Chapter 22
CIRO
I stared at my beautiful daughter, marveling at her while touching her tiny hand. It was so small and soft. There was no doubt in my mind that she was mine. In fact, aside from the patch of blonde hair on the top of her head, she looked like me as a baby.
Pippa gazed up at me in wonder, yet cautiously. An exorbitant amount of love flooded my soul and instantly changed me. How was that possible? I didn’t know her, yet I felt my heart swell ten times bigger as I stared at her.
I would never forget this monumental, life-changing moment, meeting my daughter for the first time.
Suddenly, Isla sucked in a ragged breath and tears began to fall.
“Alba,” she cried, crumbling before my eyes. “Take her.”
I stood from the sofa as Isla handed Pippa to Alba, then she ran.
I didn’t know what was happening. “Isla, wait,” I called, but she didn’t stop, closing the door behind her. I turned back toward Alba. “What just happened?”
“She’ll be fine.” Alba bounced, swaying side to side, patting Pippa’s back. “She just needs a minute.”
“A minute for what? It’s not like she’s seeing her child for the first time.”
“This isn’t only about you, you know?”
“No? Enlighten me, please,” I huffed, more sarcastically than I’d intended. But really, if anyone needed a minute it was me.
“Wow. You don’t have to be a jerk about it.
” Alba pressed her lips to my daughter’s cheek.
Those rich brown eyes, my eyes, watched me like a hawk.
“This hasn’t been easy for her. Every day has been a struggle.
She had horrible morning sickness until her fifth month, but she only missed work once because she was dehydrated.
I remember how sickly she looked. It was me who forced her to drink and eat better.
And of course, rest. Otherwise, she would have run herself ragged. And then—”
“What do you mean forced? Isla wasn’t taking care of herself?” My heart raced. That didn’t sound like Isla at all. Something could’ve happened to the baby.
“She hadn’t been drinking enough water and was overworked. She tends to forget about herself.”
I knew all about that. Isla would always put her needs last.
“I had to keep an eye on her. Just wished I could’ve paid for her prenatal visits, then maybe things would have—”
“Would have what?”
“I shouldn’t say anymore.”
“It’s too late to go back. Tell me,” I demanded as if I had any say while she had my child in her arms.
“She didn’t have insurance and worried about the bill, but I took care of it after Pippa was born.”
“I should have taken care of it,” I snapped, feeling like a deadbeat dad. “Did everything go okay? I mean for Isla and the baby?”
“They’re fine now.” She kissed Pippa’s cheek.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I wanted to hear everything, and Isla didn’t seem willing to talk.
“What do you mean?” Alba asked, confusion on her face.
“I want to know more about what Isla went through during her pregnancy.”
“You should talk to her about it. It’s not my place. She’s proud, you know. She doesn’t like to burden anyone.”
“Yeah, I know.” It stemmed from her father walking out on her, her mom, and her sister.
They had been forced to fend for themselves.
Isla grew up not being able to depend on anyone.
Even with me and all my money, she would order the cheapest item on any menu.
It used to irritate me, but it was who she was.
I appreciated her consideration even though I had more money than I knew what to do with.
Pippa burped and started fussing. “Shh, Mommy will be back soon,” Alba cooed. “Do you want to hold her?”
“No. I should wait for Isla.” I’d never held a baby before. I needed Isla to show me what to do. “I should go talk to her.”
“No. Just give her time.”
“If I give her time, she’ll close herself off to me even more.”
“Do you really want her and the baby?” Alba asked. I appreciated her directness.
“Yes,” I replied without hesitation. And a blink later, my brain went to: In what way?
A child should live with both its parents. But I never wanted kids or marriage. My heart raced as the fears that had crippled me since my mother died percolated in my chest.
If I love them, really love them, I will lose them forever.
A small smile appeared on Alba’s face. “I’m glad to hear it. She still loves you, but the past haunts her. She fears it will repeat itself.”
“I know her dad left when she was ten.”
“He abandoned his family. She said you don’t want marriage or kids.” Alba rubbed Pippa’s back, snuggling her closer. My daughter’s eyes were still on me, drilling into my soul. “What changed?”
“I didn’t say I want to get married. I just found out Pippa existed. I have a lot to think about.”
“To think about?” Alba’s voice hardened.
This conversation was about to go downhill. I didn’t know what in the fuck I wanted to do. I couldn’t talk to Roman because I needed to tell my dad about Pippa first.
Thankfully, Pippa started to fuss again. I welcomed the interruption.
Not a minute later, Isla appeared.
My arms ached to hold her, but I felt the iceberg between us.
I knew this would happen. If she had time alone, she would compile a plan that didn’t include me, just as she had when she left.
Isla believed she had to figure everything out on her own and deal with life independently because nobody could be trusted or relied upon.
No question the aftereffects of her father leaving.
What had I done? Confirmed her beliefs and lost her trust.
“Are you okay?” I went to her, regardless of her stiff, unwelcoming stature. I didn’t touch her, though I wanted to more than anything.
“Yes. Thank you.” No eye contact, just a forced smile.
Cazzo.
Pippa shrieked with a painful, almost desperate look on her face. It melted my heart again to see how much she wanted Isla. The bond between mother and child was a beautiful thing.
“I just need to feed her on the other side, then you can hold her.” Isla took Pippa into her arms, pausing as her and Alba’s eyes locked. I wished I knew their secret language. Alba gripped Isla’s elbow like a show of support.
Jealousy flowed through my veins. I should’ve been the one supporting Isla. Taking care of her. Loving her. But I’d fucked up. If I were honest with myself, I would admit I may never be what Isla needs.
Why couldn’t I be everything that she needed?
“Come. Sit.” Isla told me as she got comfortable on the sofa.
I sidled up beside her like before. This time, Pippa’s little round head was close to me. Her blonde hair was like Isla and I hoped it stayed that way.
“Smell her.” Isla nodded, running her hand gently over the top of Pippa’s head.
I did as she said. What else could I do? At this point, I would do anything Isla said. I sniffed my daughter’s little head, filling my lungs, and memorizing her intoxicating scent. I’d never smelled anything so sweet and pure.
“Give me your hand,” Isla demanded, though her tone was soft.
I reached my hand out, loving how she took it like it was second nature. Damn, I’d missed her.
She guided me to place my large paw on Pippa’s backside. No eye contact, just a forced smile. “Touch her warm, little body like this.” She demonstrated. “From her back, down to her foot.”
Pippa gazed up at me with curious eyes. I swear she knew that I was her dad.
I leaned into Isla, the draw to her more powerful than ever before. She stiffened, and goddammit, it made me feel like shit. But I ignored the edgy vibes she sent off so I could enjoy this moment with my daughter.
There we stayed while Isla nursed Pippa. I drank them in. The woman who owned my heart, even though I never admitted it, and my child who I instantly loved with a fierce protectiveness I’d never felt before.
How was I going to convince Isla to give me a second chance? I’d originally come here for her. She was my ultimate goal, but I got so much more than I expected with my baby girl, Pippa.
Even if Isla agreed, could I give her what she needed?
Could I give them both what they needed? If I could, would I lose them forever like my mother and Julietta?
Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed Pippa had stopped nursing. Isla held her against her shoulder and patted her back.
“Hi, angel.” I kept my voice soft. Her eyes brightened as she nuzzled her face against Isla’s shoulder. “Are you bashful?” This time she smiled. I touched Pippa’s hand, letting her wrap her little fingers around my pinky. “God, she’s beautiful, Isla.”
Suddenly, a healing power unfolded inside me. The cracks in my heart started to fuse together. I felt light and free.
Putting my arm around Pippa’s back, I found Isla’s waist. I gripped it and pulled them into my embrace. I kissed Pippa’s head, inhaled her baby scent, then pressed my lips to Isla’s temple, breathing her into my lungs. My whole world was in my arms.
Isla shuddered and pulled away. She was on her feet, her eyes wet and she exhaled a deep breath to calm whatever emotion had overwhelmed her.
“Do you want to hold her now?” she asked, a slight quiver in her voice. Clearly, she was battling something. The proof was in her avoidance of making eye contact with me.
“Yes, of course.” I swallowed thickly in preparation of holding my child for the first time. If she cried, would it mean she didn’t like me? Feared me? My heart would shatter if she rejected me.
“She’s not fragile, like newborns.”
“How can you say that? She’s so little.”
“I meant you don’t need to worry about supporting her head as you would a newborn.” She set Pippa on my lap and my baby girl relaxed in the crook of my arm and stared at me with a quizzical brow, similar to mine. “That’s it,” Isla said, encouragingly.
“What do I do now?” I felt like an idiot, never having held a baby before.
“Do what feels natural. What your heart tells you to do.”
Pippa made cute little sounds and squirmed on my lap. I lowered my gaze and smiled at her.
“See. She likes you. I’m going to freshen up before I leave for work.”
“You can’t leave me with the baby.”
“Alba is here.” She nodded to her friend.
“I mean you’re not going to work,” I said, trying to exert my power.
She set her hand on her hip. “Yes, I am. I have responsibilities. Commitments.”
“Your only responsibility is to our daughter and me. Quit your fucking job and stay with us.”
“Language.” She pointed at the baby.
“She doesn’t know what I’m saying.”
“That’s not the point. I don’t want her hearing filth like that. And how dare you storm into my life and think you can control me. That’s not how it works Ciro! You didn’t want me, and it’s been a long time. I’ve moved on.”
“I didn’t know about her,” I said, gritting my teeth. The first chance I got, I would punish her for keeping my baby from me. Just because I never planned to have a child didn’t mean I wouldn’t want the one I created.
“Right, and now that you do, you’re acting like a caveman trying to control me. Well, I have news for you, Ciro Remotti. Nothing you say will stop me from going to work and providing for my child. We’ve been doing just fine without you.”
I held down an angry growl deep in my chest, forcing myself to stay calm and not yell like a lunatic in front of my daughter. Isla always knew how to piss me off, mostly because she talked sensibly and could point out the fallacies in my thinking.
“Now, I’m going to freshen up and call an Uber.” She kissed Pippa’s head. “Enjoy your time with her.”
“Paolo will drive you,” I replied.
“Did you not hear a word I just said?”
“Goddammit, Isla. Let me help you.” It hurt so damn much to know I made her like this. I had made her build a protective fortress around herself and Pippa. She wanted nothing to do with me, and I deserved her rejection.
“I’m taking the Uber,” she said indignantly. “But you can stay for a while after I leave… If you promise to not steal her.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake. Is that the kind of man you think I am?”
“When you don’t get what you want, yes.”
“I promise not to steal her.” But she was right. I would do whatever it took to get them both in Canada with me. I just had to make her an offer she couldn’t refuse. “But I’m paying for the ride.”
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and left the room.
“It’s not going to be easy getting her back, is it?” I asked and turned toward Alba.
“No. And bossing her around isn’t the way back into her heart. She’s struggled to make ends meet, but she’s done it. She’s been an incredible mother and should be praised for it. Don’t make her feel like a failure for not providing your standard of living.”
Fuck, she was right. “That’s good advice.” I stared in awe at my daughter and placed my pinky in her hand. She clutched it tightly like she would never let it go.
It appeared I might have a chance with Pippa and to make up for the time lost, but what good would it do if her mother rejected me? Pippa deserved to have a whole family, her mother and father together, not only weekends and summers with her dad.
My mamma’s face flashed in my head. I had her for only five years of my life. I would never take Pippa away from Isla. I’d rather die than hurt my child the way I hurt after my mother’s death.
I never wanted marriage or children because I feared losing them. I had pushed Isla away, and now she was doing the same thing to me, and I hated it.
Karma was a bitch; one I wouldn’t let get between me and mine.
The tables were turned but there was one vital difference: Penelope Giovanna. I would do whatever it took to keep my girls with me.