Chapter Fifteen
“As I said last night, I thought going to war would be a grand adventure—a way to see more of the world than just the Highlands. As far as that, I did see more of the world. Though it didn’t turn out to be a very appealing journey.” He cleared his throat and continued.
“When I arrived in Spain, I was clothed in a proper uniform, given a weapon, and shown how to fire it. I was fed like a prince, and the wine was supplied aplenty. But after we left for France, everything changed.”
“How so?”
“I’d arrived with my horse—Brimstone served me well—so I was permitted to ride.
But we couldn’t get ahead of the men the whole way.
While their feet ached, my arse and back hurt like the devil from being seated from predawn to well after dark.
I found someone willing to trade off and let me walk awhile. ”
“I’m sure he was happy to give his feet a rest, as well,” she suggested.
“Aye.” Ronan nodded. “We got to the camp at midday. There was hardly time to throw down our things in the tent before we were whisked away to battle.”
He looked at her slim fingers and remembered that first day. “I rode out onto the battlefield and was immediately bombarded by men coming at me. I didn’t have time to think about anything. I started fighting through them out of survival rather than wanting them dead.”
She let out a breath. “Was it different? Killing a man who was not your true enemy?”
He understood her question. It had been different when he’d protected his lands during a raid. There had been purpose to it.
“Aye. I didn’t know the man who threatened my life, and he didn’t know me.
Most likely, we didn’t even speak the same language.
I understood why he wouldn’t want me on his land.
It would have been enough to draw a sword across his throat without thought if he had been on Grant lands.
But as it was his land, I thought about its wrongness. ”
“Did you win that first battle?”
“Aye. I fell onto my bedroll that first night with nothing but a few scratches to show for the day. My head, however, was filled with thoughts and regrets that turned into that numbness I spoke of earlier. The soldier who’d rode my horse earlier in the day hadn’t lived.
Shane and I found our feet quickly. Fighting back-to-back, we were invincible, or so we thought. ”
He nodded toward his leg. “I went to fight because Shane had told me of the adventure it would be. It didn’t take us long to realize how wrong we’d been. There was none of the glory we were promised. I knew right then I’d made a mistake.”
Her fingers tightened slightly.
“I held on to that mistake the whole time. Using it to spur me into fighting. Using that anger at myself to keep me going.”
He went on for hours, telling her other stories while sparing her the worst gore.
The day wore on. She brought him dinner when they grew hungry again.
Her hand remained on him the whole time he spoke, tethering him to the room, the castle, and home.
He told her of that last battle where he’d been caught in the leg by a boy who couldn’t have been older than thirteen.
He was telling her of his fevered dreams when her hand slipped from his arm.
Had he finally disgusted her enough that she no longer wanted to touch him?
But when he looked to her, he saw she had slumped over in sleep. He smiled. She hadn’t found him disgusting, simply boring. The sun had left them hours ago, and she’d been up early. Not to mention the lack of sleep the night before because he’d awakened her and nearly killed her.
After watching her sleep for a few moments, he slid from the bed and slipped off her shoes. He picked her up from the chair, expecting his leg to protest. But thanks to her care, he only suffered a minor ache.
He settled her in the bed, wishing he knew her well enough to remove her dress so she’d be more comfortable. But he didn’t want her to think him improper for undressing her while she slept.
He was her husband and, by rights, would have been allowed to disrobe her, but he wouldn’t until she was awake and able to give her permission.
Once he was in bed beside her, he pulled the blanket over them, ensuring she was covered. She burrowed in, making a sweet sound of contentment. Aye, he’d definitely made a mistake when he left home to find adventure. Perhaps the adventure he’d been seeking had been right here all along.
With her.
***
Brenna dreamed about battle—the sounds and the chaos. If this was what war felt like, she would gladly follow the drum. She was so warm and comfortable. She was probably too close to the fire and would go up in flames at any moment. But she couldn’t care enough to make herself move.
She opened her eyes to see a hard, naked chest in front of her face. Her hand rested over Ronan’s heart, and she smiled at the steady thump, proving he was here, healthy and alive. If he’d succumbed to fever, she would never have had this moment with him.
Or this second chance.
Was that what she was hoping for? Where was the anger she’d been gripping onto to help save her from the pain he would inevitably cause? A tear came to her eye at the thought of losing him, but she pushed it away. It was silly to be sad about something that hadn’t happened.
Knowing he was sound asleep, she pressed her lips to his warm skin—checking for a fever, she lied to herself.
Slowly, as not to wake him, she pulled her hand across his taut stomach. She paused momentarily to caress the sprinkling of hair she encountered, but eventually, she removed her hand and slipped out of bed without disturbing him.
Brenna wasn’t sure how she’d ended up in bed the night before, but she was happy to have slipped out from his heavy arms without waking him. She had things to do, and morning was the only time of day it was safe to walk around without her guard. Not going would have been a missed opportunity.
She smiled up at the sunshine as she left the hall and went to the stables. After packing a few oat cakes and honey mead she eagerly rushed off to enjoy the August morning without worrying about Ewan being around.
Jamie, the stable hand, smiled and waved as she stepped into the stable and went to her horse’s stall. Pulling the stall door closed behind her, she wiggled off her skirts so she was in her trews and shirt. It was easier to ride without a skirt, but she didn’t go about the keep dressed like a man.
Leading Merlin out of his stall, she whistled a tune while saddling him. The groom smiled and left her to work, knowing she liked caring for her horse. The tall stallion reminded her of the day she’d married her husband when they’d gifted each other their horses.
When Merlin was ready, she hopped up and swung her leg over to mount. It wasn’t the most graceful approach, but she’d learned to mount without a block so she could get on and off her horse wherever she wished.
She trotted him out of the gate and through the village. The horse had tensed in anticipation, and when she gave him the nudge, he flew into action across a field and over a short wall. The horse slowed on his own as they approached the kirk. It wasn’t their first visit, and he knew the way well.
After dismounting and selecting a handful of flowers, she entered the graveyard and placed the bouquet on Geordie’s grave.
Resting her head on her knees, Brenna took a moment to enjoy the warmth of the morning sun on her back.
Usually, it was earlier when she came, the sun too low to offer much heat.
She remembered the heat from Ronan’s body when she woke that morning.
“Ronan has returned,” she told his grandfather quietly.
“He’s had a few injuries but is in otherwise good health.
I worry more about the injuries one can’t see.
He has nightmares, and I wish there were something I could do to help him. ”
She touched her tender throat, recalling how those nightmares haunted him. And how dangerous one’s mind could be. “I wish you were here. I miss you.”
She stood and brushed the grass from her backside. She placed kisses on each of the headstones. “I love you.” Letting out a sigh, she went to her horse to retrieve her bow.
Feeling like someone was watching her, she pulled her dirk from the scabbard at her hip. She would not allow Ewan to catch her unaware. In the forest, she stepped quietly behind a tree and waited.
A few minutes later, someone stepped into the woods on the same path she’d used.
She’d thought she at least had the peace of the mornings, but now Ewan had also ruined that.
She sprung out to attack as soon as he walked past the tree where she was hiding.
Kicking the backs of his legs caused him to stumble down to his knees, and she took advantage by grasping his hair and jerking his head back to place her dirk at his throat.
“Good morning, wife,” Ronan said calmly.
She released him immediately and then helped him rise to his feet. “My apologies. I thought…I thought you were someone else.”
“I guess I should be grateful you didn’t wish to kill me. Who were you expecting?”
She shook her head, not wanting to tell him she might have killed his uncle if the opportunity presented itself. “A woman must protect herself, even on her lands. It is a sad truth, but the truth nonetheless.”
“Interesting you speak of truth while you avoid it.”
Her eyes went wide as he called her out.
She’d told the warriors to be patient and wait until Ronan was ready to hear the truth. She’d told them to answer honestly if he asked a direct question. But here she was, not following her own orders.
“Very well. I thought you were Ewan come to trouble me. I normally have peace in the mornings for the drunkard sleeps until noon most days. But the other day he…” She paused and considered. “You followed me to the forest that morning as well?”
“Aye.”
She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Trying to catch me in a tryst with my imaginary lover? Is that why you came here today? I thought you would have given up this ridiculousness yesterday after you visited the Campbells’ home.”
“I have.”
“Then why do you slink about following me and nearly scaring the life out of me?”
“I believe it was I who was in danger.” He glanced down where she still held tight to her blade.
“If I’d killed you by accident, I would have never forgiven myself,” she said while guiding it into the scabbard at her hip.
He smiled then, the crooked pull of his lips that showed his dimple to distraction. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
“If you are not trying to catch me up at something, why are you following me?”
He shrugged. “As you guessed, I saw you as you came to the woods to hunt. I wondered if I might join you today.” He nodded to the bow and quiver of arrows he’d dropped to the ground during her attack. He looked about and frowned. “I dare say we’ve probably scared any game away.”
She nodded and pressed her lips together to hide her smile. They’d surely not see anything out of the stomping and shouting they’d done.
“Mayhap we could go for a walk instead?”
A walk with Ronan? “Very well.”
They secured their weapons back with the horses and followed the path into the cool forest. She paused to look down at his leg. “Did you remember to stretch it out this morning?” she asked.
“Aye. I followed your orders, and it doesn’t trouble me much today.” She looked up to see if he was reluctant to admit she’d been right, but he merely smiled down at her.
“Still,” she said. “We shouldn’t walk far. I did say you should let it rest.”
“Ye did. And then you kicked me in the very leg that was injured.”
Her eyes went wide again as he chuckled. She opened her mouth to apologize again, but he raised his hand to stop her.
“I’m only jesting. You didn’t hurt me.”
“You’re certain?” She felt horrible.
He smiled at her again and shrugged. “Maybe I should have feigned a bit of pain so you would tend to me again the way you did yesterday. I enjoyed it more than I should have.”
He looked at her unashamedly, and she met his gaze. He’d liked her touch. She imagined the surgeon hadn’t thought to rub the sore muscles. She paused and looked back at him, remembering the day before when he’d grasped the blankets and pulled them across himself.
Was he… Yes, he was flirting with her. But why?
She was standing before him in men’s clothing.
He couldn’t possibly have liked her touch in that way.
She swallowed down the many questions that came to her lips and ignored him instead.
“Should we sit over there on that downed log? I brought food if you’re hungry.
I generally break my fast out here rather than in the hall.
” Not wanting to miss a moment of the time she could be alone in the woods.
“I’ve already eaten,” he answered. “But I would be happy to join you.”
They settled on the damp wood, and she pulled the oatcakes from her pack. She offered one to him, and he took it. She pulled the cork from her flask and offered it to him.
She focused on her meal for the next few minutes and what she might say to the man next to her.
She could feel his curiosity like a living thing sitting with them in the calm of the dense trees.
She wanted to move the conversation back to how he’d felt when she’d touched his bare leg.
She had not been unmoved by the action herself.
It was strange for all the times she’d touched people she helped heal; she’d never felt the tingle of anticipation she had when she’d stroked the muscles in Ronan’s leg.
She’d indeed kept at it much longer than necessary, but she would never admit to such.
“You say you cut Ewan’s face,” he stated rather than asked.
His words caused her to jump. They were so far from where her thoughts had traveled. So it was back to this. She squared her shoulders, ready to defend herself. “Aye. I did,” she said with no little amount of defiance. Let him judge her for it.
“And ye banished him from the clan without food, water, or a weapon.”
“Aye. I have already said as much.” Again, the words nearly snapped with annoyance.
“What you haven’t said is why.”
“You haven’t asked.”
“I am asking now.” He raised his brows, and she knew it was time to share her story.