Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
“ I t is highly inappropriate, Daniel.” Selina’s voice was steely. “You know that it is.”
Slowly, Maddie walked towards the door. The Duke was filling the doorframe, towering, almost as if he had grown extra inches. His face was scowling and dark, filled with anger that seemed to have consumed him. She felt a small trickle of misgiving, then squared her shoulders to confront him.
He wasn’t going to push her around.
“There is nothing for us to say to one another,” she stated coldly. “And Selina speaks the truth. It is highly inappropriate.”
He looked thunderous for a moment. And then, to her surprise, his anger seemed to deflate, rushing out of him. He gazed at her beseechingly.
“Please,” he said in a low, urgent voice. “I know you are angry. I know that you are hurt. I must explain.”
Selina looked unsure, glancing from one to the other.
“Could you leave us, Sister?” His voice was almost gentle now. “Please?”
“I will only leave if Maddie wants me to.” Selina raised her chin and then turned to her friend. “What say you, Maddie?”
Maddie glared at the Duke. It was just like him to try to push his way into her chambers. Just like he had pushed his way into her life. But still… she wanted to hear what he had to say to her. She was leaving this house party, finally ending what was between them, and there would never be another chance.
“You may leave us, Selina,” she said, making up her mind. “His Grace can say what he wishes to say to me. But that is all.”
Selina nodded, but she looked worried. “Please, be quick about it,” she urged as she walked past her brother. “I will stop anyone who attempts to come in here, but I cannot put them off forever.”
“Thank you, Selina,” the Duke said softly. “I mean it.”
Selina raised her eyebrows. She wasn’t smiling. “Thank me later, Brother, when you have resolved this matter properly.”
She left, with one last lingering look at Maddie.
The Duke closed the door, locking it behind her.
Maddie frowned. “What are you doing?”
“I know that Selina said she would stand watch,” he began, walking towards her. “It is just in case someone slips by her.”
“Very well.” Maddie raised her chin, looking him directly in the eye. “You have what you wanted. We are alone. You wish to say something to me?”
He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “My mother is lying,” he said in a low, urgent voice. “I have never declared that I intend to formally court your sister. And I will never marry her.”
Maddie’s heart skipped a beat. “It rather seems that the cat is out of the bag now. At least a dozen people heard your mother declare your intentions towards my sister, which you did not deny. You cannot dishonor her in such a way.”
He swore under his breath. “My mother cornered me. She knew that I would never contradict her in such a public setting.” He gazed at her intently. “I never said that I wish to court her, never mind marry her. I swear it.”
Maddie’s heart skipped a beat again. He sounded so sincere. He looked sincere. And suddenly, she knew, in her innermost heart, that he was telling the truth.
He didn’t want to marry Augusta and had never encouraged her. He had been pointedly staying away from Augusta for the whole party, except when he had danced with her at the ball last night. But even that had been orchestrated by his mother. Maddie had watched the Dowager Duchess push him to do it when she had been dancing with Lord Christopher.
It wasn’t an outrageous thought that the Dowager Duchess had simply used the opportunity at the breakfast table to declare his interest in Augusta. She was a determined mother. Just as determined as her own. The tactics of matrimony were often covert but still sophisticated in this society.
But it still didn’t change anything. The Duke still didn’t care about her. And the damage had been done. There were many witnesses to his intentions towards her sister, even if he hadn’t declared those intentions himself. He hadn’t denied it. The carriage had well and truly bolted.
“I always knew it would come to this,” Maddie said in a sorrowful voice. “Always.”
He frowned. “I told you?—”
“I know what you told me,” she interrupted. “I even believe you. But I was a fool to believe that there was anything special between us.” She took a deep, ragged breath. “I have been a fool, Your Grace, but I will not let you make a fool out of my sister.”
He looked stunned. “What? What do you mean?”
Maddie straightened her spine, gazing at him steadily. “I mean that it is time to end this… this…” Her voice faltered wildly. “This thing that exists between us, which has no name, and has gone further than it ever should have. And I will do it for my sister’s sake, for the Lord knows that I have never been able to do it for my own sake!”
She was appalled to find she was shaking. She knew she was on the verge of bursting into tears again. Mortified, she turned away, blinking rapidly, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. Her nerves were so frayed that she almost jumped out of her skin.
“Please, Maddie,” the Duke entreated, his voice uneven. “It is you. It is only you.”
She rounded on him. “You use my name now? After I have been entreating you for so long to call me by my name, to treat me as a person, and you have resisted?” She shook her head incredulously. “You believe that all you need to do is snap your fingers, and I will come running like a well-heeled pup!”
He looked shaken. “That is not the way I think about you,” he insisted. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I know that I haven’t courted you with roses and soppy poetry, but it is hard for me to do that. It isn’t who I am. But that doesn’t mean I do not care about you.”
Maddie couldn’t breathe. Their eyes were locked. She saw the devastation in his eyes. Either it was real, or he was a better actor than she had ever imagined.
“I do not believe you,” she said in a shaky voice. “You are only saying this now in a vain attempt to salvage the illicit game that we have been playing. You, Sir, want to have your cake and eat it!”
He flinched as if she had physically struck him. “I deserved that,” he said, looking pained. “I have not done anything so far to make you trust me, not even an inch.”
She nodded. Her heart was racing, and she felt sick. “You speak the truth, at last.”
He frowned. “I admit that it was just a game in the beginning,” he began slowly. “You are so beautiful, so very desirable, that I was mad for you and took the opportunity to use your list to my advantage.” He hesitated. “But it is not like that now. Please, how may I convince you?”
Maddie took a step back. She was shaking so hard that she felt as if her knees might buckle beneath her. Even now, the sensuality was brewing between them, thickening like a fog. If she wasn’t careful, she would lose her mind again and submit to him.
“It is over,” she stated sharply while trying to convince herself. “It no longer matters what you feel, or what I feel, or what anyone else feels. You are destined to marry my sister. And that is the end of that.”
“I will not marry your sister,” Daniel declared hotly, his eyes flashing. He paused, looking at her closely. “Unless… this is nothing to do with your sister, but my cousin. Let us not forget that Christopher asked to formally court you this morning as well. Have you decided to cast me off, now that you have snagged an earl? Have I just been your plaything while you were working to secure a good match?”
Maddie was affronted. “That was done without my knowledge or permission! I have never been angling to marry your cousin, and I am offended that you are suggesting it.”
He gave a short laugh, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. His face darkened again. Instinctively, Maddie knew he was being held in jealousy’s tight grip, once more.
He took a step closer to her, bridging the gap between them once again. His physical proximity was overwhelming. She noticed a small vein twitching in his right temple. He was angry, in the grip of a jealous rage, and it was starting to consume him. His conciliatory, pleading demeanor had vanished entirely.
“I am leaving Stansgate,” she said quickly. “I cannot stay here any longer. Apart from everything else, someone knows about us. They have tattled to a scandal sheet . It is far too dangerous. My reputation is at stake!”
“And we wouldn’t want you to ruin your reputation,” he snarled. “You are just like all the other mundane ladies in Society, consumed with appearances and obsessed with the thought of matrimony. And I thought you were different.”
The unfairness of his claim hit her like a brick. He had hurt her, and now she was consumed with the desire to hurt him back.
“Why exactly are you so against matrimony?” She squared her shoulders, a scornful look on her face. “Why do you run from it like a puppy dog with its tail between its legs? Tell me, why are you so scared of it, Your Grace?”
“I am not scared of it,” he growled. “I simply do not wish to place my neck in that particular hangman’s noose.”
She gave him a withering look. “You are a coward. You have been running ever since your father died. You were running over the entire continent of Europe for years, and you are still running.”
He recoiled again. She had clearly struck a nerve. But now, she was consumed with the question. She really wanted to know why he was so violently opposed to matrimony.
She realized, quite suddenly, that it wasn’t even personal. Yes, he had been playing with her, but he would never have married her anyway. He didn’t want to marry anyone, and his obstinacy on the matter wouldn’t change, even if he met the woman of his dreams—which she was clearly not. What wound had been inflicted on him that was so gaping, so large, that it simply would not heal?
She knew it had something to do with his late father and the scandal that had erupted upon his death. He didn’t like his father. He didn’t want to be reminded of him at all. And now, she cursed the fact that she hadn’t pressed Selina for the details of what had happened all those years ago. It might tell her what she desperately wanted to know.
What she needed to know.
“I am no coward,” Daniel growled. “I choose to live my life the way that I wish to live it. I refuse to let Society dictate my life. That is courage, My Lady, not cowardice. You told me that you wish to live a full life, an adventurous life, but Society constrains you. Tell me, is it better to live in a gilded cage or fly free?”
“You have not answered the question.” She glared at him. “You waffle on about freedom, and that it is your choice, but I see a man who is running from something. A man who is gripped by compulsion. Is that true freedom, or is it just another cage?”
They scowled at each other. Maddie was shocked to discover that they were merely inches away from each other again. She had been so consumed by anger that she hadn’t even noticed.
It suddenly struck her that they were alone in her chambers. The door was locked. And even though Selina had said that she would keep watch, anyone could arrive at any moment, banging on that door. Someone already knew what they were doing.
If she was discovered with him, it would be the end of her. Once again, it was all intellectual for him— he wasn’t the one who would be ruined by it. He didn’t even want to marry!
“I am leaving,” she repeated, her chest heaving. “I will see you at your wedding, Your Grace.”
She brushed past him, back to her trunk, to resume her packing. Now, she was flinging garments into it, one after the other, a blur of crumpled fabric. A part of her was pained by it. Her beautiful gowns were going to be so creased by the time she made it back to London.
“What the deuce are you doing?” His voice was close. So close that she jumped involuntarily. “You cannot leave. You must not leave!”
“Watch me,” she challenged, glancing up at him as she stuffed her favorite pink gown into the trunk. “You cannot stop me!”
Suddenly, his hands were on her, pulling her up. He swung her around. They were both breathing heavily, sounding as if they had just been running a mile.
He swore, pulling her closer so that she fell against his chest. Her body instinctively responded to him. Her nipples hardened. She felt a jolt of desire course through her, stronger than anything she had ever felt before.
Oh, Lord, how can I resist? How can I resist the man that I love?
She knew it was hopeless. She knew there was no chance for them. He had claimed he cared about her in his own peculiar way, but it amounted to nothing. He hadn’t declared that he couldn’t live without her, and he hadn’t begged her to marry him, so as to circumvent any of it.
She knew that he would probably be pressured to marry her sister. She knew that she would probably be pressured to marry his cousin. But at that moment, none of it mattered.
It was the last chance to be with him before the real world burst their bubble. Her very last chance to lie in the arms of the man she loved.
She would seize this moment. There would be no other.
When his lips found hers, she shuddered, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer still, reveling in this final contact with him, before it all must end. Her body knew it, too, leaping to life, pulsing with a hunger that was insatiable.
She would always have this memory, at least. And it must be enough.