19. Jack
Jack
Four weeks.
Twenty-eight days shouldn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. But the four weeks since my uncle and father breached the sanctuary of Silas’ home feels like an eternity ago.
In that span, our lives had fractured and reformed into something jagged, and fierce. My body betrayed me, locking up in paralysing waves of phantom terror, white noise swallowing my thoughts until I was drowning on the floor.
Hale; our ten-year-old anchor, the kid who had quietly stitched himself into the ragged edges of our makeshift family, had bolted into the freezing rain, driven by the unbearable, selfless belief that if he disappeared, Ray and Dale would stop hunting us.
That morning in the mud, with the wind howling off the water, was a jagged scar burned into my memory.
And Silas… Silas had taken a bullet on a mission, returning home with his left arm locked in a sling, his body battered, refusing to stay down because the thought of leaving us unprotected was an agony worse than any wound.
Yet, amid the wreckage, something permanent had taken root. Out there in the freezing rain, with Hale looking up at us with ten-year-old wisdom and demanding the truth, the walls had finally crumbled.
We had said the words; “I love you.” And they carried more weight, more terrifying vulnerability, than anything else in my shattered world.
Life was throwing everything it had at us now, like a relentless storm battering a house built on cracked foundations. But we held strong. Silas was solid steel and unyielding devotion; Hale was the resilient, stubborn heart keeping us tethered to tomorrow.
We were surviving. We were fighting back.
Yet, beneath the fragile peace of every quiet morning, the shadows still lingered. Every time the wind rattled the windowpanes, every time a car slowed down too long on the gravel drive, my pulse spiked.
I could hold Silas’s hand, I could breathe in the scent of cedar and soap against his skin, but every single day, I lived with the paralysing, crushing fear that my father and uncle would eventually break through our defenses and tear me away from the only man I had ever truly loved.
* * *
I headed out in my truck, texting Silas to let him know I was going to the store, then grabbing lunch before meeting him at PalMerc.
I told him the exact plan, the exact timing, the exact route.
I didn’t know why I did that. Maybe because I needed him to know where I was.
Maybe because I needed him to know I was safe.
His response came through a moment later: Okay. See you then.
That was it. Four words. I had expected more, but I knew I shouldn’t have. Silas was a man of few words.
I shook the thought off and focused on the road. The sky was grey, the kind that made the world feel heavier. My chest felt tight. My hands gripped the steering wheel harder than necessary.
I pulled into the store car park and sat there for a moment, breathing through the tension in my chest. I didn’t want to go inside, or be around people.
I wanted to be home, in bed, being pressed into the mattress while Silas drives his thick, heavy cock into me.
But someone has to do the shopping. So, I force myself out of the truck and walked inside.
I grab a trolley, and pull out my list as I walk the aisles, tossing items in as I go. As I move through the store, I smile at people I know, catching up with those who stop for a chat.
Halfway around, a chill rocks through me, sending ice up my spine. I turn and look, but see nothing. As I round the corner into the next aisle, I freeze. My dad and uncle are standing right there.
My uncle moves toward me, my dad following him like a trained shadow. My eyes don’t leave them, and my breath freezes in my lungs as they stop directly in front of me.
“Hello, Jackie,” my uncle’s voice drips with falseness and toxicity.
“Hello, Jackie,” my father mimics his brother.
I don’t speak. I can’t. Once again, I am completely frozen, my body and mind refusing to play nice.
“Oh, look, Dale. He’s at a loss for words. Our stray dog is happy to see us,” Ray says, venom dripping from his teeth.
My father smirks at his words, watching me like the prey I feel beneath his gaze.
Ray takes a step around the trolley, bringing himself uncomfortably close. “Let’s get down to business. I don’t have time to deal with little tantrums today, Jackie.”
They always saw my panic attacks and body paralysis as tantrums. It was toxic as fuck to deal with, and it’s the exact reason I can’t handle touch now.
When my body shut down, that was when they took advantage of it, beating me when I couldn’t cry out, pulling blood from my body easily.
I felt every strap, every fist, every kick; fully conscious, fully aware, and completely unable to move.
“You will be coming home with us, Jackie. This isn’t up for discussion,” my uncle says quietly, even as he flashes a polite, neighborly smile to a woman walking past us.
I shake my head slowly, tracking the woman, begging her to see me. I know her, she’s Finn and Deck’s neighbor, Amy.
I met her at a BBQ once. She looks at me with a small frown on her face, and I hope she can see me pleading with her for help.
But her attention is snatched away by my father, whose tone is quiet but forceful.
Her gaze flicks quickly between Ray and me, and then she steps away, leaving me entirely alone with them.
“Wise thing for her to do. You wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt, would you, Jackie?” My uncle lifts his coat just enough to reveal a gun nesting in a holster against his side.
I look at Amy’s receding back and then back to Ray, shaking my head.
“Good boy. I knew you were smart. So, let’s chat.
As I said, Jackie, we want you back.” He looks at my father, then back to me, pulling his lips back tight against his teeth and drawing air through them.
I hear a high-pitched sound, like a quiet whistle.
“If you don’t, we are going to find your boy Hale again.
And rest assured, Jackie. We will take him this time. ”
My head jerks up to Ray, and white-hot terror rushes through me. He can’t take Hale. I’ll never see him again, he’ll never see us again. I start shaking, my head moving frantically side to side as my uncle continues.
Pulling out his phone, his fingers swipe across the screen. He turns the display toward me. “And Jackie? You will never find him. He will be mine to do with what I want.”
I look from him to the phone screen, and what is on it shatters my heart. My knees give out, and I collapse to the floor.
A video is playing: the brutal sounds, impacts of fists, cries and the sharp crack of contact fill the audio.
Hale stands in the middle of a mat, my father standing right in front of him. I can hear Hale crying. Ray doesn’t say anything; he just watches. The next thing I see is my dad slapping Hale viciously across the face, followed by my uncle’s voice playing over the audio.
“This is what will happen, Jackie, if you don’t come back.”
I watch as my dad rains hit after hit down on Hale. The boy tries to fight back, but he’s ten.
Ray crouches down in front of me, the video still looping in the background, and tilts my chin upward, forcing me to look at him. My skin prickles at his touch, like a million fire ants biting into my flesh.
“You have until seven tomorrow morning to decide if you’re coming or not.”
“Coming?” I croak out, my voice filled with dread.
“Of course, Jackie. If you don’t come back, we…” He gestures with his head toward my father towering over us. “…take Hale. It’s quite simple, Jackie. You come with us quietly, we leave Hale alone. You don’t…” He stands up, taking a step back. “You have until seven in the morning to decide.”
A million thoughts race through my mind; arguments about why I should tell them to go fuck themselves and hope Silas can protect Hale.
But I also know the harsh reality. I know what I have to do.
Taking a deep breath, I force my shaking legs to push me back to my feet.
“Let’s go.”
Ray lets out a bark of laughter, shaking his head. “Not even going to think about it, Jackie?”
“No. Just let me go home, pack some gear, and I’ll come with you now. But you have to promise me: you leave Hale and Silas alone.”
Dad steps forward, his eyes the exact same color as mine locking onto me. “You have my word.”
I let out a harsh, condescending laugh. “Like that means a damn thing to me.”
Ray steps aside, holding an arm out toward the exit. “Let’s go, then.”
* * *
I walk inside my apartment, my uncle and dad following close behind as if they’re worried I’ll back out.
Hale and Silas are my world, and I will never let my father or uncle near them.
I pull a bag from my wardrobe, throwing in the things I’ll need. Heading to the bathroom, I grab my toiletries and toss them on top of my clothes. Now, I need my storage box.
I go to the very back of the wardrobe. Standing on my tiptoes, my fingers graze the edge of the plastic. Flicking it closer, I’m finally able to pull it off the shelf. Holding it with the lid covered in dust, I swallow deeply, my fingers stiff, reluctant to move.
I had closed the lid of this box years ago, swearing I would never open it again.
I bought all-new things because I never wanted to go back to my past, never wanted to remember it.
But for some reason, I kept it. I don’t know if it was a reminder of what I swore I’d never return to, or because I always knew they would come for me.
Moving to my bag, I push the box beneath the clothes, zip it shut, and sit on the edge of my bed.
My fingers find the ring on my little finger, aimlessly circling it as I look around the room.
This is the last time I will ever sit in here.
The last time Silas will ever hold me, kiss me, make love to me.
Pulling open the top drawer, I grab a notepad and pen.
Tears drip onto the paper as I write, my heart shattering with every word, broken by the reality that I will never see Silas again.
Standing up, I slide my mother’s ring off my finger and lay it directly on top of the note.
Pulling in a lungful of air, steeling myself for what lies beyond this apartment, I pick up my bag and walk out of a life I fell completely in love with.
Away from the man I love.
Away from soft touches and a man who treasures me.
My heart grows heavier with each step as my feet carry me toward a future carved out of pain and agony. I know there will be no more warm arms, no more whispered kisses.
My only companions from here on out will be pain and silence.