Chapter Five
Caroline
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TENSION CREPT ALONG my windpipe, narrowing the tube until it was difficult to take a breath.
Fear.
I recognized the bitter taste it left at the back of my throat, the type of fear I’d hoped I’d left behind me in Britain, but that prayer had been na?ve.
We weren’t safe stashed in the back of Hans’ truck; how could we be?
Technically, we had no legal status; a prisoner of war and a war criminal on the run from a state which, given a chance, would act to eliminate us both for different reasons.
If my instincts were correct and I’d genuinely heard someone stalking to the back of the vehicle, then there could be any number of people about to open the back of the lorry.
I reached for Harper in the dark, clinging to the sweater his mother had bought him as the seconds stretched into what seemed like hours.
Slowly, as though the fucking doors intended to torture us, they crept open, flooding the space ahead of Harper with pale light. I watched him lift the weapon he’d brought along from Fortorus higher, the well-trained commander general poised and ready to take out whoever was about to find us.
For an excruciating amount of time, that was all there was; no other sounds or deeds occurring to explain what was going on. We remained there, suspended in time, and just as I was about to choke on the terror cutting off my air supply, a male voice pierced the charged atmosphere.
“Alles goed daarbinnen?”
“Hans? Ben jij dat?”” Harper lowered his weapon, edging slowly to the corner of the pallet shielding us. His body language suggested the voice was good news, but I couldn’t understand a word either of them was saying to confirm the burgeoning reassurance.
What was that language they were speaking? Dutch? The guess was reasonable given our location, but I’d had no idea Harper could speak the tongue.
“It’s me.” I just about recognized our driver’s voice when he switched to English. “Are you okay?”
Harper turned back, relief flashing in his gaze as he flicked on the weapon’s safety and dropped it into the open bag.
“We’re okay.” He stepped out tentatively, apparently still unsure. “Why have we stopped?”
“Ik he been pause nodig!” Hans sounded almost indignant. “I need a break. I’ve been driving for hours.”
“Hours?” Harper’s brow furrowed.
“At least four.” Hans snorted.
Harper glanced my way as though he couldn’t make sense of the information, his focus returning to the man who was helping us. “I guess we lost track of time in the back.”
“It’s quiet here if you want to get some fresh air,” Hans suggested.
“Sounds good.” Harper reached for me, and I took his hand unthinkingly, allowing him to lead as he had so many times before. “Thank you.”
“Blijf dichtbij.” Hans’ voice was louder as we maneuvered our way to the edge of the open truck, and for the first time, I took in the details of his face.
Aged in his late fifties, he looked world-weary but inherently strong, as though the universe had tried to beat him down but failed. “Just stay close. We don’t want any—”
“Unwarranted attention,” I concluded the sentence for him as Harper leapt down from the back of the lorry and offered me his palm.
“Exactly.” Hans grinned, revealing a line of yellowing teeth.
He watched as Harper guided me to the concrete, eyeing us as we huddled beside him.
The sky was gray overhead, inciting the cold wind, which appeared to be whipping around the virtually deserted parking area.
I glanced around quickly, relieved not to see any other people, although there were a few other stationary heavy goods vehicles on the other side of the lot.
“Where are we precisely?” Harper asked, wrapping his arms around me.
I leaned into his warmth reflexively, marveling inwardly over how quickly he’d become the center of my entire universe. Not so long before, I’d had to fend for myself, with the support of the few women I’d befriended at the hellish camp. Those days suddenly seemed like a long time ago.
Reaching into his pocket, Hans yanked out an old-looking packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Selecting a stick from the mangled box, he lit the end and inhaled as though his life depended on it.
“We just crossed the border into Germany.” Hans blew the smoke out toward me, but the wind whipped across our path, snatching it away before it met my nostrils.
Grateful for the reprieve, I caught sight of the mist before it faded away.
“About halfway, I’d say. Wil je er een?” He gestured to the box in his hand.
“Not for us, thank you,” Harper replied, declining on behalf of us both. I’d never smoked and had no desire to start at that juncture.
“Thank you for helping us,” I piped up, glancing between the two men. “We’d still be in Rotterdam without you.”
Hans nodded. “I help out Andrew from time to time.”
“So, you’ve done this before?” Harper sounded perturbed, as if we were the first and only people who were determined to flee the dystopian nightmare he’d help Ian to create.
Hans scoffed. “Think you’re the only ones who want out of that shithole country?”
“No.” I threw Harper an unimpressed stare. “Of course not.”
“We have a few stowaways.” He breathed in more nicotine. “And I do what I can. I heard what they do to women over there.” His eyes gleamed with sympathy. “And I don’t support it.”
“Thank you for saying so.” I tried not to think about the terrible things still happening to the members of my gender in the country of my birth. “Women really need more men to stand with them.”
“Yes, well...” Harper coughed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “My lady is right. We’re truly grateful.”
I shot Harper a look, unsure how I felt about being described as ‘his lady’.
There was little doubt that I adored him, the way he made me feel and the fact he’d saved my life, but I’d been one of those women who needed support only days before, and while he’d offered it to me, there were millions more of us left powerless and alone.
Naturally, I accepted that he couldn’t have helped them all, but even though it was an unfair accusation, I couldn’t get away from the fact he’d been there with the idiot president right from the get-go.
He could have stopped Ian.
He should have done better.
“I’ll leave you to it.” Hans smirked as though he sensed the underlying awkwardness in the air. “We leave in ten minutes.”
I watched as he wandered away before I turned to the man still holding me. “Best not annoy our driver too much with your questions, Sir.”
I swallowed down the recriminations firing in my brain. Harper had done everything he could to help me in those final hours at the camp, and there was nothing to be gained from dredging up his prior intentions.
“There you go again, telling me what to do.” He cocked an eyebrow at me, a gesture he knew provoked me in the most tantalizing ways.
“I’d like to keep us alive, that’s all.” I didn’t want to fight with him. Far from it. I needed him more than ever.
“I know.” His tone softened. “And I know we’re not the first people to abscond, sweetheart. I guess I just never saw myself being one of them.”
“I suppose that’s on me.”
An unexpected hurt seared in my chest as I acknowledged that I wasn’t the only one who’d lost out.
Yes, Harper had led a life of obscene luxury and privilege, while I’d been rounded up and called a prisoner of the state, but our recent actions had taken him away from everything and everyone he’d ever known.
Even though our need had been imperative, a part of me accepted that couldn’t have been easy and regretted the outcome.
Hell, I’d been through something similar when the initial men had come to take me away from my home.
“Nonsense,” he chided. “You’re not responsible for any of this.
” His hand rose to my chin, his thumb caressing me lightly.
“To be honest, I’m more disconcerted about the time I lost in the back of there.
” He signaled to the truck we’d been hiding in.
“I could have sworn we’d only been traveling for just over an hour. ”
“That’s good, I guess.” I shrugged. “Better that the time goes fast than slow.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I just hope it’s not another neurological side-effect.” His lips twitched as soon as the words left his lips, conveying his sudden awareness that he might just have slipped up. “Not that there’s anything to worry about, of course.”
“That’s right.” Instantly, I sensed he was on the back foot. “You told me Armitage called and said you had the all-clear. Right, Sir?”
Searching his eyes, I looked for any sign of duplicity. In the frenzy of fleeing to freedom, it hadn’t even occurred to me that he might have been lying, but standing there in the cold breeze, I abruptly realized that might have been the case.
“I might have fudged the truth on that point.” He cringed, clearly loathing the admission.
“What?” I snapped, conscious of how fast my heart was beating again. “Why did you lie, Sir? What did Armitage really say?”
“He wanted a specialist in London to have another look at my brain.” His eyes fluttered closed. “But that’s not going to be an option now, so... I didn’t want to worry you, Caroline.”
“So, you told me what I wanted to hear.” I wasn’t surprised, but the fact that he hadn’t told me the truth was crushing, like a weight against my chest preventing me from getting enough air.
“I shouldn’t have lied.” His hand fell to my shoulder. “I’m sorry, little girl. I just want what’s best for us.”
“Okay.” Struggling to articulate the confusing combination of emotions I was feeling, I lifted my hand to grasp his fingers. “I get it, and I’m grateful you feel that way, but please, Sir. I always want the truth. Even when it’s difficult to hear.”
“Understood.” His hand rose, bringing my digits to his lips, which he brushed over my fingers. “From now on, you’ll always have the truth.”
“Thank you.”
We stood there in silence for a long moment, staring into each other’s eyes until a droll idea popped into my mind.
“What?” he probed, seemingly noticing the change in me. “I’ve seen that look on your face before.”
“I was just thinking... when I kept Fern’s secret about fleeing from Fortorus, you punished me. So...” My lips curled as I wondered how long it would take him to follow my line of logic. “Does your lie mean I get to punish you?”
“Oh, no.” He laughed at my inference. “That’s not how this works, little girl.”
“It’s not?” I was having fun teasing him. “But why not, Sir? Fair’s fair, after all.”
“When did I ever say this would be fair?” His tone was knowing as he stepped closer and pressed himself against me. “I am sorry for the untruth, and I’ll make it up to you, but there’s only one master in this relationship.”
“Maybe there should be a mistress instead.” I was only toying with him.
After so many years of bland sex, I couldn’t even conceive shifting the sexy dynamic between us, but somehow, it was too good an opportunity not to press my luck.
“Don’t push it.” Hooking his finger under my jaw, he lifted my head so our gazes met as he whispered, “We both know who’s in charge here.”
“Yes, Sir.” I smiled, in spite of the threat laced in his tone. “I understand.”
“Good.” He breathed the word over me, his lips colliding with mine for the fleeting, sensual connection we both craved. “Now, unless you need to find a bush to relieve yourself, I suggest you get back in the truck and get as comfortable as you can.”
He was trying to reimpose the order between us, and despite my disappointment at his lie, I appreciated the gesture.
After so many months of fear and stress, Harper’s scintillating structure had become the regulation my nervous system required to feel safe, and I had no desire to change that.
Of course, I was worried about what the implications of Armitage’s call really were, but there was no benefit in dwelling on those.
Once we were in Zurich and he had the things he wanted from the vault, hopefully, there would be an opportunity for him to see a specialist. Until then, his good health was only another outcome for me to pray for, especially since, on that occasion, I was the culpable one.
“What’s wrong?” He held out his hand before I had time to answer. “Need help getting up there?”
“No, thank you, Sir.” Placing my palms on the base of the truck, I yanked myself up to its level in yet another ungainly display of female independence. “I was just wondering about something.”
“What’s that?” He pulled himself up alongside me with infuriating ease before he came to stand beside me.
Peering up into those blue eyes I’d come to know so well, I bit back on my growing smile.
“Well.” I reached for his hand. “I was just considering what sort of spanking your lie warranted.