CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LIAM
My phone rings and I don’t hesitate to pick it up, the morning light blinding the crap out of me. “Hello?” A chuckle comes from the other side of the phone, and I squint at the name with a sigh.
“You know, I’m very offended.”
I get up, stretching slightly as I look at the slight stubble growing on my face in the mirror. “Mm, pray tell?” I answer sarcastically and switch the phone’s speaker to my earbuds, missing half of what Chase said.
“. . . you know?” I mutter a mild grunt. “You didn’t listen to a word I said.”
“What do you want, Chase? You bored without me or something?”
He doesn’t answer the question directly. “How’s it going with Harrison?” His use of a nickname still doesn’t sit right with me, and I finally realize what this phone call is for.
“That’s between me and her, don’t you think?”
He laughs. “Oh, come on, dude. I did help, sorta.”
I roll my eyes and run a hand through my hair, the strands at the nape of my neck suffering their usual. “Why are you so nosy?”
He scoffs. “Because I finally get to talk to you after two years of trying, sue me for wanting to bond with my roomie, bro.”
You know, a couple of weeks ago, I wouldn’t have even considered being something more than just roommates with Chase. Yet, he’s never given up, he’s always tried to reach out. Maybe it’s about time I do too.
“It’s going well, but fair warning, I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Makes sense,” he says.
“How’s the dorm been since I left?”
He gasps, and I instantly regret asking him anything. “Did Liam ‘Campus Grouch’ Parker ask me something? I’m shocked. I think I’m gonna faint.”
That earns him a chuckle against my own will. “Don’t make me regret it,” I say.
“Yeah yeah. Well, I unfortunately have to take some intro to finance classes for Summer B, courtesy of father dearest, and I’m dreading them.”
I make a sound of acknowledgment, and not for nothing. Am I actually enjoying talking with him?
Half an hour later, I’m washing down a couple of painkillers thanks to the discomfort from the tattoo I got a couple days ago.
I grab my car keys and twirl them around my pointer finger while smoothing down my better-looking sweatshirt.
Jogging down the stairs, I walk into the kitchen for some more water and find Mom and Dad.
“Hey, guys.” I wave before my phone rings, and I pick it up, not bothering to look at the caller ID. “Hello?”
“Hey . . . Are you busy?”
As that amazing voice flows through my phone, a smile comes onto my face and I clear my throat. “No. Nope. Not busy,” I say. She giggles slightly and a blush comes onto my cheeks. Mom and Dad look at me suspiciously.
“Oh okay. Well, I was calling to . . .” She trails off while I wait with bated breath.
Grabbing a water bottle, I move out of the kitchen, faintly hearing my parents laughing as I leave.
Bianca clears her throat and confusion flows through me.
“W-well. I remember you talking about helping me with my driving permit. I’ve always known it would be hard for someone I don’t know to teach me, and Mom and I aren’t really .
. .” My heart jumps, and I rush to stop her rambling when I already know my answer.
“If you’re comfortable, I’d love to teach you, Frec—Bianca.” She doesn’t say anything, but there’s a low rustle. “Bianca?”
She inhales. “Yeah?”
I grin at the pull between us. No matter how much time, no matter how much has happened between us . . .
“I know Jamie’s visiting, but if you’re up for it, we can start today.” There’s a thud, followed by a playful giggle.
“She’ll be ready in five.” Jamie’s voice floats through the speaker before she hangs up and a small chuckle leaves me.
Even though the call ended, I’m still holding the phone to my ear as my heart takes off in a sprint.
Glancing over, I see my reflection in the hallway mirror, noting a sparkle that only a certain person can bring out.
My eyes have been dull, pained, and yet .
. . having her in my life, even if we avoided each other in the beginning . . .
Yeah, that part of me she’s got?
I don’t ever want it back.
Walking back into the kitchen, grinning my butt off, my parents both look at me like I’ve grown another head. “What?”
“That smile definitely seems brighter,” Mom teases.
Dad adds, “Maybe it has something to do with a certain girl?”
I roll my eyes and go to kiss Mom on her temple and give her a small side hug.
She looks up at me. “Have a good day, amor.” I wave at them as I turn to leave.
Eagerly closing the front door, I get in my car and roar it to life, ready to drive to her house.
I walk up her driveway in time to see Bianca walking out.
Jamie stands at the doorway and sends me two thumbs-up, causing me to chuckle.
Bianca’s wearing mid-thigh black shorts and a flowy pastel-purple shirt with embroidered tulips on it.
She looks up at me and smiles and I mirror the expression.
Though, as she gets closer, the fear and anxiety she hides behind her eyes is clear.
“We can do this another day if—”
She interrupts, “I got it, I promise.”
“Are you sure?” She doesn’t answer for a bit and rolls her shoulders.
I move to give her a hug, but then back away, realizing I don’t know if the circumstances are the same.
She wraps her arms around me and sighs, almost expelling all her nervousness.
I hug back, glad I can help her feel a little better.
The accident is still very much a trigger for her, and I hope that I can be a good teacher.
I drop my keys into her hand and she exhales sharply.
“At your own pace, okay?” I reassure once more, and she nods.
“I promise not to damage your car,” she says, nerves getting the better of her, and I shake my head.
“I can get another car, but I can’t get another you, so don’t focus on that, okay?
” She nods, and we walk to the driver’s side, causing a confused glance to be thrown my way.
“After you.” I open her door, and a blush comes onto her face.
I can’t help but smile at that. She climbs in and I close the door for her before jogging over to the passenger side.
“Alright, when you’re ready to start the car, put your foot on the brake and press that button right there.
” I point, then look back at her. She isn’t paying attention at all.
Her posture is stiff and she’s trembling slightly as she fidgets with her thumbs. I look at her, concerned. I slide my thumb against her straining forearm, and the touch seems to relax her a bit.
“I just—I freeze when I’m in the driver’s seat. Give me a second.” There she goes, always overexplaining when she has no need to.
“Take your time. If you want, we can learn the basics without actually driving.”
She shakes her head. “No, I can do it.” I nod, hoping she knows I think she can do anything she sets her mind to. She closes her eyes for a brief moment and grips my hand tighter. I rub my thumb across her knuckles, one by one, not knowing if this is crossing a line of our friendship.
“You’ve got this, okay? You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known.” Her head tilts as if she doesn’t believe me, but I don’t break eye contact, hoping she feels as reassured as I can possibly make her feel.
“Really?”
I caress the back of her hand once again. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Bianca.” She gives me a small smile and I return one of my own. “I’ll be here.”
“Anything else?” I ask, hoping she hasn’t been holding out on any questions.
We’ve been sitting here for about an hour, and while we haven’t moved a single inch, I couldn’t care less.
She asks about things I didn’t even think of when it comes to driving, and I nod when she goes on her little cute tangents.
“You’re giving me a look.” She rubs the steering wheel and I widen my eyes.
“What look?”
She sighs, waving me off. “This is stupid, I’m not ready.
I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” I move to encourage her before she keeps going.
“I just want to be normal and not have to wait when Mom goes out. Sometimes, I wanna go for a ride, but I can’t do that because my stupid screwed-up brain doesn’t let me. ”
My eyebrows crease as tears well in her eyes, but she blinks them back.
I feel useless—I don’t know what to tell her so that she won’t believe she’s any of the things her brain tells her she is.
“Bianca, you suffered something really traumatic, and I’ve always marveled how you still give the world your smile.
Even as kids, I’d complain about such stupid crap, and you’d treat it like it was the most important thing.
” She chuckles, and my heart warms as I see her little smile.
I motion to the car. “This is a trigger, and that’s fine.
I mean, look at what you’ve accomplished so far.
You used to only ride in the back seat, and now you can be up front.
That’s huge.” I have a feeling Bianca’s never really celebrated how much she’s progressed.
It’s almost as if she believes they’re not wins because everyone else does it.
She turns to face me. Her alluring eyes lock with mine, and I place my hand on the console more confidently while smiling at her, hoping to do away with those nerves.
“If you’re not ready, it’s okay. That doesn’t mean you never will be, but I’m not gonna push if sitting there hurts you mentally,” I say, honest as can be. I can tell in the way her body sags that there’s something else she isn’t saying.
“What if I hurt you, though?” A tear slips down her face and she catches it. “I’m scared that I’ll lose control or . . . I don’t know,” she whispers. I stop my internal overthinking and look at her.
“Bianca, I get it. That’s a very valid fear for every driver out there, and to be honest, it never goes away.
But we’re not gonna be leaving the neighborhood.
Baby steps, okay?” I’m hoping it reassures her as I try to ignore the racing of my heart at her being worried for me.
“I know you’re scared. Hell, I’m scared.
I’m scared I won’t teach you everything, but I’m willing to face it .
. . with you.” I hope she can see all the trust I’ve always had in her.
Smiling, she finally puts her hand on the wheel and takes a deep breath.
She puts the car in reverse, using the camera and looking over her shoulder, then shifts into drive. We’re off.
The car is moving slowly, but moving nonetheless.
She speeds up slightly and a sense of joy for her washes over me.
A stop sign is coming up and I hold on, waiting for the harsh brake we all do when we’re learning.
The sign gets closer, and I watch her as she shakes slightly with her eyes open, but has seemed to miss the sign.
Maintaining composure, I try to talk calmly, as I know she’s really stressed.
“Bianca, I know you’re scared, I do, but there’s a stop sign.
I need you to brake.” She whimpers, and I hate myself that I might’ve pushed her to do this when she doesn’t seem all that ready.
She brakes harshly at the last minute and I take a deep breath, thanking heaven above there wasn’t anyone coming this way.
I give her a minute before I move the gear stick into park. She visibly exhales as she raises both her feet on the seat, putting her face between her knees.
“Hey.” She lifts her head. “I’m so proud of you. You did it,” I say, hoping she gains more of the excitement I saw briefly, but she scoffs.
“I left from the front of the house.”
“Technically, yes. I know it may not seem like a lot, but baby steps are better than no steps,” I reply.
“I guess,” she says softly.
“Come on, what do you say to a celebratory snack?” Her little frown morphs into a small grin, and my heart skips a beat.
“You know I can’t say no to food.”
We swap seats and I start our way to the nearest fast-food place.
Getting to the drive-through, I roll my window down and order our usual from way back when.
She looks at me, shocked, and I clear my throat as I can already feel the blush starting on my face.
They hand over our order and I pull into a spot as she’s yet to say anything.
“I just realized I didn’t even ask if I got your order right.”
She stares at me for a solid five seconds. “It never changed, actually. This is perfect,” she says, almost in disbelief, and I nod, desperate to rid myself of this burning across my face.
“To your first time on the road,” I say, holding up my burger, and she touches hers to mine, rolling her eyes.
“You’re a dork,” she says.
“You loved it then, so I assumed you still might, five years later.” She freezes as I unintentionally bring up something we’ve both tiptoed around. “So, how did we feel today?”
“It was good, Liam,” she answers in a daze, not touching her food. My shoulders drop, realizing I must’ve put a damper on the whole thing.
“Bianca, look, I’m sorry.”
She looks up. “You didn’t do anything wrong.
I forget sometimes, but five years is hard to completely ignore.
” I take a bite, not wanting to answer, even knowing the truth in her statement.
“Even if my fast-food order didn’t change, a lot has.
And no matter how much we wanna sweep it under the rug .
. . How I felt during it won’t go away. As much as I want to freefall into this, there’s still this fear .
. .” My heart constricts at the word and my appetite wanes.
“And with that comes everything else that I never associated with you, and never want to.” She looks down, but my eyes don’t leave her.
“Bianca—”
“Can we go back home, please?” she mumbles, and as much as it pains me, I understand her stance.
Putting the car in drive, we make our way back to her house.
A suffocating silence is present in the car, and neither one of us breaks it.
Reluctantly, I turn onto her street, pulling to a stop in front of her house.
I turn toward her as tears fall down her face.
“Thanks for the lesson today, Liam,” she says with finality in her tone, getting out of the car, closing the door behind her. Her figure gets farther and farther away, and I want to run out and beg her to talk to me. For us to talk.
We talked about what happened all those years ago in the shelter, but not how we move forward now.
Or if she even wants to.
Leaving her street, I pull into my driveway. Bursting through the bedroom door, I plop down onto my bed, Bianca’s words running through my head until I get sick of them.
They never stop circling, breaking my heart over and over again.