Chapter 26
POV: Cole?
I didn’t think there was a tomorrow. Not for us.
Because deep down, no matter my calloused and cold exterior, I knew I wasn’t good for Abby. I knew she deserved more. And fuck, I didn’t know if I could ever give her that—or be the man that she truly deserved.
The more I thought of it, the more the thought solidified. That I wasn’t the right man for her.
And fuck—for the first time in my life, I felt something. I felt something for her.
I didn’t want to let her go, though I knew it was selfish and unreasonable, I didn’t.
But I knew I should. I knew I needed to.
I ran a hand through my wavy brown hair and let out a heavy sigh as I stared up at the ceiling.
It was 3 in the morning and I couldn’t fall asleep, because all I could think of was…her.
Her father’s words replayed in my head on a loop.
A man always knows what’s best for his daughter—and he worried that I wasn’t good for her.
I’d be lying if I said that I was. I was far from husband material or father material or relationship material even and he knew it.
All he wanted to do was protect his daughter and I didn’t blame him.
And I knew what I had to do. For her sake.
I had to let her go. I had to be honest with myself and be honest with her.
I drifted asleep finally, though the thought of her remained engrained in my mind.
Sleep was fleeting so when 5 am rolled around, I knew I had to wake up and get back to work.
The sun was blazing hot today, beating down on my body, as I stacked hay against the barn. My lack of sleep didn’t help but I felt like my body was overheating so I stripped off my shirt and tossed it to the ground.
Ranch work usually preoccupied and distracted me, but today, it proved impossible. Because all I could think of was her.
The pain in her blue eyes. The way she frowned. The way she believed in us.
Fuck, I muttered underneath my breath as I tossed the hay at the barn’s door and took a seat on top of it. I placed my head into my hands and let out a heavy breath.
It’s better this way, Cole, I told myself, though I didn’t truly believe that.
I cared for her and that damned me.
I hadn’t even bothered to look at my phone this morning but I was sure she tried to get ahold of me. And yet, all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call her.
My boot dug into the dirt, kicking up dust as I forced myself to my feet and back to work.
After two more hours of lining up hay I went off to feed the horses and pigs.
And that’s when I heard the sound of wheels on gravel.
Abby.
Fuck.
I thought about going inside and ignoring her, it was the easiest way after all, but I had to be a man about this. I had to be honest for both of our sakes.
She shifted her car into park, slammed her car door shut and walked towards me with a look of determination on her face.
“Abby, you shouldn’t be here.” I turned my face downwards and stared at my dirty boots.
She laughed but there was no humor to it. “Why? Because you’d rather ignore me? Because it’s easier that way?”
I looked up at her and saw the hurt in her eyes. “Abby…”
“Don’t Abby me, Cole!” she yelled, taking a step forward.
“Abby,” I changed my tone, so she knew I was serious this time. “This isn’t working out.”
She tilted her head back and laughed, but her eyes stayed the same. “That’s rich. That’s rich coming from you!”
“I’m sorry…” I began.
“Don’t,” she said angrily.
“You deserve more, Abby.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I deserve, Cole!”
I exhaled a deep breath. “You’re upset, and I’m sorry.”
“Damn right, I’m upset! I’m upset because you’re acting…you’re acting pathetic! This isn’t the Cole I know and this is most certainly not the man I fell in love with!”
I quieted, completely shocked by her admission.
She loved me?
I shook my head, frowning. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Abby.”
“I guess I don’t. I guess I was wrong about the man you are—about the man you finally showed me. I guess I was wrong to love you, too, but I do. I love you, Cole.”
I blinked and remained silent.
“You should go,” I said, finally, unable to think straight.
“I should but I won’t.”
Here she was, the perfect woman—a woman who cared about me, refusing to leave even though I was acting like a complete asshole.
I cleared my throat, deepening my tone, so she knew I was serious and so she realized that she was making a mistake. “I don’t think I’ll be able to give you what you want, Abby.”
“You don’t know what I want, Cole! You don’t!”
she yelled, her voice breaking with each word.
“You don’t even know what you want! You told yourself that this was your path—the farm—the ranch—being a cowboy. You told yourself that this was the only way. And for someone so strong—for someone so dominant and sure of himself—you’re drowning in your own doubts.”
She shook her head, as if it was unbelievable.
“I know you, Cole. I know you want to be with me. But for some reason you keep pushing me away because it wasn’t a part of your life plan. Well news flash, cowboy! Life plans change!”
She turned on her heels without another word and began to walk towards her truck.
She was right. I knew it.
I called out to her, “Abby—wait!”
She froze in place, looking over her shoulder at me. “I can’t play these games anymore, Cole.”
I closed the distance between us and seized her hand in mine. “I don’t want to play games anymore. I’m just….fuck, Abby, I just feel guilty—that I can’t give you what you deserve—the life you want—the life you talk about.”
She squeezed my hand in hers. “You need to stop pushing me away, Cole.”
I didn’t respond, instead I just stared into her deep blue eyes, losing myself further and further into them. And clinging to the fact that she might be my only salvation.
“You need to allow yourself to feel for once in your life, Cole. You need to stop fighting this. I know you care about me—”
Fuck it.
I wrapped my arm around her waist and tugged her into me, letting my lips fall onto hers and my tongue slide into her mouth.
She quieted, deepening the kiss and massaging her hands through the back of my hair, pulling me further into the kiss.