Chapter 26 Alexis
ALEXIS
It’s been over a month since the night at the club with Finn.
We text some but he’s been distant. The night he was going to come over, I had let myself believe things would work out, then when he cancelled, I was crushed.
Now that I know why, I get it, but something also changed after that.
Deep down, I know it’s that he had enough time to really think about it and realized, like everyone else, that I'm not worth the hassle. And really, it’s probably for the best. I would never want to do anything to hurt Marcee, but you can’t help who your heart says is the one.
Finn has ruined me, and I don’t even want to go out, or go on dates, or anything.
I try to let go of the fantasy of Finn and me as I pour myself into school, focus on finals, and apply to internships.
Marcee came back to our place for the last few days of spring break, and we binged Netflix and ate all the junk food we could get our hands on.
Tanner had been her first real relationship and the first person she had sex with, making the breakup a rough one.
He hadn’t even given her a reason; he just said that he wasn’t ready for the commitment and wanted to be single.
If you ask me, he wanted to hook up with randoms on spring break and didn’t want to feel guilty about it. Boys can be such pigs.
After four years of living together, we decided to get our own places for our last year here.
Marcee is doing her student teaching, I’m taking on more classes at the gym and hopefully interning, so we thought having our own places would allow us to focus better.
But because we’re co-dependent, we got single bedroom apartments in the same building.
So, after my last final, I'm boxing up my room when Marcee walks in with two red solo cups and in the tiniest dress I have ever seen on her.
“Daaaaamn girl, where have you been hiding those things? Those legs go on forever! Better watch out, get a couple drinks in me, and I’ll be hitting on your fine ass,” I squeal as I check her out.
“I'm over crying and missing Tanner. I want to have some fun.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Well, I met a girl in my statistics class, and she was telling me about this club up near my dad’s place where they have go-go dancing cages.” She bites her lip as a blush creeps across her cheeks.
I blink slowly at her. “Ummmm, hello. Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?” She laughs but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Lexie, I have spent my whole life being the “good girl.” Following every rule and even staying a virgin until I was fucking twenty years old!” My shoulders drop at the desperation in her voice.
“No. Screw that look of pity, Lexie. I'm not doing this to get back at Tanner or something stupid like that.
I just want to really live. To stop being so fucking scared of what everyone else will think.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'll look back on this time and realize I wasted my youth being too scared to try anything.”
I tear up looking at my friend. The rock in my life.
When the world had done nothing but kick me and I wore my sexuality as body armor, she stood by me.
She was the designated driver. She was the one with condoms in her purse because I always forgot.
She held my hair while I puked. While I lived it up, she held down the fort, and I realize now that it’s my turn.
“Well, then I better get changed, and we better not pre drink too much. I’ll drive us.” She squeals and turns on music while I search through my closet for something to wear.
“Hey, Lexie, why don’t we just pack a few days’ worth of stuff and crash at my dad’s place?
He’s on a business trip, but he won’t care if we stay there.
” A lump forms in my throat at the idea of being in Finn's home when he isn’t.
Pushing those feelings into the little black box in my heart, I smile and grab a duffle bag.
At least he won’t be there to confuse me and drive me crazy—small mercies.
We’re out the door in record time. As we step into the elevator, Marcee types furiously into her phone. “Marlina is going to meet us at the door at eleven. Apparently, she knows the bouncer, so we should be able to bypass the long lines.”
We pull into the lot right at eleven o’clock, and the line for the door is winding down the long sidewalk.
Thank God, Marlina pulls through and we walk right in.
I pause just inside the door, taking in the venue.
The club is wild, to say the least. There are performers dancing in cages, their bodies swaying and undulating to the loud music.
Marcee's eyes light up, and she pulls me straight to the bar where she promptly orders three shots.
I shake my head and jingle my keys in front of her.
“Hell no, Lexie! We’ll get an Uber back, but you are drinking with me!” Marcee announces with a no-nonsense attitude. I take the shot from her hand, dropping my keys into my purse.
“Cheers to a night of bad decisions,” I shout, clinking the tequila shot with both girls before throwing it back.
The burn of the alcohol slides down my throat, setting the mood, and any night starting with tequila is bound to be interesting.
Three guys instantly approach us, buying us drinks and asking us to dance.
We grab our free cocktails and take them out onto the dance floor.
By midnight, I find myself dancing in one of the cages with Marlina and Marcee.
A while later I'm still dancing, but I can’t find Marcee.
Searching the crowd, I start to freak out a little but relax when I spot her at the table we were using.
Marcee is drunk as fuck and making out with one of the guys in the booth, get it girl.
Scanning the club for Marlina, I spot her flaming red hair as she slips into the restroom with a very hot guy in tow.
My heart squeezes as I remember another night when I was the one sneaking into a bathroom with someone I never imagined I had a shot with. Fuck.
I finish the rest of my drink and steel my resolve.
I have to quit obsessing over him and let go of the idea of there ever being an “us.” On a whim, I decide to show him what he’s missing and the fact that I'm not sitting around pathetically pining for him. Snapping a selfie of myself in the cage, I hit send, then put my phone away, not even bothering to see if he responds. Smiling, I grab the bars and lose myself in the music. Reclaiming the Lexie that doesn’t wallow over a broken heart and knows how to have a good time. I fucking needed this.