Chapter 14
The white couch—the death couch—was soft beneath me. Supportive, luxurious, and a place I now knew no one but me was allowed to use. Ever.
Because Cyderial acquired it for me.
The man having no idea of its reputation or why it made me so nervous before.
I had been placed on it in his attempt to comfort me the night he killed the redheaded boy. I heard stories that all those asked to sit down on it never returned. The academy was bursting with mythology that felt far too real.
But it was my couch. A pristine, pure seat designed for hybrid females to cuddle on.
And the thoughtfulness of this manic gesture touched me a little once explained. Same with the abundance of flowers, the colors of the rocks, the soft lighting. All of it had been selected with me in mind.
The male happy to preen and show off all he prepared.
While I blinked and said nothing.
But I did sit on the couch. I let him spoil me.
I ate the plate of fruits he arranged.
And sipped cool water.
So he might observe me, stare at me, think thoughts I didn’t want to know.
He’d raped me in this room, right there on the floor.
“Take another bite.” He knew why I was so cagy. Why I worried at my collar and fought for more than shallow breaths.
This was where I had to meet with Maeve. This was where I would be expected to spend my time when I was not training the children to kill vorec.
Forever.
Finally speaking more than nonsense, I set aside my plate. “I’d like to save the rest of the fruit for Maeve. She’s probably never tried anything like it.”
The warning look he gave me spoke volumes. “Thayer might not appreciate losing the opportunity to give his mate her first taste of unprocessed food.”
As if it were some male rite of passage to watch their victim eat something other than cubed meat or pressed vegetation for the first time.
The liberties men thought they were due….
But the huge golden male needed every opportunity to make Maeve happy, so I relinquished the plate with a frown.
Focusing on inequality was not the point of this meeting. Everything was riding on my getting Maeve to agree.
I’d had time to collect myself, to straighten the foreign instructor uniform and wash my face. I looked every bit the military female I’d been born and raised to become.
Give me a sword and splash me with vorec blood, and I could be the poster girl for academy bullshit.
“Are you ready? Maeve will be here any moment.”
No. “Yes.”
A knock came, Cyderial moving behind his desk, just as terrifying and imposing as ever.
Maeve was admitted, walking forward with perfect posture, a flawless gait, as she came to stand before my mate. At stiff attention, she waited in customary silence.
My sister had not seen me.
What a bizarre spectacle to witness the terror of an unexpected meeting with General Cyderial. My friend didn’t tremble, but I knew she must be terrified. After all, I vanished days ago, and news of Cyderial being mated would not have spread within academy walls.
News of any kind was not allowed to recruits.
She must have thought I’d been hanged—or worse.
The academy was forced into lockdown all those days ago. Chaos must have ensued inside. Had recruits even been given an explanation? Had it been written off as a drill?
And now she stood before the man she thought responsible for my demise, aware that my ploy to take the blame might not have landed. That he may have held her accountable for all of it.
That this might be her death sentence.
To stand in silence and wait was torture, and I could not leave her wondering how ugly her fate might be. Yet, for all I knew, General Thayer might be worse than death.
Standing, the blanket falling from my lap, I called to my sister, “Maeve.”
How fast her head flew around. How quickly her composure shattered.
I never wanted to see that expression on another person’s face again. Ever.
It was a shattered look weighed with guilt and terror as she stared at the face of a ghost.
Rushing to her, I gathered her up in my arms and let her know I was okay. She’d seen the uniform, far too clever to have missed it, and I felt her vacillate between stiff and supple in my rough embrace.
Voice broken, she muttered, “I thought he killed you.”
He. The male standing from his desk and watching closely.
“No.” Unsure what to say, I kept my reply vague. “General Cyderial informed me that I… am his mate. He’s taken care of me since I last saw you.”
She went stiff all over again, no doubt in horror.
He was terrible. I was trapped with him, and her imaginings were no doubt running wild.
The implications, what she must think… I didn’t have it in me to discuss it. So I pulled away, offering a careful smile. “I need to speak with you about something very important. Will you come sit with me?”
Pulling her away from Cyderial’s silent, staring proximity, I brought her to the chair he angled toward the couch and gingerly sat on the white death cushions that belonged solely to me. Spines ramrod, the pair of us tense, I found it hard to know where to start.
Until I looked away from her beautiful face and found Cyderial waiting. No tension was in him, no nervousness or fear. Calm and collected, he gave me an example of how to appear.
The perfect example of a coldblooded leader.
I swear he even took a deep breath so I might duplicate the action.
On my exhale, I dared something I wasn’t sure he would agree to. “I don’t think I can talk about this with you watching us, Cyderial. May we have some privacy, please?”
I had not called him sir, and it startled Maeve. Maybe even more than me ordering the man from his own office.
Stalking forward, he came to stand at my knee. A general bowing to a rankless nobody, he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and promised, “I’ll return in twenty minutes.”
And then I was alone with my sister, who looked like she was moments away from a faint.
Twenty minutes was not very long, so my words came out with urgency. “I need you to know I am okay and that I have bartered more than I can afford so I might speak with you about things unmated women are not permitted to know.”
“What do you mean? Lorieyn, I thought you were dead! Now, you’re with him? I am so sorry!” Her horror was clear.
But my mate was not the issue at hand. “Maeve, listen to me. Everything I am about to teach you is vitally important. And you cannot tell a soul. I mean that. Please, hear me out completely, and hate me all you will, but you and I have an opportunity to enact change hybrid women need. The kind of change you have dreamed about.” I was going to break her heart with the next ugly truth, but she had to know. “Understand, this might be the only change you may ever have power to enact.”
Her eyes were wide, and she looked very unsettled. Petite, cute, upturned nose, and vibrant eyes, she composed herself, then said, “Tell me.”
“Unmated females do not exist outside the academy.” They didn’t exist, and she would never have her dream. I needed her to understand that first, trying to speak with kindness. “What we were led to believe is not true. The opportunity of the list is only if a girl wants to graduate sooner… and make herself available to whoever is highest ranking and hears her song. There will be no future in politics, not with the world the way it is now… and your mate may not be able to think clearly for a few decades at least after he claims you. You will be able to do nothing without his support. The large man who kissed you at the bar, his name is General Thayer. The only reason I am permitted to speak to you is because he is allowing it. Your future mating is registered and publicly acknowledged. He can come take you at any moment he wishes.”
Her brain seemed stuck, my friend sorting through her memories of what happened at The Fog. Unbelieving, jaw loose, she asked, “That beast is a general?”
There was no changing that fact. “Yes, a powerful general. When I made it to this office that night, he was already here to collect you. We argued… and circumstance forced him to wait. And, he has chosen to wait now so that we can have this conversation, but he could come through that door at any moment and take you away. Mated males will not stop him, and he is stronger than me.”
“But—”
I needed her to listen, so I cut her off, “He wants to court you, so that you won’t be afraid. Because… most females, if not all, who are taken are so inexperienced with men that the process of—” What were the words for such a thing? “—mating is painful and, um, frightening. But it doesn”t have to be.”
“You’re saying I have to be a mate, even if I don’t want to?” Releasing a long breath and smoothing back the blonde curls trapped in a bun, she snarled, “You have got to be kidding me. Do you have any idea how hard I’ve worked? Why would they lie to us?”
I knew exactly how she felt—the injustice of it, the rage. Watching her vent was like watching a recording of myself, all the same disappointments, all the uncertainty. “To teach us how to defend ourselves, to keep us distracted, to keep us alive.”
The look on her face was one of utter distrust. “What were these circumstances that forced General Thayer to leave the night he heard my song?”
There was no point in keeping any secrets from my friend. “Cyderial was very angry I had gone into the city, that I risked my safety and potentially jeopardized his ability to claim me. He’d already waited ten years for me to grow up and choose the list, denied my graduation, and forced me to become an assistant instructor. I upset his strategy and exposed myself to the general population.”
And two males had been pounding on the gates of the academy.
Trying to maintain my poise, I confessed, “To assure I could not get away until he was done, he put the academy into lockdown. Because Thayer was in the room when I barged in, your future mate witnessed something that night that is unheard of in our community. He saw Cyderial and realized he was a man who had heard the song, known its madness, yet waited for a young girl’s benefit for ten years. It would seem hybrid males didn’t know it was possible to resist the lure of the song for so long.
“Cyderial’s composure inspired General Thayer to offer you the same generous consideration… as long as he could bear it. But he is not Cyderial, and I doubt he will be able to keep away for much longer. The man believes himself very much in love with you. And is allowing me to speak with you about forbidden topics as a gift to you.” And though it was the ugliest of gifts, it still was such a boon. “For all I know, he’s waiting at the gates right now.”
Horrified, she pressed her fingers to her mouth. “Oh my God!”
I needed her to understand that speaking with me was not a curse. So I reached for her hands and earnestly held them in mine. “You will be the first unmated female to be told the truth about what life is really like outside these walls, Maeve. Important men are watching. All of this is a test. How you react will either invoke positive change that allows unmated females to have access to this information, or the unfair system will stay in place. Which means your sisters, our friends, will be taken against their will in due time and bonded to strangers, if you do not willingly submit to Thayer. They will go into those overwhelming meetings with no clue of what is taking place or why. You need to remember that, if you think to run away or make a choice to resist. The consequences are bigger than you.”
Betrayal was open in her appalled stare. “How could you do this to me?”
I understood every bit of horror she felt. All of it. “Life for newly mated females can include years of incarceration in the male’s home. He can take you away from all other contact and make you do things. So please, understand I am trying to help you avoid a horrible fate. And it”s not just you. Agnes, Tamsyn… everyone who gets locked inside the vault each night will face the same. All the unborn girls who will be forced to come here. This is so much bigger than either of us.”
Her fear grew nuanced by anger, but Maeve held a semblance of control. Because she was so much more adaptive and wonderful than I could’ve ever hoped to be. “You said you had to barter to gain access to me. What did you exchange for this conversation?”
“Thayer wants you, and in wanting you, he desires your happiness. He is taking a risk in this, as other influential unmated generals do not see a point in empowering unmated females. It is easier for them to just take control of us if we are unprepared.” I was desperate, body scooting toward the edge of my seat so I might lean closer and spill every secret I might think of. “And you need to understand that a male who has heard your song can, in fact, control you. They can make you receptive, make you docile, make you submit.”
“What did you exchange, Lorieyn?” Maeve wasn’t looking for circumspect answers; she wanted hard facts.
She was going to hate me when she knew, but still, I confessed it all.“My genetics are unusual, and many of the oldest males have not heard a song in centuries. They want my daughters.”
Rising from her chair, she snarled, “You can’t do that!”
“If your mating with General Thayer goes well, and you find it in your ability to tolerate his enthusiasm, the next step in acquiring the support of the males would be my pregnancy. That is what they demand in order to consider change.”
With greater force, she said it again, “You cannot give the academy a daughter, Lorieyn.”
“I don’t have a choice! Nothing will alter for us if I do not wield what little power I have.” Knocking a fist against my breast, I spat, “You think I want to wear this uniform? Our options do not exist the way the world is now. You can’t even begin to understand what it’s like out there! You have more power than you realize, if you submit.”
She cut me to the core with one look. “How dare you!”
Hands before me, I apologized with my eyes. “If you submit and your mating goes well, I may be allowed to teach every unmated female the truth of their bodies and the secrets of what being bonded really is.”
Hissing, she turned her green eyes on me. “What is so damn secret?”
“It’s an addiction, one that will tie you to General Thayer for the rest of your life. If not him, then someone else who might not be as considerate. Regardless of who it is, if males can hear our song and claim us as their own, we will be chemically dependent on them. Or we suffer and die of fever. They call it ‘heat.’”
A blonde eyebrow cocked. “I’m going to need more details than that.”
Standing, walking closer to her, I said, “Males who hear our song can seduce us with scent, sound, and touch. You will have no choice but to grow biddable and confused. And… then you will grow aroused. The first time, this triggers the body to engage our reproductive organs between our legs. Fascia and tendons separate when a male engages, the organs rip apart, and something new swells to life. The act of opening… is extremely painful. Cyderial was exceedingly careful with me, but most males are not careful at all, especially if they are in a hurry. Thayer was rough at the bar and has regrets. He wishes to be gentle with you. He wants you to know what to expect, so your bonding can be nice.”
“Pain and addiction? Why are you not helping me escape?” Shimmery claws in my face, Maeve spat, “I put my life at risk for you, Lorieyn!”
Sorrier than I could say, I whispered, “Dear sister, there is nowhere to go.”
“The humans?—”
“At best, we are a novelty. At worst, they want us dead. The things I have learned….” Horrible, hideous, ugly things that made my chest ache. “Genocide has been committed against our kind already—whole generations eradicated. You will find no protection from humans. If anything, they will just ask you to breed so they don’t have to.”
I told my sister of my birthmother, of how I was recorded for broadcast entertainment, of the children who were culled from the academy. I told her everything Miranda and Cyderial said, and more.
I told her what I witnessed personally.
And then I circled back to sex, because time was limited, and she needed to understand. “Once Thayer opens you, you will have a new orifice here.” I gestured between my legs. “A sensitive slit that leads to a tight passage. He will stimulate every part of this area until pleasure overcomes clarity. Thayer will be eager to give you a sexual pleasure that ignites to a climax of feeling, and may use various parts of his body: fingers, tongue, and an organ males have between their legs. This organ, nature designed it to navigate female anatomy, and it will go inside you.”
Horror ruled her features. “That sounds awful!”
Trying hard to explain, I waved my arm like a snake. “The limb is prehensile and shaped like a spear. It can elongate and contract; the movements when its inside you… feel good. Very good. And if you engage in the act, it feels even better. You may choose to lie there and let him entice you, which will be successful, even if you resist.”
“Did you resist?”
Short, nervous nods were all I could offer.
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and started again. “Once you have been opened, the rest is inevitable. The male will not stop. If they must force you, they will. Even without permission, you will feel a climax of pleasure as he does his work. Once you do, your body will entice the base of his organ to expand into a swollen knot that prevents its removal. Your pelvis will be locked to Thayer as he ejaculates fluid into these awakened pockets of your reproductive system. Your stomach will swell far more than you would think possible while he works to fertilize every egg you were born with.
“Before he removes his organ from your body, the man can choose to leave a waxy plug within you, so you will stay inflated with his liquids. Your body will absorb much of the addictive fluid. You will forget thirst.”
Narrowing her eyes at my flat stomach, Maeve demanded, “Why are you not this way now?”
“It is forbidden on academy grounds, but Cyderial will do this to me once my duties are over. Because, if he doesn’t, I will get sick.”
Nodding, she pieced it together. “The addiction.”
“Yes. As I said, they call it heat. Heat is exactly what it feels like—fever and aches that grow until you are no longer able to resist your mate’s advances. You can submit to male attention willingly, or your body works against your will until you beg for relief.” At least, that is what I had been told. I had no intention of ever purposefully suffering to that point.
Her cheeks grew red, and she looked on the verge of angry tears. “This is nightmarish.”
I could not lie to her, only nod in agreement. “For some of the women I have spoken to, yes. But you are in an ideal situation, Maeve. You know what is going to take place. There won’t be unwitting terror when you suddenly feel pain and think you are dying. The pain of opening will not kill you, nor will it last long if he is careful. You will know why he takes your clothing away; you will expect the large organ between his legs and how he might use it. Imagine going through that with no clue what was happening. The terror I felt could’ve been avoided. The suffering so many of us have been through, unnecessary. I’m not saying you won’t be scared, but you will be empowered. You’ll be able to ask him questions. But you will not be able to resist.”
Muttering to herself, she hung her head in her hands. “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want a mate or children.”
“No one can make you have children.” My body was beginning to ache from the anxiety of the moment, and I hated how much I suddenly craved Cyderial’s presence. “I am the one who will be forced to reproduce. The males demand it. Even the mated hybrid women asked me to do this for them.”
That got her attention, her blonde head coming up so she might peek over her hands. “For them?”
“From what I understand, females have refused to bear daughters. They hate the current system as much as we do but have not been able to affect change. I’m mated to Cyderial and have his support; this opportunity is unparalleled. He’s setting an example they can strive for.” I began to list why his behavior was so outside the norm, counting off each feat on my fingers. “He ignored the impulse of my song for ten years. He lets me outside of his home. I behave well in public to show the males what can be achieved with a lighter touch.”
When I hesitated, Maeve asked, “And?”
“The fact that I have highly desired genetics means three unmated generals believe my daughters will finally give them a song. That would give us five powerful males in total to rally for our cause. Five! Because the rest of the male population does not care—even if the women have refused to give them children—because they can make them do anything else.”
Maeve understood, grasped it all far more quickly than I had. “We live a long, undetermined amount of time. Perhaps males believe they can wait us out.” Her disgust was clear. “That is vile.”
Maeve was so right, but I had more to explain. “The academy is our prison, you see. Where they put us to keep us safe from their urges until we are of age. In order to get these men to consider allowing me to educate unmated females about sex and the bond, you must successfully submit and show them that with knowledge, you can be the epitome of a perfect mate. And I? I have to give them a daughter to fight over. That is the price for female education.”
And I did not know how I was going to survive it, because speaking to Maeve about it made it feel far more likely. Far more real.
She hated it as much as I did. “What is the epitome of a perfect mate?”
Honestly, I didn’t know. “Many females do not react well to being opened and bred. They rebel, grow violent.”
“Of course they do!”
I could not agree more. “Of course they do. The men currently assume this is female nature and lock their mates away for years. Many women are kept in captivity and raped day and night until they choose to submit. Even those who submit may still be kept away.”
Cocking her head, she studied me. “But you were not locked away.”
“Cyderial is different. He resisted and focused on studying everything he could find about how to please a mate. You see, the men have journals, manuals, in-depth information they keep from us. Full of techniques teaching how to control us, knowledge on sexual pleasure, about our anatomy. Furthermore, Cyderial knows me. And on some level, I suppose I knew him.” I could admit that now, even if the knowing of him had been terrible. “I am the first who has been let out after being mated without a lengthy tenure locked away. This has drawn a great deal of attention to us. Other males, including your Thayer, desire what they perceive between Cyderial and myself. Males want affection in place of violence. They want eager sexual partners instead of a dazed woman who lies beneath them and waits for it to be over.”
Maeve cocked a perfect brow. “You do these things?”
Nodding, cheeks going pink, I confessed, “I enjoy sex and do not intend to deny myself pleasure, when the rest of my life is... concerning at times. I wanted the fog; I worked very hard to achieve my goals. Now, I’ve been dropped into a world I wasn’t prepared for, and I’m owned by a man who is obsessive in his care for me. As for affection, I tolerate his and find that many times I do enjoy it.” My current situation was not going to alter. I would belong to Cyderial until the end of time. “I am mated. I am addicted. And was blessed with great advice from a very old female. Miranda spoke of regret. Though I feel it sometimes to the point I can’t breathe, it is a waste of time. Nothing can be changed for me. In centuries, nothing has changed for her or the others like her. But I can change things for you, for other unmated females.”
With a disdainful snort, Maeve said, “All you have to do is give obstinate men your baby.”
“And deliver you to General Thayer, Maeve,” I added softly.
Tenacious, she sneered. “If I refuse?”
If she refused, I would be able to set down an insupportable weight. I would not have to grow heavy with both guilt and a baby who would be taken from my arms. And nothing would change. “If you agree, you will be the linchpin in forcing our males to support women in having access to knowledge about their bodies—and we might be able to create a world that benefits all of our daughters in a very important way.”
“It won’t work.”
Unsure if I felt relief or disappointment, I closed my eyes and let out a breath. “Okay.”
“It won’t work, Lorieyn, unless every other hybrid female gestates a daughter at the same time,” she said with cold, calculating authority. “The mated males will be forced to consider what their daughters will have to deal with, and the unmated males will want to please what might be theirs one day.”
My dear sister was truly a politician at heart.
How dearly I loved her.
Resolved, a flare of anger burning in her heart, Maeve demanded, “Will the mated females agree to this?”
Nodding, astounded at such an outrageous and brilliant concept, I felt my hearts skip a beat. Miranda would see that every last female supported this endeavor, which meant, at the end of it all, it wasn’t Maeve who had been cornered into something terrible; it was me.
I would be forced to birth a child. I would do this for my sisters. And it broke my heart.
I started to cry.
But a woman like Maeve, born and bred to bring positive change to the world, didn’t flinch like I had. Determined, she retook her chair, pointed at me to retake mine, and began asking me everything she could think of on the topics of mating, sex, pleasure, males, and how to survive them.
The short remaining minutes were not enough time to cover half of what I’d learned.
When Cyderial came to take my friend away, I pulled her to me and hugged Maeve so hard I may have cracked one of her ribs. I could not be coaxed away from her until my mate began to thrum and sweeten the air. Even then, I was sobbing when she was ordered out.
And he was kind to me.
Kind and gentle.
Until he grew rough and perfect.