Chapter 8 #2
When she looks back at me again, I can’t help but think how beautiful and frail she looks, so innocent and so incredibly… human.
The thought shakes me and I remember Lysander’s words. He’d said the longer we’re alive, the more humanity we lose. The less certain things matter and the more monstrous we become. Is that really true? Will there be a time I lose myself as I am now completely?
I hope not. But as I look at Haven now, I can see our differences. I can see her humanity.
Clearing my throat, I try to regain myself before speaking again.
“I know you are probably regretting your choice to come back with me,” I begin.
When she says nothing, only watches me with curious eyes, I go on.
“You were presented with an opportunity to escape, and after everything you have been through, I understand why you would risk your life to leave this place.”
Her head tilts to the side, studying me with those striking eyes again. “Why are you really helping me?”
It’s a simple enough question, but for some reason I can’t find the right answer. Because Henri deceived me? Because my ignorance has caused this to happen for so long? Because it is my fault? Because, despite everything, I do care about her?
They are all true, and the more I go over the reasons in my head, the more my heart thuds in my chest.
“Avrum?” she calls to me, pulling me from my thoughts. “Why are you helping me?”
I run a hand over my face. “Because it is the right thing to do,” I settle on, “and if we are both going to survive this place, we need to work together.”
“Henri adores you,” she replies. “What do you have to fear?”
“Already what I have done would be considered treason to him, and if I am found out, I have no doubt that Henri would kill me.”
“Then why take the risk?” she pries. “I’m not worth it.”
Without hesitation, I close the distance between us. I run a finger over the smooth skin underneath the wound on her cheek and lift her face to look at me again. “You are worth risking everything for.”
A smile flickers across her lips like a dying candle.
“I envy your strength,” I add with a quick, nervous laugh. “A person who can endure as much as you have and still be standing is a rare thing to find.”
“I don’t know how much strength I have left.”
The desire to kiss her is overwhelming. My fingers slip along her jaw line. “What’s happened to you isn’t fair, and I feel partially responsible for it. I want to make it right again, in any way I can.”
She blinks, as if realizing something, and turns her face away. My hand falls away and the rejection makes my heart clench in my chest. I move to the bedroom door to give her the space she desires.
“I will have Emma come and draw you a bath,” I mutter as I open the door. But I pause before stepping through, wishing I could give her more words of comfort, something to let her know just how much she means to me.
No words come to me—nothing—so I offer her a small smile instead. Hopefully it’s somehow enough to tell her everything I want to say in that moment but can’t.
Haven
Silver steam swirls and rises as Emma pours more hot water over my bare shoulders.
I sit in a metal basin tub that had been brought in and placed at the foot of my bed, my knees drawn up to my chest, as Emma continues to wash me with scented oils and soap.
The smooth feeling of the water running over my frigid skin has a moan creeping up my throat. It’s heavenly on my aching muscles.
My hands drift through the water, back and forth, over my bruised wrists and arms. When my palms come to the surface again, I cup them together to collect as much water as I can hold.
The water slides through my pruned fingers, and the many wrinkles there remind me of the scars I saw on Avrum’s hands.
“We keep the scars we earn as humans… Come back with me…”
His words… He had a way of convincing me I wasn’t alone. Just hearing his voice replay in my head now, the idea of having him in the room with me, sends a strange feeling wiggling through me. A warming, more soothing than the water in the bath.
Placing a hand on my cheek where Henri’s ring had left its mark, I remember the softness of Avrum’s fingers there, too. His touch was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. There was such tenderness to it, such kindness—all the things I’d thought impossible by their kind.
This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be putting my trust in any of these inhuman creatures, especially one who is so close to Henri. I’m supposed to hate him for everything these vampires have done to me. His kind took me from my father and imprisoned me here. He’s one of them.
But still… It hadn’t been Avrum specifically. He wasn’t the one who had followed me home that night, broke into my home while my father and I slept, and forced me to make an impossible decision. One that would permanently brand me as Henri’s captive.
Squeezing my eyes shut, the memory of that night assaults me again.
I’d been sound asleep. It was bitter cold in the one-room place we shared, but my father and I always kept a small fire burning in an iron stove nearby.
I was jerked away by the sound of glass shattering, followed by father’s hoarse cry.
When I sat up, what I saw made my entire body freeze.
My father was being pressed against the wall, his feet hovering inches from the boarded floors, gasping for breath as a stranger held him firm.
Panicked, his fingers scratched at the hand around the neck, and a trail of ruby traveled from his temple.
There was already so much blood. It stained his nightshirt and was smeared across his face.
Even though I couldn’t see the intruder’s face then, I could hear him growling threats at my father. Threats about me.
As much as I wanted to scream, I couldn’t. But I must’ve made some kind of sound because my father’s wide, frantic eyes found me standing there motionless. His lips moved but I couldn’t hear his words, only these terrible, choking gasps as the intruder’s hand squeezed tighter on his throat.
That’s when the person’s head turned and I saw him for the first time. Henri.
I didn’t know it then, but that face would haunt me every time I closed my eyes. He would be my living nightmare.
Even though I didn’t know about the true monster he is back then, I remember being stunned by the black polished suit and white gloves he wore.
For a mere second, I even thought him handsome, but that thought was quickly diminished when he gave me a predatory smile and greeted me with a bow of his head.
He kept himself poised; there were no signs of fangs or the demon-like black eyes, but there was something otherworldly about him. Hypnotizing almost.
He was the devil in disguise.
His voice was silken when he gave me the choice to either come with him without a fight, or he’d rip out my father’s throat. He’d take me either way—I didn’t have a choice in that—but whether or not my father would live past that very moment was up to me.
Of course I obeyed, not knowing fully what I’d agreed to, but even from that moment, I had every intention of finding my freedom another way. Hopefully one that wouldn’t damn us both.
I blink away the memory just as Emma pours more water over my shoulders.
Kneeling beside the tub, she takes a small towel, dips it into the bath, and runs it over my back.
My muscles ache, but in a sweet kind of way as the hot water does its magic on me.
Emma continues down my spine. To prevent my mind from wandering to that dark place again, I fight to find words to say aloud and keep me focused.
“I went to see my father again tonight,” I begin, glancing up at Emma’s sweet face. “After what happened with Henri…”
Emma keeps washing me, ignoring the words I’ve said so many times to her in the past.
“I didn’t get very far, though. Avrum caught me before I even met the property’s gates.” My voice cracks at the mention of Avrum’s name, but I swallow to regain my composure. “He told me that Henri has appointed Keagan as my caretaker, and that I mustn’t try to see my father again.”
Emma dips the towel again and works on washing my legs in the soapy water.
“He also says that as long as my blood is coursing through Henri’s veins, he’s connected to me somehow. And will be able to track me that way.” Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach again. “Running away is pointless now.”
The rag pauses over my skin. “Have you given up then?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Avrum said he would help me. I think if he does, I can find a way around Henri and out of here for good. And safely.” Pausing, I lower my voice even more and glance at the closed door to my bedroom.
“I know you don’t like it when I talk this way, but I may have a real chance now.
If Avrum and I come up with a plan to escape from here, would—”
“I want to go with you,” she blurts out.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “What?”
Her shoulders fall, defeated. “I want to go with you. I want to leave this place.”
I agree with her, but what has changed her mind?
Remembering her and Henri’s last encounter with the broken glass, I think I know the answer to that question after all.
“You were right, miss. I don’t belong here… We don’t belong here. I want to leave.”
“Are you sure?” I press again, wanting to know for certain that this is what she wants. “I would never force you to join me, but if you do decide to, hesitation will only cause more danger. You will have to be sure.”
She gives me a stiff nod. “Yes, I am sure.”
I know it’s a terrible situation we’re both in—dangerous and risky—but I’m glad I don’t have to leave her behind. I’m not sure my conscience would ever let it go.
“Since Henri will always know where I am until my blood dies away in him, we will have to wait a few days and hope he does not feed from me in the meantime.”
“Miss, do you think that Henri won’t—”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Do I think he will go days without laying a hand on me or drinking from me? No, not at all.”
Emma’s face falls. “W-What will we do?”
Resting the side of my face on my knees, I hug them tighter against my chest. The more I try and think it through, the more impossible it seems. Especially with his possessiveness over me. But there has to be some way for us to get out of here. I just have to find a sure way.
“I’ll speak to Avrum. He’ll have a better idea of what can be done.” It’s the only solution I can offer her for now. “Until then, I’ll try not to anger Henri and give him more of a reason to lay a hand on me. When Avrum and I can think of a plan, you will be the first to know.”
Emma lets out a shaky breath, and her eyes shine with gathering tears, but, with forced courage, she lifts her chin in the air and nods.
“Please, m-miss…” Her voice quivers. “Tell me the truth. Do you really think we can escape alive?”
I hesitate. I’d made up my mind a long time ago. I am going to escape, whether that means through death or on foot. Henri will never have me completely.
But is that something Emma wants to hear? I doubt it.
“I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure you’re safe.” Which is true. I’d do all I could to keep her out of harm’s way. I couldn’t really promise anything else. Forcing a smile, I hope that it’s enough to comfort her.
Emma returns to washing me.
“Would you like more hot water, miss?”
I nod, sinking further into the tub. As she pours the water over me, the thought of Avrum does as well.
Goosebumps crawl over my arms and I shiver, despite the newly warm water in the bath.
The same questions from before replay in my mind.
Am I doing the right thing by trusting him like this?
Does he really want to help me escape Greystone?
I can’t see another motive for him otherwise, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one there, hidden behind his mock generosity.
But still, after our encounter outside, I can’t help but wonder if he really does see me as more than a pet for his lord.
If he wants to help simply… for me.