Chapter Eighteen
Mikey
“Are you upset about not winning today?” Aaron asked, once he and I had settled into bed for the evening.
I was staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about what Cliff and Brighton might be up to, or how I might compare to Brighton in Cliff’s mind.
“Upset wouldn’t be the right word,” I answered. “Maybe worried that you were right when you said I was chosen the first night because I was the throwaway. Cliff could be laying the groundwork for choosing Brighton, now that we’ll be wrapping things up in a couple of days.”
Aaron turned on his side so he could face me. “I told you I was sorry for saying that. I was repeating what Daryl told me.”
“Don’t remind me of him,” I begged, the memory of his taunts still fresh in my mind.
“Then let me remind you what Cliff said. When he spoke to me on the bus, he promised that he chose you because you won that challenge, that he likes you a lot, and there was no other agenda. As for today, well…he can’t select you every time. It wouldn’t be much of a show if he did, would it?”
“So, you think Brighton is a throwaway for the sake of keeping viewers’ interest?” I asked, hopefully.
He sighed. “No.”
“Oh.”
“Mikey, I think it’s between you and Brighton,” Aaron added. “Think about it. During the first two challenges, Cliff singled out the same three people—Brighton, me, and you. Well, we know Cliff isn’t going to choose me since he knows my secret.”
“He told Dani that he did a good job,” I pointed out. “I could hear what was being said, even if I was behind a curtain. These protruding ears come in handy.”
Aaron lightly flicked a finger against my arm. “Are you back to putting yourself down again?”
“Ow,” I complained, though he’d barely touched me.
He ignored me. “I heard him, too. And his comment sounded the way a father says ‘good job’ to his baby for having successfully swallowed applesauce. It was condescension packaged as praise. Even I’ve gotten to know Cliff well enough to understand that he wants someone more traditional than Dani.”
“Alex and Ted are pretty conventional,” I reminded him.
Aaron squinted at me. “Dull and Duller? Once they open their mouths, they have the sex appeal of head lice. No way are they in contention.”
“I’m pretty sure Daryl isn’t either,” I admitted.
Aaron snorted. “I thought he at least had decent looks going for him. Then he showed off that ass—flat and hairy. Nasty, just like his personality.”
I snickered. I couldn’t imagine Cliff being aroused by the BDSM garb, regardless of how Daryl looked near-naked. “Some guys think a hairy ass is hot.”
Aaron scowled. “Would that include you?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, if Cliff has a hairy ass, I’ll be okay with it. It isn’t my preference. But I guess if I like someone enough, what might otherwise be something I’d say isn’t my thing becomes okay—maybe even attractive.”
“I guess that’s true. But seeing as Daryl is also Satan’s spawn, it’s moot. Besides, as I said, his ass has no shape. It was like looking at two barely sloping, grassy hills and a river up the middle, all soot-covered and ugly after a devastating forest fire.”
I laughed, then coughed several times after choking from intaking air down the wrong passageway. “You’re brutal,” I managed. “I’d hate to see how you describe me behind my back.”
Aaron jerked his head. “I don’t. I just say bad stuff to your face.”
“Hmm.”
“You can always trust me to be honest with you, Mikey,” he said. “But with anyone else, I either sing your praises or say nothing at all. I would never speak to someone disrespectfully about you.”
I believed him. Aaron had always proven to be a loyal friend.
“Now I feel like a louse. I might have complained sometimes to people about your bad habits,” I confessed. “But if it’s any consolation, I always caveat my comments with a statement that I love you all the same.”
“How gracious of you,” he replied. “It doesn’t matter. Anyone who’s met us knows I’m the one who is forced to put up with shit.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You? What do I do that requires tolerance?”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “Let’s see… You’re antisocial, argumentative, pessimistic, insecure…”
“Okay, stop,” I commanded. It didn’t take but a moment to realize he wasn’t wrong. “You win.”
“But I love you all the same,” he said, repeating my earlier sentiment. In that context, I wondered if it was sarcasm.
I picked at my T-shirt. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I’ll try to be…better.”
He grabbed my fidgeting hand. “Nothing to be sorry about. The truth is, I don’t tolerate you. I like you just fine the way you are.”
We were silent for a few moments, and I was surprised he still held my hand.
“You’re very cool, you know. Most straight guys would never cuddle with their buddy, or touch me the way you’re doing.”
“I know. Give me points for being your therapy blanket,” he said. “I’ll bet you don’t tell everyone about that.”
“No,” I admitted. It was mostly that I didn’t want people to make inaccurate assumptions about Aaron’s sexual orientation when he was just trying to be nice to me.
“Yeah, ’cause then you’d be admitting I’m a great guy.”
I chuckled. “You are. I admit that all the time.”
He stayed quiet for so long, I wondered if he had fallen asleep. Finally, he shifted. “Are you going to be very sad if Cliff chooses Brighton instead of you?”
I thought about that. Part of me thought I would be. But I believed Cliff when he had said he and I could be friends regardless, and that gave me comfort. Plus, if I really was Cliff’s runner-up choice, it was a much better showing than I had ever expected.
“I guess I feel a little better about myself that I wasn’t ignored like I thought I’d be when I started this thing,” I admitted.
“I knew you wouldn’t be. You’re so much cuter than you give yourself credit for. I’ll still be surprised if Cliff doesn’t choose you. But I’m glad you’ll be able to accept it if he doesn’t.” He sniggered. “I’d need to hide in embarrassment if you threw a hissy fit during the finale.”
I scowled. “When have I ever thrown a hissy fit?”
Aaron rolled onto his back. “That time you assembled an IKEA cabinet, and it fell apart an hour later.”
“That was justified! I had spent hours on it…”
“This would be worse,” he cut in. “I don’t want to watch you crawl into a ball, wail, and pound your fists on the floor if Brighton is named the winner.”
“I’m going to pound my fists into your face, if you don’t shut up,” I warned, though he knew my threats were nonsense.
“Oh sure, threaten me with violence, but you let Daryl mock you without consequence,” he replied. “You should have taken that stupid riding crop of his and shoved it up his ass. Though he might have enjoyed it, I suppose.”
“And who would have been the one who got hurt out of that?”
He smirked. “I’m thinking him. It wasn’t like it was lubricated.”
“You know what I mean.” I turned on my side to face him.
“I would have been booted from the show. Even if I had yelled at him and created a scene, everyone would have asked why. Then Daryl would have told them it was because he laughed at my little penis. Yeah, that would have been a wonderful outcome for me.”
Aaron frowned. “Like anyone would have believed him.”
I rolled again onto my back. “Except it’s true. You said it yourself.”
He titled his head so he could make eye contact with me.
“I tease you, Mikey. But now I see that my comment bothered you. I’m sorry.
But I meant it when I said a big dick wouldn’t look good on you.
” Aaron sighed when I didn’t respond. “I never actually saw your cock, remember? I was just being a dope, trying to needle you. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, and Daryl was just being a creep. ”
“You saw me in underwear,” I corrected. “And you weren’t impressed.”
“I didn’t see a large bulge,” he clarified. “But that doesn’t mean you’re small either. You said you’re average and you’re a grower, so don’t let my dumbass joke get to you. I should have remembered how you have an exaggerated, critical view of things when it comes to your looks.”
“What if this time I don’t? What if Cliff does choose me, then he’s turned off that I’m not big enough?” I grimaced as I imagined a humiliating scene where the man undressed me just to curl his lip in disgust.
“Then he’s not the guy you think he is,” Aaron answered. “Here you are, ready to accept his hairy ass.”
I snorted. “I said if he has a hairy ass…”
“Hmph.” He crossed his arms. “You’ve seen that guy’s chest, arms and legs. I’m guessing he has some on his butt.”
I hadn’t thought about that, but the realization that it increased the odds only confirmed that I really didn’t care.
The man was so handsome, and I liked his furry pecs.
“Maybe. But you have a little on your chest—and you have even more on your forearms and legs. I didn’t see any on your butt, though. So, you never know.”
Aaron glanced at me, a smirk on his face. “Way to admit that you were staring at my ass when you barged in on me earlier. I knew you did that on purpose.”
My mouth opened. “No, I didn’t. I swear!”
He chuckled. “It’s fine. Like I told you, I see guys naked at the gym all the time.
And they see me. I don’t have the complexes you have.
Is it because of your dick again? You know, I don’t think others in the locker room are paying that much attention.
You really should start to shower there, then you won’t be sweating all the way home. ”
I might have been able to undress in public if Aaron wasn’t there.
The truth was that it was his possible reaction that had always stopped me.
Even though I knew nothing would ever happen between us, I still liked to believe his kind words when he told me I was attractive.
I had never wanted him to stop because he’d seen more of me and decided he had been mistaken.
“But we’d see each other naked,” I blurted. “That would be weird, right?”