Chapter 10
Haven
Pressing the side of my face against the cool metal bars, I strain to look outside. I see nothing but the silhouette of trees against the silvery glow of a cloudy sky. My thoughts, though, remain with Avrum. Wherever he is.
As much as I try, I can’t seem to get him out of my head. His words, his voice, his touch… It all consumes me.
I wonder what his life was like before he was brought here. Had Henri given him a choice to become a vampire? Had he been forced? There’s so much I don’t know about him, and yet I have to trust him to be able to leave this place.
All night, the thought of him plagued me.
I found myself longing for him to touch my face again and look at me tenderly, like before.
No one has ever looked at me like that, and it both stunned and enticed me.
I want to hear my name whispered on his lips, see the ache in his eyes.
That alone is enough to make me feel like a fool.
My father is still all alone, I remind myself. He’s wondering if I’m alive or dead, if one day I’ll come back home to him. My attention should solely be on returning to him, but I can’t help it. Not when Avrum’s face appears every time I close my eyes.
“Haven?”
I hold my breath at the sound of his voice on the other side of my bedroom door.
“Haven… It’s me, Avrum.”
But I know that. I’ve been hearing his voice echo in my head since he left me the night before.
“Haven? Are you there?”
I go over to the door and press the palm of my hand against the wood. “Yes,” I whisper back, “I’m here.”
I hear his sigh of relief. “How are you feeling?”
I feel a little foolish for speaking to him this way, but I say, “Better.” It may be the same response I gave Emma, but this time, I mean it. The hot water of the bath soothed my aching muscles and calmed me. It isn’t a lie.
Whispering comes from the other side again, and I guess he’s speaking to a guard or someone else passing by. I wait. When the murmurs stop and the sound of footsteps fade down the hall, I call out to him again, “Avrum?”
“Yes, I’m here,” he says. “Can I come in?”
I step aside and clear my throat, excitement bubbling up. “Yes, of course.”
There’s a jingle of metal and then the click of my door unlocking. Avrum walks inside and into the flickering yellow candlelight from the nightstand. The ivory shirt he wears is damp with perspiration, and because of it, I can make out every strong muscular line of his torso.
I swallow roughly.
At one point, he may have attempted to pull back his shoulder-length hair, but most of the strands hang freely at the sides of his face. His usually pale cheeks have gained some color, and on his hip hangs a sword.
I had seen him not too long ago, yet he looks so different now.
My heartbeat speeds up to an unruly pace.
His brown eyes travel up and down my body, leaving a trail of heat over my skin wherever his gaze touches. When he meets my stare again, a slight smile lifts his lips.
“I see you have taken my suggestion,” he says.
I pause, unsure by what he means, and by my body’s reaction.
“The bath?” He chuckles, and the rich, soothing sound makes my heart flutter. I touch my still-damp hair, which Emma had twisted into a loose knot at the nape of my neck, and heat rises to my cheeks.
Why am I acting this way? He’s got me jumbled up in knots.
I’ve never been such a mess.
Avrum dips his head, trying to capture my gaze again before taking a step toward me. My breath catches in my throat.
This is ridiculous. What is wrong with me?
“Why did you come?” My voice wavers, but I try to inject as much nonchalance as I can into it. I can’t have him see my uneasiness. “I am sure it wasn’t just to see whether or not I bathed.”
He clears his throat. “No, it wasn’t,” he replies.
“Why then?”
He takes another step forward, his tall frame blocking the light of the candle. I shiver as the shadows engulf me. “Henri is planning another party,” he begins as he searches my face, “and he has asked for my help.”
“And you are going to give it to him?” I ask. “After everything—”
“I am, but only to make sure he doesn’t grow suspicious.” He pauses. “Well, more suspicious than he already is.”
My stomach flips with worry. “You think he knows?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but he seems to be questioning things a lot more. Questioning me. Testing me.”
“Oh no…” I gnaw on my bottom lip and his gaze focuses on the movement.
I tense.
“I want to help you leave here, Haven,” he says, “and I think the night of this party will be the best time to do it.”
“Emma is coming as well. I can’t leave her here.”
“It will be dangerous…”
“She knows. I told her.”
He heaves a sigh. “All right, as long as she knows.”
“Will you be coming with us?” The words leave my mouth before I can catch them. “Or will you be staying here?” I hate how desperate the question sounds.
He hesitates, and his brow creases. “I would like to come with you. If you do not mind, of course.”
“Y-Yes, you can. I’m not going to stop you.”
“I want to make sure you and Emma are safe,” he replies. “I don’t want to leave you alone again.”
His kindness warms me, but the memory of my father keeps a smile from surfacing on my face. I glance away as tears prickle my eyes. I don’t want him to see how upset I get whenever thinking about my father. I don’t want him to see me upset at all.
“Haven…”
The concern in his tone squeezes my chest.
“Avrum, do you know how I came here? How I became his… prisoner?”
“You don’t have to—”
“No,” I stop him. “I know what I am. It’s not a secret anymore. But do you know how I came to be that?”
His voice softens. “No.”
Folding my arms over my chest, I walk to the window again.
My words bring me back to that night again, the one where Henri invaded our home, threatened our lives, and ripped me away from the only person I had left in this cruel world.
More tears threaten to spill over, but I blink them away.
Instead, I focus on telling him the story of how I came to be trapped in Greystone Manor.
I don’t know why, but at the end, I feel more vulnerable than ever.
“He was going to kill your father. You went with him to save him,” Avrum concludes for me, so I don’t have to. “He lied to me about finding you, saving you. He’s lied about it all.”
“I love my father,” I tell him. “He is all I have left.”
“It’s why you keep trying to get back to him.”
I nod, and Avrum presses his lips together in thought.
More tears gather in my eyes as all the fear and grief rush forward.
He closes the distance between us and comes closer, until his body hovers only inches from mine. “I’m sorry…” he mutters as a hand comes up and caresses my arm tenderly. Even through the rose velvet material of my dress’s sleeves, my skin tingles under his touch.
I glance up at him. “I understand that seeing him now would be too dangerous,” I begin softly, “but could you?”
His hand falls away, frowning. “Could I…?”
“See him for me? Check on him? Make sure he’s okay.”
“Oh, Haven. I don’t—”
“You said you wanted to help me.” My chest tightens.
“Haven, you have to understand…”
When he reaches for me again, I jerk away. “Please. You said you wanted to help in any way you could.”
“I do, but Haven…”
My heart constricting, an icy tear escapes and slides down the side of my face. I can only stare at him, wishing he could feel the immense sadness I do and understand just how much my father means to me. He’s everything.
After a long moment, Avrum sighs. “I will. I will do it… for you.”
“Thank you.” I sniff and wipe my wet eyes with the back of my hand. “Thank you.”
Avrum looks down at me, but his expression remains grave, his gaze heavy.
It’s then that the seriousness of everything I’m asking from him strikes me.
He could be killed for this. We all could.
I may have a real reason to risk my life, but he doesn’t.
He has a good life here with his lord, but he’s willing to throw that all away for me?
Heart hammering behind my ribs, my eyes roam over his face, seeing him—really seeing him—for the first time. I lean in closer, until our bodies are merely breaths apart.
“This means a lot to you, so I will do it,” Avrum says, his voice no louder than a whisper.
My chin lifts, my gaze focusing on his full lips. I want to tell him that this means more to me than he could possibly imagine, but any words become lost on my tongue. I’m swept away by the thought of kissing him, of finally feeling him move against me as he draws me in close.
There’s a deep longing in his eyes and suddenly, a strong hand comes up and takes me by the chin. I gasp, but it’s quieted by his mouth pressing against mine.
I all but melt into him, my body reacting without my permission and pressing firmly against him. His other arm comes up and wraps around my back, cradling me.
For once, I’m not afraid. I’m not being controlled or forced.
My heart is beating so rapidly, it’s like it’s about to burst out of my chest. Energy buzzes over my skin and spreads warmth over every inch of me.
This feeling is new. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and, to my own surprise, I like it.
My lips part on their own. In my head, I beg him for more. I need more.
But, before I can deepen the kiss, he steps away, his hands falling from me. That soothing warmth gone.
I almost whimper out loud as that foreign feeling drains from me, and I’m swept up again in the bitter chill of the room.
Nervously, Avrum’s gaze drops to the floor.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he mutters over and over.
“I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t—” He stops abruptly, eyes wide, and then rubs his lips together.
I wonder if they’re tingling like mine from that kiss.
“I never want you to feel like I’m forcing anything upon you. I would never—”
“I know you wouldn’t,” I assure him.
He shuffles to the door. “I should go…” But the look on his face tells me that’s the last thing he wants to do. “I will deliver the message to your father tonight, as you asked.”
I follow, not wanting him to leave, but at the same time wanting him to bring word about my father as soon as possible. “Will you come back and tell me what he says?”
Nodding, he grabs the door’s handle. “I will.”
As he steps into the hall, all the unsaid words I long to say rush forward. I want to tell him that I’d been wrong to think he’s just like Henri, that he’s a monster.
I want to tell him that his kiss hadn’t scared me at all, that it had left me breathless.
I want to tell him thank you for everything he’s doing to help me, and that I wish he wouldn’t leave me now.
I long to say all of this, but for some reason, I can’t form a sound. Instead, I say nothing as he leaves my room.
Once the door locks again, I cross the empty bedroom and sit on the edge of my bed. I press a fist to the center of my chest to soothe the aching pain that has started to grow there.
He will come back to me soon. He will come back.
Hours pass. Outside, thick snowflakes stick to the manor grounds and to the bare branches of the oak trees.
The clouds are too thick to reveal the early morning sun, but light still touches the earth and makes everything glow an eerie white.
I pull the curtains closed, not able to stare out the window a moment longer.
Where is he?
Pacing across the room, my thin nightgown flows about my ankles. Sleep fights with me, my anxiety too high to rest. I need to hear news about my father to calm my racing heart. Especially since I expected Avrum back by now.
My stomach lurches. Maybe he hadn’t gone to see my father at all. Maybe he’d been stopped and his motives found out by Henri… Something could’ve gone wrong.
No. I can’t let myself think like that.
The lock of the door clicks.
Avrum.
A smile lifts my lips. Eager to see him again, I hurry for the door, but when it opens, I’m not faced with Avrum. But with Henri.
I freeze.
He’s dressed in a burgundy jacket, a beige vest buttoned down his front, with a silk taupe necktie tucked neatly into it. His dark hair frames his stoic face, curling up at his padded shoulders. As he strides over to me, he spins the key to my room around his finger.
Every muscle in my body tenses.
“Haven, my love.” His silken voice wraps around me like a poisonous serpent. “I’ve come to set you free.”
“S-Set me free?” I repeat. I don’t like the sound of that. Or the way he’s watching me like a predator.
He smirks, and I want nothing more than to slap that grin off his face. My hands twitch at my sides. My hatred flows through my veins as naturally as my own blood.
Speaking of, it has been two nights since he’d fed from me, and I need to keep it that way. And that means not getting him angry.
I fight to keep my voice full of innocence. “What do you mean?”
His black brows rise in interest. “It’s been too quiet without you, and although I knew I must stay true to my word, I have missed your company.”
I say nothing. It’s safer that way.
Henri continues, “I hope you’ve thought about your mistakes and have learned your lesson.”
Sharp pain shoots from my jaw to me temples from grinding my teeth. “I have—”
That makes a smile curl across his lips. His long, ringed fingers stroke the top of my head. Like a pet.
I hold my breath as he combs through my long mass of curls, then grips a handful at the nape of my neck and holds on tight.
“It seems Avrum is quite talented,” he whispers, and just the sound of his name causes my pulse to kick up a notch. “He’s been able to improve your attitude.”
Chuckling, he uses his fist tangled in my hair to tug my head back. His mouth crashes onto mine hard, his tongue pushing past my lips without warning. I try to remain still and not fight, but my head is screaming for him to let me go.
He growls into my mouth, while I don’t move, don’t fight, allowing him to have complete control. This kiss is nothing like the one I shared with Avrum. It is too forceful and repulsive.
Finally, he steps away from me.
“Join me for dinner tonight,” he tells me. “Just you and me.”
I’m trembling all over as I touch my wet, swollen lips. Why does everything he does hurt me so much?
Turning, he gives me an approving once-over and heads to leave. “Do not keep me waiting,” he says at the door before slamming it behind him. The candle beside my bed extinguishes, and I’m left in complete darkness once again.