were.
If I’d even suspected internal bleeding, I would have run through the forest in the middle of the night to get him help.
I wouldn’t have cared about his opinion or his anger.
I would never have let this become so serious.
I inhaled a shaky breath, slowly walking past a few nurses who watched me with concern. I probably looked like I would faint at any minute, but I had to function. I had to be strong for him.
He would survive. He would never give up. If not for anyone, he would fight to get back to me.
I repeated those sentences in my head over ana over again just to get my mind away from reality.
If I succumbed to my thoughts and fears, I wouldn’t be able to face the world.
I was too scared to think about the possibility of him dying.
I wasn’t prepared to end our relationship; losing him completely was out of the question.
I walked down the long corridor and stepped into the elevator, giving the impression of a ghost. I didn’t pay attention to anyone or anything around me.
My mind was with Bastian. My every thought belonged to him.
I even started to consider praying. I was never religious, but in my current state, I was willing to do anything to help him.
I entered the waiting room of the ICU with my head hung low, thinking that I should visit a bathroom because I was afraid I might start throwing up. The world was spinning, and I had to lean against the wall. Otherwise, I would have collapsed.
“Electra!”
A deep voice cut through my brain like a sharp knife, and for a second, I was sure it was Bastian. However, I quickly realized his brother Andreas had taken me by my elbow so I didn’t collide with the floor.
“Did the doctors check you up? You were with Bast in the car, right?”
I was staring into the same eyes as my beloved man had, unable to answer Andreas’ questions.
I was physically and mentally drained. I couldn’t form a simple sentence.
My trembling legs couldn’t support my weight any longer, and I hastily grabbed the first thing in my reach to find my balance.
I was a few seconds away from losing consciousness.
“Easy, girl,” Andreas mumbled somewhere on my right side, cradling me in his arms before something happened to me.
I closed my eyes, barely noticing loud sobs were escaping me as he carried me somewhere.
I didn’t know where he was taking me, and honestly, I didn’t care.
I hid my face in his chest, crying, totally breaking down.
An excruciating pain in my chest, along with fear and guilt, was tearing me apart, leaving nothing behind. I was hiding those feelings from anyone I met on the ride to the hospital. But I couldn’t hold them any longer.
Bastian would’ve been safe, working in his office and not fighting for his life, if it weren’t for me.
All of this happened because of my stupid escape and because I couldn’t face him.
I didn’t want to hear his explanation. I didn’t try to solve the problem like an adult.
Instead, I ran away and made my own conclusions based on stupid presumptions.
If I could just turn back time, I would have waited for him for eternity until he returned home, and we would have talked and gotten through this.
Fuck! Why, at least for once, couldn’t I stop overthinking everything and give him the benefit of the doubt? We would have argued, and we would have yelled, but eventually, because we loved each other, we would have gotten the same result without the crash and him being at the OR.
“Give her something so she can calm down.”
A soft feminine voice interrupted my mental suffering, and I slowly opened my eyes, seeing nothing but a black suit jacket. I couldn’t tell who was speaking, but she sounded familiar, yet I was too tired to muse about her.
Andreas gently placed me on a hospital bed, and I turned my back on him, weeping into the white sheets. I should probably have asked about Bastian’s condition, but I was so scared by the news that I kept my mouth shut, hoping he was still alive.
“Give me your arm, sweetheart.”
The face of the man standing next to the bed was blurry, but I understood he was a doctor. I extended my arm towards him, and a warm hand rolled up my sleeve. In a second, I felt a sting from the needle. I was grateful for some drugs to put me out of my misery.
I’d never been in such a bad state, yet deep in my mind, I knew that if Bastian died, I would be much worse.
I woke from a dreamless sleep, opening my eyes to the dark room. The only source of light was a small lamp in the corner. I frowned, licking my dry lips and trying to remember where I was and what happened.
It took me only a moment to realize that I was in the hospital, probably in the VIP room, and I didn’t know anything about Bastian’s condition. With a groan, I sat up, blinking a few times, clearing my vision. I required water as well as information. Perhaps some food, too.
I was dizzy and felt weak, but there was no one nearby who could answer my questions or bring me something. I had to take care of it myself.
Slowly, I dragged myself to the door. My mind was foggy, and my legs were shaky, but nothing hurt. Obviously, I was still under the influence of medication because I didn’t feel anything.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
I winced when the strong female voice resonated through the hall.
I looked in the direction of the person and mentally rolled my eyes.
It was Rose Adelaine. She couldn’t pick a worst time for her stupid games and insults.
Yet something in me whispered to my clouded brain that maybe she wasn’t here as an enemy.
“Bastian,” I screeched, and she raised her eyebrows. She fished a water bottle from her black purse, handing it to me .
“Drink and turn around,” she commanded as if she were some kind of general, but I was rooted to the ground. I didn’t take orders from her. I had to know if Bastian was okay. She couldn’t stop me from finding out.
“No one can see him right now,” Rose clarified, seeing that I didn’t move an inch. I took a small sip of water, refreshing my mouth. “Doctors won’t let anyone disturb him. He is out of surgery. Stable but still in critical condition.”
I was staring blankly at her, and my heart was painfully thundering in my chest. Tears again welled in my eyes, and I pressed my palm against the wall, supporting myself.
“C’mon, you need rest.” She gently took me by my arm, helping me return to bed. I was perplexed by her behavior, but I lacked the courage to investigate what was behind her kind demeanor. My only thought was for Bastian’s well-being.
“Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?”
Her questions and concerned face were weird. I shook my head, but when I looked at her, something didn’t add up. I didn’t know her well. We only met a few times, but she never looked so messy and tired.
She didn’t wear any makeup. Under her stunning blue eyes, dark bags had formed. Her always-perfect hair was up in a bun, and she was dressed casually, only in jeans and a T-shirt two sizes bigger than she needed.
“Are you okay, Miss Adelaine?” I managed to ask quietly, watching her as she sighed heavily and turned her back on me. The curtains were open, and the view of the city was magnificent.
“We feel the same, Electra,” she answered after a long pause. “I’m just better at hiding it.”
“Do you love him?” I burst out, feeling a boulder on my chest becoming heavier than ever before.
“I will always love him,” she replied flatly, facing me, and I held my breath. I believed Bastian when he said there was nothing between them, but I wasn’t so sure after her resolute answer. However, Rose at least bothered to explain her words without me asking .
“He is my best friend, Electra.” She moved closer to the bed, staring at me without hostility in her eyes.
Seeing her as a regular, not-arrogant person was weird.
“He is the anchor to my sanity. He saved my life in so many ways that I can’t count.
” She sat on my right side, smiling sadly.
“It’s tough to explain the relationship we have but trust me on this.
We are not sleeping together. He loves you. Only you.”
“What about your special agreement ?” I asked, emphasizing the last two words. It wasn’t the best time to discuss it, but the chance presented itself.