Chapter 15 Persephone
Persephone
Waking to the memory of last night with the soft light of the rising sun brushing my face, I know one thing: I needed him. The pull to him was unrelenting the moment I found myself back in the Underworld.
I need him now. I cannot wait to touch him, to see him, to make sure he’s still here.
He was still the same, but I could see that it hurt him to do what he did. Hecate told me everything. She prepared me for the ash. I did not know how he would embrace me given his chaos.
But Hades’s mouth against mine was everything I needed and the most delicious thing I have ever tasted.
Having him move against me, inside of me, and give me all his pleasure, there on that blanket—that was what I craved every second I was on Olympus.
I needed that time together. I needed him to move within me with all his strength, showing me that he was still my king.
That he was the god I fell for and that he still wanted me too.
My heart beats slowly as the voices murmur softly around the castle.
There are fewer souls in the Underworld around his home. I did not know it fully until he took me inside the house last night, and then I also understood why.
Ash was everywhere in the Underworld, covering everything.
But, as it was on Olympus, my powers were there at my fingertips. I did not have to struggle to use them. I did not have to worry about them or pray to be allowed to have them.
I simply raised my hand and let my powers do what they needed to do, and what they needed to do was swirl over everything, clearing the ash away.
It is like bringing life, but it is not the same.
It’s hard to describe. It was the erasure of the destruction.
To bring warmth back to the chill and light to the darkness.
Nothing new grows in the Underworld—nothing is actually alive save the souls themselves, which I cannot create here—but what exists can be changed.
The magic turned ash to diamonds and quartz creating paths now embedded with beauty to guide those in this realm.
I didn’t ask Hades about the ash as he took me to bed. I knew from the look in his eyes that he would need time. All that has happened has been a nightmare for both of us, but especially for Hades, who could not follow me to Olympus.
“I would have,” he says against my shoulder as we lie in bed, leaning against the silk pillows with the sheets gathered around us.
I rest my back against his strong chest. He strokes his fingers through my hair, working out the tangles he caused when he was over me in bed, and some of the ones I caused when I rode him, feeling the new angle of him inside me, learning the ones that gave me the most pleasure.
“I would have come to you. I’d have broken the laws and allowed them to destroy my very soul if I could not have you again. ” He whispers the wretched words.
“I know,” I answer simply and cover his hand with my own. My fingers slip through his. The calluses are rough against my soft skin. Hades flexes his fingers every so often. I don’t think he fully believes that I have returned.
I have.
Though I do not know if I can stay forever, nor if I want to.
However, I know that I cannot make such a choice without him. I love him too deeply to cause him pain. “I would have followed you to the Earth realm as well, if I could.”
“I know that, too.” I pause, thinking of all those prayers I heard.
I cannot hear them here no matter how hard I listen, but I’m beginning to hear whispers.
They are not yet clear enough for me to hear the words that they are saying.
If I listen long enough, perhaps I will be able to understand them.
“There are not as many souls coming into the Underworld,” I mention gently.
“Is that because my mother and I did magic together?” I ask the question gently.
“Yes,” Hades says with a sigh. It does not sound resigned.
It sounds proud. “It was quite the thing to witness, Persephone, if only from the Underworld.” My heart beats dully not wanting to think of my mother and her grief.
When Olympus realizes I am gone, I don’t know what they will do, but that knowledge is not for me at this moment.
“And…things are healing here as well.”
“Now that you are here… I was not at my best in your absence.”
Hecate told me about the destruction of souls…and about what had occurred while I was on Olympus.
There’s a new tension between us as I choose my next words carefully, so I rub my fingertips along Hades’s rough knuckles. Whatever he did, it is not something that will separate us forever. I will not let it be.
“You sent demons,” I say, with my hand still over his.
Hades’s demons are one of the few ways he can influence the mortal realm with the powers he has here, and they are one of the main reasons so many mortals cried out to me in prayer.
They were desperate for help. Most of them had not faced demons in generations and did not know what to do to save themselves.
According to Hecate, they prayed to every god and goddess they could name.
The fear struck them in the heart and caused delusions and harm in ways that cannot be undone.
“I had fears of my own,” Hades admits. There is a small hint of defensiveness in his voice, but it is almost too quiet to hear. “As above, so below. As within, so without.”
I turn in his embrace, pushing up off his chest and putting my hand to his cheek. I press a kiss to his lips before I pull back and look into his eyes. “My king, you are more noble than that.”
He shakes his head, and I see it then—the pain in his eyes at what he did and how alone he felt. It is written there for me to see and to feel in my own heart.
“I know,” I murmur and lean in to kiss him again.
He seems to need more of this, so I climb into his lap and let him rest his hands on my waist. I drape my arms over his shoulders and kiss him as gently as I can to soothe the deep ache in him.
He’s hard underneath me, but we keep the sheet between us, and I stay on his lap without rocking into him, just giving him my presence.
This is needed, too. “I know how much you hurt. I heard of how you suffered. I do not blame you.”
“Don’t you?” he asks, leaning his forehead against mine.
“No,” I say softly. “One cannot be blamed for such pain. You reacted in the way you did, and I’ve heard of it, and now the Underworld is healing again. Whatever hurt you caused is not permanent.”
“Some of it is.”
“And you can make up for it. You can be the ruler of your realms. You can be the king I know you are.”
“I would be any kind of king for you, my queen.”
His words force my chest to ache in a way that I’m becoming too familiar with.
This tortuous pull that rests in hopelessness.
I keep that pain inside me, not saying a word about it, until Hades seems to be able to relax and let go of some of the guilt he feels.
I don’t think he should let go of it completely, nor do I think any ruler should—but he cannot suffer from it forever and let it corrupt him as a king.
Afterall, the gods are flawed and it is in those flaws that balance lies.
He would never forgive himself.
I would forgive him, but he would not, and I cannot let that be his life.
We must move on from this. I do not wish to stay in this torment.
I pull back and put my hands on either side of his neck. He slides his hands from my wrists to my shoulders, then back down to my waist, watching me as he does.
“Tell me what you are thinking, my queen.”
I take a deep breath.
“I…must go back.” My throat tightens and I nearly choke on the admission.
It hurts to say the words, but it will hurt more to pretend they are not true.
We must be able to discuss this. The pomegranate seeds.
The mortal realm. The duties I have to the mortals who dwell there.
The duty to my mother. He must realize the pain it causes her and that she too would rather destroy herself than live in that agony. “You know that, don’t you?”
“You must stay,” he answers coldly, both his hands tightening on my waist. “You know that. Don’t you?” The air chills around me with his possessiveness.
I stare into his steely gaze, unable to make myself argue with him.
My heart ticks, ticks, ticks. I know I must do both.
I cannot see how I could choose one life over the other when they are both mine.
It would mean abandoning one of the realms, and every time I think of that possibility, I’m sick to my stomach. The churning revolts inside of me.
Hades frowns as my thumb brushes over his lips. He has marks from my fingernails on his chest and shoulders. It would be much easier to lose myself to his kiss and his body than to have this conversation, but it is unavoidable, just like the choice I must make.
“Do you not feel your power here?” he asks as he lifts one of his hands from my waist and brushes a lock of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “Do you not sense your belonging?” His question is a whispered hush; a deep crease forms between his brows.
Without my conscious permission, I release another breath, this one carrying both the sorrow I feel at being separated from Hades and the joy I feel at walking the paths here and having the power of the Underworld within me.
I don’t know how to explain to him that I know it is a gift I have been given. My father should not have poisoned me with the wine. He should never have tried to make me into a mortal. But the absence of my powers taught me how valuable they are—in every form.
I crave it all. I am destined for it all. I know it so.
“I do belong here,” I answer him, looking back into his eyes.
I hope he can see how much conviction I have in the statement.
I don’t need to return to Olympus because I think the powers I have there are more worthy of my time.
That is not the reason. “I have never felt more powerful than I do beside you.”
He studies me, his expression a mix of sadness and pride and need and love. It’s a very complicated expression, but I understand it without him having to explain.
Hades takes my face in one hand and strokes my cheek. “I have a gift for you.”
“What?”
He reaches over to the table at the bedside, eases the drawer open, and takes something out.
It’s a crown. With sharp obsidian points that reflect the light beautifully.
It’s dark, and yet it shines in the light. There are black, crystalline jewels worked into the delicate palladium and brushed silver, and when Hades turns it in various directions to show me all its angles, I cannot catch my breath.
“For me?” I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything that made me think it was mine with such a strong feeling other than Hades.
“For you, my queen.”
Then he uses both hands to lift it up and set it on my head. As I close my eyes, it feels as if it belongs. With a spell, it binds to me.
I place my palms on Hades’s chest, and he drops his hands and looks at me, his eyes moving from my face to the crown and back.
“How do I look?” I question with a simper.
His mouth curves in a smile that is filled with satisfaction. It fades slowly until he has never looked more serious.
“You look as if you were made to rule at my side,” he says. “You look as if you could not possibly live anywhere but here. You belong here, Persephone. You look as if you are my queen and will never be anything else.”
“I am,” I say, my heart pounding. I mean it. I am his queen. But I am also my mother’s daughter. I am also a goddess of life that many in the mortal realm pray to. They rely on me to bring life, and I rely on them to know where I stand as a goddess. “I will always be your queen.”
Swallowing thickly, a new fear rises inside of me. I don’t know if I will always be here, where Hades wants me. And I don’t know what hell he’ll unleash when I inevitably leave. Or whether or not he’ll forgive my betrayal.