Chapter 10 - Jade
Brandon stared at my lips, and I could feel my entire body heating. His hands were warm against my skin, and I felt a flush roll over my cheeks. I took a breath in, feeling my body respond to him.
Brandon’s eyes snapped up to my eyes, and I could see something stirring in them. They had the same look they had all those years ago before everything fell apart. But I knew better now. I couldn’t give in to something that clearly was just physical.
“Alright, well, I think we are past our time.”
Brandon’s hands dropped, and he swallowed, seeming to pull himself together. He nodded. “Right.”
“I have a dinner to get, too,” I added.
He nodded. “Yes, you said with your dad. Is Ilsa going?”
I nodded. “Yes. We will be home later.” As I stepped away from him, I felt my skin on fire, a sudden ache for his touch. I didn’t understand why my body reacted this way when my mind knew better. I knew better.
The relationship I had with Brandon was better if we kept our distance. The closer I got, the more I wanted him, and that couldn’t happen.
“I’ll see you later.”
I made my way back to my car with my heart racing. I took several deep breaths to be rational. Everything he was doing was work. It wasn’t because he wanted me. It was to protect Ilsa. I needed to remember that.
I showered as soon as I got home and gathered Ilsa and headed over to my father’s house.
My insides twisted up as I drove. I knew how this dinner was going to go.
With Kaleb around, my father hadn’t been able to ask me much about how my relationship with Brandon was going, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t bring it up.
My father was going to question me like crazy during dinner, and I had no way to escape. I would be forced to sit there and answer them.
I pulled up in front of my father’s house and felt my stomach bottom out.
Ilsa spoke up softly. “Is Uncle Kaleb here?”
I wished. I was tempted to call him and ask him to join us for dinner tonight, but I knew he had something else planned. He had told me he was going to miss dinner, but to have fun. His exact words. Clearly, he didn’t know our father that well, or he would have used other wording.
I shook my head at Ilsa. “He isn’t, but that’s okay.”
Ilsa smiled at me as I grabbed her hand. We headed inside, and I could smell the aroma of smoked chicken. The space smelled of spices and herbs, and Ilsa jumped on her heels. She was up the stairs the second her shoes were off, and I swallowed.
“Ilsa, look at how big you are getting.” My father’s voice filled the space, and I headed up the stairs, finding my father already had the dinner set out on the table. He had three plates set up, and Ilsa headed to her spot. My father was sipping on a drink; I imagined it was some hard liquor.
“Jade, are you going to join us or just stare?”
I forced a smile and walked over, taking my spot. My father watched me as I cut up Ilsa’s plate and stuffed her napkin onto the top of her shirt.
“How have things been living with Brandon?”
Ilsa took a bite of her food, and her eyes seemed to spark with joy. “It’s good.”
My father smiled at Ilsa before he looked at me, waiting for my answer. I swallowed, feeling my mouth was dry. “It’s going well.”
“And your relationship?”
I paused my fork and glanced at Ilsa, who didn’t seem to be listening. I knew my father was asking in front of her on purpose, so I didn’t say anything or argue back.
“It’s fine. It’s only been a few weeks.”
“He is Alpha, Jade. You want to incorporate yourself into his life. Make yourself useful. At least for once in your life.” My father shook his head as he took a bite of his chicken.
“Your mother was useless. She never knew how to cook. Never knew how to keep the house clean. The most use I got out of her was in the bedroom.”
His words came out like a slap, and I looked down at my food. We spoke so little of my mother, and whatever words he did share were never nice. My mother had died when I was three. My father said she’d always been weak, never could keep up. That he wished he’d picked someone stronger.
“Have you two talked about more children? Have you taken on the correct role of keeping the house clean and making sure his needs are taken care of?”
My father looked at Ilsa. “Ilsa, wouldn’t you like a sibling?”
I felt my face grow red and glared at my father. “We are all doing fine.” I didn’t need Ilsa to be confused.
My father didn’t like the answer, and I tried to reach for something else. “Besides, Brandon has been busy with other things. He’s been busy with the training.”
My father rolled his eyes. “Jesus, don’t get me started on that.”
“You don’t think it’s important? Having everyone know how to protect themselves?”
“I think he’s wasting his time on that when there are other important things to take care of. The woman belongs in the house, not learning how to fight.”
I swallowed, my hunger long gone. I looked at Ilsa, who was eating her food happily, but I could tell she was going to ask me questions later. She would ask what a sibling was and why Grandpa asked me so many questions.
“Honestly, if he keeps this up, pretty soon the women are going to think they can do everything the men can do. We all know that men are stronger and faster. There is no point in giving them false hope.”
These were words that I had heard so many times.
You need to focus on learning to cook rather than studying.
What’s the point of trying to go to school when you are going to be a wife and a mother?
He always downgraded everything I wanted to do.
When I talked about college, he stated that he wouldn’t be helping to pay for it.
He wanted me to focus on getting married and having children because that was what I was made for.
But I still managed to screw that up. Instead, I’d just let myself be fooled and was never going to be wanted because I’d had a child out of wedlock.
I ran my tongue over my teeth and remained quiet for a heartbeat. Anger fueled in my blood, and I inhaled slowly through my nose. I wanted to bark back, but I remained silent. I held my anger in and glanced at Ilsa. I wouldn’t say anything in front of her.
I barely touched my food, listening to my father ramble on about how Brandon was making the wrong changes.
He was focusing too much on fixing things around the poor side of town rather than taking care of the people who were keeping the pack afloat, and I needed to start caring about my looks and capture Brandon’s attention more.
“It’s clear you’re not doing anything in the bedroom.”
My eyes widened, and my entire face went hot. My father chewed, his eyes narrowing on me. “You are sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
I pulled myself up and rounded the table, pulling Ilsa out of her chair. “That’s inappropriate to ask in front of my child.”
My father glanced at Ilsa before his eyes snapped back up to me. I didn’t look at him as I pulled Ilsa with me to the stairs. Rage was boiling through my entire body now.
I headed down the stairs, helping Ilsa pull on her shoes. I almost missed my father grabbing my arm as I opened the door. Ilsa was already running to the car. His voice dropped into a warning. “You already screw this up once, Jade. Do not disappoint again.”
I swallowed, feeling my throat grow dry.
“You are not some virgin girl. You have a child. Give him what he wants. If he wants a cooked meal, you cook it. If he wants you in bed, you give it.”
I ripped my arm free, feeling vomit form in the back of my throat. A good father would protect his child, but not mine. No, my father wanted me to spread my legs to seal a deal.
The drive home was quiet, and Ilsa fell asleep in the back. I carried Ilsa inside and found Brandon sitting on the couch flipping through papers. He looked up at me as we walked in. He offered me a tight smile. “She fell asleep?”
I nodded, turning toward the stairs. “Yeah, I’m going to take her up to bed.”
“How was dinner?” he asked.
I paused at the stairs. I was tempted to tell him that I hated going. My father always had something he wanted when we met. My skin always felt like it was crawling when I left, or I felt like I was a waste of space.
But I instead forced a smile. “It was fine.” I turned and took Ilsa up the stairs, deciding to put the dinner behind me. Or at least I would try.
The next morning, Ilsa and I went to the market to do some shopping.
We had some money so she could buy herself some flowers, and she was giddy with excitement.
She had a skip in her step as we walked.
I smiled at her, but my mind went back to last night.
I thought of my father’s words, filled with disgust, when he spoke about the women training.
Because in truth, I enjoyed it. As much as I complained and hated doing the training, it was also empowering.
I enjoyed seeing what I could do and how, after a few days of training, my muscles had strengthened.
I could see the changes in the mirror, and I was starting to feel like a different person.
“Mom, look at all the flowers,” Ilsa pulled at my hand, pointing and jumping as she pointed at the flower boutiques that were set out.
There were roses and various colors of daisies.
They had gerberas and carnations. They all looked lovely, and I watched Ilsa’s eyes sparkle as she looked at all of them.
“What do you want?” I asked Ilsa softly.
“Can I get some daisies? The yellow ones.”
“Of course.” I grabbed a small set of daisies and handed them to them. Ilsa stared at them, her smile growing as I paid for them.
She held them close to her chest, her face sinking into the flowers as she sniffed them. I smiled. “Do they smell nice?”
She nodded her head. “They did.”
We continued to walk around, looking for anything else we wanted.
Since Brandon was helping pay for half of everything, I wasn’t stressing about money as much.
I had the time and extra money to spend on things that I wanted, rather than worrying about how I was going to make ends meet. It was different.
I paused as we neared the park, feeling my hair on my skin rise. I watched Ilsa set her flowers down on the bench before pointing toward the slide. I nodded, letting her run toward the park.
My eyes scanned the ground, not seeing anyone. But I felt like someone had their eyes on me. I turned around just as Brandon appeared. I ducked as he swung his arms around to grab me. His arms went above my head as I crouched, looking at him with wide, confused eyes.
He smiled wickedly. “Look at you. Already improving your ability to keep yourself safe.”
I stared at him, stunned, when I realized that he was stalking me on purpose to test my ability. I expected him to tell me what I’d done wrong, but the smile on his face told me I hadn’t.
I pulled myself up and felt a little proud. “You really shouldn’t jump people like that.”
He smirked. “True, but it’s my wife, so.”
The word wife sent a shockwave down my spine. I knew we were married, but we really weren’t. We were together because it made sense for Ilsa. Nothing more.
I could hear my father’s words in the back of my head. Give him what he wants. It was like cold fingers were grabbing at my spine, and I inhaled slowly to keep myself from shivering.
“How would you feel about going out for dinner tonight?”
My eyebrows went up at this. “Like…all three of us?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I think it would be nice. We can go out to the Boathouse that sits by the river. They have amazing food, and the weather is nice enough that we can eat outside.”
I glanced at Ilsa, who was on the swings now. Her hair blew in the wind, and I knew that it was a good idea. My father was slightly right. I couldn’t screw this up again, not because of him, but because of Ilsa.
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”