Chapter 35 Elijah
ELIJAH
Calliope takes the present from me and sets it down on the side table in the hall, then she takes my hand and leads me through to the kitchen. Squeals of laughter and excitement rise up from the living room, and I’m suddenly smiling uncontrollably at the sound.
Is there anything purer than the sound of a child’s excitement?
“Is everything okay?” I ask as we enter the kitchen.
Calliope closes the door behind me and walks around the island counter. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’m okay, thank you. Calliope, what’s wrong?
Did something happen?” I’ve never seen her like this.
She keeps tucking her hair behind both ears and walking as if she’s uncomfortable.
She reaches one of the counters and presses all her fingertips together, then curls her hands into fists and walks back to the other side.
“I don’t know how to say this,” she says, her voice slightly strained.
“If it’s something I’ve done, then please, just tell me straight.
If it’s something else, then you can tell me.
I won’t judge.” I hope it’s not me. Last night was fantastic.
The chance to get my feelings out in the open was such a rush and it drove Calliope deeper into my arms, not away.
I can’t think of anything that could deflate the cloud I’ve been on all day, thanks to her grace and attention.
Then again, as Calliope’s brows knit together and she chews her lower lip to the point it flushes deep red, something rolls in my gut and the unsettled feeling grows the more she paces back and forth.
Is it work? Family? Has Imogen contacted her? A flurry of worry darts through my mind, every thought almost instantaneous like a crowd of birds flocking together and suddenly, I’m nervous.
“Calliope?” Her silence is unnerving, and the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.
She suddenly stops and turns to face me, placing her hands on the counter in front of her. Her dark hair spills nearly over one shoulder like a curtain and then she looks up at me with those gorgeous, intense blue eyes.
“Elijah…” Her head shakes briefly and she bites hard on her lower lip. “Nick is your son.”
You could knock me over with a feather. My entire body goes numb as those words reach me and then worm around my mind on constant repeat. The more I repeat them, the more numb my body grows until I feel nothing but the sluggish thump of my heart and those words echoing in my thoughts.
Nick is your son.
Nick is my son.
Calliope’s Nick.
Her son.
He’s my son?
“I—” She starts to speak and then chokes, quickly lifting one hand to her throat, and she tears her gaze away from me. “Oh, my God. I… I didn’t mean—I mean, I do mean it. I just didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.”
Nick is my son.
What the fuck?
“That summer we were together? At the conference where we slept together. It’ll be seven years ago this June.
Nick was born a little premature, nothing serious, but…
I got pregnant. That’s why I was trying to call you.
Not that I didn’t want to call you for you, because I did, but I was so shy, and then time passed and I couldn’t, so I gave up on ever seeing you again.
But then I thought I had a kidney infection and found out I was pregnant, so I called and I got your wife.
” Her voice quavers on that last word. “I was horrified. I thought you were some kind of scumbag who had used me to cheat on your wife, and in that moment, I decided I wanted nothing to do with you. You didn’t get to be in my life or his life. ”
I can’t blame her. She’s already made it clear how she spent these past years thinking I was married, and I have no one to blame but myself. If I’d gotten her number or been firmer with my mother, then there’s a chance this never would have happened.
My head spins and I have to reach for the counter to keep my balance. The wobble amplifies the concern in Calliope’s eyes, but she’s speaking like she’s in a rush and can’t catch her breath.
“I didn’t keep it a secret to be an asshole.
I thought you were the asshole. I was so sure you were this terrible man, and then you turned up here again and saved me from the pipe and I didn’t know what to do.
For all I knew, it was a fleeting visit and I wasn’t going to disrupt mine or Nick’s life for a man who was only passing through.
But then everything started to get real.
Last night you said you were falling for me, and I know what that means because I’m feeling it too, but that’s not important.
What’s important is that he’s your son and I’m begging you, please don’t take him away from me. ”
There’s panic in her voice, real panic that spears right to my heart and gives me something to hold on to. As the world stops spinning and Calliope becomes a steady figure in my eyes, confusion eats away at the shock in my heart.
“Take him… away?” That kid is brilliant. What little time I’ve spent with him felt natural and easy, and I’d quietly pat myself on the back, thinking I was just good with kids, but was it because part of me knew? Was some part of me, on a physical level, recognizing my own son without my knowing?
“Yes,” Calliope gasps and her hand flies to her mouth.
“I know you’re probably angry. Furious, even, but I’m begging you, don’t take him away.
I’m a good mother and he’s happy, and if you want to, we can work something out but if you—” She changes suddenly and a lick of anger replaces her panic.
“If you think you can take him without a fight, then you’re so mistaken because I will fight tooth and nail for my boy! ”
She’s fighting a battle I haven’t even ignited yet, ten steps ahead while I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a son.
A real flesh-and-blood son.
Mom would be over the moon.
“Calliope—” Her name escapes me just as the kitchen door flies open and her mother storms in.
“Calliope, are you getting the cake or not? There are fifteen hungry kids out there waiting for Nick to blow out his candles and—” She stops abruptly when she sees me and her eyes immediately narrow, deepening the crow’s feet around her eyes. “You.”
The venom in her voice catches me off guard and I step back and Calliope rushes forward.
“Mom, don’t.”
“It’s you, isn’t it? The good-for-nothing man who has been messing my daughter around!”
“Mom, not now!”
“Don’t you dare defend him. You think I don’t know that you didn’t come home last night? That you’ve been reckless and distracted ever since you’ve started seeing him? I know you, Calliope, and I know the mistakes you make. He is one of them!”
“Mom, it’s nothing. Can you go back to the party? Elijah and I were just—”
Her eyes narrow further and she slaps away Calliope’s hand. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
“Who?” Calliope’s eyes dart between us.
“He’s the one who knocked you up, isn’t he? That’s why he’s been hanging around.”
“Mom!” Calliope scolds sharply. “Now is not the time!”
“No. I’ve been waiting years to give you a piece of my mind. My daughter was a lovely thing until you came along and ruined her. She spent years building herself back up and then you think you can just waltz back into her life and fuck it up for a second time? How selfish can you be?”
“Mom, stop!”
“You’re all the same. Men. You don’t spare a thought for those you leave behind.
You just do what you want and then walk away because consequences mean nothing to you.
Well let me tell you, I won’t let that happen here.
And you, Calliope, you should be ashamed of yourself for falling for his tricks again! ”
“Mom, will you shut up!” Calliope finally yells, bringing a tense silence to the kitchen.
I appreciate it and finally take a breath, something that felt impossible with an angry elderly woman bearing down on me.
“Mom, I get it. You’re hurt and pissed that Dad died.
I am too. But you're directing your anger at the wrong people! Being angry with me will only push me away, tearing down the home will only rid you of the memories you had with him, and Elijah? He’s not in the wrong here.
I am, okay? So just for once, stop. Stop saying horrible things, stop acting like you know everything because you’re just going to make it worse! ”
Her mom stares at her in shock, her eyes wide and her lips moving like a goldfish gasping for air. “Calliope,” she says weakly. “How can you say such things?”
“Because it’s true! I came here to love and support you, and you’ve been acting tyrannically ever since.
And I get it. I do. It hurts. You miss him.
” Her voice breaks slightly. “I do too. But you can’t take it out on me and certainly not Elijah because yes, he is Nick’s dad.
But I was in the wrong, okay? He did nothing because he didn’t know. ”
I want to say something.
I feel like I should, but while this all happens in front of me, I’m still stuck on one thought.
Nick is my son.
I’m a father.
I swallow hard again and again, trying to dislodge the odd sensation of something catching at the back of my tongue. If I get rid of it, maybe the words will come.
The sensation lingers and the words don’t come, even as Calliope and her mother dissolve into an argument about who is right and who is wrong about my responsibility.
Responsibility I didn’t know I had until ten minutes ago.
And then it hits me. Something her Mom said sticks out like a pin on a marble floor.
‘You think you can just waltz back into her life and fuck it up for a second time?’
Suddenly, I know what I have to do.
“I have to go,” I choke out, sounding like I’m being strangled.
“What?” Calliope stares at me in shock as the argument with her mom falls silent. “Elijah—”
“I’m sorry, I have to. I hope Nick enjoys his present, I really have to—” I’ve barely finished before I'm rushing out of the kitchen and flying for the door.
There’s one terribly important thing I have to do, and I have to do it before I can even think about anything else.
I just hope Calliope trusts me.