Chapter 14 - Sofia
SOFIA
Icould.
I could admit how badly I wanted Andre. Giving in to him and letting this desire control me was a feasible choice to make. All I had to do was open my mouth and tell him yes. Nod. Shrug and go along with it.
That was something I could do.
Telling him I can’t was, in fact, a lie.
But I was only sticking with the complete truth when I thought about clarifying that I won’t.
Trying to explain that to Esmeralda when I risked calling her the night after Andre brought me to that office space, I fumbled to make sense.
“Let me get this straight,” she said quietly.
Her low tone was almost a whisper only because she wanted to avoid anyone overhearing our girl talk.
How anyone would eavesdrop on her was a joke in and of itself.
Since I’d been sent here to spy on Andre, Uncle Roberto had moved her to the basement.
It was on the other side of the house from the dungeons, but the sounds of tortured captives carried far.
No one was coming to visit her. A guard came only twice a day to toss some food at her and give her a new bottle of water.
Many of them wouldn’t pause to twist the bottle open for her and she’d spend a long time wrenching at it.
Her voice was barely above a whisper because she was too weak to enunciate or speak any louder.
“You’re working for a sexy, hot-as-hell man who’s had insta-lust for you from the second you saw him, and you still can’t live a little and help yourself to some loving?”
Her smile was supposed to be teasing, but my heart was too busy cracking at how weak she looked.
“I won’t,” I said.
“But why?” She furrowed her brow. “I need to know you are living for both of us since I can’t.”
“Don’t.” A sob threatened in my throat, but I resisted it. “Don’t talk like you’ve got one foot in the grave already.”
She sighed. “It’s a saying, Sof.”
“I know. But…” I shook my head. “It’s doomed. So why even try? He would kill me if he knew who I was. He would hate me if he knew why I was sent here and what I’ve been doing.”
She huffed, but the dry laugh turned into a coughing spell. When she could breathe normally again, she said, “What are you doing? Nothing. You aren’t finding anything useful for him because your sexy man only does things digitally. You’re not doing anything bad.”
That should’ve sounded like she was pointing out my failure, but I knew what she meant. And I was glad that I was failing as a spy. I didn’t want to see my uncle be victorious now that I knew what Andre and the Orlovs were like.
I had turned traitor—in my heart.
But I was beholden to try to appease Uncle Roberto for her.
“I’m going to stay here and make him think that I am, though,” I told her. “I have to. Because that’s the only way you’ll continue to be cared for and—”
When she shook her head slowly, I frowned.
“I’m not.” More coughing. “I’m treated like a basement rat, tossed scraps and left alone.”
“But you still had some medication when I left. You still should be going for that last round of radiation soon and—”
Again, she somberly shook her head. “He took the pills, Sofia. I haven’t had any of the meds, any treatments since he sent you there to spy.”
“That asshole!” I tried not to raise my voice, but this anger raged inside me too hot and too sharp not to.
“He wasn’t supposed to take anything from you.
He told me that so long as I came here and tried to do what he asked, he wouldn’t end the palliative care that I’d arranged for you until I was back. ”
“He lied, Sofia. He lied to you because he is using you.” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “He sees no use in me except as leverage to get you to do his wishes.”
I knew that. That fact was a kernel of an ugly truth that had been lodged in my heart all this time.
He’d never cared about Esmeralda. He didn’t care about me.
That was why I’d been looking into how much money I could use to put toward a better facility for her.
Then when I could figure out how to get her out of his house, I could relocate her and be done with him completely.
“He’s keeping me alive with the bare minimum because he knows I’m the only thing he could hold over you.”
Tears leaked from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. If I hadn’t come here at all, he would’ve had someone shoot her. Or dump her on the streets somewhere. Because just like she’d said, he saw no value or use in her.
“And that’s why I need to know you are out there living your life to the fullest you can with this situation, Sof.
” Her sad, small smile broke my heart even more.
“I know my end is coming. I’ve known it.
But until that happens, please live for both of us and experience something better than the hell we’ve faced as nieces of the Giovanni monster. ”
I shook my head. “I will get you out of there, Esmeralda. I will. And you won’t have to suffer until the end.”
She sighed and stared at me with sorrow and hopelessness. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does! You matter. You are all that matters to me.” More tears burned at my eyes as they escaped.
“That’s not true. He could matter. Andre could help you see the good in life, even if it’s just for one night.”
I licked my lips to erase the saltiness of my tears.
“No. It wouldn’t work like that. If I surrender, if I submit, once wouldn’t be enough.
I’d always have the fear of him finding out who I am.
I’d never be able to look forward to love or a future or anything powerful like that.
” I shrugged and lowered my gaze. “I think I would hate it more—to know what it’s like to be with him and never have it again, than to be blissfully ignorant and miss out completely. ”
Loud sounds came from her end. Shouts and gunfire. Then thuds and the chaos of things being crashed on the floor above her.
“I should go,” she whispered.
I nodded, hating to end this connection with her. Each time I did, I feared it’d be the last time.
“I love you,” I mouthed, too afraid to speak in case someone could come toward her room.
She nodded and mouthed the same in reply before disconnecting the call.
I closed my eyes tight and hugged my knees to my chest. Burying my face against my folded arms, I staved off the tears that had built up.
I wouldn’t cry for her.
I refused to do something so petty and meaningless.
Tears wouldn’t fix anything.
But I was determined to try to help her however I could.
I had enough money saved up in my secret account now. I’d stashed away what I could when my parents and Esmeralda’s parents passed away in the same fluke accident all those years ago. With what Andre was paying me, I had to be able to afford a down payment on a hospice facility for her.
If money’s an issue…
I frowned as I lifted my face, knowing that if I gave Andre the word, he’d pay for anything I wanted. He had the means. He had the power and wealth and influence to make “magic” happen like that.
Yet, it wasn’t so simple as that. I wouldn’t be able to physically get Esmeralda out of my uncle’s basement on my own. He’d stop me. His guards would stop me. I would need to ask an Orlov to help me break out my Giovanni cousin.
That would require my explaining that I was a spy and liar here, and that would be the end of Andre wanting to spare me any kindness at all.
You just had to fuck it all up, huh?
You had to come here and fall in love with the asshole.
Run ragged with the stress and sobering sadness of seeing how poorly my cousin was, I swung my legs off the bed and stood. I couldn’t sit here and wallow. I wasn’t going to change anything hiding in my room and letting all this horrible anxiety and dread eat away at me.
After checking in the mirror that it wasn’t too obvious that I was crying, I wiped my cheeks one more time and left to go get a cup of water in the kitchen.
I often had one with me, but I’d already drunk it all.
No one else should be up and in the way, so I’d be in the clear and not have to worry about anyone seeing me distressed.
I wasn’t sure what I’d do if Renee spotted me and she actually wanted to fuss over me. Since I’d become Andre’s office assistant, she didn’t seem to mind me, almost maternal toward me now.
Silence filled the hall as I walked toward the kitchen. I got a glass of water and sipped some at the counter. The cool fluid streaking down my throat chilled me, but instead of sparking a little life into me and snapping me out of this mood, I shivered and gritted my teeth.
“Cold?”
I gasped at Andre’s voice. Whirling around, I nearly dropped the glass before setting it on the counter as he stalked up to me.
Dressed in only sleep pants slung low on his hips, he looked like a predator closing in on his prey.
I’d been so upset, so lost in my thoughts, that I hadn’t even heard him coming in the room.
“No surprise when you’re wearing that,” he teased, giving me a heated once-over as he took in my attire. Short shorts and a thin cami were my pajamas, and they weren’t ideal for warmth at all.
When he dragged his gaze up to my face, though, as he took the glass from me and set it on the counter, the desire drained out of his gaze and he furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong?”
Dammit. So much for not looking like I was crying. I sniffled and rolled my eyes, looking away. “Nothing. Why are you stalking me in the kitchen in the middle of the night?”
He got into my space, backing me up to the counter with his warm body inches from me. While he set one hand on the edge of the marble slab, he finished caging me in with his hand on my chin, tipping it up so I’d face him directly. “Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying,” I argued. “You are stalking me in the kitchen in the middle of the night.”
“I came here for water,” he replied bluntly, eyeing me closely.