Chapter 11
11
Sophie
I push the door open with my hip, juggling my shopping bags and my backpack. One of the plastic handles breaks on the grocery bag and all of its contents go falling to the ground. My pint of blueberries spilling out everywhere. Little berries rolling across the floor, disappearing under my bed. “Oh no!” I hang my head and sigh. This day just keeps getting better and better.
I should just call him. I should ask him if he still wants to have dinner with me and spend the night together. But I can’t. I’m terrified he’ll ask about Maddock again.
“Let me give you a hand, babe.”
His deep voice startles me as he kneels to the ground, gathering all the little blue berries and putting them back in their container.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, finally noticing all the candles lit around my room, and the coffee table covered with a tablecloth and a giant vase of magenta roses sitting in the center of it. “You did all this?”
“Yes, babe. You said you had to work tonight. But I figured you had to eat so I made you dinner.”
“You did?” No one’s ever done something so special or romantic for me before. He’s too good for me. I don’t deserve his kindness, not after lying to him this morning.
“Here. Let me take those from you.” He stands, grabbing the bags from my hands, and places them on my desk.
“How did you get in here?”
“Torrin gave me her key. She’s staying at our house tonight.” And that means we’ll have the place to ourselves . “Are you hungry?”
I nod, still too overcome by the gesture to speak. I’m terrified that once he learns the truth about me, he’ll realize I’m not the one for him.
“You didn’t have to do all this. You already made me breakfast. This is too much.”
“It’s never too much. And I can’t help it. I wanted to spend a little time with you. But I promise I’ll take off after dinner so you can do your work.”
I don’t want him to leave. And I already got my work done. I spent the entire afternoon locked in the library, trying not to think about Travis and how my past might destroy my chance with him.
“I want you to stay, Travis.”
He walks to me, pulling me in close. His hand cupping around my chin. Those eyes make me melt. The way he looks at me…
“I missed you today, pretty girl.”
God, I missed him too. His lips press to mine and every thought drifts away. I don’t know how he does it, but just from the touch of his lips, he can right all the wrongs. I let him take me to that place where everything feels warm and tingly. And safe.
“You’re so incredible, Sophie.”
I pull away, feeling unworthy of such an amazing man. I’m not incredible. Far from it.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” I shake my head, feeling the sting behind my eyes. “I’m just hungry.” I pull away and turn. “So, what are we having?”
“You know you can trust me, right?” His body is at my back, voice deep and tender.
“I know I can.” I just can’t trust that he’ll still feel the same about me once he learns the truth.
“I’m really trying here, babe. I’m trying not to pressure you to talk to me, but I’m falling for you, Sophie.” The air gets locked inside my lungs as he steps in front of me, forcing me to look at him again. My heart is thumping wildly in my chest. “I don’t want to find out two months down the road that I never stood a chance. That there’s someone else you still have feelings for.”
“I don’t.” There’s never been anyone else. A drunken hope saturated in lies, but that’s it. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. “I promise, Travis. There’s no one else.”
“Then what is it that you’re keeping from me? Why won’t you tell me who this Maddock guy is?”
Because you won’t feel the same anymore .
“If we’re going to give this a fighting chance, you can’t keep secrets from me, baby.”
He’s right. I know he is. And I know he deserves the truth. I’m trying to safeguard myself from getting hurt, but that’s a selfish choice. I need to tell him. Whatever the outcome is, I’ll have to face it. And it’s better now than two months down the road when it will shatter me when he walks away.
“Can we sit down?”
He nods, taking my hand and leading me to the couch. I look at the pretty roses. The twinkling lights on the table that are now blurred streaks. The magenta tablecloth that he went to the trouble of finding. He spent so much time making it special for me, and now I’m about to prove that I’m not as special as he thinks.
“I was at a party.” I swallow the lump of nerves as the memory floods in, capsizing my calm. My voice is unsteady. My nerves rockier. “We’d all been drinking.” I’d had too much to drink. But so did everyone else. The memory of Presley passed out and lying beside us makes my stomach hurt. I never thought in a million years she’d wake up. But she woke up to a nightmare. “At some point, we all crashed in Sarah’s basement. All of us just sleeping on the floor. I remember being woken up by Maddock.” He stiffens to his name, but I keep going. “He wanted me to kiss him.”
Travis’s jaw clenches as his hands squeeze mine tighter. They feel clammy, like he’s just as nervous as I am.
“At first, I thought he was confused because his girlfriend was laying on the other side of him. But then he told me it was me he wanted.” I should’ve listened to my gut because I knew it was too good to be true. That there was no way he could be interested in me. “I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls.” Travis squeezes me again, his eyes narrowing like he doesn’t like my comment, but it was the truth. “They were all thin and perfect, and I…I was the chubby one.”
“You’re not chubby, baby. Your curves are sexy as hell. They’re what drew me in. Not every guy is into thin chicks.” I know he thinks I’m sexy. It’s in the way he looks at me. The way he makes me feel. It’s funny how I haven’t once been insecure about my weight with him or questioned his attraction for me. But I questioned everything that night with Maddock, and I should’ve listened to my gut.
“The guys at my school never looked at me twice. So that night when Maddock was telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me, I wanted to believe him. I wanted it to be true.” But I found out it was all a ploy to get me to sleep with him.
“He told me he was breaking up with his girlfriend, but I still didn’t think we should do anything until they were officially broken up. Presley, his girlfriend, was my friend. But he fed me another lie, telling me she hated me. And I stupidly believed every word.” Every thickly layered lie worked its way around my insecurities and made me believe he wanted me. “It was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could go back and tell him no. I wish I hadn’t been so gullible.”
“What exactly happened, babe?” There are creases around his eyes. Little lines of concern that are tugging at the strings of my heart. He’s concerned about me, but I’m not an innocent victim in this story. I’m a villain just like Maddock.
“We started to make out. I was getting nervous. Second-guessing things. But I so desperately wanted to believe that he could actually be attracted to me that I didn’t stop it. And when he asked me to have sex with him, I…”
The tick of Travis’s jaw causes the words to get stuck in my throat. My mind is suddenly distracted by the irritation already pulsing in his cheek.
“You what, babe?” The kindness in his voice is such a contradiction to the angry look in his eyes. I don’t know how to read him…but I need to tell him.
“I gave him my virginity.” His grip on my hands is almost painful, but the memory hurts worse. “But as we… As he…” I can’t even say it. “I kept second-guessing myself. Wanting to stop. Not wanting to let him down. Wanting to feel desired. But then Presley woke up and he shoved me off and went after her.” And then the truth broke me. “I went after her too, wanting to apologize, and that’s when I heard him telling her that he’d been passed out and I took advantage of him. He told her he thought it was her fucking him and he was so grateful that she woke him up or he’d have never known what I’d done.”
“I’m going to kill him.” My eyes shoot up from our gripped hands and I see the hatred that’s icing over his handsome features. “Tell me his last name, baby. So, I can hunt him down and break his fucking neck.”
If I wasn’t so shocked by the sincerity rolling off him, I’d laugh. But he’s dead serious. And I’m almost afraid to tell him what happened in the weeks that followed.
“He didn’t force me into it, Travis. I was aware of the decision I was making. I knew it was wrong. Even if Presley truly hated me, I shouldn’t have hurt her like that.” I can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I was coherent through every choice. And I chose not to stop it.
“I’m sorry, babe. You may have thought you were in the driver’s seat, but he manipulated you to get what he wanted. And then he tried to cover his ass. The fucker needs to pay. He took my girl’s virginity for fuck’s sake.”
He stands from the sofa, cursing as he starts to pace in front of the coffee table. His fists are clenched at his sides. His entire body rigid. Like a warrior ready to take prisoners. If Maddock were here, I think Travis really would kill him. And that terrifies me. I don’t want him going to prison over that monster. I don’t want him to ruin his career or have his life taken away over an asshole who got pleasure in bullying me. If anyone is going to pay, it’s Maddock.
“What happened next, babe?” He seethes his question. “Did the girlfriend break up with him?”
“No.” My eyes drop back to the flickering candle. The look on Presley’s face every time I passed her in the halls will forever haunt me. “She believed him.”
“How the fuck could she believe that asshole?” He shakes his head, putting his hands on his waist. “Was she dumb?”
Presley was one of the smartest girls at our school. Sarah was the one who always came to me to do her homework. “No. Maddock made it believable. He verbally attacked me in front of her, accusing me of trying to ruin his relationship. He had everyone at school calling me a whore. They iced me out. Made my life a living hell. It went on for weeks. I begged my parents to let me transfer schools, but they thought I needed to show my strength and get a thicker skin. But then the attacks started happening at my house. Our home was egged. The yard was toilet-papered. Hateful words were spray-painted on our garage. My parents reported it, but the cops did nothing. Finally, my parents realized how serious things were and they sent me to a boarding school. That’s why I went to the new school.”
He stalks forward, kneeling in front of me. His angry stare peering right into my eyes. “You need to tell me his last name so I can make him pay, baby.”
I reach for his cheeks, wanting him to calm down. “Travis, please. The day will come when I will destroy him. But I want it to be when it matters most.” The rise of his career. The day before his wedding. I’m not sure when, but I will make him pay. And I will make it hurt. “I want to look him in the eyes and have him know that I was the one who took him down. That I hold the power.”
He lets out a sigh. I know he doesn’t like that answer, but it’s my war. And I want to strike on my terms.
“You have to know this is killing me, babe. No one should be able to get away with that. He deserves to be locked up.”
“And we tried, but he always told the same lies.” And everyone believed him. So now, I plan on making him pay with more than just his freedom. I’m going to make him lose his dignity. I’m going to make it to where everyone hates him and all he’s ever known crumbles right before his eyes. His money. His popularity. One day, I will rip it all from him. “I promise he will get his, Travis.”
“I don’t like it.” He shakes his head. “But I definitely respect your decision. I understand why you need to be the one to handle it. Just know that when the time comes, I’ll be there to protect you. And if he or anyone else tries to hurt you, they won’t live to breathe another day.”
“Thank you.” I wipe away a tear that has made its escape. It’s the first time I feel like someone has my back.
“Babe, why wouldn’t you talk to me earlier? I get that it’s hard for you to share something like that, but I’ve been worried all day there was someone you still had feelings for.”
With the way I clammed up, I get how he could draw that conclusion, but I froze in my fear. “I thought you’d think less of me.”
“Why would I think less of you? Some asshole fed you lines and you wanted to believe it. I don’t blame you for that.”
I may have believed it, but Maddock’s lies aren’t an excuse for my actions.
“Because I cheated with my friend’s boyfriend, knowing she was in the same room. I knew they hadn’t broken up yet, and I still did it. I can’t forgive myself for what I did to Presley, and I don’t expect anyone else to be okay with it either.”
His hands grip the back of my neck, and the same look he had earlier has returned. Making my heart beat faster.
“I may live my life by honesty, Soph, but I don’t subscribe to perfection. We all make mistakes. Babe, yours, I don’t even consider one. Just the fact that even after what you went through, you could feel guilty for your choices in the situation, speaks to your character. I know you’re a good person, babe. This one moment in your life doesn’t define you. I hope you know that.”
I’ve been harboring my guilt for so long, and with a few words, he’s lessened the weight of my pain. “Ever since that night, I’ve felt broken inside. But when I’m with you… I feel whole again. You make me forget, Travis.”
“That’s good to hear, pretty girl, because I’m aiming to make you fall in love with me.”
The butterflies in my stomach flutter, wanting to spread their wings wide and take flight after a long winter of icy fear and chilly regret. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m already falling for him. I know it’s fast, but there’s just no stopping the way I feel. It’s out of my heart’s control.
“Is that so?” I cock my brow, wrapping my arms around his neck. “What if I told you your wish was already coming true?”
The way his eyes dance with mischief stirs the tingles down below. Heat pricks over my skin. His hands trail up my thighs and I’m suddenly yanked to his body.
“I’d tell you that’s good to hear, because I’m already in deep.”
The feeling that settles over me has no words. Happy. Elated. Safe. Trust… That’s the one that packs the biggest punch. I trust him. I know he isn’t feeding me lines. I know that he’s not on some mission to steal my virginity like Maddock. Travis’s only mission is me.
“Make love to me, Travis.”
The whispered plea slips from my mouth. I want this moment, this night, burned into my memory. Instead of the horrified look shimmering in Presley’s glossy eyes. I want to remember the candles flickering around my room. The pretty pink roses sitting on my table. The romantic gesture of this loving man making me dinner. I want to burn this feeling into my system, override everything that happened in my past and replace it with him .
“Please, Travis.”