Chapter 28 Rafe
RAFE
“No. I already told you why that is a terrible idea.”
“Rafe, listen to me.” Zach stroked my thigh. Even though I was fairly sure he was trying to comfort me, not seduce me, it was distracting as fuck.
“We’re not talking to my family. I won’t let them near you.”
Zach’s hand tightened on my leg. I glanced over at him. He was staring at me.
“They aren’t going to listen to me. They’ll see you as a threat, no matter what X said. They aren’t going to believe you mean the family no harm.”
“You don’t have to tell them I’m a fed.”
“They’ll figure it out. They’re likely looking into you already because I—”
He squeezed hard enough to hurt. “What did you tell them?”
“Stop.” I pushed at his arm. “Let go of me.”
He jerked his hand back. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I just…”
“I told Dante a new guy joined my top game and that I liked him.” That was close enough to the truth. He didn’t need to know anything about Dante’s speculation.
“You said—”
Oh fuck. No. I couldn’t admit… “I mean, I said I wanted to fuck the guy—you.” Zach was smiling way too much. I couldn’t deal with this and him wanting to bring in my family.
“Rafe. What did you actually say?”
“That I’d looked into things, and you weren’t with Ivanov, so he didn’t need to worry.”
“And that you liked me.”
“I refused to promise to keep my hands off you. That’s it.
We’re not talking about this anymore, and we’re not talking to my family.
” I knew how to keep my mouth shut. That was an essential life skill in my line of work, so how the fuck had I come so close to admitting I had feelings for Zach?
Very inconvenient, impossible feelings. I could not let him know that, but I also couldn’t let my family hurt him.
I would do whatever was necessary to keep him safe.
He might think he could tough it out with them, but no matter how much he had studied us, he couldn’t possibly understand the bond my brothers and I had.
If they thought for one second that Zach was going to hurt me, if they knew what kind of danger he was putting me and the rest of us in, they wouldn’t hesitate to kill him. Unless…
Unless they knew how I felt. Love was something they understood, but this wasn’t love.
It couldn’t be. I didn’t even believe in love for me, no matter how fucking adorable my brothers were with their men.
What I felt for Zach was just the excitement of someone forbidden, the rush, the heat of the moment.
I’d always loved anything filthy and illicit.
I turned back to face him. “Would you kill me to keep your career or keep this investigation in your hands? If I turned on you, could you do it?”
I watched his chest rise and fall with several shallow breaths. He held my gaze as he thought about his answer. Finally, he said, “No. Maybe when we first met, I could have. But now… no, I couldn’t.” He ran a hand over his hair. “Things weren’t supposed to be like this.”
“No shit. And I couldn’t kill you either.”
He sighed. “So what do we do now if bringing in your family isn’t an option?”
“Wait. You’re going to listen to me on that?”
“I can’t do it without your cooperation, but I know they’ve worked with enemies before.”
“Enemy crime families, not the feds.” Zach didn’t say anything else.
I was sure he was waiting for more of an explanation.
I turned away from him and walked across the room.
“I thought finding the mole was going to make this easier. I thought he would lead us straight to Ivanov, and then we’d kill him and bring down all his associates who are left, but I was being a stupid kid again. ”
I felt the heat of him suddenly right there behind me.
He seized me by the upper arms and spun me around to face him.
“You’re not a kid. You’re not stupid, and you’re not the weakest link.
You know what you’re doing. You’ve improved the profits of the casino since you took over.
You’re bringing more people in; things look fresh and appealing.
I hate casinos, but I don’t mind being there. ”
Well, fuck me. “That’s what I was going for.”
“And you’ve done it. You are an asset to your family, and if they don’t see that, then they’re fools. I don’t think they are because they couldn’t keep the business they’ve got going if they were. Fools couldn’t keep evading law enforcement the way they have.”
“They’re not, but I’ve always been the fuckup.”
“Was that on purpose when you were younger?”
How the fuck did he know that? “I just wanted to be seen. Dante was so fucking smart. Lorenzo was the oldest, and he was taking care of us. We had to do what he said, and we had to listen and then…”
“He’s the one who ended up in jail.”
“That wasn’t his fault.” Zach stared at me, and I looked away. “Lorenzo was betrayed. I can’t tell you the details, but yeah, he got angry afterward. He made a stupid choice, but he was pushed so damn far.”
“And your family couldn’t get him out of it?”
“Bargains had to be made, and he believed he should be the one to be sacrificed. He blamed himself and thought he deserved it.”
Zach studied me for a moment. “And what did you think?”
“That he made a mistake. That I loved him, and I missed him. Dante and I needed him, but I can’t tell him that because he already feels so much fucking guilt about it.”
“Do you think maybe when you screw up, he gives you the same benefit of the doubt?”
I shrugged. “I guess so, but you sure as hell wouldn’t think so from what he says to me.”
“Do you always say what you mean when you talk to your brothers?”
I thought of all the times I’d told Lorenzo I hated him when he tried to stop me from doing what I wanted, and all the times when “fuck you” really meant “I love you” or “thanks.” I shook my head. “No.”
“I bet he doesn’t either.”
“Maybe not, but we’re still not talking to them. I won’t put you in that kind of danger.”
“We’re looking for a man who doesn’t mind torturing children, and you don’t seem worried about my safety tracking him down.”
“That’s different. That’s your assignment, and I can’t stop him, but I can keep you away from my family.”
“So then, what’s the plan? We’re going to have to be more subtle. We need to do something to scare whoever else is involved enough to make them reveal themselves by turning up the heat or approaching you with the blackmail demands. What would do that?”
I tilted my head as I thought, and Zach smiled. Fuck, I wanted to kiss him and forget about Ivanov, but I couldn’t do that. Then the idea came to me. “An audit.”
Zach stared at me for a moment. “Fuck me. That’s perfect.”
“Nothing would scare an accountant more than an audit when they know they’re fucking with the books.”
“Especially an audit from the FBI.”
My mouth dropped open. “Shit. Are you with the bureau?”
Zach nodded. “Guilty.”
“I thought you were with some black ops agency who’d kill you if you revealed their name.”
His smile did distracting things to me. “No, just an agency I shouldn’t mention around career criminals.”
“This is so fucked-up.”
“It is, but I can play officious accountant in my sleep.”
I looked him up and down. “I bet you could, but you’ve been seen with me at the casino.”
“I’m going to need a disguise and a new persona, but I can handle that. Or rather, others in my office can. I’m way overdue for a check-in.”
“So I get to see you all dressed up in an FBI suit and shades?”
“You do.”
I wrapped one of his curls around my finger. “With the red hair that goes with this skin?”
“How’d you know?”
Was he serious? “Babe, your dye job wasn’t that thorough.” I looked down.
“Fuck. How had I not even thought about that? Maybe I’m not fit for undercover work anymore.”
“Not true. You just met your match.”
“I think I did.” Those words hung in the air, and I tried really hard not to take them the way I wanted to.