Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
JULES
What the hell had I been thinking?
That was the question that kept running through my head as my ass rubbed back and forth over the horse’s back. There were a lot of other questions too. Like what in God’s name had made me say yes to Flynn’s invitation? What had I been thinking when I’d allowed him to observe me in what should have been a private moment? I hadn’t put on makeup or any of the few clubbing outfits I’d brought with me since the day I’d been assaulted in the alley in town.
And what insanity had I experienced when Flynn had kissed me… and I’d kissed him back?
He’d once again been the man who’d shown me such an intimate part of who he was in the motel, and there had been no denying that he really did desire me. In the privacy of that room, he’d held me in his arms as he’d slept while I’d struggled with dozens of questions about his heart attacks and his life before and after the events.
At some point, I’d fallen asleep but when I’d awoken to his touch, there’d been such a light inside of me that I was sure Flynn and I had reached a point where I could let that light shine freely, even whenever he and I were near one another. As he’d explored my face and hair while I’d feigned sleep, all those stupid happily ever after stories had come rushing back. I’d known there would be plenty of time to unpack everything he’d told me, so I’d focused on pleasuring him like he deserved.
Only to land on my ass.
Literally.
Granted, my ass had ended up on the bed after Flynn had jumped up like he’d been burned, but the message couldn’t have been any clearer.
He didn’t want me. Not really.
Flynn might have been attracted to me, but whatever intimacy I thought there’d been between us when he’d revealed the scar on his chest had been another lie. One that I still couldn’t make sense of. I’d been so sure that he’d wanted to explore our sexual chemistry when I’d woken up, but the second I’d touched his dick, it was like a switch inside of him had been flipped and then he’d been gone.
Flynn had left me in a cheap, dimly lit motel room like I was nothing more than someone whose company he’d paid for and no longer wanted.
Upon getting back to the ranch and hiding out in my room instead of joining Brooks and the others for dinner, I’d started to replay the exact events of the morning in my head. Flynn had been into the kissing and exploring, but at some point he’d told me to stop.
Repeatedly.
And I hadn’t.
So I’d deserved to end up on my ass. The idea that I’d taken advantage of Flynn made me sick to my stomach. Being around him in the days that had followed had been too much for my brain to handle so I’d mentally shut down, a skill I’d learned at a very young age.
After the first couple of run-ins with Flynn the day after the incident at the motel, I’d figured that he’d get the message that I didn’t want an apology or explanation.
I’d just wanted to forget the whole thing.
Yet here I was, sliding back and forth on the ass end of a horse just so Flynn could show me something. One look at the man in the reflection of my mirror after he’d called me beautiful as I’d played dress-up and I’d been unable to deny him anything. No one, especially Flynn, was supposed to have seen me like that. For the life of me, I still couldn’t figure out if I’d accidentally forgotten to lock my bedroom door or if I’d subconsciously left it unlocked on the off chance Flynn would seek me out.
Now, as I struggled to maintain my balance, I opened my mouth to tell Flynn that I’d changed my mind about the whole thing but then he was pulling his horse, BJ, to a stop.
As ugly as things had gotten after the trip to the hospital and the events that had followed, there was one memory I’d been unable to mentally pack away. When Flynn had told me what his horse’s initials had stood for and then said he used the animal’s full name when it was just the two of them, I’d laughed so hard I’d cried. I couldn’t remember doing anything like that before. Watching my hot cowboy trip over his tongue as he tried to explain himself only to have the man’s mouth stealing my breath only moments later… how was I ever supposed to forget that?
Everything from that moment on had been a roller coaster of hot and cold.
I didn’t know what the temperature was at the moment. I was too damn uncomfortable.
Flynn cast a glance at me over his shoulder. “The next part of the trail is kind of steep. You’re going to need to hold on to me, or I can put you in front of me.”
Those were my choices? Wrap my arms around the man and press myself against his back or sit in front of him? Holy hell, did he mean I’d basically be sitting on his lap?
“It might be easier on your horse if I walk,” I suggested. The idea of climbing a mountain in my Prada boots wasn’t appealing, but being physically connected to Flynn in any kind of intimate way was even less attractive.
“It’ll take all day and a lot of breaks to try and walk it. BJ’s sure-footed, I promise.”
BJ’s feet weren’t the problem.
“It’ll be worth it, Jules,” Flynn added.
“Fine,” I groused. I shimmied closer to the back of the saddle which Flynn’s ass filled out nicely. I’d been hanging on to the back of the saddle as best as I could without having to touch him, but since that apparently wasn’t an option anymore, I scooted forward until my groin nearly touched the back of the saddle. I fisted the back of Flynn’s jacket. He responded by taking my arms and securing them around his waist before making a soft sound that had BJ moving.
The trail did indeed grow steeper and it wasn’t long before I found myself hanging on to Flynn for dear life. “Talk to me,” I blurted.
“What?” Flynn asked.
“Talk to me, you idiot. Unless you want me to freak the fuck out on Banana’s back in like ten seconds.”
I swore I heard Flynn chuckle. “What would you like to talk about?”
Deep down, I wanted to talk about what the hell had happened back at the motel, but that experience had provided me with enough humiliation to last me a lifetime.
“BJ… what kind of horse is he? He looks different from the others at the ranch.”
It was true. Flynn’s horse automatically stood out because of his gorgeous unique coloring which I could only describe as dark steel. The animal’s build was different too. He had a more refined, elegant build than most of the horses I’d seen on the ranch. I’d never been around horses before arriving in Wyoming, but it was obvious that the connection Flynn had with his mount was special. Unique.
It was like Flynn and BJ were silently communicating.
“He’s a Waler.”
“A Waler?” I asked, completely dumbfounded. What the hell kind of name was that for a breed of horse?
“They’re native to Australia. Have you ever heard of a brumby?”
“Oh yeah, that’s that horse from the movie where the guy jumps over the edge of a canyon or something and then runs down the mountainside at a forty-five-degree angle or something like that.”
“ The Man From Snowy River ,” Flynn supplied.
“Right. God, that guy was hot,” I mused.
“He was just okay,” Flynn responded.
Was that irritation in his voice?
“Anyway, Walers were bred to be military horses for both world wars. They probably have some brumby in them, but Walers have very specific bloodlines while brumbies are the wild horses you hear about in Australia and their bloodlines are a complete mystery. Many of the Walers that survived the wars were returned to Australia and set free to run with the brumbies. Walers are hard to find in the US, especially ones that are from Australian bloodlines.”
“How did you end up with him?” I asked.
“I grew up in this tiny town in West Virginia. Muddy Fork, population 312. One gas station, one convenience store that sold everything from bait and tackle to groceries to guns. The people who didn’t work in the mines were the ones who made the meth that most of the miners wasted all their money on.”
There’d been a slight shift in Flynn’s tone. He’d been excited and interested in explaining BJ’s breeding, but talking about home didn’t seem as pleasant for him.
“What, um, did your family do?” I awkwardly asked.
“A couple of my brothers were miners. One of my sisters worked at the convenience store and the rest helped run the family business.”
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“Including the dead ones… thirteen,” Flynn said, his tone even and collected.
I didn’t even know how to respond to Flynn’s words, but fortunately I didn’t have to because he continued on his own.
“The numbers could be different now. I haven’t been back there for a long time.”
“So you’re not in touch with your family?”
Flynn shook his head. “Got out of there when I was sixteen. Mining and meth never appealed to me. I got lucky and met this guy, a real recluse who lived about a mile from me. Turned out he was an Australian veteran. World War II. He and his wife had immigrated to the US after his tour of duty ended. He brought his military horse with him, a Waler named Titan. After that, he began importing some Waler mares so he could breed purebred Walers. He’d raise and train them. Made a decent amount of money selling them not only because they were so rare, but also because of how he trained them. A lot of breeders, especially on ranches like the ones around here, break a young horse to ride by slapping a saddle on their back and tossing cowboys on them until the horses are too tired and broken to buck their rider off.”
“But the guy did it differently,” I offered.
“Yeah. Frank became a part of each foal’s life from the moment they were born. He began building the bond he needed from the minute that baby left its mama’s belly. By the time the colt or filly was old enough to put a saddle on it, it wasn’t a one-day process. It took however long it needed to take.”
“So you bought BJ from him?” I asked. “Wouldn’t that make him pretty old? Is it even safe to ride him like this?” I’d lost track of where we were on the trail, so it took me a moment to catch my bearings. “We’re going up to that ridge, right?” I asked as I pointed to the only conceivable spot where the trail could end. “I’ll walk the rest of the way.”
I was in the process of trying to figure out how to slide off the horse and not land on my ass when Flynn turned in the saddle until we were nearly face to face. “First off, BJ isn’t old, and once we reach the top, he’s going to be expecting an apology. Second, I didn’t buy BJ from Frank. It’s a long story but I would like to tell it to you when we reach the top.”
Flynn sounded almost desperate. Was all of this some ruse to force me into talking about what had happened in the hotel?
“Okay,” I murmured. It wasn’t like I could just get off the horse and walk back to the ranch. I had no idea how far away from it we were and even if I had known, I’d never be able to find my way back alone.
We ended up not speaking again once Flynn got BJ going. The higher we got, the more treacherous the trail became because of all the rocks and exposed tree roots. As Flynn had said, though, the ride remained smooth. At worst, I had to hang on to him a little tighter as we went higher up, but I couldn’t really call that a downside.
I used the time to study the scenery. I’d been so busy avoiding contact with Flynn during the first part of the ride, I hadn’t been paying attention to our surroundings. Now, as I took in the gorgeous mountains that seemed to surround us from every direction, I realized we weren’t really climbing one of those mountains. It was a large hill at the base of one of them. To our left and in front of us were trees. On our right was a valley of tall green grass that became hypnotic to watch because of the way it moved with the breeze.
“Here we go,” Flynn said out of nowhere. It seemed like only minutes since we’d last spoken out loud, but since we were at the top of the hill, it had obviously been longer. I’d just happened to get lost in our surroundings.
Even though my ass ached from riding on BJ’s bare back, I wanted to stay exactly where I was. Overlooking a world that seemed miles away while discovering something so endlessly beautiful as the snow-capped mountain range made me feel strangely insignificant, but in a good way that I couldn’t really explain.
“So much,” I managed to say as I stared at the seemingly endless miles of white-peaked mountains surrounding us.
“Makes you realize what a small part of the world you ever see in your life, doesn’t it?”
I had my head resting against Flynn’s back. “Yeah.” A sense of calm that was unlike anything I’d ever experienced overwhelmed me as I stared at the mountain range. A few of the mountains had what looked like tiny valleys between them. I couldn’t see Eden, but I knew it was in one of those valleys.
“Thank you for showing me this, Flynn. I’ve seen pictures of landscapes like this but actually being here… there’s no comparison.”
“I’m glad you like it, but this isn’t what I wanted to show you—well, not the only thing, anyway,” Flynn said. He shifted his weight enough to indicate he was getting off the horse, so I released my hold on him. I tried to figure out how to get down by myself, but Flynn took care of that too by lifting me off the horse. Thankfully, he waited until my legs could hold my weight again before he released me. After grabbing a small sack and his rifle from the saddle, he proceeded to remove both the saddle and the bridle from BJ.
“What are you doing? What if he takes off? We’ll be stuck up here,” I exclaimed.
Instead of responding to me, Flynn gave his horse a pat and said, “First he doesn’t trust you to get us up here and then he accuses you of ditching us. I think any future apologies are going to need to come with a carrot or two, what do you think?”
The horse actually turned his whole body so he could press his big head against Flynn’s chest.
Lucky horse.
“Okay, okay, carrots it is,” I conceded as I ran my hand over the horse’s neck. “By the way, your hair is gorgeous, Banana Jammies.” I said as I ran my fingers through the long, soft hair that hung in waves along the horse’s neck. To my surprise, the horse turned and nudged me with his head. “Okay, okay, Banana, I am very sorry for ever doubting you and also for making fun of your…” I paused long enough to find the right word. “ Inspired name.”
I chuckled when BJ’s soft lips flapped gently along my neck. When he was done, I whispered, “Now that was a kiss to remember.” My eyes met Flynn’s. “One of many,” I added without thinking.
Just like that, the air sizzled around us as Flynn and I kept our gazes locked. It was BJ who broke through the sensual fog by gently nuzzling Flynn’s chest before wandering off to chew on some grass. “It’s like he knows,” I said softly as I watched BJ for a moment and then looked back at Flynn.
“Knows what?” Flynn asked even as I rebuked myself for saying the words out loud.
“Nothing,” I said with a shake of my head, but since I’d dropped my eyes to Flynn’s chest, I could tell he knew what I was talking about. I hesitated before saying in all honesty, “It’s like he knows how close he came to losing you.”
My voice caught on the last couple of words. A chill went through me as I considered what it would be like if all the medical professionals who’d worked on Flynn hadn’t been so determined to save his life. How many times over the past couple of days had I wished I’d never met the confounding man? I hadn’t meant any of it, of course. Despite everything that had happened between us, the idea of Flynn not having been a part of my life, if even for a handful of days, made me sick to my stomach. I began shaking violently as I thought about what it would be like if Flynn wasn’t a part of the world… a part of my world.
“Hey, hey,” I heard Flynn say, but he sounded far away. What if his heart gave out at that very moment? I wouldn’t be able to save him. I shook my head vehemently. I couldn’t lose him… not like that.
Something heavy was draped over my shoulders, but it wasn’t until Flynn put his arms around me and held me tight that I finally began to feel a spark of warmth return to my body. I clung to Flynn so hard that no one, not even God Himself, could take him from me.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there like that, but by the time Flynn whispered something I couldn’t make out into my ear before releasing me, the shaking had stopped. I realized he had put his heavy leather sheepskin jacket on me. Flynn took my hand in his and began leading me toward a large tree. Once we reached it, he released my hand so he could put the rifle and a blanket he retrieved from the sack on the ground. He grabbed something else from the bag and then sat down so that his back was resting against the tree. When he urged me to sit between his legs so that my back was to his front, I didn’t hesitate.
For the moment, we only existed at the top of that hill. The ranch, the motel, the town of Eden—they all just disappeared. I was happy to forget all of it as Flynn’s arms encircled my body and he rested his head in the crook of my neck.
“I knew from an early age that I was different,” Flynn said. “In many ways,” he added.
I lifted my hands so they could rest on Flynn’s arms.
“Big families were common in the town I grew up in. Besides having lots of brothers and sisters, I had uncles and aunts, countless cousins, and God knows how many other relatives. Even though my family was beyond dysfunctional, there was one thing that my parents drilled into all our heads from the moment we were born. Family first. Always,” Flynn said heavily.
I didn’t speak the words, but I could relate. I might not have come from a big family, but I understood dysfunction and loyalty all too well.
“I met Frank by pure chance. Since most of the money that came into the family ended up being snorted, injected, or poured into one’s body, we didn’t always have enough food. All the men in the family were given a rifle as soon as they were old enough to hold it and when we weren’t at work, we were expected to be in the woods hunting for anything with four legs or a pair of wings. I’d go out with a couple of my brothers, but as soon as we split up to look for game, I’d spend my time studying the wildlife instead of shooting anything that moved. One day when I was around twelve or thirteen, I got so caught up in tracking some animal prints that I didn’t notice how late it had gotten or how far from the house I’d strayed. By the time the sun fell, I was hopelessly lost. I spent hours trying to find my way home, but I was just walking in circles. Even though my parents preached loyalty to the family, I knew they wouldn’t be searching for me.”
Flynn paused. I couldn’t see his expression, but I had a good idea of what he was thinking.
“Hypocrisy,” I said quietly. It was another concept I understood all too well.
“Yeah,” Flynn responded flatly. He sighed. The warmth of his breath against my neck made me shiver. The good kind of shivers.
“Anyway, after about thirty-six hours in the elements, I was dehydrated, exhausted, and scared out of my mind. One of my older brothers had walked into the woods and never come back, so I was sure whatever happened to him would happen to me.”
“But Frank found you,” I supplied.
“I kind of found him,” Flynn responded. “Or his horse, rather. It was the beginning of my second night of being lost. Every snap of a twig or rustling of leaves kept me from getting any kind of rest. Have you ever heard a pack of coyotes howling?”
I shook my head. Fear for a young, terrified Flynn caused the blood in my veins to run cold. Flynn seemed to notice because he tightened his arms.
“I’d heard them a million times growing up, but that was from the safety of the house. That night in the woods, it was like they were all around me. I had my rifle, but I was so fucking scared that I pretty much forgot all about it and just started running even though that’s the last thing you should do in the presence of a predator. Anyway, I was basically running blind. I got cut up by thorny bushes, bruised when I fell over rocks and fallen logs. Out of nowhere, I slammed into what felt like a wall.”
“Titan,” I guessed.
“Yep,” Flynn responded. “I pretty much bounced off his shoulder and landed on my back. Got the wind knocked out of me. I was sure I’d run into a bear but the only mauling I experienced was from a big-ass horse nudging me like it was trying to see if I was still alive. Then there’s this light shining in my eyes. I must’ve hit my head on a rock or something because everything went dark after that and the next time I woke up, I was bundled up in a sleeping bag next to a small campfire. Then I saw him. The old man our parents had warned us about. The one who haunted the woods at night looking for naughty children to scoop up and eat. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could make a sound, something hit me in the chest. I was certain the guy had put an axe through me and was going to start eating me while I watched, so I start begging the guy to kill me all the way instead of making me watch him as he began eating my still-beating heart. Next thing I know, the guy’s telling me to stop my hollering and eat my rabbit or he’d leave me for the wolves to find.”
Flynn chuckled. I loved the sound of it. “And so began the tale of an old man, a rare horse, and a freaked-out teenager,” I said with a smile.
“Pretty much,” Flynn said with a laugh. “The next morning, Frank tossed me onto Titan’s back. No saddle, no bridle, just a thick, long mane to hang on to. I was so freaked out that it took me a while to realize Titan was calmly walking next to Frank. That stallion never strayed from his side, and Frank was making all these sounds and talking to the horse like it understood him. I fell in love with that horse then and there. Frank took me close enough to my house that I’d be able to find it and then he was jumping onto Titan’s back like he’d been doing it all his life. I watched in awe as the pair disappeared into the forest like the urban legend they were supposed to be. After that, I made it my mission to track the man and his horse down. Frank’s ranch was small and pretty remote, but he took care of his horses like they were his kids. When I showed up on his doorstep, he told me to beat it, but then his wife was inviting me inside for peach cobbler and iced tea. From then on, I was hooked on Frank’s every word, whether he wanted me to be or not.”
“And you eventually won him over,” I suggested.
“More like wore him down. He finally started teaching me all about his horses while his wife, Maribel, stuffed me with the most amazing meals I’d ever had. The thing was, I was supposed to be working every day. My twin brother, West, and I used to run drugs for my dad and uncle?—”
I jerked around so hard that I hit Flynn’s jaw with my head in the process. “Twin?” I squeaked as I rubbed my head. “You have a twin brother?”
“Yeah,” Flynn confirmed, clearly confused.
“Ohhhhh,” I said in understanding. “Are you identical?”
“Yeah. West’s about a minute older but we’re identical in every other way.”
I sighed in relief and turned around again. I practically fell back against Flynn so that I once again had my back to his front.
“What?” Flynn asked.
“Nothing,” I murmured. “Just surprised, that’s all.” I definitely did not need Flynn to know about the ugly green monster I’d been carrying inside of me ever since I’d been in his room in the bunkhouse.
He was quiet for several long seconds before he chuckled. “You saw the picture in my room,” he said. “You thought it was me in the picture.”
“What? No, I?—”
Flynn skimmed his lips over the shell of my ear. “So all this time, you thought I had a wife and kids out there somewhere. That must’ve been driving you crazy.”
I squirmed in Flynn’s arms, partially to escape him and preserve my dignity, but mostly because the sensation of his lips on my skin was causing goose bumps to grace my skin all while my dick was demanding he not stop touching me.
“Fine, yes,” I growled when Flynn refused to release me.
“I told you I was gay and single,” he responded softly. His lips brushed against my skin with every word he spoke.
“Yeah, well, I can’t tell you how many supposedly gay but very married guys have said that to me right before they fucked?—”
Flynn’s mouth covered mine before I could finish the sentence. Strong fingers supported my head as it was tilted back. The angle made it possible for him to deepen the kiss. I was breathless by the time he eased his mouth from mine. “Don’t,” Flynn warned. If he’d said the word in anything other than a possessive tone, I would have been pissed, but the fact that he didn’t want to hear about any other men I’d been with made me shiver. I nodded and was rewarded with another searing kiss that didn’t last long enough.
Despite the kiss being over, Flynn’s palm gripping my inner thigh had me shifting my body in the hope of somehow getting his hand closer to my painfully hard cock which was struggling against the confinement of my pants. When that didn’t work, I dropped my hand over his and unabashedly moved our joined fingers up my thigh.
“Fuck,” Flynn moaned as he took over and moved his hand on his own. Unfortunately, he placed it on my stomach instead of my aching dick. “Hold that thought, baby,” he said. “They’re here.”
I was so turned on that I couldn’t make sense of his words. I didn’t want to hold that thought. “Damn it, touch me,” I demanded.
Instead of covering my dick with his hand, he slid it up my body until it was gently wrapped around my throat. I turned my head just in time for him to slant his mouth over mine. I kissed him hungrily. He was in complete control of me, of my body, and I loved it. I’d always bottomed, so I was used to men sometimes getting rougher than I would have liked, but nothing about Flynn’s grip on my throat scared me. Even with his other arm wrapped tightly enough around my waist to pull me back until his own dick was pressed against my ass, it wasn’t enough.
“I’ll make it worth the wait,” Flynn promised after tearing his mouth from mine. His hold on my body eased bit by bit, bringing me back from the edge slowly. I was panting by the time Flynn removed his hand from my throat. If I’d had more oxygen in my lungs, I would have told him nothing could be worth waiting for him to do whatever he wanted to me. Instead, I had to settle for him still keeping his arm around my waist as he fished through his bag with the other hand. When he produced a pair of binoculars, I suddenly remembered what he’d said just seconds earlier.
They’re here.
They.
Who the fuck was they and what part of their anatomy did I need to rip from their body to get rid of them so Flynn could finish what he’d started?