Chapter 8 Nikolai
NIKOLAI
Iturned on my side and let my tears fall as I listened to Lorenzo’s steps move away from my door.
I could hardly breathe, and I felt like I might pass out.
Could you pass out lying down? I wasn’t sure.
All I knew was that Lorenzo had given me the best experience of my life.
I’d never imagined anything could feel so good.
So why was I crying? Why did my chest feel tight, and why was I shaking like I was freezing to death?
Because as good as this was, I was still here, still in hell, still engaged to Alina.
Lorenzo was never going to toss me on the bed and hold me down while he fucked me.
I wasn’t going to know what it would be like to have him all the way inside me, to suck his cock, to hear him come.
I hadn’t even gotten a chance to get him off.
I replayed our moments together in my head.
He’d been so fucking passionate, so hot, so filthy, but he was cold enough to pull out of me, zip his hard cock up in his trousers, and grab his gun.
I couldn’t figure out if that horrified me or turned me on more.
Then he’d just finished me off and walked away.
I’d wanted his cum inside me, dripping out of me.
I wanted to smell like him. Sucking my own cum off his fingers had been so damn good.
I never even thought about doing that. The times I’d made out with guys, we’d been trying to hide and doing everything in a rush.
They had known more about what they were doing than I did, but Lorenzo knew fucking everything.
What was I supposed to do now? Pretend this never happened, marry Alina, and be a servant to her father?
It would be even worse to be controlled by Ivanov than to be controlled by my own father.
I was useless to him except as a way to get money in exchange for me, but Ivanov would take my body too.
I wouldn’t have any control over myself.
He’d force me to sleep with Alina too. He wanted more grandchildren, and he expected us to produce them. That had been made very clear.
Neither of us wanted children, especially not when we’d be bringing them into her father’s household.
I’d had only brief moments to speak with her when we couldn’t be overheard by guards or our fathers, but I’d learned that she didn’t want to get married any more than I did.
She wanted her own life away from her family.
She’d run away before, but her father had hunted her down and dragged her back.
She didn’t say exactly what had happened afterward, but I knew he’d hurt her and tried to break her, but he hadn’t.
She was an amazing woman, but I didn’t want to marry her. I didn’t want to be forced from one horrible family into another. Everything Lorenzo said about her father was true. Nothing was going to get better after the wedding.
What if Lorenzo could… Do what? Start a war for me? Kill my father and everyone else who would rise to defend him?
No. He wasn’t going to save me.
He didn’t promise you anything but a good orgasm, and he gave you that.
I was a stupid, naive little boy. He wasn’t here to save me; he was here to use me. To take what he wanted and then leave, just like all the boys I’d messed around with in high school until I’d tried to close off my desires, realizing that being used like that wasn’t even pleasurable.
I should have fought Lorenzo. I should have tried to keep my attraction to him better hidden, but I just gave in and let him have whatever he wanted.
And you loved every second of it.
I had. It was even better than my fantasies, nothing at all like the rushed hand jobs I’d had before.
I could still feel his hand around my cock, the firm, almost painful grip, the way he talked to me, so filthy and so fucking hot.
The way he looked at me, like he saw me, really saw me, and he wanted me.
But that couldn’t be true. Why would he understand anything about me except my desperation to have him fuck me? I was just conjuring another fantasy. He’d been my hero in my dreams, but this was real life. I knew dreams didn’t come true.
I’d been caught up in the fantasy of actually seeing him after all these years. The idea that he wanted me in real life was intoxicating.
Lorenzo had told me to run, but that was easy for him to say. He was the head of his family; he had money and power and the ability to do whatever the fuck he wanted, even sneak into my room with my father right downstairs and make me come harder than I ever had.
Even with months of planning, Alina’s attempt at escape hadn’t succeeded. Why would I think I could get away?
There was no way out. My father would hunt me down just as Ivanov had hunted Alina, and he would make me pay for disobeying him.
If I couldn’t escape, I had no choice but to go along with what my father wanted.
My only other option was trying to convince him not to force this marriage, and that was far more laughable than the thought of running away.
I didn’t even want to think about what he’d do to me if I told him I didn’t want to be Ivanov’s toy.
My father might want to keep me looking presentable for the wedding, but I had no doubt he had ways of hurting me deeply that wouldn’t show.
As I wiped away my tears, I saw something red on the floor.
When I looked more closely, I realized it was Lorenzo’s tie.
He’d never put it on after he’d gotten dressed.
Had anyone noticed? I hoped not, but if they had, he would have come up with a good explanation.
He couldn’t have gotten as powerful as he was if he weren’t a proficient liar.
My father would never admit it, but Lorenzo wielded far more power than he did.
His connections to the Theriots made him too strong to challenge directly.
I leaned over the edge of the bed to grab the tie, then brought it to my face and breathed deeply, drawing in Lorenzo’s scent. When I rubbed the soft fabric against my cheek, more tears fell. I wanted Lorenzo there with me. I wanted him to be the hero I’d fantasized about.
Still holding the tie, I curled up in a ball and pulled the comforter up and over my head. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up to someone pounding on my door.
It took me a minute to orient myself. Why was I still in my robe? Why was I holding a tie? Why was my ass sore?
“If you don’t answer the door, I will be forced to come in.” It was one of my father’s guards.
I shoved Lorenzo’s tie under my pillow, pulled my robe together, and tied it tight. “You can come in.”
“I was sleeping,” I said when he stepped into the room.
He nodded. “Your father wants to see you downstairs.”
“I’ll get dressed and then come down.”
The man took his head. “He said to bring you immediately.”
That couldn’t be good. “Is there anyone else with him? I can’t be seen like this.” I looked down at myself. I didn’t even have any underwear on. If this satin robe slid apart, I’d be fully exposed like I had been with Lorenzo.
“He’s already going to be angry at how long it’s taken me to retrieve you.”
“Fine. I’ll follow you.” Even my father’s guards didn’t have to treat me with respect. Why would they give me any sympathy when my father didn’t?
Fortunately, my father was alone. As soon as he saw me, he snarled, “Why aren’t you up and dressed already?”
To do what? Sit in my room? He was keeping me locked in. I was summoned to meals when expected, and that was it. “I’m sorry, sir.”
He huffed. “I think you’ve got a lot more to be sorry for than laziness.”
My pulse had already been thumping in my ears. It sped up even more, and the room began to spin. What did he know? Could he possibly have found out about Lorenzo and me?
“Remington Theriot called me this morning and made it clear that he wasn’t pleased about your upcoming marriage. Why would he do that? What would make him think he had the right to tell me who my son should marry?”
He paused as if he actually expected me to answer. “I have no idea, sir.”
“You don’t?”
“No, sir. I’m not sure why I would.”
“I’m not sure why you would either when I have secured an excellent marriage for you, far better than anything you would find for yourself.
I’ve spent money on you, made sure you had anything you needed, tried to teach you about the business, though you refused to learn, and your mother coddled you too fucking much.
I saw Lorenzo watching you last night, and my brother says he saw Lorenzo upstairs, just a few doors down from your room.
When he asked what Lorenzo was doing up there, he implied he was meeting someone.
” Oh God. Please don’t let him know. “Do you know who he was meeting?”
I shook my head. “No, sir.”
“Interesting, because we haven’t been able to think of anyone who was seen up there, and no one was in any of the rooms to my knowledge except for you. Lorenzo has made it very clear that he’s interested in you despite you being plenty young enough to be his son.”
Lorenzo was only twelve years older than me, and according to my mother, my father had been sleeping with women half his age or younger throughout their marriage.
I’d certainly seen plenty of young women in and out of his bedroom when I’d still lived with him.
I wasn’t about to mention that though. “I don’t know what Lorenzo was doing upstairs, and I don’t know what that would have to do with Remington’s decision about our marriage. Perhaps he owes Lorenzo a favor.”
“What happened last night?”
I thought about the tie lying under my pillow. What if, right now, guards were searching my room?
“Nikolai, tell me what happened last night.”
“Nothing happened.”
My father walked around the desk and stood in front of me. “Try again.”
“Nothing happened.” He slapped me across the face so hard it felt like my eye was going to pop out. I tried to fight the tears that came to my eyes, but I couldn’t hold them back.
Just then, the guard who’d come to get me stepped into the room and held up Lorenzo’s tie. “I found this under Nikolai’s pillow.”
My father smiled. “Of course. I noticed Lorenzo was missing his tie last night.” He turned back to me. “What did you say to him? How many of our secrets did you spill?”
“None. I didn’t say anything.” My voice sounded weak and shaky. I wanted to be strong like Lorenzo. I wanted to have the balls to stand up to my father.
“Did you encourage him to interfere with your engagement?”
“No, I swear.”
“If Ivanov finds out what kind of perverted slut you are, he’ll call this marriage off, then you’ll be completely useless to me. Part of me wants to slit your throat right now, but I need this deal. I’m going to make damn sure you don’t do anything else to fuck it up.”
I was shaking, and I wished I could sink into the floor and disappear. Why couldn’t I have anything I wanted? Why couldn’t I have found the courage to run? At least then I would have had a chance.
I could have gotten away when I was living with my mother in New York, but I knew what my father would do to her if she lost me. Even when she stopped being sober, when she stopped really talking to me, I couldn’t give her a death sentence.
My father drove his fists into my stomach. More blows came after that, but I retreated somewhere deep into my mind, knowing that was the only way I would survive.
I was on the floor, barely conscious, when I heard my father say, “Take him up to his room, lock him in, and stay at the door until another guard comes to relieve you.”
A man grabbed my arm, yanked me up, and tossed me over his shoulder. I groaned with pain, but he didn’t speak as he took me to my room and trapped me there like my father ordered.