Chapter Six #2
“That was a little rude, Sir.” Caroline lowered her voice, her hands falling to her hips with apparent disapproval. “He just gave us somewhere to stay. We could have at least stayed and made small talk.”
Jaw clenching, I shook my head. I’d heard just about enough small talk to last me the rest of my life.
“We need to rest.” I mimicked her hushed tone, dropping the bag by the head of the bed. “And even though he seems like a nice guy, remember, we don’t know him, little girl. Best we keep to ourselves and let him sleep as well.”
“But he’s helped us a lot,” she insisted in a demanding whisper. “If I can believe he’s a good man after everything I’ve been through with your gender, then why can’t you?”
Her cutting question temporarily stopped me in my tracks, my mind reeling as she perched on the edge of the bed.
Forcing air from my lips, I realized she was right.
If either one of us should have had misgivings about trusting strange men, it should have been her.
After all of the shitty things Ian’s order had done to her; tearing her from her home, her job, her friends and family, stripping her of her possessions, her rights, and her freedoms before dragging her to a hellhole like Fortorus, Caroline had survived it all, yet she’d managed to come out of the other side more open and forgiving than I was.
Not just Ian’s order. The snide recognition of my guilt reverberated in my mind. Mine, too.
I’d been one of the original architects of the bloody order, placating Ian’s lunatic plans when I should have been reining him in. I was equally culpable.
“Okay.” Lifting the heel of my hand to my face, I rubbed my eyes.
I’d worked long hours at Fortorus, but I couldn’t ever recall feeling so tired before.
“You’re right. Hans has done nothing to make me suspicious.
It’s just who I am, I suppose.” Who I’ve become.
“And I guess old habits are proving hard to shake. I struggle to trust anyone who doesn’t have a proven track record. ”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “It’s going to take a while to shake off the shadows of Fortorus.”
“I know.” I slumped on the bed beside her, unsure if the pounding in my head was the weight of my shame, guilt, exhaustion, or perhaps something more worrying. “Having regrets about your choice of traveling companion, little girl?”
“Of course not, Sir.” Stretching out at my side, she somehow managed to look like a sexy siren instead of a prisoner on the run. “I love you, and I have no regrets.” She reached for my hand and stroked my fingers. “Look how far we’ve come together already.”
She was correct, again, but staring at the intricately plastered ceiling, our alleged accomplishment seemed unclear.
Yes, we’d made it out of Britain, and we were, somehow, both unscathed, but beyond the bank, I had no real plan for what came next.
In that moment, the weight of that uncertainty was crushing.
We’d need to keep moving, potentially spending years on the run, but worse was the thought that I’d spend the rest of our lives looking over my shoulder in case someone recognized me, realized my part in what had happened, and sent me into custody at The Hague.
I turned my head to meet her smile. Was that really a life she could live with? I couldn’t shake the feeling that she deserved much better.
Blowing out a breath, I finally met her eyes. “You’re delirious, little girl. One day, you’re going to wake up and see me for the monster that I am.”
Where was the current barrage of self-deprecation coming from? I was usually so steadfast and fucking self-assured. Many had called me cocky and arrogant. I scarcely recognized the man sprawled out on the vile, flowery bedspread, so goodness only knew what Caroline would make of him.
“You’re tired.” She tugged my hand from my chest and kissed my fingers, the feel of her caresses easing me back to life a little. “We both need to rest, Sir.”
“Yeah.” I forced my lips to tug upward, still uncertain what was wrong with me.
I was rarely sentimental, yet Caroline seemed able to manifest multiple emotions from me all at the same time.
She had right from the beginning. “You’re right, but before we sleep, I just want to say thank you, sweetheart. ”
Shaking her head, she leaned closer. “If anyone should be saying thanks, it’s me, Adam. You saved my life back there in Fortorus, on more than one occasion.”
A haze of those recollections flooded my senses; memories from the initial encounter with Sorosson and Walker, the sentries who’d wanted to abuse her, to the way I’d protected her from Ian’s dirty paws.
I had looked out for her, but in those early days, my actions were mainly derived from a desire to keep her for myself, not due to some altruistic savior complex.
“I did what I had to do.”
I flinched, knowing that was the same bullshit line I’d used to justify my role at the camp for years. Ian had even joked about it, saying ‘I do what I have to do’ would end up being my epitaph. Tensing, I accepted that the odious prick might still end up being right.
“What is it?” she murmured, no doubt noticing my furrowing brow. “You don’t look well. I’m worried about you, Sir. Is it your head?”
“No,” I reassured her, even though I had no way of knowing what had caused my out-of-character self-doubt.
“After all this time, I think it’s just my conscience unloading itself.
It took getting away from home for me to realize how fucking bad things had got there, and how many women’s lives we tore apart to get what we wanted. ..”
My voice trailed away, my remaining words unwilling to vocalize the scale and abhorrence of the so-called achievement.
“In the end, you helped us.” Her smile was sad. “You helped me, you got Fern the medicine she needed, and you set goodness knows how many more women free as we fled. You’re a good man, Adam Harper, even if, for a while, you forgot who you were.”
“Yeah.” A fresh memory of the scores of women’s shocked expressions was also burned into my psyche, their eyes wide and their mouths falling open as they acknowledged just who was releasing them from incarceration in the middle of the night. “I’m quite the hero, huh?”
“You’re my hero.” Her voice was small but serious. “You got me here, and whatever comes next will be down to you as well. Without you, I’d be dead.”
Gazing at her, I couldn’t find the right words to form a coherent answer. I’d done everything I could to protect Caroline because, ultimately, I accepted the truth burning inside me.
There was no conceivable future for me that didn’t include her.
“I love you.” In the end, it was all I could muster.
Sniffing back her tears, her lips curled as she snuggled against my chest. “I love you, too, Adam. Don’t ever forget that.”