Chapter Five
Axel
I couldn’t believe the words Emily spat at me. With her carelessness, I could almost feel my heart growing hard again.
I allowed Paisley to stroke my cheek gently when all I wanted to do was revolt and lash out. I wanted to call Emily terrible names and tell her exactly what she was acting like. I wanted to kick her out of my house. I wanted to tell Emily to take Paisley home and shut the door on them forever. I wanted to hit something, anything. I wanted to go back to the man I was before I met Junie. I wouldn’t, though. My sweet Junie-Bug had taught me a lot about forgiveness and kindness. She’d taught me how to love with my whole heart. I was still a grumpy bastard most of the time, but at least I was a loving grumpy bastard.
Instead of reacting, or overreacting, I took a deep breath and held Paisley”s hand while she stroked my cheek. “I’m gonna pack a bag and then we will go to your appointment, okay? There’s some dry cereal and a sippy cup of milk in the fridge for you; eat that and we can grab something on the way back to your house, okay?”
“Yes, Sir,” she answered sweetly.
I kissed her forehead and went to my room without acknowledging Emily. I couldn’t answer her yet. I only hoped she would do as I asked.
My phone rang in my hand and I looked down to see Onyx’s face. I denied his call and sent him a text telling him Emily was here. I couldn’t handle speaking to him right now. My emotions were too strong.
I threw some things in my duffle bag, grabbed my charger, and threw on a shirt and my shoes. When I walked out of my bedroom, Paisley was sitting in the door of the nursery, rubbing her face in Fancy’s pink fur. The sight was tooth-rottingly sweet and soothed some of the anguish I felt.
“I’m glad you’re giving Fancy some love. I bet she needs it.”
She lifted her head and her red-rimmed eyes hurt my heart. I knelt on the floor in front of her and opened my arms. Rushing into them, she hugged me tight.
“I’m so sorry that Emily said that to you.”
“I am too, Little one, but I can assure you, it won”t ever be said again,” Onyx’s voice startled both of us as we turned to see him climbing the stairs.
Soft sobs followed behind him and Emily appeared. “I’m so sorry, Axel, that was terrible of me. I don’t feel that way at all. I was just so angry with you that I said the thing I knew would hurt you the most.”
I didn’t turn around, but worked to be calm when I spoke. “I think that you have said some really heavy things today and I think we all need a bit of a cool down. I am going to take Paisley to her appointment, to lunch, and then to her home. I will be staying there with her for a few days. Why don’t we regroup over the weekend when we’ve all had a chance to calm down?”
“I think that’s a great idea. Right, princess?” Onyx said firmly.
“Yes, Sir. Yes, Uncle Axel.”
“But, Emily?”
“Yes, Sir?” she choked out.
“I am not the only one you upset today. You said some really hurtful things about Paisley as well. I want you to use this time to reflect on your role as a friend. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir. I”m so sorry, Paisley.”
Paisley nodded her head. She didn’t answer, though. I bet her mind was a million miles away and I would pay far more than a penny to know her thoughts.
“Let’s go, Emily,” Onyx ordered as he led her back down the stairs.
Once we were alone again, I turned my attention back to Paisley.“How are you feeling, baby?”
“Do you think Emily and I aren’t really friends?”
“No, baby. I don’t think that. Is that how you’re feeling?” I pulled her back from me and helped her sit on the carpet so I could look into her eyes.
“She thinks I’m fragile and needy. That’s bad, right? And she said ‘undone all my progress’ like I was a test subject or something. I thought she really liked me, but maybe I’m too much work for her?”
Sympathy ran through me as I processed the weight behind her words. She probably had no idea what a healthy friendship looked like due to her upbringing.
“Emily said those things because she loves you very much. Sometimes love makes you do things wrong,” I explained. “Emily was worried I’d hurt you. She knows how hard you’ve worked to find yourself after foster care and she was worried I had caused you to undo all your hard work. She used several poor choices in her words because of her worry today, but that doesn’t mean she thinks you’re fragile or needy.”
Twisting Fancy’s beak back and forth, she met my eyes. “I was silly for thinking I belonged.”
Rage filled me as I thought of the injustices she must have faced to bring her to this belief. Sorrow followed the rage. How bad does your past have to be to just want to “belong”?
Swallowing my emotions, I sat on the floor in front of her. “You do belong, baby. You’ve already brought so much sunshine into each of our lives. All friend groups have hiccups because they’re made of imperfect people.”
She nodded, but I could still see the fear in her eyes.
“You do belong, baby,” I repeated. “We would be so lost without you in our group. I know that’s a hard fact to accept right now, because of your ouchie heart, but I promise that after we talk to Emily this weekend, things will make much more sense and you’ll understand how important you are.”
***
Paisley
Axel placed his hand on my back as we walked out of the orthopedics office. Getting a cast had been scary. I didn’t know it would get warm as it set. The extra support did feel nice even if I hated the crutches.
“Doing okay, baby?”
I took a minute to think about my feelings. I was enjoying being with Axel, but my heart was heavy. Emily’s words had hurt me more than I expected. I understood what Axel explained about her saying those things because she loved me, but they werehard to process. I was already sensitive about my desire to belong to someone and it was embarrassing that other people were able to see that I still wanted a family. I must have looked so pathetic.
“I’m okay,” I answered instead.
His raised eyebrow let me know he didn’t believe me.
“Where do you feel like going for lunch? You were such a big, brave girl that Uncle Axel will let you pick,” he asked, thankfully dropping the matter.
“Anywhere?” I questioned, shoving my confusing feelings back down. I had the perfect idea.
“Anywhere,” he confirmed.
***
“Okay, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”
I giggled at Axel’s shocked expression. Moody’s Pizza, a hippie-themed, retro pizza parlor, was cheap, loud, and definitely messy, but it was my favorite place in the whole wild world. They had every type of pizza you could imagine, plus fuzzy walls, glow in the dark art, and a wall you could paint on.
“I love this place!” Despite my crutches, I danced from foot to foot as we waited in line. Pain made me stop. Ouchie.
“Well, I am glad I get to see you so excited then. I have never been here before.”
I giggled at the thought of his stormy disposition and frowny face sitting in one of the neon booths.
“What was that giggle for, Little one?”
I shook my head and covered my heating cheeks. I didn’t want to tell him.
“Oh, no, Ms. Giggle Pants, I want to know.”
“This place is so happy.”
“Yes?”
“You are not so happy.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Fair point, baby.”
I loved when he called me baby.
“What’s your favorite pizza?” he asked as he paid and then took out plates and utensils from the self-serve rack.
“The chocolate one.”
“Chocolate pizza?”
“Yes?
“That sounds disgusting.”
“You’re disgusting,” I argued.
He bent low and whispered in my ear, “You didn’t think I was disgusting when I had my mouth on that sweet little pussy of yours.”
I looked at my feet and dug the toe of my shoe on my good foot into a groove in the tile. “Axel,” I whined.
He kissed me on the cheek before straightening and leading me through the line. I pointed out each piece I wanted and he would add it to my plate. When we got to the chocolate pizza, I asked for two pieces.
“That is just a giant cookie.”
“Nu, is a chocolate pizza.”
“I should have known when you asked to come here it was because they had giant slices of a cookie.”
“Nu, is a pizza. Is a circle.” There was no way he could fault my logic.
He added a small piece to my plate. “A cookie is a circle too, baby.”
“Two,” I demanded, nodding my head toward my plate.
“Absolutely not.”
“Two,” I demanded again. I was angry that he denied my request and maybe just a tiny bit curious to see if he would stick to his guns.
“No. End of discussion, Paisley.”
“Two,” I said, banging my crutch on the floor.
“None,” he answered. To my horror, he snatched the cookie from my plate and moved it to his. I realized I’d gravely miscalculated.
“My pizza!” I cried.
“Now it’s my pizza.”
“That’s not nice!” I spat. I hadn’t expected him to take all my chocolate pizza away.
“No, I have been very nice. You are the one who was unkind with your actions.” Axel’s voice was hard, but not in a mean way. He sounded… like Onyx when Paisley was pushing limits, or like Pike when Dallas was breaking rules . He sounded like a Daddy. The realization both excited and terrified me.
“You’re not my Daddy,” I whined, then was immediately embarrassed by my declaration. Duh, he knew that.
“You better thank your lucky stars I”m not, because if I was, I would march your bratty ass back to the truck and paddle you for every word of back talk you’ve given me..”
My jaw dropped open, but before I could respond, he turned away as if that really were the end of the discussion, and continued moving through the pizza line.
I followed behind him, whining the whole while. My crutches made a smacking sound as I moved them across the worn floor.
“I want my pizza.” I couldn’t believe I was bringing it up again, still arguing, but I also couldn’t seem to stop myself.
“You have pizza.” He pointed to my plate.
I rolled my eyes, because he knew exactly what I meant. “I want my chocolate pizza.”
“No, you lost it.”
“I didn’t. You stealed it,” my Little argued as she started to make more of an appearance.
He set my plate down at a table and motioned for me to slide in.
Instead of doing what I knew was the right thing, I crossed my arms and shook my head. “Gimme my pizza.”
“One,” he counted.
My heart dropped to my stomach. A big part of me wanted to give in immediately and do exactly what I was told. A bigger part of me wanted to know what would happen if I didn’t.
“Two,” I sassed back.
He put his hand on my back and gently guided me back toward the register.
“I’m so sorry, I just realized I left my phone in my truck. We’ll be right back in. Mind watching our food?” he asked the teenager behind the counter, handing him a twenty..
The kid’s eyes lit up. “Yes, Sir, I”ll be glad to watch it,” he said as he shoved the twenty in his skinny jeans pocket.
Suck-up.
Axel helped me from the restaurant and out into his truck. He opened the passenger door, flipped up the console, and picked me up before I could process that he was actually serious. He was going to spank me.
“Nu,” I cried. This had been a really bad idea.
“Oh, too late, baby. Until you say red, this ass is mine.”
I didn’t want to say red.
He laid me on my belly on the bench seat, after propping my crutches against the truck. Holding me down with one hand on my back, he felt around under his seat and pulled something out.
Whatever he found must have been created in the seventh layer of hell, because it hurt when it landed on my ass.
“Owie!” I cried, wrenching around to throw a hand over my bottom.
He quickly moved my hand to the side. “I don’t know what has gotten into you, Little girl, but you do not argue with a grown-up and you do not speak to anyone with such sassy words. You were very rude to Uncle Axel tonight,” he scolded.
He brought the implement down on my legging-covered bottom seven more times. My eyes were full of tears and my fingers were clutching the fabric of his truck seat. Pain radiated from my butt and my heart.
“It’s perfectly normal for you to act out to see if I will follow through, as long as you understand I will be here to spank that naughty bottom every time you try and test me. Because we can admit that’s what this was, a test, wasn’t it, baby?”
“Yassss,” I wailed. My tears were falling freely.
Fire assaulted my bottom once more.
“Yes what, baby?”
“Yes, Sir,” I sobbed.
Something hit his plastic floor mat and then he was pulling me from the truck and setting me on my feet in front of him, placing my crutches back under my arms and holding me steady.
“Do you understand now that I will always follow through?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you feel better?”
“On the inside I do. On the outside, my butt really hurts.” I wiped my face with my hands, until he pulled up the bottom of his shirt and wiped my face.
“I bet it does, baby. It will help you remember I care enough to follow through with the hard things.”
He was right. My warm ass did help me feel cherished all through the rest of lunch.