Chapter 6
Athena was humming as she sorted through her gowns. Humming!
Well, who could blame me?
This afternoon had been…magnificent. Utterly breathtaking.
It was not the first time she’d indulged herself with a man, but it had been the first time the man had proven to be such a caring and attentive lover.
She should have known that Cash would approach love-making with the same serious focus and determination he approached everything else.
After her fourth climax, she’d thought she might melt into his arms…after the fifth, she most certainly had.
Three months ago, she would have said that a man wasn’t necessary for pleasure; she had her collection of reading materials and an assortment of smooth, cylindrical objects. What more did a lady need?
In fact, early this summer she’d come into possession of a manuscript written by one of her ancestresses, an Oliphant lady from the distant past. It was a sort of anthology of sexual positions, complete with descriptions and handy illustrations, some of which were quite enlightening, and all intended for the female reader to find pleasure.
Athena had paid rather a lot of money for the treasure, and always enjoyed reading it. She hoped to be able to arrange for its discreet publication sometime soon, so others might enjoy such a delight.
The point was: with books like A Harlot’s Guide to the Forbidden and Delightful Arts and a set of perfectly functioning fingers, Athena would have said there was nothing more a man could bring to the bed that a woman couldn’t provide herself.
And then she’d fallen into bed with Cash.
And Cash’s tongue. And his fingers, and his—oh my—his cock. His magnificent cock, which had filled her ache in ways that polished ivory never could. Just the memory of what he’d done to her—for her—had Athena dropping the blue ball gown to the bed with a happy sigh, her core aching deliciously.
“’Thena, lassie?”
Well, a sure-fire way to kill any and all arousal was for one’s father to poke his head into one’s room.
She forced a smile as she pretended to fuss over the silk of the blue gown, smoothing it over the bed. “Come in, Da.”
Her father, for all his blustering and general jolliness, always seemed a bit uncomfortable in her chambers, and today was no exception. Possibly it was because of all the dainty flowers on the wallpaper.
Or the fact that your drawers and chemise are draped over the mirror.
Yes, that too.
So he was blushing slightly as he bumbled his way over to one of the chairs in her reading nook before the window, and lowered himself into it, very clearly not looking in the direction of the mirror.
“Came to see if ye were getting ready for Melanie’s shin-dig.” He nodded to the gowns spread over the bed. “Would’ve thought ye were in here doing up ye hair or some such.”
Athena cocked a brow at him, then turned back to her closet, patting her simple bun as she went. “I bathed, Da. My hair is fine like this.” Clean hair and a bun—that’s the most she was willing to do for this dance.
As she stepped into her dressing area, she heard her father sigh. “He’s a duke, ‘Thena! Melanie’s crowing to all who’ll listen that he chose her house party to find himself another wife, and she’s determined to match him.”
“No’ with me, she’s no’,” Athena muttered, eyeing the gowns hanging innocently before her.
She’d had them all made before her original introduction to Society, five years before, and most of them still fit, despite the pregnancy and breastfeeding. They’d spent five years unused, and she had her choice of colors tonight…
“Wear green, lassie,” Da called unhelpfully. “It always makes yer eyes pop.”
Makes my eyes pop? What does that even mean?
With a scowl, Athena pulled down the orange gown. Her maid would cluck in despair, claiming the color clashed horribly with Athena’s red hair…but that was the point. No need to look too nice for tonight’s unwanted dance with a duke.
Part of her felt guilty, just for a moment, for trying to sabotage the Countess’s event. Lady Dumpkins really did have everyone’s best interest at heart, and Da seemed well on the way to making her the next Lady Oliphant. Athena should try, at least, to humor the woman’s matchmaking.
But then she remembered the way Cash’s blue eyes had gleamed possessively as he’d knelt between her thighs, watching her come apart, and Athena knew she had to be truthful to herself.
She didn’t want a duke. She wanted Cash.
For as long as he’d have her.
Not for the first time, she wondered if she was falling in love with the man.
Aye, almost certainly. She’d enjoyed his kisses and caresses, of course, but more than that, she liked spending time with him.
She looked forward to their hours together, even if they were spent sharing stories of parenting and helping their lads learn together.
She even loved watching Cash playing with Callan, or teaching her son a new trick.
Aye, she loved him.
With a sigh, Athena crushed the orange silk to her chest and turned back toward her father. She would go to tonight’s party because she was obligated, but then tomorrow she would sit down and have a good think over how to share this information with Cash.
Would it matter to him?
Years of holding her own confidences had made this a strange summer—new friends, thanks to the Dumpkins house party, Matthew’s insightful questions, and above all Cash.
For the first time in a long while, she found herself yearning to share her feelings and thoughts with someone who could wipe his own arse when he shat and didn’t think nose-picking was the height of humor.
“Thena?” Da’s quiet rumble broke through her thoughts. “Ye’re just staring at the bed. Are ye choosing gowns? Do I get a say?”
Shaking herself, Athena sent her father a small smile. “Nay, I am decided.” She spread the orange gown across her chest and swayed slightly, sending the silk rippling.
Her father’s nose wrinkled above his mustache, and she had to hide her giggle. It seemed he agreed with the rest of Creation when it came to redheads looking ridiculous in orange, but didn’t know how to tell her she was making a poor choice.
On purpose, Da.
“He’s a duke,” Da finally sighed. “Could ye at least try no’ to piss him off, ‘Thena? For Melanie’s sake? And mine.”
Latching onto that plaintive little plea, Athena dropped the gown atop the others—her maid would be in shortly to help cram her into it—and smiled at her father as she turned to her jewelry case.
“Melanie, eh?” she teased. “Ye and Lady Dumpkins are becoming quite close.”
He harumphed lightly. “Aye, well, she’s a good lass. Same as ye. Says she doesnae want to get married, but I’ve been wearing her down.”
Athena glanced over her shoulder, brow lifted in surprise. “Ye have proposed marriage, and she turned ye down?”
“I’m destined to be surrounded by stubborn women,” he moaned theatrically, scratching at his beard. “She says she likes living in sin with me.”
Athena didn’t bother hiding her giggle as she pulled out a simple string of pearls. “I agree with her. No’ every lady needs a happily ever after.”
Her father straightened, his frown only visible by the way his beard moved. “Ye do, lassie.”
“Oh, Da…” With a sigh, Athena shook her head at him, fiddling with the necklace. “I am happy, I swear.”
“Are ye? Just being a man’s…doxy?”
Oh, shite.
Athena stilled, stomach twisting. Her father had obviously heard the rumors about her daily adventures to the river. His tone had gone quite serious, the embarrassment gone. Was this why he’d come to see her? To chastise her for her choices, like everyone else?
He sighed. “I hear the whispers about ye, lassie, and it breaks my heart.”
Her hackles rose. “I am happy, Da.” And that is all that should matter, aye? “And so is Callan!”
To her surprise, her father didn’t back down, but shook his head and planted his palms on the arms of the chair. “That boy is running wild.”
Glad for a reason to be angry, Athena gasped. “Are ye saying I am inadequate as a mother?”
“Ye’re a wonderful mother.” Her father glared.
“I see so much of yer mother—God rest her—in ye. She loved with all her heart too, ye ken, and was never happier than when she was playing with the three—four of ye, since she saw Lyon as hers as well.” Her father settled back slightly, his feathers un-ruffling. “She was the best of the lot.”
The lot being the women Da had loved and lost over the years.
His first wife birthed Lyon before passing on, then he married a viscount’s daughter to produce Lysander, Phineas and Athena.
Keith and Max had been surprises from his various affairs, but to Da’s credit, he’d done right by both of them as well.
He was a good man, and he only wanted what was best for those he loved.
So, with a sigh, Athena dropped the pearls on her dressing table and crossed to him, choosing to focus on his previous words.
“Da, Callan has all of us.” She placed a hand on her father’s arm. “He is happy, I swear.”
Moreso this summer, but she didn’t want to dwell on that.
“He needs a man, lassie,” her father harumphed, not looking up at her. “A man who’ll treat him as his.”
“And ye do no’?”
Finally, Da twisted to place his hand atop hers and look up at her. “I do, Athena. That lad of yers has been a highlight of my life, keeping me young. I cherish his laughter, I do, but…” He sighed and looked away. “I willnae be around forever. He needs a real father.”
A stab of hurt—resentment? Defensiveness?
—shot through Athena, and she pulled her hand away from her father and turned to step away from him.
A real father. Callan had her, and she was enough.
She’d spent years being enough. She’d gone on a quest to collect clan memorabilia so that the Oliphants, this family, would be enough.
And now she was hearing Da say that she wasn’t.
Deep down, she worried he was right. She’d spent five years telling herself that she was enough, but what if she wasn’t? What if she wasn’t enough for Callan…wasn’t enough for herself?