Chapter 12 #2
We rode slowly around the property, keeping to the cleared paths. Tanner asked questions about the different buildings, about how the ranch operated, about the animals. I answered everything, enjoying the curiosity in his voice.
“Can I ask you something?” he said after we’d been riding for a while.
“Always.”
“Where did you go this morning?”
I’d known this was coming. “Your apartment.”
He stiffened slightly. “You went to my apartment?”
“I did.” I squeezed his waist gently. “I wanted to get some of your things. Clothes, toiletries, items that would make you feel more at home here. I should have asked first, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and I couldn’t see his face to gauge his reaction.
“Tanner? If I overstepped—”
“You found the rabbit, didn’t you?”
His voice was small, almost embarrassed.
“I did,” I confirmed gently. “And the books. And the blanket with stars.”
“I don’t know what you must think of me,” he said quietly. “A grown man with a stuffed animal and children’s books hidden away like some kind of—”
“Stop.” I pulled Ginger to a halt and shifted so I could see his face. “Look at me, bud.”
He turned, and I could see the vulnerability in his eyes, the fear of judgment.
“Those things don’t make you less,” I told him firmly. “They make you you. They’re part of who you are, and there’s nothing shameful about that. You understand me?”
His eyes filled with tears. “You really mean that.”
“I really mean that.” I cupped his cheek. “I want all of you, Tanner. The lawyer, the little, the parts you hide and the parts you show. All of it. And I want you to feel safe being all those things.”
A tear slipped down his cheek, and I brushed it away with my thumb.
“We’re past due for this conversation. Now seems like as good a time as any to talk about what you do and don’t want from me as your Daddy.”
He blinked rapidly, as if his brain was trying to process what I said. It was fucking adorable in a way that only made me want him more.
“What I want from you?” he asked after a long pause.
“Yeah, bud. There are lots of different things you could want from me. Maybe you want me to set your schedule and pick out your clothes so you can be little all the time when we’re together.
Or maybe you only want me to step in at certain moments.
I also want to know all the things you want to try.
Do you like the idea of diapers? Or is that a hard limit?
What about bottles, pacifiers, little clothes, and toys? ”
I paused to let him think over my words. The way his eyes had grown with each new scenario told me he didn’t realize how invested in this I was.
He babbled for a moment before clearing his throat and speaking clearly. “Diapers and bottles are a no. I don’t want those.”
“That’s good to know. What else can you tell me?
He bit his lip, looking away for a moment. “Pacifier,” he whispered softly.
I hummed, not interrupting him in case he had more to say. I wanted us to get everything out in the open before we made it back to the ranch with the others. This type of conversation deserved privacy.
When he didn’t continue, I decided to give a bit of myself to him as well. Maybe my vulnerability would help him see we were truly in this together.
“I’m up for whatever you want to try, bud. There’s only one thing I like that you might feel iffy about.”
His eyes met mine. The question in his gaze urged me to continue.
My hand went to his neck, and I stroked along the column of skin there. It was gorgeous, unmarred, and perfect for what I wanted.
“If you’d allow it, I’d like to collar you eventually.
” I paused, thinking of how to explain what I meant.
“Not because you’re an animal or anything like that.
For me, a collar represents connection and protection.
So long as your neck has my mark – my collar – then everyone knows you’re mine.
They know if they do anything to upset my boy, they’ll have to deal with me. ”
Tanner’s breaths turned rapid the more I spoke and his head gave a small, consistent nod like he couldn’t help himself. I sensed he was aroused, especially when he decided to wiggle his ass against my groin.
Biting back a groan, I decided it was time to change the subject. If we didn’t stop, I’d be taking him on the ground, horse and snow be damned.
“The room’s ready for you,” I said, shifting to a safer topic. “Your things are unpacked. Whenever you want to see it, I’ll show you.”
“Now,” he said immediately. “Can we go now?”
I smiled. “Yeah, bud. We can go now.”
We rode back to the barn, and I helped him down before taking care of Ginger. Bobby Allen gave us a knowing look as we left but didn’t comment.
Back at the house, I led Tanner upstairs. My heart was pounding—I’d arranged everything the way I thought he’d like it, but what if I’d gotten it wrong? What if he hated it?
“Close your eyes,” I told him when we reached the door.
He obeyed without question, and I opened the door, leading him inside.
“Okay. Open them.”
He did, and I carefully watched his face.
The room looked completely different from the generic guest space it had been.
His clothes were put away in the closet, minus the small pile I’d left on top of the dresser.
The rabbit sat on the bed, propped against the pillows.
The star blanket was draped over the reading chair I’d moved from my own room.
The books were arranged on a small shelf I’d found in storage, including the untouched coloring books.
On the nightstand, I’d placed a small lamp and the photo of him with his parents. And hanging on the wall was a framed picture I’d grabbed from my room—one of the whole ranch family at last year’s Christmas party, Tanner included.
“Simon,” he breathed, turning in a slow circle to take it all in. “This is…”
“Too much?” I asked, suddenly worried.
He turned to me. “It’s perfect. You made it feel like mine.”
“It is yours,” I said. “For as long as you want it.”
He launched himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his face in my shoulder. I caught him easily, holding him tight.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, sweet boy.” I pressed a kiss to his temple. “You deserve to have a space that feels like home.”
We stood like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other. Eventually, he pulled back enough to look at me.
“I found the note,” he said. “The one you left this morning.”
“Yeah?”
“You signed it ‘Daddy.’”
“I did.” I searched his face.
He pressed up on his toes and kissed me. It was soft and sweet and perfect—a promise of things to come.
When we finally broke apart, he smiled at me. “It’s more than okay.”
A knock on the doorframe made us both turn. Ashley stood there, looking amused.
“Hate to interrupt,” he said, “but lunch is ready. And Griffin wanted me to tell you both that he and Ashley are planning a movie night tonight if you want to join.”
“We’ll be down in a minute,” I said.
He nodded and disappeared.
I turned back to Tanner. “You want to go to movie night?”
He looked around the room again, at all his things arranged so carefully, at the space I’d created just for him. Then he looked back at me.
“Yeah,” he said. “But can we come back here after? I want to break in the new space.”
The heat in his eyes told me exactly what he meant, and I felt my body respond immediately.
“We can definitely do that, bud.” I pulled him close for one more kiss. “Now come on. Let’s go eat before Harlan comes up here to yell at us instead of sending someone as a messenger.”
As we headed downstairs, his hand firmly in mine, I felt that same sense of rightness settle over me.
This was what I’d been waiting for. This connection, this trust, this beautiful boy who was letting me take care of him.
And I was going to make sure he never regretted it.