CHAPTER NINETEEN
BIANCA
My eyes widen immensely. This is why moms can’t know things—they turn around and do this.
His eyes widen too, and he doesn’t say anything for a solid second. “Really, Ms. Kate? I mean, you don’t have to.” Ana looks over at her, and they stare, almost communicating with their eyes. Ana sips her drink contentedly while Mom reassures him.
“It’s alright, Liam, and it’s been years. You’re grown now. Call me Kate.”
He smiles and shakes his head. “You know I can’t do that, Ms. Kate.”
She rolls her eyes. “Can’t say I didn’t try. And don’t worry, I don’t mind letting you use my car.”
“Um, okay. Thank you,” he mumbles while a slight blush comes to his cheeks. I glare at her slightly, making note to talk her ear off about this betrayal before she digs the knife in deeper.
“No problem, the car and keys are at home, though. Bianca, you wouldn’t mind going to get them with Liam, right?
” I look at her in horror while I start to mentally sweat, or maybe I’m sweating in real life.
I sit there, looking off into the distance like a complete moron, not understanding why I can’t say something.
Freaking anything.
“Bianca? You wouldn’t mind, right?” Mom asks again. I’m ready to shake my head because I have no idea what to do, and really hate that she’s playing Cupid right now. She has this pleading look on her face, and I sigh.
“Nope, not at all,” I reluctantly reply, standing. “Um, do you need anything?” She shakes her head. Liam and I lock eyes for a brief second. I try not to gawk at him as he crosses his arms, and I swear his blush from earlier deepens a tiny bit.
“Um, ready?” he mumbles, and I hesitate before nodding.
He sends one back and walks to the door.
I look behind me to see Mom and Ana whispering to each other.
My eyes meet theirs and I blush even more.
He holds the door open and I start the walk back to the house.
I’m nearly levitating with how fast I’m walking, and I don’t look back, but I know he’s behind me.
We don’t say anything; I’m mentally preparing myself for being driven by someone new.
“How’s your arm?” He gestures at the wrapped wound while I nod noncommittally. “Any updates since?” Awkwardness drips from his words, but I shake my head. He looks like he wants to say more before just sighing. Truth is, I can’t stop the worrying thoughts running in my head right now.
It’s been years since the accident, and even though I have most of the memory under control, cars trigger me the most. I’ve learned to handle Mom’s driving, and now Josh’s, even if it took me forever to get in the car with them.
Someone new driving freaks me out—I mean, I still hyperventilate with Jamie sometimes.
Finally getting to the house, I use my key to unlock the door and walk in.
He stays outside, thankfully, and I close the door slightly.
Josh is on his laptop, Olivia nowhere in sight, though probably in her room. His eyes dart to mine and I send a polite nod his way as he glances past me, obviously looking for Mom. Grabbing her keys, I’m heading back outside when he clears his throat.
“What are you doing?” he asks suspiciously, and I give him my back.
“Grabbing the car keys,” I mutter.
“You can’t drive.”
I roll my eyes. “They’re not for me.” I don’t elaborate, as I know if I say who they’re really for, Josh might not like it. He sighs in annoyance, and I already know what comes after this.
“Why are you so disrespectful, Bianca?”
I turn around, appalled. “Text Mom if you wanna know why I’m taking the keys.”
“You know—I’m tired of this.” He closes his laptop gently and runs a hand over it. “I’ve shown you kindness, and have provided your mother and you with your every whim. Therefore, you need to learn to respect me. Especially when I’m now engaged to Kate.”
I’ve been studying Josh, especially how he acts with Olivia. Buying everything she desires, paying for her blind loyalty. He has these little quirks that have been growing more since Mom and him got engaged. For once, I’m sick of always looking down and taking it, chalking it up to stress.
“Respect is earned, and while I appreciate everything, I can’t be bought and won’t fall at your feet because you demand it,” I say, trying to be calm, considering Liam is right outside the slightly opened door.
“You will respect me one way or another,” he promises while I’m walking away. In response, I roll my eyes as I open the door to find Olivia getting out of her car, moving to talk to Liam.
Flirting, more like it.
His eyes snap to mine and Olivia looks over at me smugly. “Did Daddy scold you?” she mocks, and I don’t even know what to say.
Liam moves away from her at that, and I don’t answer as I walk off.
Olivia asks where he’s going, but his footsteps don’t stop—in fact, they speed up.
I head to the passenger side of Mom’s car, but there’s a gentle hand on my wrist that makes me turn around.
His eyes scan me from head to toe; I don’t give him the privilege of eye contact.
“How long has he treated you like that?” he asks.
I shrug, not wanting to answer, but he continues.
“Does Ms. Kate know? I mean, surely she wouldn’t let him speak to you like that.
But when I heard him say that stuff to you .
. .” He looks at me as different emotions flutter in his eyes.
My heart tugs as he continues. “No one should be disrespected like that.”
I take a deep breath, not acknowledging it. “Here are the keys.”
I slide into the car as he walks around to the driver’s side. I take shallow breaths and close my eyes, trying not to freak out.
I can do this.
Liam doesn’t say anything when he climbs in, and when he starts the car, I aim all the air vents toward me. He begins the drive, and I hold the side of my seat in a death grip even though he drives significantly better than Josh does. We go over a pothole and I wince.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Mhm,” I mutter, trying not to show more of my freak-out.
He flicks the turn signal on and again attempts small talk. “So, why don’t you drive?”
While I don’t want to respond, I do. “Don’t have my permit.”
He looks almost shocked that I said something. “Oh, is it because of the—”
“I don’t really wanna talk about it.”
He nods, and I notice the subtle change—if he was driving amazing before, it’s perfect now.
That was the last thing he said, and even though my annoyance is with Josh, I’m still not entirely okay with Liam either.
For once, I don’t know how to act with him; it’s awkward.
It was easy at Josh’s event. We said we’d stay away from each other for multiple reasons.
We aren’t the same people anymore, especially the whole thing with him and Vanessa, but I guess that fell through.
Then, at the shelter, he was acting perfectly professional and I thought that could work.
We would act like there’s no history between us, no vulnerable moments or confessions, just two people volunteering.
But . . . I look down at my arm and his words bombard my brain.
Don’t look at the wound. Look at me.
I’m trying to help, Bianca.
For the first time, everything melts away, and it’s him and me. When he was always by my side, when he protected me more than anything else in his life. For a moment, we were Bianca Harrison and Liam Parker, the best of friends, and I recognize how much I miss that.
The neon lights are hard to miss as well as the bustling parking lot.
The doors slide open, and Liam sighs as we find a line a little longer than he probably expected.
We don’t say anything to each other, and I’m fine until I get the feeling someone is staring at me.
Discreetly, I turn and see a group of guys looking at me suggestively.
Trying to hide my cringing, I stare down at the floor, counting the specks in the tiles.
I desperately try to avoid eye contact with everyone, and on the cusp of feeling extremely self-conscious, I make a move in poor judgment.
I inch closer to Liam.
Though, when I touch his arm, he looks down at me, confusion swirling in his darkened eyes. His body flinches away from mine, making me retract too.
“What’re you doing?” he asks, and embarrassment licks at me while I clear my throat.
“Nothing,” I mumble as I glance around. While some of the men have taken their eyes off me, a lot of them haven’t.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and try to make myself invisible.
My body language is as closed off as possible, yet that doesn’t seem to matter.
There are whispers still coming from behind us, making me hate that I came here.
At that, a warm arm wraps around my shoulders, and I glance up, finding Liam now looking at me with concern.
He glances around, finally noting the stares.
Then, he plays with the strings of my hoodie with one hand while the other settles loosely on my waist, and more whispers cease.
A beat passes and I do nothing. A frown comes onto his face momentarily, but then he gives me a gentle smile.
This is the guy I’ve missed for so long. Something settles in my chest; maybe there’s some hope for us yet. Though, a hurtful but true memory comes to mind, and I remember something that’s standing between us.
“There’s this guy that I hooked up with a couple years ago who’ll be there for sure.
” And boy, was he. I remember how Vanessa grabbed him like it was normal for them.
The way she looked up at him—the way the very first friend I made had been involved with Liam.
Orientation was so long ago, and my brain likes to shove it away till it needs to put me back in check.
I blink rapidly, stepping back as his arm drops from my waist.
His eyebrows furrow, and he seems ready to ask what’s wrong before someone shouts, “Next!”
We startle at that, and Liam quickly walks up to the register as I trail behind him. A guy around my age gives me a once-over before focusing on Liam.
“Hey, man, what can I do for you?”
“I need an oil filter for a BMW 320i.” The guy smiles at me, but I don’t return it.
He leaves for a moment, heading to the back, and Liam stiffens slightly as his hand clenches and unclenches at his side.
Waves of what seems like slight annoyance roll off him and unease comes over me.
Poor guy has no idea when he comes back, whistling slightly, scanning the box.
He then looks at Liam, and with an easy smile, says, “It’s gonna be fifteen fifty-nine.”
Liam rolls his eyes and takes out his wallet, paying with his card.
Not even wanting his receipt, he grabs my wrist and whisks me out of there.
We walk through the doors heading to the parking lot and he’s breathing heavily.
Given that he’s taller than me, I have to jog slightly to keep up with his pace.
He unlocks the car and we get in. He then puts his head on the steering wheel, the ink on his skin moving along with every exhalation.
We sit there for a beat before he sighs, causing my tentative smile to not even fully form. His eyes lock with mine, regret taking over his features. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I forgot, we’re not—you know. Slipped my mind for a moment,” he says.
“Right. Yeah,” I mumble, putting my head against the window. He composes himself, starts the car, and we’re driving back home. Looking out, I focus on all the dry land of Los Angeles behind the bougie establishments.
The silence is back again. But it’s what I wanted, right?
Him to stay out of my way, me out of his. He’s Vanessa’s something, and I’m not his . . . anything.
But this silence hurts more than I thought it would, and I’m such a coward to even want to say something about it. I jump out of the car once we park in front of my house, making my way to the driver’s side. His eyes flit between me and my outstretched hand as he chuckles in disbelief.
“Back to square one, huh?”
I roll my eyes. “We never left, right?”
He pinches his nose, chuckling almost bitterly. “This is what you wanted, right? What we both wanted,” he says, and we stay still after. His shoulders have fallen and he looks tired, looks done. I must mirror the expression, and his eyes lock with mine, showcasing hurt above all.
His face searches mine for answers. It seems as though we have each other’s hearts in our hands, yet don’t know how to handle them.
Much to my dismay, a tear streams down my face against my will.
His eyes soften and he looks as though he wants to say something, but resists.
He drops the keys in my outstretched hand, stalking off without a word.
Walking in, Olivia’s on the floor while Josh and Mom are on the sofa behind her. Mom looks to be the only one interested as her eyes light up when she sees me coming into the room.
“Hey, hon, how was the trip with Li—”
I look away. “Fine. I’m going to my room.”
“Bianca, let’s think about being more respect—”
My blood boils, bringing back the annoyance I have with Josh.
“Respectfully, Josh, screw off!” I yell, not caring what Mom says.
I slam the door and pull the curtains together, tears running down my face.
Some of the animal science books I bought crowd my bed, and I grab them, slamming them down on the floor.
The only source of light in the now-dark room—the fairy lights—catches my eye.
I slide down the bed, bringing my knees up when my eyes catch the corner of a familiar box, and I reach for it hastily.
Opening it up, it’s full of all the things representing Liam and me, things I never got rid of despite the ongoing rift between us.
My hands reach for the Polaroid strip of us from years ago.
It was one of the days when he came with me and Mom to the mall.
I look at the strip of photos, and the first is a cute one, then a couple ones with our tongues out, but the last one causes me to cry that much more. It’s him kissing me on the cheek while I giggle. I remember that day when he whispered into my ear:
“I’ll never stop loving you, Freckles.”
But he lied. The one person I truly believed in lied to me.