Chapter 8 Nora
NORA
My stomach makes a loud grumble as I climb the stairs from the print room, the smell of ink trailing behind. My head dizzies as I reach the top step a little out of breath, and walk into the studio.
“These are fantastic, Nora.” He checks his watch. “The client should be here any minute for me to pitch the designs.”
“Great. If anyone can convince him to go with these, it’s you.” I peer into his tired eyes. “Everything all right with you?”
He scrubs a hand over his face, his long-sleeved shirt riding up to reveal his kids’ names tattooed on his wrist. “Just tired. Caleb was throwing up all night last night.”
“Poor thing.”
“He must have picked up a bug at school. You know what those places are like.”
I smile, understanding what he means. I can only hope one day I get to take my child to school. Would Nate get a tattoo of our baby’s name like Cal has? “I’ll get you a coffee.” I rise from the seat and wobble on my feet, my head dizzying.
Cal’s fingers curl around my arm, then the other around my waist. His voice fades into the distance as if he’s shouting my name from across the street.
The room tilts.
Voices are so far away.
Everything turns black.
“Nora, wake up.” Nate’s voice cuts through the wool in my head.
I blink open my eyes to Evan hovering above me, his tie dangling in my face. Blue eyes peer down through his dark-framed glasses. “Nora, are you okay?”
“One minute you were talking about making a cuppa, then you fainted,” Cal says. He’s holding my head in his lap, my bottom still on the swivel chair.
My cheeks heat, but I’m unable to move with the three men crowding me.
Nate’s arm slips underneath me, lifting me upright. “When was the last time you ate anything?”
Cal rises from his seat. “I’ll get you a drink.”
“Thanks, pal,” Evan says, surveying me with a worried look etched across his handsome features. “Could it be low blood sugar?”
Nate scowls. “Nora?”
“I had breakfast.” I twist the hem of my top in my hands, knowing I’m practically starving myself.
“You had a few strawberries and nuts for breakfast.” Nate growls out the words. “You promised me you’d eat at lunch.”
“You went to the sandwich shop at dinner, didn’t you?” Evan says. “You brought everyone’s lunch back with you.”
“I went for the exercise, but I didn’t fancy anything when I got there.”
Cal returns with a glass of juice and a chocolate bar.
I sip the juice, but can’t face the chocolate bar. Not when I’ve spent the last week dieting and starving myself. I’m not about to waste all my hard work now on one chocolate bar, even if it is my favourite one.
Evan brushes back the loose hair from my forehead. “Are you ill?”
Nate’s still glaring at me. We’ve been here before. So many fad diets. “My office.” He stands from his crouched position and towers above me with a growl in his voice. “Now.” As he strides towards his and Evan’s office, he shouts, “Evan, bring the chocolate bar. I’ll force-feed her if I have to.”
Evan pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a frown as he snatches the chocolate and helps me to my feet. “What the hell got into him?”
I give him a sheepish smile and gingerly careen towards the office, giving Cal a wave as I go. Thank goodness he was there to catch me.
Nate holds the office door open for us to enter, then slams it shut, the blinds already closed on the glass partition. “What the hell are you thinking? We’re about to have a sperm donor and you pull this shit. You need to be healthy, Nora, if you’re to become pregnant.”
I drop into the leather chair in front of his desk, tears pooling in my eyes.
“That’s exactly why I’m doing this. They won’t give me the treatment if my BMI is too high.
I need to get it down, or no clinic will touch me.
” Tears drip onto my cheeks. This is all my fault.
I should have lost weight sooner, but whatever I do, I can’t shift this weight.
It doesn’t help that my job is sedentary and I hate exercise, but I try.
I really try. More tears leak from my eyes and I can’t stop the flow.
The hollowness in my chest aches along with the emptiness in my stomach.
My dream within reaching distance and yet still so far away.
Nate drops to his knees in front of me. “I won’t have you starving yourself again.
You made yourself ill last time when you thought your weight was the reason you couldn’t get pregnant.
” His voice breaks. “It’s me, Nora. I’m the reason we can’t conceive.
It has nothing to do with your weight. The doctor even confirmed that. ”
A blurry Evan stands in the corner of the room with his hands fisted at his sides. “Nate’s right, doodles. You can’t go skipping meals. It’s not good for you.”
They’re both right. I’m stupid. I’m just all out of options.
Over the years, I’ve tried so many diets.
I even knew Cal’s wife, Steph, from a slimming group we both attended years back.
She’s about my size and had a baby with no problems. But no IVF clinic is going to touch me with a BMI over forty.
“Even an intrauterine insemination requires a BMI under forty.” I bury my face in my palms. Everything was just falling into place, and it’s as if I’ve hit another brick wall.
Nate lifts my chin, his deep brown eyes reflect my own. “We’ll figure it out. We can look at clinics abroad. I told you, we’ll get a loan if we have to. Get a second mortgage on the house. We can’t give up now.”
Evan paces, scratching the stubble on his jaw. “Do you have to use a clinic at all?”
We both squint in confusion.
Evan pushes his glasses up, his lips tightening. “There are other ways, more natural ways.”
“More natural?” Nate says, his wide eyes darting between the two of us, but I can tell he’s thinking about the possibilities. Thinking of all the money we could save.
I wipe my tears. I’ll do anything for a baby, even do things the old-fashioned way without a clinic. “It wouldn’t be the first time you two have shared.”
Nate stands and blocks Evan’s path. He puts his hand on Evan’s chest and halts his pacing. “You want to fuck my wife?”