Chapter 9
Misha
A few hours later, when Misha opened his eyes and pulled off the sheet to get some cool air, there was not a sound coming from the other room. No snoring and no breathing he could hear. Would Grim have gone down to the bar without telling him? Left him here all alone? He sat up in panic, now regretting he’d ever left the hotel. What if that street camera had auto-recognized his face? What if people came to snatch him and Grim would never even know where to look for him?
With his heart drumming the funeral march, Misha spoke up, looking into the darkness in the other room. “Grim?” his voice had a high pitch he wasn’t expecting. Nothing moved. The faint light coming through a crack between the curtains revealed no trace of his savior.
“Grim?” Misha spoke louder and clawed his fingers over the sheet, as the walls seemed to push closer toward him, ready to squish the life out of Misha.
This time, something stirred in the other room, and the sound was followed by a faint groan. Misha gasped and frantically rolled down from the bed. He lay flat on the carpet and breathed in its scent, angry he hadn’t checked the bed frames before. There was no space underneath the mattress that he could hide in, and so he listened on, trying to keep his fingers from trembling. This couldn’t be happening. Someone had broken in. They’d known he was here and had just waited for Grim to leave the room. He couldn’t be taken again.
This was a nightmare.
He was dreaming .
“You’re dreaming,” he whispered and began repeatedly pinching his arm, but nothing helped. He wasn’t waking up.
“What?” muttered Grim’s voice from the darkness. “Andrey?”
Misha’s heartbeat was so loud he was afraid it could give away his location, but the crumb of hope from the other room made him crawl along the bed. “Is that you, Grim?”
“It’s our room,” muttered Grim in a sleepy voice, and the light slid over his face when he sat up, emerging from the dark form of the sofa. He yawned loudly.
“You … I thought you went to the bar. I thought someone broke in.” Misha let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face.
“What? No. I wouldn’t leave you alone,” mumbled Grim sleepily.
“Oh. Okay ...” Misha had no idea how to communicate his distress. Gary had never wanted to hear about his fears.
Grim was silent for several moments, but eventually, his warm voice cuddled Misha’s shoulders. “You all right, bird?”
“I freaked out. I’m sorry. Would it be too much to ask you to sleep with me? I’m useless. I’m scared of my own shadow. We can build a pillow wall if that makes you more comfortable. I don’t want to make things weird.”
Grim laughed and got up from the sofa, swaying slightly as he walked toward the bed. “Nah, I think we can manage without a fort between us.”
“I—You know. No one likes a cock tease. I don’t want to be a pain. I’d just really rather you are next to me.” He swallowed, watching Grim’s body in the pale glow from the window. There were a few scars scattered over Grim’s skin, but other than that, Grim could easily compete with Misha’s favorite porn models. Misha sat up on the carpet and looked up at the sex god above him. He was such a pathetic mess in comparison. Freaking out over sleeping alone in a hotel bed.
Grim smirked and squatted in front of Misha, reaching out to him. “Come on, I’ll help you into bed.”
“I know I’ll get over this at some point. It’s all like a fresh wound, oozing blood every time I close my eyes.” Misha got to his knees and let Grim pick him up. He could crawl back onto the bed on his own but was embarrassed of how awkward that would look. Even if it was something many of his webcam viewers enjoyed seeing, Grim included.
Grim exhaled and slid his hand over Misha’s ass, letting it linger for longer than necessary before pushing himself up. “That’s ... poetic. ”
Misha pouted and grabbed on to Grim’s arm for balance. “I’ll just shut up. I’ll deal with it soon.” But he only said that for Grim’s sake. He had no idea what his future sanity would look like.
“No, go on,” said Grim quickly, putting Misha on the mattress. He walked up to the headboard and crawled in from the other side. Misha’s body stiffened as the other man’s weight approached him, even more so when he realized they now had only one comforter to share.
“I just want to be safe.” Misha watched Grim’s moves as he lay down. “I’m sick of being scared all the time. It’s fucking exhausting. Like my own body won’t let me rest.”
Grim rolled closer and picked up the side of the comforter, letting in some cool air to tease Misha’s skin. Not waiting for an invitation, Grim rolled underneath, so close to Misha it was like lying by a burning coal that smelled of a musky shower gel. “Don’t worry. I’ll be your shield.”
Misha let out a deep exhale and finally let his muscles go lax. “This … is nice,” he whispered.
“Yeah?” whispered Grim, spooning Misha like a giant teddy bear cuddled up in the warm snow of the comforter. “Can you feel how sturdy I am? Nothing’s gonna go through this,” he said and tensed his muscles, inevitably pushing his hips slightly forward.
Misha gasped but couldn’t deny that being hugged this way by Grim didn’t feel like those times when he was held down and forced to take whatever was unleashed on him. It still made his heart beat faster and left him a bit skittish, but he didn’t feel like rolling away. “If I get taken away again, I will die. And it will be on you, so you have to make sure I’m safe.”
Grim gasped and pulled his arms tighter around Misha. His scent was overwhelming Misha’s senses, shutting down his defenses one by one. “You’re mine now. I’m not gonna let anyone else have you.”
The warm brush of Grim’s breath on Misha’s nape felt comforting rather than threatening, and Misha let himself forget that he was so incomplete and that he would never walk. When they lay down next to each other, it didn’t matter. He could see himself wanted for his smile, his pretty face, even for his cock, ass, or a lean, flat stomach, but not just the stumps .
“My name is Misha.” He squeezed Grim’s hand, enjoying just how much bigger it was than his own. He thought about how much damage it could do to anyone who tried to hurt him.
Grim squeezed him tighter, placing a kiss on Misha’s nape as he molded his body to Misha’s, even aligning their knees. “Pretty name.”
Goose bumps erupted all over Misha’s arms at the tender kiss. “It doesn’t mean much anymore. Everyone always ever wanted Andrey.”
“You made him seem believable,” said Grim in the darkness, petting Misha’s arms under the covers. His shins were touching Misha’s stumps, but he couldn’t find the will to fight Grim now. “How much was there of you in him?”
“I was honest in my blog videos. And I was lonely, so talking to the camera gave me some connection with people, even if it was very one-sided. I would imagine I was talking to my porn model crushes, and jerk off pretending they were watching me. I mean … I don’t hate sex. I’d just rather take a dildo than Gary’s cum. Gary’s presence pulled me back into a reality I hated.” He watched Grim’s hand in the darkness and traced his knuckles with his thumb. “So whatever you saw with Gary wasn’t real. It was just for show.”
Grim squeezed his arms around Misha hard enough to put him out of breath. “Fuck … but the toy videos? Those were real?”
“It’s kind of … Gary told me to do them, but I could be alone in the room, and I’ve always had bottoming fantasies, so I grew to really like it. What I didn’t like is that I was exploited for money.” Misha gritted his teeth but only curled deeper into the heat of Grim’s embrace.
“Sorry,” whispered Grim, kissing Misha’s neck again. “That’s the porn industry for you. They’re weird like that.”
Misha wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask, but it was only fair since Grim knew so much about him. “Your dick—I mean … it’s really big. Like big-dick-porn big. Did you ever do any porn?”
Grim exhaled and let out a soft chuckle. “Yes.”
“Gay porn?”
“Obviously.”
Misha pulled Grim’s hand up to his lips and kissed his thumb. “Did you not like it?”
“Why, you want to see some?” asked Grim, exhaling behind Misha .
“No,” he quickly said but then squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like an idiot. “I mean, yes. Maybe. It would only be fair, huh?” Misha laughed nervously. “Just that you said the industry is weird, so I was wondering if it was bad-weird, or just weird-weird.” He took a deep breath, realizing that Grim was getting hard. Only thin pajama shorts were between Misha’s ass and that beast in Grim’s pants.
Grim moved his nose over Misha’s nape. “I only did two scenes. I was out of jail, had no money, no family to lean on, and I really wanted to fuck. Porn seemed like a way out of all my problems, but I hated it. The guys I was working with were obsessed with my size. One of them ... that was literally the only thing he could talk to me about.”
“I can imagine it garnering attention. But you’re not really hiding it either. Showing off in those tight pants.” Misha elbowed him gently, and his heart fluttered. Was this what lying in bed with a real boyfriend was like?
Grim was silent for several seconds, and Misha was already fretting he’d said something wrong when Grim spoke again. “People should know what they’re getting into. Everyone’s talking about how they love big dicks, but when push comes to shove, they backtrack. They first tell me some crap about wanting to know how it feels, then they change their mind and want to just suck me off. Then, they can’t fit it in, or they decide that’s not for them either. Keeping it secret is fucking pointless.”
Misha kissed Grim’s hand again. Would he be able to take a dick like Grim’s? Even thinking about it had Misha hot and bothered. He had used some big toys himself, but nothing that large. “I never thought about it that way, but it’s kind of true, I suppose. Like, you don’t want to only find out in bed that the guy you’re about to fuck was wearing prosthetics all along and actually has no legs.”
Grim laughed. “That would be like unwrapping a present.”
“For you. Most guys would feel deceived. And they’d freak out that they don’t want to fuck a cripple.” Misha squeezed his hand harder around Grim’s.
“I honestly think most guys wouldn’t care. It’s all about confidence. They wouldn’t be afraid of stumps the way they’re afraid of my size. I’m too old to take this kind of shit.”
Misha shuddered, and shame curled around his neck again. “I only had confidence in front of the camera. I’m a coward around people. I went through a park when I left the hotel, and I couldn’t deal with all those strangers around.”
“You’ll get there,” said Grim, petting Misha while his cock grew against Misha’s ass. It was hard to ignore its presence.
“Um … Am I affecting you too much? Do you want that pillow wall after all?” Misha muttered when his own body began responding in ways he’d rather hide from Grim, because they would lead to things Misha would later regret.
Grim growled and spooned even tighter against Misha. “It’s because you’re so fucking perfect.”
Gary never told Misha anything like that. He’d say that his ass looked fuckable or that he wanted to come down his throat. “You ... you smell nice.” Misha was treading a dangerously thin line, but what he should and shouldn’t do with Grim was getting blurred all too fast.
Grim gave Misha’s neck an open-mouthed kiss and gently ground his cock against Misha’s ass. “You know, when I’m with able-bodied guys, I get hard, but it’s not enough sometimes. I have no idea if it’s the size of my cock or just ... the way they look, but I sometimes need to pop the blue pills if I want to have sex with them. But with you ... you make my cock turn into a rock, birdie.”
Misha swallowed, and there was no denying it anymore. He was getting hard as well, and once that started happening, rational thinking became much harder. After all, Grim wasn’t someone who paid Gary for spending time in Misha’s room. Misha could deny Grim, and most probably, after two or three times of repeating “no,” Grim would back off even though he was so much stronger and didn’t really need Misha’s permission to take what he wanted. Hurt him, or fuck him. And it had been Misha who asked Grim to come into his bed in the first place.
“I can feel that,” he said breathlessly, letting his fingers trail down, over Grim’s wrist, and to a forearm that felt sturdy to the touch, as if it could hold all the evil of the world away from Misha.
Grim exhaled and spread his hand over Misha’s chest. His nose nudged the back of Misha’s throat, and then his tongue spread liquid heat from Misha’s shoulder up to the top of his ear. The touch was tender, incredibly arousing, and didn’t even have an element of sleaze behind it. Lust? Bucketfuls.
“I bet you want to see those two tapes I made.”
“I … I wouldn’t want to perv on you,” Misha uttered, slowly becoming liquid heat in Grim’s arms .
Grim’s laugh was low and sexy as it thundered all over Misha’s skin. “By all means, do. I want you to need me as much as I need you.”
Those words were soothing enough to let Misha shake the anxiety over Grim’s cock pushing at his ass. Misha knew not to trust pretty words, but Grim really did seem set on eliciting consent—even if his ways of going about it were sneaky at best. He’d never felt this way with any man. After he was kidnapped, every interaction had an undercurrent of fear and included calculating what to do to hurt the least once the encounter was over.
“I want you to promise that you’ll help me out even if you get bored with my body,” he whispered, tracing a vein on Grim’s arm with his thumb.
Grim pulled away, pushed Misha to his back, and leaned over him. He shook his head, frowning. “I won’t get bored. I’ve wanted you for years.”
Looking into Grim’s eyes made the dreamlike conversation in the darkness all too real, and Misha was glad for the comforter hiding his erection. The intensity of Grim’s lust was like a dark aura around him, ready to swallow up Misha and never let him go. Only as Misha tried to understand it did he realize that all of this was in fact new. He’d had the misfortune to meet men eager to fuck him, but they never spoke to him the way Grim did. In their minds, Misha was a commodity they’d paid for and would use. Grim saw him , even if desire clouded his judgment.
Choked up with the onslaught of emotions, Misha went silent, and Grim pressed his forehead against Misha’s temple.
“I promise, okay? I will never leave you on your own.”
Misha was done with claiming that he was tough and could deal with the world on his own. He’d been on pins and needles since they’d left the base. “Thank you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Grim shuddered with such strength Misha noticed the tremor in his limbs and heard the soft gasp coming from his mouth. “Ever?”
Misha recounted his own life in his mind. “Ever. I’ve had a shit life. And the one time I’d hoped for a better one, I got burned so bad it nearly killed me.”
Grim slid his hand behind Misha’s neck and pressed their lips together in the gentlest of kisses. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re the good part.” Misha stroked Grim’s shoulder, loving how sturdy it felt. So unlike Gary’s.
Grim pulled Misha’s hand to his lips and licked his knuckles, staring into Misha’s eyes in the faint light coming from outside. Misha gasped, and yet another shiver of arousal went straight to his cock. Grim’s face was so ridiculously symmetrical he could be a model. Just looking into his eyes made Misha forget about the danger he’d be in if Zero or his men found him. He swallowed and reached to Grim’s pec, feeling the heat beneath the skin with his palm.
Grim purred and opened his mouth, gliding his soft tongue over the underside of Misha’s finger, only to suck it in loudly without ever breaking eye contact.
Misha let out a moan and squeezed the sturdy flesh on Grim’s chest, remembering how well Grim had sucked him off the day before. He could hardly breathe, let alone think. No man had ever managed to let him feel both safe and aroused at the same time. Those two concepts had been mutually exclusive in his life when another man was involved.
“Fuck …” Misha whimpered, completely mesmerized.
Grim’s eyes twinkled, and their knees touched under the comforter as Grim slowly took two of Misha’s fingers all the way in, slurping around his knuckles and massaging Misha’s wrist with his thumb.
All the sensations, combined with being only inches away from a man hotter than Misha’s favorite porn star and hung like a horse, were just too much. Despite a wave of embarrassment, Misha’s hand dove under the comforter and grabbed his own rock-hard dick. He’d come in seconds, he was sure of it.
Grim pulled Misha’s fingers out of his mouth and kissed them. “Touch me,” he uttered with a rasp to his voice, and Misha wasn’t even sure whether it was a plea or command. Grim slowly rolled the comforter off his body, revealing the erection that at this point stuck out from the waistband of his underwear, and Misha’s hand stuck inside his pajama shorts.
Misha hesitated, unsure of what jumping down this rabbit hole would mean, but it was too late. The tension between them was too thick, and he’d never felt so safe and elated all at once. And Grim’s size didn’t scare him, since Grim wasn’t asking for anything that could possibly be hurtful. He just wanted to be touched. He wanted to be close, just like Misha did.
With his one hand still down his pants, Misha reached to Grim’s erection with the other and touched the sticky cockhead with his fingertips. He couldn’t stop panting from the excitement of it all.
Grim shuddered, nipping on Misha’s shoulder as he pushed the wet head of his cock against the middle of Misha’s palm. The smooth tip caressed the sensitive skin, begging for more touch. Before Misha could pull Grim’s briefs down, the light squeeze over his balls had his brain melting. Grim was touching him through his shorts.
Misha started stroking himself in quick moves as he watched every muscle in Grim’s body shift, his firm thighs, his stomach, and his arms. Grim was worth photographing for posterity. Misha pulled on Grim’s briefs, releasing the thick cock from its confines, and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to try to suck on it. The cock throbbed in his hand when he grabbed it, adoring every vein. Grim had been right about one thing: Misha did perv on him.
Grim moaned and looked down at Misha’s hand around his cock. He rolled to his side, intertwining their legs tighter as his hand trailed over the front of Misha’s shorts. He briefly touched Misha’s hand before slipping inside, brushing over sensitive skin, and touching the head of Misha’s cock.
With his teeth grazing Misha’s cheek, Grim pushed his dick into Misha’s hand, fucking it in rapid, impatient movements. Misha’s mind drowned in an image of Grim pushing inside him this way, and all it took was a few more times of his fist pumping his cock for him to come. And it was different from last time too, even if he was the one to finish himself off. He was free, did this on his own terms, and wasn’t afraid of what would happen next. And he didn’t have to give Grim a handjob in return. He wanted to.
Grim pushed his face against Misha’s neck, and his strong body twisted as he pumped his cock into Misha’s hand. “Fuck ... this is so hot,” he uttered and sucked on the side of Misha’s cheek as he clawed his hand against Misha’s hip.
When Misha had men touch him, he’d always been very aware of his own body, but right now, the lines of where he ended and where Grim began were blurring. He pulled his sticky hand out of his pants and trailed it over the pronounced muscles of Grim’s stomach. He kissed the side of Grim’s face and let go of Grim’s cock for a moment to swap hands and have Grim fuck the one which had slippery cum on it. He’d done things in his life he wasn’t proud of, many things he didn’t want to remember, but this? This was all him, no acting, no worry over his mask slipping. And when Grim’s mouth captured his in a frenzied kiss, all walls crumbled.
Grim pulled him close, and his cock became even harder before it twitched, shooting a jet of cum between Misha’s fingers. Misha opened his mouth wide, inviting Grim’s tongue, and secretly wondered what Grim’s cum would taste like. The cock throbbed in his hand with such intensity Misha clenched his ass around nothingness.
Grim’s muscles deflated when he finished, and he collapsed on the bed, sucking on Misha’s tongue. His dick was still hot, and Misha couldn’t bring himself to let it go as he felt the sperm cool on his hand and forearm.
His eyelids were heavy, his cheeks flushed, but he still looked at Grim, catching deep breaths. “I wasn’t planning this.”
Grim laughed and kissed Misha’s lips, gentler now as he lay next to him in a loose embrace, chest heaving. “That’s normal.”
“I’m not really sure what I want.” And thinking was not easy in the post-orgasmic haze with Grim lying there sated, gorgeous, and with a cock not much smaller than when it was fully hard.
Grim stretched and leaned over to the bedside table, pulling some tissues out of a wooden box. He passed a few to Misha and started cleaning himself off with a lazy smile ghosting across his lips. “We can take things slow.”
“I’d like that.” Misha cleaned himself quickly, unable to stop stealing glances at Grim. “Thank you for tolerating my meltdown earlier.”
Grim smiled and slid his arm underneath Misha’s head. “You’ve kissed it all better.”
Misha pushed into a hug, but as his mind was clearing, he reminded himself he couldn’t be naive about this. If he wasn’t careful enough, whatever he was doing with Grim could spiral out of control. Sadly, the rest of his body wasn’t as logical as his brain.
Grim tossed the dirty tissues away and pulled the comforter over their bodies, falling back into Misha’s arms. His heart was thumping against where Misha held his ear, but the rhythmical drumming was slowing its pace. Grim sighed sleepily.
“I’m gonna keep you safe even in your dreams.”
Misha bit into his lips and hugged Grim tighter. He didn’t even care anymore if this was some attempt at manipulating him. He wanted to believe every word that came from Grim’s lips.