Chapter 34
He got the knife from the desk drawer while Silver was busy in the bathroom. His legs felt like jelly, and his ass stung with every step, but he somehow managed to make it there and back before the Emperor was finished cleaning himself off.
He’d already taken care of Nuri. Had brought a washcloth and wiped him down, massaging his whole body in the process, as though to make the contact last.
Maybe it was cruel for Nuri to allow him to think this was the end for as long as he did, but after years of dancing to Silver’s tune, Nuri felt due a little cruelty.
The knife was slipped under the pillow, and he sat up, acting nonchalant just as Silver reentered the bedroom.
The Emperor paused in the doorway when he saw Nuri sitting up, brow furrowing ever so slightly.
“How do you feel?” he asked, noting the way Nuri was angled slightly onto his left hip to keep immediate pressure off his backside.
“Hoping I say awful so you can convince me to call off boarding a spaceship?” Nuri tilted his head, almost smiling fondly when Silver shook his.
“Where’s your multi-slate? I’ll prove I removed you from the No Fly list.”
He tipped his chin toward where he’d placed the device earlier, but said, “Bring it here.”
Silver grabbed it and complied, perching onto the side of the bed.
“Are you nervous?” He seemed nervous, suddenly unable to make eye contact. Nuri slid over pointedly. “Lay down.”
It was obvious that he didn’t want to, but Silver swung his legs onto the mattress and settled down, the multi-slate gripped tightly in his left hand.
Nuri reacted quickly, straddling him and pulling out the knife in a flash of movement even the Emperor would have struggled to keep track of. He had the blade pressed lightly against Silver’s throat, and gave him a moment to register the threat.
“You said you’d give me your life,” he reminded. “Did you mean it? Or did you just want to use my body to milk your cock that badly?”
His eyes were dark and stormy, but his expression remained lax, and Silver’s voice didn’t shake when he answered, firm and resolute. “Take the multi-slate first.”
Nuri pursed his lips. “Why?”
“So you can film me giving you permission first.”
“You’re worried I’ll be caught?”
“Killing an emperor is a serious offence. Whether either of us like it, that’s what I am.”
“Why wouldn’t you like it?”
The corner of his mouth twitched, but he held the smile at bay. “Being emperor is part of the reason I’m losing you.”
“Being a conniving asshole is the reason, actually,” Nuri corrected. “And that hasn’t changed in a week. At least, not all of it.”
Silver frowned up at him. “What are you talking about?”
“There’s another secret you’ve been keeping from me, majesty. I’ll give you one last chance to share it.”
He pressed his lips into a thin line and glanced away, refusing.
“How long do you think you’ll last without me, now that we’ve had sex for,” Nuri checked the clock, “ten hours?”
“I—”
He didn’t bother letting him finish, confident he was simply going to deflect. “I know from experience you can at least go a week without it. If it’s worse during the full moon, maybe you could survive a full month? Two? Does it depend on the person?”
“Whatever you think you know—”
“My brother is the one who spilled,” Nuri stated, and it was clear the Emperor caught his drift.
Nothing he could say could make Nuri doubt Nate.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nuri’s voice softened, but he kept the knife firmly in place. When Silver kept quiet, he bent forward, dropping his free hand onto the pillow at the side of the Emperor’s head so he could hover over him. “You’re going to die, Silver. Without me—”
“I’d die without you either way,” he said. “Swiftbond or not. There’s no point in living without you, and I knew if I told you as much, you would think I was manipulating you again. You would think it was a trick to guilt you into staying. That isn’t what I want.”
“No? What do you want then?”
“To prove my love for you.”
Nuri almost couldn’t believe this was the Silver Rein he’d always known, yet at the same time…The man beneath him felt more real than he ever had before. It was like they were finally bridging the gap, closing the distance that had kept them apart.
“I don’t like being deceived.” He wouldn’t settle for it ever again. That had to be known.
“This isn’t a deception,” Silver insisted. “Use the knife or let me die from the bond, it doesn’t matter. I’m done standing in the way of your happiness.”
“Truly?”
“Don’t feel guilty. When I’m gone. This isn’t your fault, Nuri. None of it. I made my choices. I’ll accept the consequences.”
“If I leave knowing I could have prevented your death, it will in fact make it partially my fault.”
“No—”
“Yes, Silver.” He stared down at him, wanting him to see the truth of it on his face as much as he needed him to hear it. “You’ve always struggled with that concept, you know? You understand the basic idea—actions have consequences—but you still haven’t figured out the real depth to that reality.”
“Haven’t I?” he argued. “I’ve lost you because of things I’ve done. I feel it.”
“Feel what?” Nuri pressured. “Regret?”
Silver gave a subtle shake of his head, the blade nicking him in the process. A single drop of blood welled beneath the knife’s edge, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Remorse.”
Nuri’s hand tightened on the handle of the weapon. “What?”
The Emperor lacked empathy. He was incapable of—
“Knowing you’re hurting,” Silver whispered, “knowing that I’m the reason why…
I’ll never forgive myself. I thought that if I pushed you enough, if I manipulated the circumstances, we’d end up together and I could make you happy.
That’s how I justified it. I was going to make up for all of the deceit by making you happy.
But I see now how arrogant it was of me to think that way.
I’ll spend my dying breath in contrition.
I’ve never felt guilt before, and it’s eating away at me. I—”
“Stop,” Nuri ordered. “Stop talking.”
“This isn’t a trick—”
“I know that.” He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. “I know that. This isn’t a trick either.”
“What isn’t?”
“If I wanted to be clever, I’d suggest some big gesture.
I’d have us go full circle and play for it.
But this is too important to leave the outcome to chance.
You, us, we’re too important.” Silver’s gaze had glossed over some, his lips parted in surprise, when Nuri looked at him again, but he wasn’t finished.
“So this is what we’re going to do, majesty.
Now that all of the chaotic energy has been expelled, and we’re both certain you’re thinking with a clear head, I’m going to ask something of you, and if you’re even slightly unsure if you can follow through, I need you tell me. Is that understood?”
“Not even a little,” he admitted.
“Have you learned your lesson?” Nuri asked anyway.
“I…” Silver searched his gaze. “Yes.”
“And what lesson is that?”
“I can’t maneuver you into loving me.”
That was…close enough.
“Can you promise you won’t ever do it again?”
Silver opened his mouth, closed it, and clearly struggled to process what was going on.
“Answer the question,” Nuri urged. “If you’re not sure—”
“Yes,” Silver blurted, and then backtracked, “I mean, no, I’ll never do it again.”
“You swear?”
“I swear.” He licked his lips, afraid to hope. “Nuri…what’s happening?”
“We’re discussing terms, majesty.”
“Terms…for what?”
“Our truce.”
“Truce?”
“Yes. Or, more accurately, it should be called our merger.”
“Our…?”
“If I’d known you’d be this adorable when flustered, I would have tried this sooner,” Nuri said, grinning when Silver’s eyes widened.
“Here are my conditions, and make no mistake, if any of them aren’t met, I will leave after all.
You’ll tell me how you feel, and you’ll tell me what you want.
Plainly. In as many words as possible. In return, I’ll do the same.
You’ll respect my right to autonomy. That means removing the spyware you have on my devices.
If you want to know what I’ve spoken about with someone on the phone, you ask.
I may or may not tell you. You have to be okay with that. ”
Nuri took a breath, and when Silver didn’t interject, kept going.
“In return, I agree to keep the tracking cuff on. You can check my whereabouts whenever you need to, but you aren’t allowed to interfere with what I’m doing.
I’ll keep my position as Royal Secretary, and I will consider accepting the role of Royal Consort eventually.
In the interim, you will refrain from engaging in flirtations or sexual relations with anyone else. If you need release, you come to me.”
“And if you need it?” Silver’s voice sounded far away.
“I’ll come to you,” he assured. “We’ll be dating, majesty. You’ll be my person,” he exhaled, “and I’ll be yours.”
“Nuri, this isn’t revenge, is it? Please, I beg you. Slit my throat instead. Please, I can’t bear—”
He pulled the knife away and tossed it across the room, sealing his mouth over the Emperor’s in a quick, claiming kiss.
“I’m not finished. I want guaranteed vacation time.
The right to visit my siblings. And I want that chain removed from the bedroom.
” It wasn’t that he was opposed to a little bondage play, but he needed to be taken seriously.
“You can fuck me however you please, but I won’t have a reminder of the pain you caused to remain in our space. Can you agree to all of that?”
Silver took his time considering, unaware how Nuri’s heart sank with each passing second. But then he reached up and cupped the base of Nuri’s skull, easing him down until their foreheads met. “I can agree, if you can answer one question of mine.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you love me, Nuri Narek?”
He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, brushing their noses against one another in the process. “Yes. I do. I love you, Silver. Despite all the reasons I shouldn’t, I still do.”
His lips ghosted across Nuri’s. “I love you, too. Do you believe me?”
“I do,” he repeated. “Being willing to die for me is also sort of toxic though, and I think—” The air whooshed out of him when Silver suddenly rolled, pinning him beneath him once more.
Silver buried his face against the crook of Nuri’s neck and breathed him in. “I’ll prove myself, every day for the rest of our days. You’ll never have reason to doubt me again. I can make you as happy as you’ve always made me. Give me time and I’ll show you.”
“I’m not the only one you have to make up with,” Nuri drawled. “Falc has been beside himself all week, and Eli is about to have stroke. You could have taken work with you into seclusion, you know.”
He laughed, chest rumbling and sending vibrations straight into Nuri. The second he felt his dick harden between them, Silver pulled back enough he could stare down at him. “Again? For real?”
Nuri spread his thighs and angled his hips suggestively.
“If we keep this up, I’m going to have to carry you into the manor later,” Silver warned. “Falc and the others will see, and if you still look anything like how you look now, they’ll know why I’m doing it.”
“Can I make that one of my terms?” Nuri wrapped his arms around Silver’s neck.
“Do you mean it, Nuri?”
“I do.”
He flashed him that wicked grin. “Prepare to need to be carried home, Royal Secretary Narek.”