Chapter 16
It was our second visit to the courtyard, a beautiful night where the fog rushed the distant filters withparticular violence. Rolling up, churning, and glimmering in the setting sun, it danced and dazzled. Though it was too far away to taste, I was mesmerized nonetheless, sipping a drink Cyderial had chosen for me and enjoying a moment of quiet.
The courtyard”s other guests made their peace with our presence. The males less on guard, the women less insistent of my attention.
I would not doubt it if Cyderial contacted each individual and threatened them with consequences should they think to disrupt me a second time. Even Miranda only waved and smiled in insidious glee but did not so much as budge from her chair to fetch me.
The respite was appreciated.
For much weighed on my mind.
Earlier, Cyderial passed me a note written in Maeve’s hand.
I agree.
Two words that sealed my fate.
Maeve agreed to accept Thayer would take her, that she would be mated to a general, and that she would have to thrive despite circumstances, should she dislike him. Maeve would be the first unmated female to comprehend what some portion of her future would be in centuries.
And knowing my sister, she would make the most of his position and build a good life for herself.
If… he could emulate my mate and treat her with common decency.
I trusted her to try to do the right thing no matter how much she might be repulsed by the large golden man.
And I tried not to perseverate on the fact that I had put myself in an impossible position. I had to bear a child, or Maeve’s sacrifice would’ve been for nothing. No matter how well the mating went, the other generals would not agree to any change without the promise of a future mate.
I would have to betray everything I ever believed in.
Had I not already though?
Mated to Cyderial, the tormentor of my youth. An academy instructor responsible for the harm of small children. A traitor to my friend, who I sold to Thayer.
The huge golden general would be joining us shortly, where I would have one chance to say such things to him. Cyderial assured me that he spoke to him as well.
At length.
Given him manuals.
Discussed intimate details.
All while I had been busy with academy duties.
With the cooling evening breeze on my bare arms and a long swishing dress tangling around my legs, I leaned into my mate, who shared a comfortable bench at my side. Smiling as I told Cyderial something cute one of the kids said, I was interrupted by a rushing giant of a man.
General Thayer was early.
“Cyderial, Lorieyn, hello.” The abrupt greeting immediately degraded into talk about Maeve. Not a great sign of self-control. Fitting his massive form into the little chair across the table, he got right to the point. “Two days until graduation. I hear she passed you a note regarding your conversation.”
The men had been talking indeed. Distrustful, feeling as if this was far too personal, I tried my best to be polite. “My sister agrees to submit, knowing what you will do to her and why.”
“Give me the note,” he demanded, almost as imperious as my own terribly bossy mate.
Cyderial angled his body between us while growling a warning that the larger male better back down.
“No,” I said with a frown. If I could stand up to Cyderial, I could handle Thayer. Spine straighter, I leaned forward and challenged the man. “I think it would be good for you to experience longing that cannot be fulfilled. You’re too eager right now, and I’m afraid you will hurt her. She’s giving up her dreams in hopes that you will not ruin her life. She is doing this for the greater good, not because she has any personal attachment to you. The note she prepared? It was for me.”
Thayer looked as if I just stabbed him through the heart, his huge hand even pressing to his chest. “You cannot imagine the level at which I worship her.”
“General Thayer, you do not know her. There was no conversation between you. This adulation you think you feel? It’s all animal impulse.” And the general had not experienced a decade of practice to differentiate between the drive to mate and clear thinking. “And if you cannot control yourself, this will not go well… no matter how much you think you love her.”
Enormous, Thayer took up too much space, and I was surprised the little table between us didn’t topple over when he put his arms upon it to address my mate. “I do not comprehend how you could have done this for ten years. How did you function?” Gesturing to me, he grew impatient. “What your mate claims, I hear it. But no part of me accepts it. I want Maeve now. Two more days will be hell.”
“But you will wait two days nonetheless,” Cyderial said lowly, warning the male while also offering a hint of compassion in his threat.
“I will.” Those golden eyes shifted back to me, pleading for me to understand. “I will, because I do love Maeve.”
He seemed so sincere, and I could not comprehend this male form of obsessive love.
It was so foreign to what I knew, so consuming.
This was what Cyderial kept at bay to keep me safe. This was what he wrestled with. Yet, he’d had no friend to talk to, no soul he could tell. Nothing but books to guide him. For ten long years.
And my bitter heart may have warmed a little to recognize the accomplishment. With a shy but open gaze, I glanced at my mate and let him see.
Made myself vulnerable in acknowledging his effort. Showed him gratitude that curved his cruel mouth into a satisfied smile. And earned myself a kiss.
Our guest was nothing but green with envy.
Hating that he was being forced to wait, Thayer fought to control the irritation in his voice. “You had ten years to get to know your firebrand here. I have had nothing. You denied me a few moments each evening of supervised communication, Cyderial. I offered to allow you to restrain me, but you refused. I can read your journals and practice technique, but her personality is a mystery to me.”
Firm, Cyderial snarled, “It”s not a question of restraint, old friend. To charge in and take her is against academy regulations. Were I to open that door, a new precedent would be set. Other unmated males would expect the same opportunity to access students. Humans would get involved, and that is a threat to all recruits. I am sorry, Thayer, but you cannot have access to her until graduation—not if you want to do this properly and impress her. Not if you wish to support her goals and uplift our species.”
The man began to swell with resentment, and it was very clear Cyderial was growing uncomfortable having his mate near the male when he was in such a state.
“How am I to teach her to love me, as you have taught Lorieyn, if I cannot get to know her? Both of you claim she will be terrified, and I have considerations in place for the opening. But give me something more to work with… or else the entire point of this experiment might be wasted.”
That wasn’t such a terrible idea.
I could tell Thayer the secret beauty of my friend in hopes that it would help her. Her personality was deeply known to me. I deferred to her leadership, respected her ambition, and loved her focus, and I let all that admiration color my voice as I spoke of Maeve. “When we’re alone in the dorms, Maeve makes lace out of old string. One complex pattern can take her a year or more. Her focus is unshakable. You’ll have to be prepared for that.”
“Tell me more.” Enraptured, Thayer forgot his impatience and grew soft.
“She’s brilliant at almost every subject but unskilled with a sword and at math. She will not suffer foolishness, so do not think to waste her time. Every female follows her example. If you confound her with male tricks instead of explaining things, she will not forgive it. Do you understand what I am saying?”
I had Thayer’s complete attention, the man just as adept at the male unblinking stare as the rest of them. “I do.”
Cyderial pulled me closer, nestling me into his side as I shared more. “Violence is not the way to get what you want. Allowing me to explain things to her will have helped you a great deal. She may allow you to….” I cleared my throat, forcing a smile. “She’s inquisitive; that’s what I am trying to say. Don’t rush things. Let her learn at her own pace, and she might even enjoy it.”
From the way his neck muscles strained, you’d think I asked him to swallow glass. “What does she like?”
Men who are not the size of a mountain with necks as thick as trees.
“Maeve was going to forgo the list in hopes of gaining a position working in hybrid regulations. She’s bitter right now to have been lied to. Her warranted disappointment is something you will have to handle with compassion. If you lock her away, you will break her spirit. Don’t waste her gifts by hoarding them from the rest of us. Be gentle with her when she learns the world is a dark place.”
Engrossed, he swallowed. And I would not have been surprised if Thayer were memorizing every last word. “Tell me more.”
“She’s fastidiously clean, a perfectionist. She will prefer manners over lewdness.”
A dark chuckle, and the man sat taller. “You’re wrong on that one.”
Cheeks bright-red, I pretended he had not spoken. “When we were in the city, we found a restaurant beside the reservoir near where you met us. The one with the little lights strung up over the tables. She wanted to go there and hear the music.”
The look on his face concerned me. It was the fanatical look of a man disgusted with the idea of sharing her.
Pulling away from where Cyderial would have me settle, I leaned over the table and narrowed my eyes. Protective of my friend, I let him hear the threat in my voice. “If you push her, she will test how far she can tolerate her heat. I’m not playing with you, Thayer. Maeve will suffer to deny you, and she will do it no matter the pain. Don’t lock her up unless you intend to seriously piss her off. She isn’t the top of her class merely because she is the smartest student; it’s because she is the best strategist. You will regret it if you mishandle her.”
Working to control himself, the man backed down, leaning back in his chair and ceding the space to me. “And if I do this, she will grow to love me the way you love him?”
But I didn’t love Cyderial. I leaned into my mate, because he was warm and there was a chill in the air. Because I fit perfectly against him. Because the addiction drove me to crave him. Because he could be sweet, and his touch felt like heaven. Yes, I may have been growing fond of him, but Thayer’s assumption that it was more… made me question things I was not ready to consider.
Such as my sanity that I had grown to appreciate Cyderial’s company and willingly reached for him in the dark.
Resting his hand atop the swell of my belly, Cyderial said, “Give her time to admit it to herself first.”
There was more to love than pleasure and comfort, or even fondness. Softly, I tried to explain, “Love cannot be born from a place of fear, even if the male is well meaning. That is not how females work.”
General Thayer cocked his head, saying, “But I have seen you take to him in ways most mates never take to their males.”
Because I had known just what he was capable of for ten years. Fear of Cyderial was part of my makeup. It was normal to me. Maybe I had grown overly accustomed to it. Maybe I made space for other feelings so I might survive.
Maybe there was something very wrong with me.
With a sigh, I looked back to that beautiful wall of fog and felt something flutter between my hearts. “Cyderial is composed. His urges are not his priority. I am. His attention is not self-serving. I will even admit it’s something I do have a growing affection for. I can make space for that feeling while acknowledging I also hold resentment and anger. And it may take an eternity for those darker feelings to fade. Remind Maeve of this when she is in your power. And be gentle with her if she struggles to forgive you. No matter how hard you try, she will be devastated to have lost her future. And she will need you to be patient. More patient than you are being right now.”