Chapter 30
30
SUTTON
O n Wednesday afternoon, I helped my mom with Thanksgiving dinner preparations. Today had been Winnie’s last day of school before the break, and Calen had volunteered to pick her up and take her out after.
I hadn’t stopped worrying all day, but I was desperately trying not to let it show. Mom had a sixth sense for these things though, and she finally glanced at me as we were carrying dishes to the table.
“Should we set an extra plate for Calen?” she asked.
I sighed. “Yeah, we should. Even if the idea of having him here makes me want to go hide under the bed.”
Mom chuckled. “Between Hawk, his dad, and yours, they’re going to make him want to go hide under the bed, so don’t worry about it.”
I grinned. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all, but you don’t really think they’ll be rude to him, right?”
“Oh, honey. They’re definitely not going to be kind, if that’s what you’re asking.” She patted my arm and walked around the table, setting the dishes in place. “Calen should’ve known that was coming, though. I’m sure he’ll be able to take it.”
I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t care if he can take it. As long as they don’t make Winnie uncomfortable, I’m here for the show.”
“I’m sure they’ll all be very aware that she’s listening,” Mom assured me.
As we headed back to the kitchen, the front door banged open and Winnie came sprinting inside, hyped up on sugar and carrying an armload of toys. “Mam! Look at this! Look what I got!”
I glanced at her, doing a double take at the amount of toys and the way she was practically trembling with the energy racing through her veins. Despite the pang of anger that rushed through me, I smiled at her and opened my arms for a hug. “That’s great, baby. Why don’t you go show Grandma and I’ll be back in a minute. I just need to have a quick word with your daddy.”
She jerked her head in a nod and raced away, just about bouncing off the walls. I pursed my lips and walked outside, fighting the urge to demand to know just what the fuck he thought he had been doing. I’d explicitly told him not to let her have too many sweets, but it wasn’t like he ever listened to me.
Calen was waiting for me on the porch. His eyes landed on mine as soon as I stepped outside. Red hair glinting in the late afternoon sunshine, his arms were crossed lightly over his chest as he leaned against a pillar.
When I shut the door behind me, he smiled and stepped away from it, his eyes surprisingly soft and intent on mine. “Hey, darling.”
“How many sweets did you let her eat?” I asked, taking a step back when he took a step closer.
When he frowned and lifted his arms like he’d wanted to come in for a hug, I narrowed my eyes, scoffing down a burst of incredulous laughter. Calen stopped short, sighing. He pressed his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans.
“So I let her have a treat, Sutt. It’s nae a crime.”
“No, maybe not, but that sugar rush isn’t just from one treat, Calen. How much?”
“An ice cream,” he drawled, those lips curved into a sheepish smile I knew was meant to be charming. “A couple little packets ‘o sweets and maybe a waffle. I was just tryna spoil her a bit. Don’t be mad.”
“Are you kidding me?” I seethed, but then I convinced myself that this wasn’t worth the argument. I wanted him to leave as soon as possible and the damage was already done.
Fighting about it wouldn’t make the sugar disappear from her body. The only thing it would achieve was to keep him here for longer. Even so, I couldn’t quite keep the annoyed anger out of my voice when I snapped at him again. “Are you coming to her play tonight?”
“Yeah, o’ course. I already told her I’d be there.” He leaned a little closer to me, a twinkle I was all too familiar with in his eyes. “What do you say about after the play, the two of us get together. We’ll talk and?—”
“Not a fucking chance,” I said flatly. “Just make sure that you’re there if you told her you would be, okay?”
“I’ll be theeeeere,” he replied easily, dragging out the last word. A slow smile spread on his lips. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and extended them toward me. “You can’t stay mad at me forever, darling. Just meet me after. One drink, yes?”
“No,” I repeated firmly. I couldn’t even believe that he had the nerve to flirt with me right now, but I also knew that he was.
Bringing his eyes to my lips, he even let them linger there for a moment. “Have one last drink with me, Sutton. For old times’ sake. We’ll drink, we’ll dance, and if they’ve got karaoke around here, we’ll sing. Have a good time. Like we used to.”
With that, he winked, tossed one hand up in a wave, and sauntered off the porch to his rental car. As he got in and sped away, I saw an unfamiliar woman sitting in the front seat. I scoffed, my head shaking as I walked back into my parents’ house.
Some things never change.
I just didn’t know how I hadn’t realized it years ago.
Calen wasn’t cut out for monogamy. He was never going to be happy with just one woman, not while there were still so many out there to be charmed out of their panties.
It made me feel bad for Maeve, who was obviously somewhere by herself, taking care of their baby while he whored around with the women of my hometown. I never thought I’d feel a thing for my former best friend, but despite everything that had happened, I did pity her now.
As I walked back into the kitchen, Winnie was showing my mom all her new toys. “This is a vampire Barbie, isn’t that cool? Daddy’s friend bought her for me.”
Mom’s eyes flicked up to mine and we exchanged a glance, but I gave my head a quick shake. Now wasn’t the time to tell her that “ Daddy’s friend ” had been in the car when he’d dropped Winnie off, or that it was likely he was now cheating on Maeve.
“Daddy said he was going to sit in the front row of my play,” Winnie said proudly, grinning like a cat who was about to get all the cream. “He said he would be there early to get the best seat in the house and that he’s going to cheer the loudest.”
So help me, Calen. You’d better keep all these promises you’re making her go on and on about.
“Everything has to be perfect, Mam,” she said as she looked at me, her eyes wide. “Daddy will want to see me all the time if it is. Can we be there early too?”
“Sure,” I agreed and turned away to busy myself with the salad I’d been making for dinner tonight so she wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes.
Everything has to be perfect because then Daddy will want to see me all the time was a new nugget I was going to be adding to the highlight reel of phrases that broke my heart.
With Calen in town, I had no doubt I was going to be adding a lot more before he finally jetted off again, none the wiser of all the ways in which he hurt his own child on a daily fucking basis. It made me so angry I could cry and yet I couldn’t.
Someone had to be strong for Winnie, and it turned out that I was the only one left to do that. Thankfully, my mom realized that I needed a minute and slid an arm around Winnie’s shoulders. “Why don’t we let your mommy go get some air while you come help me with the desserts for tomorrow? I’ve been saving them for us to do together.”
“Yes!” Winnie cheered, shooting me a pleading look when I finally managed to get my tears under control. “Can I, Mommy? Please?”
“Of course,” I said, desperately trying to hold it together as I nodded at my mom. “I think I’ll go get that air now. Thank you.”
She winked at me and I spun around and made a beeline for the kitchen door. I was practically hyperventilating as soon as it shut behind me. Just when I started thinking things were going to be okay, he just has to show up.
After working on calming my breathing, I walked around aimlessly for a while, hugging my too-thin-to-be-outside-in jacket around myself as I tried to get a handle on my thoughts.
Eventually, I ended up at Hawk’s, knocking softly on the back door and hoping like hell that he was in there to hear me. When the door finally swung open, it was Emery’s face I found myself looking at, though.
She smiled when she saw me. “Sutton? Hi, come on in.”
As she stepped aside, her gaze swept across my face and the smile immediately vanished. “Ouch. You don’t look so good. What happened?”
“Calen,” I said listlessly, taking her up on her invitation and going inside. I looked around for her brother. “Is Hawk home?”
“He’s at the port with Dad,” she said. “I’m available to talk, though. Can I make you a cup of tea?”
“Are you sure you’ve got time?” I asked. “I don’t want to pile onto everything you’ve got going on.”
She chuckled, shut the door behind me, and crossed over to the tea kettle. “Actually, my pile is pretty small these days. Add to it. Please. The boys are at school, I’ve cleaned the house, and I don’t have to go to the office today, which is great, but I’m not used to being bored anymore.”
“Bored is good.” I managed a weak smile as I walked further into their kitchen, glad for the reprieve from the cold outside.
I made my way to their breakfast nook, where she and I had spent many hours drinking tea and talking just like we were about to. It occurred to me that I still didn’t know what Hawk’s plans were, but Emery certainly looked better.
Her cheeks were rosy again and there were no smudges under her eyes today either. She seemed to be carrying herself a little easier, her steps lighter and her shoulders a little more square. Wearing a long-sleeved, black and blue maxi dress and with her dark hair swept up into a high, smooth ponytail, she looked more like herself than I’d seen her since I’d gotten home.
“Hawk is still helping out at your dad’s business, huh?” I asked, knowing that I should probably wait to get the actual story from him, but I needed some information at least. “That’s good. I’m glad. You’re looking really great.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, he is. He’s been a godsend, actually. It turns out that it really helps when you know exactly what you’re doing and when you’ve got the gravitas to make the people at the port listen to you.”
“I bet,” I agreed, laughing. “What’s going to happen with all that now? Is it true that he’s staying?”
“Sort of,” she said vaguely as she made our tea. “He’s really trying to help and he’s got a lot going on at the moment. I think it’s probably for the best to let him explain. Besides, you came here upset about Calen. What happened?”
“What if I’d rather talk about Hawk?” I countered.
Emery chuckled and shook her head. “You’d always rather talk about Hawk, but when he gets home and finds out you were here and that you were upset, he’s going to want to talk to me about you . I want to talk about you too, if I’m being honest. You seemed pretty shaken when Calen showed up at school the other day. I’ve been worried.”
“Fine,” I conceded but held up my finger. “If you promise that after we talk about this, we can talk about Hawk.”
“You got it, but I’m really not sure how much I can say. He’ll want to have this conversation with you himself.”
“Too bad we never seem to get around to having it.”
“You will,” she said confidently. “It’s just that between his work and your ex, you’ve both been pretty slammed recently.” Her jaw suddenly went slack. “Wait, please don’t tell me that’s what this is about. You didn’t get slammed by your ex, did you?”
“What?” I laughed. “No. Definitely not. What does that even mean?”
She shrugged. “Divorced people have been known to fall into bed together sometimes, and I’d imagine the sex would be pretty angry, so slamming seemed accurate.”
I shook my head. “Calen insinuated that he wanted to hook up again, but I shut it down. I have no desire to get back together with him or to be the other woman, and besides, he’s already got one of those. I would be the other, other woman.”
“You’re kidding!” she squealed, spinning to face me with her eyes wide. “He’s cheating on the woman he cheated on you with? It serves her right, if you ask me.”
I crinkled my nose. “Actually, I’m feeling pretty sorry for her right now. Don’t ask. I can’t explain it either. Karma is a bitch. I don’t have to be one too.”
Emery mimed giving me a round of applause. “Taking the high road. I like it. Although you’ve always done that. Is that what you were upset about, though? That he’s fathered yet another child he doesn’t seem to care about being around with yet another woman who probably deserves better?”
“Yeah, well, when you put it like that, then sure, I am mad about it, but mostly, I’m upset because the first time he spends an afternoon with Winnie in over a year, he brings a strange woman along, feeds my daughter way too much sugar, and then lets the woman buy her toys. He also promised her that he’d be there tonight and she can’t stop talking about how her daddy is coming to watch her.”
“She’s been pretty excited about him seeing the play since before she was even cast in it,” she said, clearly remembering Winnie raving about it before. “At least he’s here, though. Right?”
“Sure. I just hope that he actually shows up tonight because it will break Winnie’s heart if he doesn’t. She’s only seven, Em. She doesn’t deserve to have her heart shattered by her own father every single time she sees him.”
“No, she definitely doesn’t.” Emery fixed our tea and handed mine over, her expression soft with sympathy as well as genuine hurt and understanding. “All my kids know the extreme version of paternal disappointment way too well too. I’ll hope with you that Calen shows up. Do you think he will?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, but I had a nagging feeling in my gut. “The only thing Calen can be counted on doing is what’s best for Calen, and what’s best for Calen usually involves sex and booze. Neither of which will be available at the play.”
Emery winced and set a hand gently on my forearm, squeezing as she looked me right in the eyes. “We’ll all be there, Sutton. Whether or not Calen shows up, Team Brunson will be there, and we’ll be loud, and she’s going to know just how loved she really is, even if it’s not her father there to do it.”