Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Zoe
We lie in the darkness, a tangled mess of naked skin. It’s late and we’ve been making love for hours, each time I can feel us get a little closer.
My head is on Dylan’s chest, his lips are at my temple and his fingers trail idly up and down my arm. He seems distracted, as if miles away.
“Christmas makes me sad,” he says softly.
I frown, “Why?”
“It reminds me of what I don’t have.”
I kiss his chest and remain silent as I listen.
“When I was a little, I used to pray that the Christmas angel would come and save me and give me a family of my own.”
“You don’t have a family?” I whisper.
He pauses as if getting the wording right in his head, “I was a ward of the state. The government took me from my parents when I was a baby, they were drug addicts. I bounced between foster and group homes until I was old enough to do it on my own.”
My heart constricts, I imagine him as a little boy praying for a Christmas Angel who never came, and my eyes well with tears.
“When you wanted me to decorate the tree…….”
“It’s okay,” I cut him off. “I get it.” I trace my finger on his chest as I try to think of the right thing to say.
“It’s impossible for me to believe that living with my parents could have been worse than the places I grew up.”
I can feel the sadness seeping out of him, it’s overpowering, and suddenly I feel like an entitled princess by getting upset that he didn’t want to decorate a stupid fake tree.
“Your family would have been so proud of you, Dylan. If only they could see how wonderful you turned out,” I whisper into the darkness. “Look at you, you’re a cop.”
I feel him smile above me, “I probably would have busted their ass.”
“Or changed their tire.” I smile.
We fall silent for a while, and I want to change the subject, he doesn’t have to explain himself any longer, I get the whole traumatic picture now, and I don’t want him to think about it.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said to me,” I whisper.
“About what?”
“About living a lie and doing a job I hate.”
“And?”
“And I think you’re right.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to think about going back to school.”
He smiles proudly as he brushes the hair back from my face, “Look at you.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For coming to find me tonight.” I kiss him, my lips linger over his. “I feel like I know you a lot better than I actually do.”
“Same.”
I smile broadly, “Maybe we were destined to meet.”
“I don’t believe in destiny, but I am glad that you got a flat tire.”
“I’m glad you had to search my premises.”
He chuckles, “I’m glad about that too.”
I hug him tightly, “This Christmas will be different.”
“I’m working.” He kisses my temple as if to soften the blow. “I always offer to work on Christmas, I’d rather the people with families get the day off.”
I stare at him in the darkness, always putting others first.
“You don’t work all day, do you?”
“I usually do a double shift.”
“Just do the day shift this year and then we can have dinner together.”
“Zoe….. I just,” he cuts himself off. “Trust me, my company is not good on Christmas day.”
“But mine is.” I smile hopefully up at him. “Maybe I can blow you under the tree. Give you some new memories to keep.”
He chuckles, “Now you’re talking.”
I smile as I lie on his chest and eventually, I feel him relax, “Good night my beautiful Dylan,” I whisper.
He kisses my temple, “Goodnight, baby.”
How do you describe the best week of your life….. when you’ve hardly left the house?
It’s the strangest thing, Dylan and I have done nothing special and yet it’s been everything special. We’ve cooked, we’ve laughed, we’ve watched movies. He’s grumbled about Christmas while I put up more decorations.
But more than anything, we’ve listened to each other, and for the first time in a relationship, I feel seen.
My opinion matters. My feelings matter to him, and dear god, how did a man who had such a hard upbringing, turn out to be so beautiful?
He is the opposite of what he should be, or perhaps he’s so good because he takes nothing for granted.
Either way, there’s one thing I know for sure.
It’s him, it’s always been him. Even before we met….. it was always going to be him.
And that’s why tonight, I’m going to the wedding with Rodney to end it forever. I need to walk away with dignity, and a shitty phone call can’t end a six-year relationship, I owe it to myself and his family to end this the right way. In person, with the truth.
“You have that family dinner on tonight, don’t you?” Dylan says as he dries himself.
Guilt fills me, I should tell him. Tell him what…. that I’m going out with my ex. No, I don’t want to make him feel insecure. “Yes, but I’ll be home here by ten, you’re coming over after, aren’t you?”
He kisses me, “Try and stop me.”
I hear the car pull up and I cringe, I just want this night to be over. I really don’t want to go, but I feel that after all these years I owe it to Rodney to finish us forever with dignity.
I’m going to tell him on the way to the wedding that I’ve moved on, and he will tell me he has too, and then hopefully, we can go tonight as friends.
If he doesn’t want to take me as his date, I’ll completely understand. But at least I can hold my head high because I stayed true to my word, I did promise to go with him after all and I’m not one to break plans for something shiny and new.
Dylan is so shiny and new.
“Knock, knock.” Sounds at the door.
I exhale heavily and open it; Rodney’s eyes drop down my body. “Well, hi,” he says all sexy like.
Huh?
“Hi.” I fake a smile.
Oh no, I know that look.
“You look fucking hot.” He steps forward and makes a grab for me, and I take a step back. “What are you doing?”
“Kissing my girl.”
“I’m not your girl, we should get going.”
He leans in to kiss me, and I quickly turn my head, I’m not kissing you.
“Now, now, look who’s playing hard to get,” he teases.
I stare at him, shocked. Is he kidding me right now? It isn’t an act, asshole. Why the fuck am I going to this wedding? I’m beginning to regret it already.
“Hardly,” I fake a smile. “We should go.” I grab my purse and shawl; I walk to the front door as his hungry eyes look me up and down.
Ugh…
How times change; for years I’ve wanted him to look at me like this and now that he is, I don’t want a bar of it.
I just want to see Dylan.
Focus.
Tell Rodney that it’s over, give him an out option of tonight and then call Dylan.
Right, I can do this.
We walk out the front door and look out to his car and stop on the spot.
What?
Rodney’s mother is sitting in the front seat of the car, she waves, and I fake a smile.
What. The. Actual. Hell?
“Your mother is coming with us?”
“Isn’t she your best friend?” he mutters deadpan.
Not tonight, asshole.
I get into the backseat and shuffle over. “Hi Mary.”
“Hello, Zoe, you look lovely.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
Rodney starts the car and pulls out onto the street.
Is this a joke?
I want to talk to him, but I can’t do it in front of his fucking mother.
Unbelievable.
What if I really was planning on this being a romantic get back together night?
Ugh, this is the night from hell already.
I take out my phone and text Dylan.
Missed seeing you today
I wait for a reply, but it doesn’t come. He must be busy.
I really did miss him today, and I smile as I picture his beautiful face. Maybe I should call and ask him to come and pick me up, would that be weird?
Rodney and his mom chat happily in the front seat, and I stare out the window as we drive along.
I have this sick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I’m feeling guilty for not telling Dylan I was coming here tonight, but I didn’t want him to think the worst. I wouldn’t be happy if he was going to a wedding with his ex.
Fucks sake.
Why is Mary in the damn car?
“The church service is private,” Rodney says.
“Oh, is it?” I reply, distracted. I’m trolling my brain for a plan.
This is not going how I want it to, it’s a nightmare.
“Yeah, only the bridal party and their parents are attending. We are going straight to the reception hall,” he replies.
“Okay, that’s different.”
Good for them, doing what they want to do. An intimate wedding would be nice.
“Rodney told me the exciting news.” Mary smiles over at me from the front seat.
“What news?” I ask.
“That you two are getting back together,” she gushes in an over-excited way. “The future is so bright for you two.”
“What?” My eyes flick to Rodney in the rearview mirror, and he winks.
“Oh….. that’s.” Words fail me. Fuck, all I’ve wanted is for this to happen and now that it is, it’s my worst nightmare. “Rodney and I are just good friends,” I tell her.
“Yeah right,” Rodney laughs, “If you say so.”
“Rodney…..”
“We were always getting back together, babe,” he cuts me off. “Like you said, it was just a break,” he says as he drives along.
“It’s been a long time and things between us have changed.” I fake a smile, take a hint asshole.
“You missed me, I know you did.” He winks all playful-like again.
I did…. but now, I don’t.
Awkward.
What do I do? If I tell him now in front of his mother, I look like a raving bitch.
Shit.
“Zoe is playing hard to get tonight, Mom.” Rodney smiles over at her and then his eyes flick back to me. “It’s kind of a turn on, actually.”
What?
You idiot.
My god, this is going from bad to worse. Okay, what’s the plan?
I begin to sweat.
I think of all the times I’ve cried to his mother about my broken heart and now, when I finally realize that we are not meant to be together, it’s come to this case of the worst timing ever…… oh hell, this looks so bad.
“This is turning out to be the best night, isn’t it?” Mary says happily from the front seat. “Our family is getting back together.”
I fake a smile.
Fuck.
The ballroom is grand and beautifully timeless.
There are huge bouquets of white flowers, candelabras with white candles, and the finest silver dinnerware on the perfectly set tables.
Mary smiles and waves at a friend.