Chapter 43 Evan
EVAN
Ilift a small canapé from the silver tray and pop it in my mouth, the sliced steak and Stilton melting on my tongue. “Mmm.” I point to the tray as the flavour explodes in my mouth, then pick up another one and feed it to Nora. “This is heaven.”
Her soft moans vibrate against my fingers as I wipe the corner of her mouth.
Nate observes us from across the Lakehouse Grill restaurant, talking with the owners, his eyes lingering on us as he sips his champagne.
One hand tucked into his trouser pocket, a lazy smirk on his face.
It’s been two weeks since we were in Surrey.
Two weeks of bliss. I’ve forgotten what my house looks like and can’t remember what it’s like to sleep in my own bed, or alone for that matter.
My lips lift at the corner as I raise my glass to Nate from the other side of the room, letting him know that I’m watching him too and waiting for the moment we can be alone again in the safety of our home.
Our home. It’s still strange to say those words, but I like to keep trying it out on my tongue, hoping one day it will roll off like normality.
“Oh, the food here is to die for,” Cal’s wife, Steph, says, lifting a canapé from the tray.
“Right?” Nora says. “Have you tried the lamb and mint sauce pastry things?” Nora points to another tray on the buffet, and Steph takes one of those, too.
“Don’t mind if I do,” she says. “This place looks stunning. Cal said you did all the illustrations.”
Nora’s face beams with pride. “Yes, but the guys did the main work and the branding.”
“It’s fantastic.” Steph surveys the place in awe, and I follow her gaze, taking in the signage above the kitchen and the bar, and the way we’ve added texture to the walls, bringing the outside indoors. It’s really come together.
“A team effort,” Cal says, lifting his glass.
We all clink champagne glasses and take a sip.
“So, Steph, when are you gonna come and work for us?” I say, knowing she’s also a graphic designer and a bloody good one at that.
She shakes her head with a laugh. “I’m perfectly happy doing my four half days a week at Browns Media. It’s local and I get to be home when Caleb finishes school.”
“How is Caleb doing?”
“He’s nine now, can you believe it?”
“Nine going on nineteen. He’s a little shit.” Cal chuckles.
“He’s not that bad, but he has his moments. Takes after his big brother.” Steph and Cal share a look.
“They all have their moments,” Cal says. “But we wouldn’t be without any of them.”
It must be fun having a big blended family like theirs. I squeeze Nora’s hand at my side, and we share a secret smile. Maybe we’ll get to experience a little shit of our own. Girl or boy, our kids gonna be spoilt rotten. I know that for a fact.
The two women talk about family life, and I drift away from their conversation, admiring Nate as he slowly makes his way over, only to be stopped by someone else shaking his hand.
Cal and Steph slip back into conversation with another couple, leaving Nora and me standing near the edge of the room. The restaurant buzzes with laughter and clinking glasses, warm lighting bouncing off the lake through the wide windows. Everyone looks relaxed.
Nate finally frees himself from the cluster of guests and weaves through the crowd, loosening his tie. His gaze finds mine like it always does now, the corner of his mouth lifting in that private smile meant only for us. For me.
A surge of pride fills me at the sight, knowing I get to have him as well as Nora.
Is this how she always feels stepping out with this strong man by her side, caring for her, protecting her?
I may never step out in public with him like she can, but just knowing that when we’re behind closed doors, he’s all ours, is enough.
Months ago, I would’ve crossed the room without thinking, pulled him into a one-armed hug, said something sarcastic in his ear. Now I stay exactly where I am, fingers tightening around my champagne flute, afraid that someone will notice what we are to each other.
Nora hooks her arm through mine. “He looks pleased with himself.”
“Probably just sealed another restaurant refurb. You know he has the gift of the gab.” I huff.
Nate reaches us and slides an arm around Nora’s waist first, pressing a quick kiss to her temple. Completely normal and safe. Then his hand drops naturally to my shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze.
Except it isn’t just that anymore.
His thumb brushes the back of my neck, absentmindedly, familiar, the way he’s touched me a hundred times when we’ve passed each other in the kitchen or moved around each other at home.
My body reacts before my brain does. Heat spreads low in my stomach. I glance around instinctively.
Cal’s watching the bar. Steph’s laughing with someone near the windows. A waiter passes behind us.
No one’s looking. But I still step half an inch forward, just enough for Nate’s hand to fall away.
“You two hiding over here?” he says, lifting his glass. “I’ve been cornered by three different suppliers who think tonight means free consultancy.”
“That’s because you don’t know how to stop talking.” Nora reaches for another canapé and feeds one to Nate, then feeds another to me, laughing when she drops crumbs down my shirt.
Nate brushes the crumbs from my chest.
I stiffen, my eyes sweeping the area for anyone watching. His hands warm, his scent intoxicating as I breathe him in.
A couple approach, congratulating us on the branding work.
Hairs prickle on the back of my neck, heat coils in my belly. I’m too close to Nate. I nod along with them, but my cheeks are flushed.
“Nora,” Poppy shouts from across the room, her red curls bouncing as she rushes over.
“Poppy’s here.” Nora squeezes my arm, then meets her halfway, both of them hugging in the middle of the crowded space.
The noise swells around me, but it’s distant, as if I’m standing behind glass. Too much. Too overwhelming. I need air.
“Excuse me,” I say to Nate and the couple he’s talking to. I slip through the crowd on to the decking that leads to the lake. The cold air hits my face and I breathe in the natural pine scent from the surrounding woodland.
The lake shimmers before me, reflecting the sunset.
Out here, where it’s quiet, the noise in my head finally fades.
I should be happy. And I am, but the edge never leaves.
What will people think of us? Can they see beneath the surface?
The colours on the lake are beautiful, dancing in the fading light, but underneath, there’s murk, secrets. Things better left unseen.
Nate reappears at my side, his shoulder brushing mine. “Escaping already?” His breath ghosts across my ear.
My stomach flips. “Just getting some air,” I say, stepping forwards.
He follows, placing one hand on the wooden bannister and his other at the small of my back. The contact lasts barely a second, but it seems too loud, as if he’s made an announcement in front of the whole restaurant.
I glance around again.
Two women parade by the open doors.
Heat crawls up my neck.
Nate leans closer, voice low. “I’ve barely seen you all night.”
“We’ve been busy.” I inch my hand along the bannister just a fraction, enough to brush his finger with mine.
Nate takes that as an invitation and leans over, his eyes dark as he presses his lips to mine.
I jolt backwards. “Are you mad?” I whisper yell. “Someone could see.”
Nate blinks, scans the area, then laughs under his breath. “There’s nobody out here.”
I lift my glass and take a drink, needing to cool off. “We’re not at home.” I stare anywhere but at him, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.
“Right.” He straightens, creating distance between us, and I fucking hate it.
With a tight jaw, I say, “You have no idea how much I need you right now. But we have to keep things professional. There are a lot of potential clients here tonight.”
“You’re right.” He pats my back. “I’ve probably had too much champagne.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
He’s as sober as I am. I’ve hardly taken my eyes off him all night. He’s barely come up for air between talking to the restaurant owners and potential clients, let alone have time to drink. He doesn’t let his guard down, he’s just not bothered about what anyone thinks, unlike me.
I finally have everything I want and I’m too afraid to claim it out loud.
“There you both are.” Nora’s heels click against the decking, her black dress swishing around her ankles
Nate smiles and tucks her under his arm, the three of us admiring the sunset.
Cool evening air rolls off the lake, carrying the scent of reeds and wildflowers. Streaks of orange and violet paint the sky as the sun dips on the horizon.
“It’s beautiful here,” she says, her fingers threading with mine like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and it would be if we were behind closed doors, but out here, with the fairy lights glowing behind us, reflecting in the lake below as dusk descends, we’re too exposed.
Hopefully, with the three of us, no one can see how our hands are joined, and I let myself enjoy the moment.
Voices drift towards us from the doorway. I pull away, untangling our fingers.
Poppy steps out first, tugging Dom behind her. Out here he seems larger, shirtsleeves rolled, the warm glow of the fairy lights highlighting his tattooed forearms.
He nods at the three of us and skims the space automatically, like he’s assessing threats, then places a cigarette between his lips, pulling a Zippo from his pocket and lighting it with one quick motion, like they do in the movies, all without letting go of Poppy’s hand.
My spine locks.
Nora nudges me. “Relax. Poppy knows about us.”
The words hit me in the chest as if I’ve just been shot. “She… what?”
Poppy laughs, raising her glass. “Hi to you too.”
Heat crawls up my neck. My brain scrambles and I don’t know where to put my hands, so I shove them in my pockets.
Dom steps forward and offers me a cigarette.
I shake my head. They’re trying to conceive, and he’s still smoking. But I’m not in a position to judge anyone. I have enough problems of my own.
He leans over the bannister and blows out a plume of smoke into the dusky air. “Poppy told me about the baby thing. The arrangement.”
I glance back at Nate, unsure where to look.
Nate shrugs as if unaffected that someone else knows our business.
Dom laughs. “Relax, man. Makes no difference to me who you fuck.” He gestures vaguely towards the restaurant behind us. “Half the people in there are probably shagging someone in secret.”
Nora puffs out a small laugh.
I try to smile, but my lips won't work.
Dom leans closer, lowering his voice. “But,” a grin tugs at his mouth, “you go anywhere near my wife and I’ll kill you.”
Poppy rolls her eyes. “Ignore him.” She pushes against Dom’s arm. “He’s joking.” She swats at him. “Dom, tell them you’re joking.”
Dom takes another drag with a shrug and a quirk of his lips. “Mostly.”
My stomach twists, unsure whether to laugh, apologise, or jump into the lake.
Nate comes to my side and puts his arm around me as if to help me relax, but it doesn’t help. He extends his hand. “Nice to meet you again, Dom.”
Dom shakes his hand. “You too,” he mumbles with his cigarette hanging loosely between his lips.
Nora slides her arm through mine again, unconcerned that we have company.
Dom turns back towards the lake, completely unbothered. Nora’s still looped through my arm as if none of this is strange or complicated or dangerous.
Poppy laughs at something Nora says.
No one looks shocked or uncomfortable. Maybe this only feels forbidden because of me.
I need to get over myself, but how do we tell people?
It’s not like we can just send out a memo at work.
Leave a note on the notice board above the kettle.
And then there’s our families. Well, that’s easy where Nora’s concerned, but I still have to come clean to Mum.
And Nate’s family aren’t exactly open-minded.
All those years of pretending to be someone I’m not in front of the rugby lads, just to have them laugh at me now, feels like it was for nothing. But when I look at Nora and Nate—my world—I know they’re worth it. I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to be open.