Chapter Fourteen #3
I found that interesting, considering he seemed to have everything and could easily dismiss others’ opinions.
“I don’t know him well, obviously, but I doubt what you’re describing is insecurity.
How could it be when he’s so handsome and successful?
I’m the one who lacks confidence. I’ll bet what you’re seeing is your son’s desire to be viewed as a man of integrity and kindness.
When I was with him earlier, he almost seemed ashamed that he has nice possessions—like he should deprive himself of everything to be considered a good person.
He doesn’t realize that everyone in town already views him that way.
People always comment about his generosity and compassion.
I’m guessing if he wasn’t thought of that way, he’d consider it a personal failure.
I’ll bet that he just wants reinforcement that he’s living his life the way he expects himself to.
” I scratched my neck when she didn’t respond.
“Or I could be a backseat know-nothing psychologist wannabe, who doesn’t know enough to keep his mouth shut when it comes to other people’s children. ”
“No,” she cut in. “No… That’s it! You nailed it. Thank you! You just made it so clear to me.”
I sighed with relief. Maybe the revolver would stay behind the pillow. “I can tell after spending time with him that the people in town are right about him. He must make you proud.”
“He does,” she confirmed. “I told him that all the time when he was still living at home. He used to eat that up. Now, my praise gets an uncomfortable thank you. I don’t think he views me as that person with integrity and kindness.
A compliment from me has him rethinking whatever I praised, I suppose. ”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I said to be kind. I really had no idea.
“He’s not totally wrong. He is a better person than I am. But my nurturing might have contributed to some of the good—like his open-mindedness and challenging those who abuse their power. Beware, though. He picked up some of my bad traits, too.”
I wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to find out more. “Oh?”
“Besides the forementioned prudishness and self-doubting—which didn’t come from me—he can be stubborn and sharp-tongued when annoyed.
” She chuckled. “In fairness, those traits seem to be directed mostly at me. I guess that makes me the one who jangles his nerves. I admit that I’m meddlesome, but he knows he needs me to be.
He has wants, but he’s risk-averse. That’s why he’ll probably never leave White Pines, even though it would make it easier for him to find someone to love him.
And I’m a selfish person because it’s the one thing I haven’t pushed him on, even though it might be in his best interest. I’d miss him if he moved away.
That’s why when this show came along, I became hopeful he could still meet a man and keep his home and friends here in White Pines. ”
“And be with you,” I added.
She shrugged. “You won’t hear him say that’s important to him. But yes, I think that’s true. I love him unconditionally. And I know that he loves me too—he’d just love me more in a cremation urn shoved in the dark recesses of his basement.”
“Oh, my God,” I whispered before choking on a laugh.
“So, he and I play our little game of back and forth, complain about each other, then rush to help each other when needed. It works for us. Now, whether it will get on the nerves of whomever Cliff ends up choosing, I don’t know.
” Her smile fell. “I hope it doesn’t. He might not believe this, but I’d make myself scarce rather than risk him losing what would make him happiest.”
“I’m sure that wouldn’t be necessary. Frankly, anyone who cares about your son would never put him in a position of choosing.” Despite Ms. Walker’s tough exterior, the more I learned, the more I liked her.
She smiled. “Well, on my chart of favorites, you just shot to number one with a bullet.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think Cliff will choose me.”
She crossed her arms. “Is this the insecurity you admitted to having? Do you need me to kick you in the butt now?”
“I have a roommate who does that,” I replied. I frowned as I recalled our earlier conversation. “Until tonight, it was always done nicely.”
“What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t be talking about it. I don’t want to paint a bad picture of Aaron.
He’s so supportive of me. And he’s amazing.
” I scratched my arm as I thought about our relationship.
“What he and I have is sort of like what you and your son have. Aaron gets on my nerves, too. But I care about him more than anyone, and I’m sure he feels the same about me.
That’s why it hurt so much when he turned on me earlier.
” She was staring, expecting me to elaborate.
“My nemesis here, Daryl—the one who tinkered with my decorating bag…”
“Yes, Cliff told me about that,” she said. “Do you want this Daryl fool floating in the East River off New York City? I know people.”
Her grin made me think she didn’t, though I wasn’t certain. “No. His stunt ended up getting me the date, I guess. Anyway, Daryl was watching me and your son through the windows, then making comments to the others, implying I was a ho, or whatever.”
Ms. Walker appeared surprised. “I’m not allowed to watch the show until after the finale is filmed. You should warn me what I’ll be seeing when I finally get a chance to view it. Will I need to fast-forward through something that a mother shouldn’t witness?”
I gulped. “We were just kissing. Well…making out.”
She sighed. “I expected there would be moments like those filmed. I’ve seen these types of shows. Maybe I’ll skip over those parts anyway, considering Cliff’s my kid. If nothing else, it would make him more comfortable to know I’m jumping over those moments.”
I could understand that. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of my parents watching what I had done either. “When they get to the scene of me and Cliff in a pool, let the fast-forward button do its thing.”