16. Lane #2
“When I set out,” Lane explained, “I wanted to prove my father wrong so he’d reconsider my exile.
I glossed over how he kicked me out of the coven.
We didn’t have a mere disagreement, and leaving wasn’t my idea.
It was his ultimatum. Fall in line or no longer be a Blackburn.
I felt like a failure and was desperate to make up for it, but not anymore.
I don’t need to prove my father wrong. I don’t need to prove anything, and I’m not returning to the coven. I’d rather be a lone witch.”
Rowan nodded. “Will you tell him that?”
Lane was grateful Rowan didn’t question his decision or accuse him of being rash.
He trusted Lane to know his own mind, and Lane could have kissed him for it.
“It depends on how the conversation about the Hillmans goes. I’m leaving, whether Father believes what I say or not.
I need to warn him. It’s the right thing to do, but if he won’t listen, then I don’t think there’s any need to explain my decision. ”
“I completely understand.” Rowan gave him a small smile, no less encouraging for its subtlety. It was almost bashful, and Lane wondered if he’d retreated behind his mask because it was where he felt safe.
He hadn’t known if Lane would leave any more than Lane had known if he would ask him to stay.
Lane stepped closer to the desk. “I don’t know exactly what I want to do on my own. Maybe open a new shop, but first, you said you want my help with the Hillmans?”
Rowan swallowed, betraying a hint of nerves, and Lane couldn’t help thinking it was deliberately shown now. Proof he wasn’t planning to ice Lane out now they weren’t trapped.
“I’d like you to stay, Lane. For your support with the Hillmans and with the ferals. I respect your desire to be on your own, whatever that looks like, but I want to offer you a place here.” He spoke with painful formality, but not because he was uncaring.
He was asking Lane for something he was afraid to be denied.
Lane’s chest tightened. “I’d like a place here. With you. That’s what you mean, right?”
“With me, yes.” An eager smile broke through. “As a vampire. You don’t have to answer right away. This isn’t something I offer just anyone, and you don’t have to affiliate with the coven. But if you’d like to join me in this unending life, I want you to know the offer is open.”
Lane’s head went fuzzy. A place with Rowan in unending life. “You’d turn me?”
Rowan’s face darkened. “I don’t want a sire-bond between us. No matter how much I trust myself to take care, it’s an imbalance I’d never want with you.”
Lane didn’t like the idea of someone else turning him, but it wasn’t his only objection. “I’d have to give up my magical ability to become a vampire.”
He wasn’t particularly powerful or a brilliant spell-crafter like Nicole or Vera, but magic was a part of who he was, and giving it up… Lane didn’t know if he could.
It was his independence. How he made a living and struck out on his own. Even as part of a couple—if that’s what Rowan was getting at—Lane needed his own thing, his own life. Without active powers, who was he in the magic world?
“You don’t want to give up magic.” The hints of emotion Rowan had let through disappeared. “I see. Perhaps I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want this.”
Lane scrambled. “Wait. No. Magic is a part of me. That’s all I’m saying.”
Rowan’s stiffness grew. “Right. I’m sorry for asking.”
“Don’t be.” Lane came around the desk, and Rowan turned to face him, still seated and as closed off as he’d ever been. “Can we put me as a vampire aside for a second? What are you actually asking for here?”
Rowan huffed, giving a tiny shake of his head. “I’m asking for you, Lane.”
Hot emotion welled inside him. “To stay with you for an immortal life?”
“To be my partner in immortal life. I told you I was needy, so here we are, all my cards laid out. My need for you is eternal.”
Lane reached for him, craving touch, craving connection. His hand tangled in Rowan’s hair, and like he’d been waiting for permission, Rowan’s arms wrapped around his waist. Lane breathed more easily. Eternal. “This is a lot. I’m not gonna lie.”
“I know.” A ghost of a smile graced Rowan’s lips.
“I’m not saying no, just that I’ve never considered being a vampire rather than a witch. But let me be clear: I want you, Rowan. As my partner. My lover. Mine to take care of.”
Rowan buried his face against Lane’s stomach. “I’ll offer anything to be yours. Maybe I should have started smaller than forever.”
“I like that you didn’t, even if I was surprised. It’s very you, my needy boy.”
Rowan tipped his face upward, cheeks flushed dark.
Lane wanted to say yes. Throw himself into this headfirst. Did he place such heavy weight on being a witch? Was it more important to his identity than what he might build with Rowan?
Before he could throw out everything he’d said about magic, Rowan spoke. “Don’t answer yet. Choosing immortal life shouldn’t be done lightly, and if you’ve never given it serious thought, a great deal needs to be considered. Especially if even a part of you wants to say yes.”
“A big part of me does want to say yes.”
Rowan squeezed him. “Then think about it. Talk to other vampires. And in the end, make sure your choice is for you, not me. I’d hate anything else.”
“Wait. I’m not conflicted about immortality.
Eternal life on Earth isn’t fundamentally different than going to the afterlife.
” Witches only had one life, unlike humans, who reincarnated.
Lane would be Lane forever, no matter what realm his soul resided in.
“If being a vampire didn’t mean I’d lose my magic—changing who I am and the essence in my soul—I’d say yes now. No hesitation.”
“Really?”
Lane shrugged. “It’s probably a little soon, but fuck it. I’d love an unending future with you, and I won’t see you in the afterlife, so I should probably stick around.”
Rowan’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide.
Lane bit back a laugh. “That can’t be a surprise. Isn’t it how you feel about me?”
“Yes, but I’m clingy.”
“And you jump into forever with everyone?”
Rowan’s flush spread down his neck. “No.”
“Didn’t think so. I don’t jump into commitments either, but with you, it feels right. Like this has been coming for the last ten years, and we’ve finally got our chance. We’re good together.”