Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
Lillian
T he same driver is waiting to drive me home in the late afternoon. He gets one look at my face and seems to decide against asking me about my day. He turns the radio up instead and focuses on the drive. In the back seat, I relish the opportunity to finally relax. I’m like putty melting in place. I don’t even have the resources to pull a smile for the driver. I just want to go home.
While I still can.
Anne started planning immediately, zealously bouncing scheduling ideas off of Charlie. I listened to them calculate the next series of events that would flow one after the other, as naturally, smoothly, and quickly as possible. We’d make it look like we’d gone through great lengths to keep our relationship a secret, and only at the last crucial juncture, right at the moment Charlie put his heart on the line—for the first time—would our “carefully guarded secret” slip: when he proposed to me.
He was going to rent out Emerald, one of Shade Valley’s most elegant restaurants, and pop the question. And I was going to say yes.
I was?
Ever since Anne interrupted us, I’d felt like I’d been swept down a fast-moving stream, barely getting to surface long enough to breathe. I answered her without even thinking, instantly backing Charlie up. I know she wouldn’t have forced me. This plan could only succeed if I was 100% on board and ready to play the part perfectly. If there was the slightest hint of hesitation in my voice, she would have jumped on it.
But backing out wasn’t an option, not after Charlie cornered me like that.
He was right. I was looking for a way to secure Amber’s future. This stunt with Charlie will check off all the boxes. I could get her into any college she wanted, and my connection to a billionaire politician would open any door to her, bring any dream within reach.
I could keep my promise to Mom.
Charlie reminded me why I went to his home in the first place. How could I have forgotten? Was I really going to leave over a little treatment like that, when I had survived worse?
Sweat stings my armpits, my heart rate climbing. I could bring back the distant memory at a moment’s notice, smell the smoke.
A little smile warms my lips, and satisfaction blooms in my chest.
If I could pull that off, I could handle Charlie.
“Uh, you okay back there?” The driver is looking into the rearview mirror, his eyebrows knitted together. He looks weirded out.
“Yes, yes, I’m fine!” I assure him, wiping the expression off my face. Shit, what kind of face was I making? “Th-the song playing reminds me of college, haha.” What?
He nods, uncomprehending, and returns his eyes to the road. It seems like he’s driving faster now.
Whatever.
I clear my throat, mentally disregarding the driver, and return to this afternoon. Right. Handling Charlie.
Actually, could I handle him? It was more like he was handling me—literally.
I’d felt true fear before, all those years ago. In the past, terror came from the instability of my father. He could snap at a moment’s notice and send me flying across the room.
It was different with Charlie. He was in complete control of what he was doing. I may have ticked him off, but he channeled that simmering energy into his every move. Each soft touch, deliberately restrained, became a thrumming threat, making me anticipate the strength of him, the power he could subject me to.
“This right here , ” he seemed to be saying, “is already mine. Isn’t that right?”
I shudder and squirm in my seat, twisting my hips in place.
No, I wouldn’t call what I’m feeling “fear.”
For the second time today, I feel it again.
My panties are wet.
“Uh, M-Miss, we’re here.”
“Oh!!” When I look up this time, the driver is staring straight ahead, pointedly avoiding looking at me. Shit! He definitely saw me making a weird face. “Thank you!” I see him raise his hand quickly to wave sharply before fixing it back to the steering wheel. He doesn’t look at me again.
I shoulder my way out of the car, making sure I have my purse, and step out into the warm daylight, glad to put distance between us. He tears off like he has to get a pregnant woman to the hospital.
Whatever.
“What’s up with you?” a voice calls to me.
“Huh?” I look up to see my sister lingering near the door to our apartment building. Her eyebrows are high on her forehead as she remains frozen in place, her hand reaching for the doorknob.
“You look…” she continues.
“Nothing, nothing! I, uh, I was just thinking about the driver. He was weird…” I lie. I was weird. “He was, like, talking to himself the whole time. S-something about a, I don’t know, dog.”
“Okay…” Amber gives me a bemused smile and latches on to the doorknob. “You gonna come inside or hang out here some more?”
I groan, frustrated, and charge toward her. “Shuddup. Annoying sister.”
“You look nice in that dress! I knew you would.” Amber lets us in, and I follow her to our door.
I don’t know what to say, so I ignore her compliment. “What are you doing here?” I ask instead.
“Ohh, I live here. Did you not know that?”
I slug her in the arm as she giggles. “Very annoying sister!! You know what I meant!”
“I just finished up with ceramics class.”
Sure enough, I can smell the comforting scent of clay on her. She’s been into this hobby for as long as I can remember. Our apartment is decorated with her creations. Once we get inside, she throws her bag onto the couch and heads for the kitchen.
“And you were where?” Amber prods.
I sigh heavily and flop onto the couch beside her bag. Where do I even start? I didn’t tell her about this at all, and I know she won’t agree with me getting married to some random guy just for her sake.
Actually, I’m completely unprepared for this.
Damn it!
“Okay, I’m just talking to myself over here!” Amber says loudly as she fills a glass with cold water from the fridge.
“Umm…” I’m wincing and sucking in a breath. Better just go for it. It’s too late to back out now. “I was meeting with my boyfriend.”
Pfffftt .
She did an actual spit take.
I stare blankly in front of me, waiting for her to recover.
“Boyfrie—”
“Yes. Why are you so surprised?” I say as I remember to feel insulted and look over at her.
Wiping her face, Amber comes out of the kitchen and around the couch to face me, looking purely shocked.
Come on.
“I thought you were a lesbian! I mean, it’s fine if you are.”
“Lesbian??”
“But I guess you aren’t?”
“Where did you even get that idea?” I sit up straight, throwing my hands into the air.
“It’s not like you ever have guys over. I’ve never even seen you speak nicely to a guy.”
I get up and slug her hard in the shoulder.
“Hey!” Amber shoves me backward playfully, surprising me with her strength. “It’s true!”
I collapse back into the cushion, annoyed. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”
“Yeah, yeah. Boyfriend? Where did you meet him?” Amber’s eyes shine with excitement.
“Can you not be so happy for me?” This is completely throwing me off.
“Tell me, tell me!”
“Ahhh, I just met him today, actually.”
The excitement dissolves into confusion, so I pat the seat beside me and explain everything, starting with Anne and Lou and ending with the plan for marriage. Well, I don’t tell her everything. I leave out the part about me and Charlie, alone. Amber’s eyes search the floor as she tries to wrap her head around this huge development. She’s flabbergasted. After taking a moment to gauge whether I’m telling the truth (I nod), she finally tells me what she’s thinking:
“Sweet catch, Sis!”
“What?!”
“What? Charlie is hot! Sizzling hot!” Amber shimmies in place beside me with a stupid look on her face.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“What else do you want me to say? I can tell what Annie?—”
“Anne.”
“—saw in you. You’re the boring wife type. Oh, I mean!” Amber fends off my attack with her upraised palms before I can launch myself at her. “I can totally see you being a politician’s wife. You have to stand there and smile next to him when he’s doing stuff.”
“Anyone can do that!”
“Yes, but especially you.”
Cool.
I get up to leave without saying a word, but she tugs me back down with a laugh.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. No, seriously. That’s crazy! Did you really meet with Charlie Carter today?”
“Yeeess, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“What was he like?”
...and you’ll get to sleep near the foot of my bed, in your own little cage. Like the bitch you are. Charlie’s voice fills my mind. A thrill passes through my lower stomach. I scrunch up my face to hide my expression. I have to conceal his true nature—especially from Amber. She can’t get even a hint that anything’s wrong.
“He’s… he was exactly what I was expecting.”
“Oh.”
Sound more disappointed, Sis.
“He looks like a goodie. Oh, well, so he’s suited to you!”
I close my eyes and lean my head back. How much am I going to be asked to take today?
Amber is laughing some more and patting my thigh consolingly. “I’m sorry, I’ll ease up. Hm, so that means…” I watch as she turns serious. It’s about time. “You’re going to move out soon?”
Her voice is small. There’s my little sister.
My eternal vigilance has meant that she could grow up a free spirit. And she hasn’t held back. She becomes the spunky little darling of anyone who gains the privilege of her regular company. Even I can’t help but fall under her spell sometimes.
But I’m the only one who sees this vulnerable side to her, when she’s quiet and scared, looking up at me and waiting for me to lead the way or find the solution.
We’ve been living alone together for six years now. I don’t know what she’ll do alone. From the looks of it, she doesn’t know, either. My chest twists painfully.
“Yeah. The dinner is the turning point. After we’re photographed together, Anne says it’ll be a nonstop ride from there. I can delay for a little while, maybe, but it won’t really make sense if we wait too long.”
“Mmhm.” Amber keeps watching me. “When is the dinner?” she asks after a long pause.
“We’re going to do it next Friday. Anne says it should be as soon as possible.”
“Oh.”
I pull her into a hug. She wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. “A lot of good can come out of this,” I murmur.
“Can it?” Her voice sounds far away. “What’s in it for you? Are you just going along without thinking about how you feel again?” Amber tries to pull away, but I hold her tighter.
“Just trust me. Have I ever let you down?”
“No, but?—”
“But nothing. I don’t know what my schedule will be like, but you know I’ll come visit often. Hey! Maybe you can move?—”
Maybe you wanted to get fucked by a man like me. The memory of Charlie’s words stops me cold. Amber pulls free excitedly.
“Move in? Yeah, his house was massive, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s far away from your pottery class. It’d be too much of a hassle to get there,” I quickly explain, trying to throw her off. I have no idea what he’d do to Amber.
“But how did you get there? I saw the black car you were dropped off in.”
“O-oh yeah. I guess he could arrange a driver for you? I’ll ask Charlie.”
“Yeah! I can still live with you!” Amber perks up, the earlier gloom dissipating. She sighs dramatically in relief. “Awesome! Now I can’t wait!” She jumps up and skips away, then calls behind her back, “You landed a billionaire, Sis! I can’t believe your luck!”
I let my body drop into the couch, unsure of how to feel.
What have I gotten us into?