Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
THURSDAY
I’m getting along well with the children.
Last night I sat and encouraged them with their homework.
I made up a study hour with drinks and snacks.
I’ve been telling them about my struggles at school and how I overcame my shyness.
It all went well and when Noah or Ava wrote a correct answer, I cheered and clapped.
It was one of the most rewarding hours I’ve spent in a long time.
This morning, I brushed Ava’s hair and tied it up with a ribbon.
I believe she enjoys the girl time with me.
Noah is very much his dad’s boy. He likes to wear his hair in the same style as Jack.
Seeing Jack with his kids is heartwarming.
There’s never any rush, he spends as much time as they need, even with Ruby breathing down his neck to leave for the office.
We stood side by side as Jenny left with them for school.
Last night, after the children were in bed, I spent a wonderful hour or so with Jack on the internet selecting furniture for our new bedroom.
He instructed me to make a list of the items and Ruby would make the purchases through the company account—probably for a tax deduction or something.
After breakfast I handed her the list along with a color printout of each item from the online catalogue.
“I’m sorry to add more to your workload but Jack wants these items ordered through the company account. They’re for our new bedroom.”
“Oh, no trouble at all.” Ruby peruses the items and smiles at me.
“Very nice. You have great taste. I’ll need to make sure they’re not delivered until you need them.
The architect has already spoken to Jack.
They should be starting the work soon. I’ll let you know the date when they come back to me. ”
I blink. “Jack has already decided on everything?”
“Well, yes, he has.” Ruby frowns. “Hasn’t he told you?”
I recover from the shock without allowing her to notice. “I guess he wants to surprise me. I love surprises.” I head for the stairs. “Thanks, Ruby.”
I take the stairs two at a time, keeping my eyes averted from Laura’s gaze and dash to our bedroom.
Inside, Jack is selecting a jacket for work and comes out of the dressing room, smelling of cologne.
He looks so handsome that he takes my breath away.
How could I possibly be angry with him? “Ruby tells me you’ve already decided on the renovations for the new bedroom.
You’re waiting to speak to the architect before going ahead? ”
“Yes, they’re the basic plans for what we decided.
Two bedrooms made into one large one and a dressing room.
You wanted a large window overlooking the ocean to match our sitting room.
” He lifts my chin and stares into my eyes.
“I only did what we discussed. I’ll bring home the plans, and any extras you need, we’ll add then.
The other stuff is just basic; I didn’t want to bore you with it.
” He sighs. “You’ll have time, we’ll need to submit our plans for approval as the house is listed on the National Register.
” He lowers his head and kisses me. “I regretfully must go to work. I have a meeting this morning. Taking a month vacation for our honeymoon has everyone in panic mode. I’ll be home as soon as I can. ”
I run my hands through his hair and sigh. “I know you will. My laptop should arrive today and I’ll spend all day setting it up but I really need my own vehicle to explore my new home. I’d like to be able to go to the stores and meet people for lunch.”
“Okay.” Jack frowns at me. “I’ll talk about suitable vehicles when we get home. In the meantime, ask Jenny if you need a ride. I’m sure she has time to take you to the store.” He kisses me again. “I’ve gotta go. See you tonight.” He dashes out of the door.
I watch him go and close the door behind him.
The secrets on Laura’s laptop call to me again.
I wait until I hear Ruby leave and then when Jack’s car roars away, I take out Laura’s laptop.
I need to know more about her and what happened before she died.
From what I gathered from our conversations, Jack noticed a decline in her sanity.
He didn’t say as much but he intimated there was a problem.
I’m nervous as I wait for the files to load and when I open them, I scan them slowly, making sure not to miss anything important.
I need to discover more about the window she tried to find and if it was the trigger that sent her off the rails.
Was it significant enough to mention it in her diary?
My heart pounds as I read and find nothing in the next entry.
Surely, she’d have written something about the window?
Moving through the files haphazardly isn’t working.
I need to follow the timeline and discover exactly what happened to her in her last year.
I scroll back through the pages and go back to the beginning to step into Laura’s mind.
July 15
I dreamed I was pregnant again and woke in a cold sweat.
I ran to the bathroom and spewed. I can’t possibly be pregnant.
I must have a bug. I hated being pregnant.
I became so fat and bloated I couldn’t go anywhere for months.
The birth was horrendous especially when everyone told me the second time would be wonderfully uplifting.
It was, in fact, the most painful and embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced.
Noah is a beautiful child, and I love him in my own way but I have no motherly instinct.
I didn’t want to feed him or change his diaper.
Heaven forbid. I’d spew if I went near one.
In any case that’s what a nanny is for, right?
I’m glad Jenny took over. Now the kids are older, I can show them off to my friends but I keep Jenny close.
She is much better with them than I am. After Ava was born, I spent months exercising to get back in shape and then I was pregnant again.
Jack was thrilled and engaged an artist to paint my portrait; I needed to look spectacular but I was angry.
I never wanted another child and Jack knew it.
Most of the painting was done by photographs and then the artist came to finish it in the house and I needed to sit for hours.
I overheard a visitor to the house mention that the expression in my eyes looked as if I wanted to kill someone. Maybe he was right?
This is another side to Laura I hadn’t seen coming.
Leaning back in my chair, I shake my head.
How did Jack cope with such a self-centered woman?
He says he loved her. Perhaps he didn’t know she had no motherly instinct and that her time with the children was just a show she put on for everyone.
I feel sorry for her in a way. For me, carrying my husband’s child would be a gift not a burden.
Not that we’ve discussed children. Maybe it’s something I should ask him?
I read on and the next entry is two days later.
July 17
Last night, I dreamed again of being pregnant.
I was so glad to wake up and find it was a nightmare.
I say nightmare because that was what it was like carrying Noah.
When I told Jack I was pregnant, he picked me up and swung me around.
He was so happy and I got angry and slapped his face.
We argued, way into the night—well, in truth, I screamed and Jack just stared at me as if I’d lost my mind.
It’s so infuriating when a man won’t fight back, so I took my car and hightailed it to Missy’s house.
She had my back and told me leaving was the right thing to do.
Early the next morning Jack arrived on the doorstep.
Jim had called him because he’d overheard me talking about having an abortion.
Jack never loses his temper, and is the calmest person I know but this time he was mad.
He spoke in a quiet voice and told me if I murdered his child he would divorce me, and as we have a prenup, I’d leave with the clothes on my back.
He would make sure he had custody of Ava.
I recall thinking it through on the drive home, and told him it was a one-time deal.
I insisted on getting a plastic surgeon to fix my mommy tummy, so I looked good.
I made it clear I didn’t want to see the baby when it was born.
When I spoke to the surgeon, I asked to be sterilized.
If Jack wants me, there can never be any more kids.
The day I told Jack I was pregnant was the changing point for everything that’s happened since then. Jack hasn’t touched me since that night. When we go to dinner parties he rarely sits with me and spends his time with his friends. I need companionship and will need to seek it elsewhere.
I lean back in my chair, allowing the implications of Laura’s words to sink in.
The loving mother Jack told me about was a sham.
Jenny’s impression of Laura was true but she didn’t know the facts.
Was Laura contemplating an affair? If so, did she write about it?
I skim over the pages but find nothing. Most of the entries are rambling, so I move back to August and find an entry about the window.
August 10