Chapter Thirty-Three
Every piece of control that I had before Althea started the story left when her raspy, broken voice whispers:
“It tore me apart when you were carried past me and all of your attention was on her.” She sobs, her body trembling hard. “It broke me so much that my heart remained with a hole in it. Day by day, I had to watch you choose her. Be happy with her; and day by day, I forgot how to smile, how to laugh. Then Enrique and the rest happened, making me lose the last piece of humanity that was hanging by a threat.”
I can’t hear more of this without breaking something. Without tearing me apart in the process. Her voice is haunting me, her desperate cries are all I hear.
My fingers are gripping my hair hard, the image of her in her knees in front me, weak and broken makes me roar in frustration. My heart it’s too damn fragile when it comes to her. I want to scream, to yell, to kill myself.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask desperately, my voice on the edge of breaking.
“Haven’t you listened? Every damn time I looked at
you, Hanibal beat the shit out of me. He made me lose consciousness until I didn’t even know what’s real and what’s not. And she looked so mesmerized at you,” Althea comes near me and her red, puffy eyes are the worst thing I’ve ever seen. “I couldn’t do that to her, to you. Keres could’ve given you everything you ever desired because she always been enough. She was kind and polite, funny and beautiful. Everything that I’m not.”
With a heavy, angry sigh, I grab the back of her neck, bringing her face just inches away from me. “I didn’t want her, Althea. I wanted you. My attention wasn’t on her, because my vision was blurry as fuck; my only care was to not die so I can meet you. The first time I met you and Keres was a week later when I came to propose. Imagine my fucking surprise to meet the lovely Keres, so not like the sassy woman who saved me.”
Althea eyes travel to her hand, eyeing the engagement ring I gave her two months ago. The same ring that I personally designed for the woman who captured my heart in a few minutes. If my father didn’t have a second ring, I would’ve made the biggest mistake of my life that night.
“If you had doubts, w-why didn’t you said anything? Why did you choose her when you knew deep in your brain that she’s not the one? Why do you blame only me when you are in the same position?
Yes, I lied to you for many years. Yes, I made you believe Keres saved you. Yes, I was a coward for not choosing myself and let you be with someone that I thought could make you happier than I ever could! But you accepted her within seconds. You made the decision to ignore what your brain tried to tell you.” Althea was half sobbing, half screaming. The anger in her eyes
feeding mine.
“And how was I suppose’ to know you were the one? You always made me feel unwelcomed, you always showed your hate toward me. Until I married you, I thought you are a heartless woman who doesn’t care about anyone, because you forced this image in my head. You, Althea.”
Her sudden distance from Keres.
The desperate eyes who made me lose in them.
Her sarcastic laughs.
Now I know that this was the only way she survived through the years.
The only way she can stop thinking about me.
I think the universe is laughing at us right now. All the hate we carried just to be in this moment, hurt and desperate like, trying to repair the damage that we didn’t even create.
Fate played us like two chess pieces.
“Yes, Everette, I did those things, but I had to protect the little girl in me. I was raised to think I’m useless. Stupid. Not nearly good enough as her. So, I made the decision to break my heart and let you be happy with my sister.” Her body softens and I can see her shoulders relax. Only it’s not relaxation, it’s tiredness.
“My relationship with Keres felt more like friendship. I couldn’t kiss her freely or hold her when she slept. I couldn’t fuck her. I think my heart always told me that something is wrong, but I chose to ignore it. And if I’m thinking about it, it’s better that Keres was mine first.” Her round eyes fill with tears.
“Because she really made you happy?”
“Because she died, not you!” I snap, my anger making me lose my temper with her. “Because if you die,
I will follow you, Althea. I can’t fucking imagine a life without you anymore. If you were mine from the beginning,”
“I would’ve been the one in the grave.” She whispers.
I nod, the thought of her in a coffin haunting my being.
“Everette,” She whispers and my heart falls.
I desperately wanted Keres to call me like this, to give me the emotions that I felt that day. But now that I hear Althea saying my name, my brain shows me images with her above me, asking me my name. Her sassy Italian accent joking about my name. My mind is full of her, like the last four years never happened.
“Call me Everest.” I beg her.
“What?”
“Call me Everest, Althea.”
Her small fingers grip my face and her forehead rests on mine. “You were never mine the way I was yours, Everest.”
My palms turn into fists and flashbacks are turning my brain in a TV screen. For the first time in four years, I have visions about that day. About Althea.
Her brown eyes looking alert at me, her fingers holding and slapping lightly my face, her shaky voice that tried to keep me awake, her plead for me to not die. The minutes that made me fall for Althea are back in my mind and all I want to do is crush her to my body tightly and never let her go.
But a part of me is selfish and wants to be mad at her. Mad because we wasted four years of our lives, hurt because she lied to me about something so big. My heart feels betrayed and for once, all I want to do is to drink until I forget all that happened.
I let go of her neck, looking at her broken face one
more time.
I let out a painful sigh, turning toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Her panicked voice almost stopping me.
“I have no idea.”
“Everette please,”
“I just need to clear my head, Althea.” I say roughly.
“You’ll come back, right?” Her scared face almost makes me fall on my knees. I want to ignore her, or to say that I won’t be back soon, but I can’t stand seeing her look like a broken doll.
“I will.”
She says I was never hers like she was mine, but my heart started beating for the first time when her fingers gripped my face, four years ago.
"You said we'll be drinking and yet I don't see any shots in front of us."
I roll my eyes at Allan's displeasure and I continue looking out of the window, staring at the lights of Chicago.
After leaving Althea in our bedroom, I texted Allan to meet me at my parents’ house. I had no intention on drinking or going into one of his clubs, but I had to convince him to come here.
Fortunately, Emmeline isn't here and neither are my parents. I don't have the energy to explain to them how fucked up my life has been this past four years.
And how much I want to kill myself from not seeing the truth all along.
My mind is messed up. All I see are memories from when she saved me, but if before I had images of Keres saving me and hearing her voice, now Althea has possessed every part of me.
My brain.
My memories.
My heart.
I want to say that I'm mad at her, but I'll be lying to myself. While I'm angry and frustrated about the situation, I can't be mad at her. We both did mistakes that costed our lives, but haven't we suffered enough?
Why should I let this anger control my body when finally, I have her in my arms? When Althea is finally free from that prison. Her life has been a living hell, and her choices are understandable. The way she chose to live her life makes my blood boil, but I have no right to judge her.
All these thoughts only bring me to the initial question.
How much does she have to endure until she's happy?
And the answer is, no more.
I will make sure she has everything she needs to live the life she never could. She'll have Vincent, her art, her evil dogs.
And me, if she wants.
And if not, I will still be hers.
Even though I didn't remembered Althea, my heart always called for her. My brain didn't listen, but my damn heart always knew that she is the only source of life that can make it beat.
I'll go to her running, apologizing for leaving her like that. I'd fall on my knees just to make her see how desperate I would be without her.
Althea couldn't escape me when we got engaged, but now she will be haunted by me. I will be the shadow that makes sure she'll never get hurt, the beast that slaughters all the demons and bastards that touch even a piece of her skin, the husband who will always worship her like my own goddess.
Althea Seraphina Moretti is mine and I will make sure that even the devil knows it.
"Althea is the one who saved me that day, not Keres." I tell Allan after a few minutes of silence.
"Pardon me?" His shock brings his British accent back. Allan is half-Italian, half-British, but he never lets the two sides of him to be seen.
"Althea saved me four years ago, not Keres." Another wave of anger fills my veins.
If only I would've believed my gut.
"So, you've been engaged with the wrong woman all these years,"
"Yes, I guess I have."
"And you're still not drinking."
"Allan, I'm drinking every day since eighteen. How many times have you seen me drowning my problems in alcohol?" I snap, and I immediately regret it when his blue eyes twitch in sadness. The emotion in his eyes stays for a second, because when he blinks, it's gone.
I can snap about everything with him, but alcoholism is my limit.
"Guess that's the difference between you and him," He smiles weakly. "Anyway, we kind of wished Keres wasn't the one who saved you." I almost cry in relief when he changes the topic.
"We?"
"Me, your parents, Emmeline. You needed someone who challenged your beast, not ignore it. Keres was
lovely. She was everything a Boss could want in a wife, but she wasn't for you." Allan explains and he looks in the fridge. He almost squeaks when he sees the vanilla cake.
I look at him and I can't help the laugh that comes out of me. My chest hurts at the intensity, but fuck if I can stop. I feel tears coming in my eyes, my shoulders shaking from the action.
We are fate's experiment indeed.
"Oh fuck. Keaton you know you scare the shit out of me when you laugh." Allan sits on the chair next to me. I continue laughing until I know when I'll stop, I'll be too tired to even move.
"Fucking hell, brother. You're broken." He states.
"Isn't it hilarious how everyone wished it was Althea instead of Keres? How I fucking had the feeling that Keres is the wrong one, but did nothing? We all are so blind." Allan looks at me like I've gone crazy, and because of my blurry vision, I don't see the fist that connects with my face.
My head moves to the right, feeling my left cheek on fire. Fucker always had a fist that feel like a rock.
I massage my jaw, straighten my back.
"Are you back?"
"Yes, fucker." I murmur. "Thank you."
Allan nods, and I know he understands what I'm thankful for. I don't even know what my life would look like without Allan. We grew up together like two brothers. I do say that he's a pain in my ass, but I can't live my life without him.
I hear the door opening and I curse in silence. I hope Mom is tired and won't want answers from me. Saying it once to Allan was enough for this day.
"Boys?" I hear my Mom’s yell, knowing that we're
somewhere in the house. We don't say anything until I see her entering the kitchen, dressed in a black dress.
"Hi, Mom." I greet, wanting to get up to hug her but she comes next to me and takes my head in her hands.
"My handsome boy." She whispers and hugs me. She knows something is wrong, but for the first time, she stays silent.
"Looking beautiful as always, Vivian." Allan smirks at her, the warmth in his eyes making my Mom melt.
"Always the charmer, Allan."
"What did you say to my wife, son?" I hear my Dad's heavy footsteps entering the room.
"Just the truth, sir."
Dad smacks the back of his head like he used to in our teenage years, then comes to me to shake hands.
"I'll be leaving you boys, my feet are numb." Mom says and pets Allan's hair lovingly, kiss Dad, and hugs me again. "When you're ready to tell me what happened, you know where to find me."
I let out a sigh when Mom leaves the kitchen, feeling like I won the lottery.
"We need to talk." I hear Allan say and my body feels the nerves in his.
"What happened?" I hear my Dad ask confused.
"The Famiglia."
"What about it?" I snap at the name of the mafia.
"Their Capo died, Keaton," Allan snaps back. "They have been talking about the next one. They need a new one. It's been already too much time without a leader."
"Enrique died too, so he's off the table." Dad says.
"They never considered him. They want the Luciano blood to continue the reign."
I always knew that Famiglia is full of religious, traditional people, but this is beyond my expectations.
They want the Luciano blood to continue the reign.
My skin is immediately on fire. Hanibal would've let his mafia to only one person. One that captured my heart a second time.
"Vincent is not even five years old. What the fuck do they want from him? He's a damn child!" I snap and I feel my body tremble.
It took to Althea a month to finally make Vincent feel like a child. Since birth, he was pressured about his future role as a Capo, and I'll die before I let him be next ruler of Famiglia.
"They didn't consider him either." Allan says and his eyes give me the answer.
"It's not a matter of what Hanibal wanted. It's who they want." I hear my Dad say, but my mind is blocked.
"They want the power, the anger. They want tradition, equality. The unpredictable." Allan says the words with a heavy breath.
"They want to have the first Donna. They want the girl who survived Hanibal." I hear my father say and Allan nods.
With a weigh in my chest, I say through my teeth, "They want Althea."