5. Rachel
5
RACHEL
M y mother made it impossible for me to feel bad about escaping to New York. Every day, she called me. Not answering didn’t dissuade her. She also texted. Emailed. Left messages at the office. That one was a surprise. How she knew to find me was a mystery. I had a direct extension. Everyone did here. But I hadn’t provided it to her. Nor had Julie.
My mother had called Julie, too. Fortunately for me, she acted like my mother was a robocall and hung up immediately.
Kyle’s mother also reached out. Dad and Mr. Jones did as well.
But none of that was as bad as the social media hits. Former friends. College buddies. Acquaintances from Rockton.
Everyone wanted to know my business. More precisely, they were on the hunt to know Kyle’s business. And he was the one who had yet to call, text, or otherwise inform me that he had come out and that I no longer had to vaguebook about why he dumped me at Thanksgiving.
My heartache was one thing. The sheer disappointment and pain from being manipulated for so long was another hurdle to overcome. One day, I was sure I would.
But the rest of the angst I felt after that horrible holiday experience when I lost my love? That lingered and would for a long time.
Love? I tried not to cringe as I sat through this meeting about upcoming company changes that I doubted I’d be around for.
Can I even call it love anymore since Kyle never actually felt the same for me?
I didn’t know. I didn’t want to dwell on the messy emotions, and I held on to the hope that at least being able to tell everyone why we broke up could shut everyone up that much faster.
Staying busy at the Malley office helped immensely. My brain power was used up with the mundane secretarial and assistant-level tasks. Then my imagination was spent on Nate.
I glanced at him again, unable to not know where he was. I felt his presence, somehow. This inexplicable draw couldn’t be just because I had a childish crush on him when I was younger. Even if we weren’t speaking or expected to have a conversation, just knowing he was near both soothed and excited me.
With these confusing and complicated feelings surging through me, I wished this meeting would wrap up sooner rather than later. Sitting and listening to things that didn’t seem all that relevant to me made time drag more. And that was more time to mope.
Finally, it was over. In my haste to get out of this meeting room, I moved my iced coffee cup too quickly and got some of the condensation sprayed over the table top.
Oh, dammit. I dabbed at the mess with all the soggy napkins I had from the café where I’d bought it this morning.
“That meeting sure took longer than I thought it would,” someone said to my right when the meeting concluded. Various people had already started to leave. Others remained, gathering their things. One woman had yet to be woken up. She’d just come back from maternity leave, I thought, so no one seemed to see an urgency to deprive her of a little catnap.
“What?” I turned to see one of the CEO’s staff members smiling down at me. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and for that reason alone, I’d remembered him as TDH. I had no clue what his name was. “Oh. Yeah, it did go over a few minutes.”
He checked his watch. “A few minutes? That’s your interpretation of a few ?
Shit. I don’t know. Isn’t few a general saying? I don’t know how long that meeting was supposed to last.
“Um.” I lowered my gaze, confused and feeling put on the spot. “I guess.”
“How would you interpret a glass of wine and an Italian meal?”
I glanced up, furrowing my brow. What? I couldn’t shake off this worry that this was a test or something. Was he talking in code? Wine? What wine?
“Um… Well. Personally, I don’t like wine. I’m more of a beer or whiskey fan. And Italian food has the tendency to cause heartburn, not to mention bad breath with the garlic. So…” I shook my head. “I’m not following.”
He chuckled lightly, tossing his head back a bit as he stood. I did as well, but I kept my distance. I could not get a read on this guy. I didn’t report to him, or the CEO. I was firmly under Nate’s department of responsibility, but I didn’t want to talk back to this guy if he could be important. I might not be staying for long, leaving for my job in January, but I didn’t need a bad impression to linger in case of recommendations.
“You’re adorable.”
I pressed my teeth together, fighting back a groan. Adorable? I was professional, dammit.
“I’m talking about dinner, Rachel.” He smiled.
Oh, fuck.
“I’m asking you out.”
The fact that he had to spell it out was pathetic enough.
I was so clueless, taking him literally, that I couldn’t even guess that he was hitting on me!
“Oh.” I wadded up the napkins, feeling like a moron and needing something to do with my hands. I fussed with the soggy mess and looked down at my wet fingers, wishing I could find an answer or a ready reply written there. “Um.”
What the hell do I say? Never mind what I wanted to say. I wasn’t interested. I knew that much for sure. I felt no draw, no spark. Nothing. I felt no inkling of interest for TDH. Not knowing his name had to be a terrible sign.
His interest distracted me, short-circuiting my brain as I fumbled the moment and tried to think of how to not look like an idiot. TDH’s opinions mattered—in the office—but otherwise? I just wanted to get out of this situation.
What do I say?
How do you reject someone professionally but not cruelly?
And what is your name again?
“Um.”
Behind him, I saw Nate and Julie lingering. They seemed to be waiting on something from the HR woman who had presented at this meeting. But she was busy scribbling something down, oblivious to my humiliating moment over here. They both looked too intrigued about how I would respond to this offer of a date from TDH. Nate glanced at me more than once, his green eyes sharp and observant. Julie did too. She peeked at me and struggled not to laugh. Or smile.
God. What am I supposed to say? Or do?
“No thanks.” It came out as a rushed blurt. It wasn’t censored or even thought-out. I relied on instinct, and that was to tell TDH I didn’t want a wine and acid-reflux-inducing meal.
“Okay.” TDH didn’t seem too bothered. He smiled and dipped his chin once in acknowledgement, like he could roll with the punches. The man was too damn hot to be rejected often. It had me wondering if he was too smooth to show disappointment. Or perhaps he was so practiced at this that he’d simply try again another time, determined to get what he wanted.
It was all too much to analyze and consider on the fly like this. I’d never been approached like this, and it showed.
With grace, he said goodbye and turned to leave. After him, the HR woman exited.
Nate and Julie didn’t wait to pounce.
“Oh, my God.” I covered my face. “He was asking me out!”
Julie patted my back. “Well, yeah.”
I whipped my face up to look at her. “You could tell?”
She nodded.
I slumped into the seat I’d vacated.
“Couldn’t you?” she asked with a hint of laughter. She wasn’t laughing at me. I knew that. She wasn’t mean like that.
“Not soon enough!”
Nate walked over slowly. He shoved his hands in his pockets and tilted his head as he peered at me. “Are you… interested in Eric?”
“Oh.” I blinked. “That’s his name?”
Julie lost the battle with laughter. “Lordy. He had no chance, did he?”
“Are you?” Nate asked.
I shook my head but halted midway through the action.
Wait. Shouldn’t I be? TDH—no, Eric —was just that. Tall, dark, and handsome, and clearly not gay and therefore interested in me. It was a novel experience. A man interested in me .
I hurried to nod.
“You’re interested in Eric?” Nate asked.
I shrugged, looking between them. “I should be. Maybe this is just what I need to move on from my ex. From Kyle.” I settled my gaze on Julie. I’d told her that my boyfriend had dumped me before starting at the office.
She nodded, jutting her chin out. “Hey, that’s the spirit.”
Nate frowned at her. “What?”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure about what spirit Julie was suggesting I sign up for. A non-depressed and feeling-desirable spirit? I’d be on board with that. “I mean, why not? A holiday fling.”
“There you go.”
“A rebound?” Nate asked her, incredulous. “That’s your best advice for her?”
Julie grinned. “Sure. That’ll do it. Get right back out there. Get back in the game.” She tacked on a wink, making her seem less like a sassy office fairy godmother figure and more like a naughty devil’s advocate.
“I’ve never been in the game. The dating game.” I bit my lip and lowered my gaze, slightly embarrassed. “Kyle was my high school sweetheart. It’s just been him that I’ve known… like that.” And not even like that. “I’m clueless about how to date. Or flirt.” I gestured at the space where Eric had stood. “If that wasn’t already obvious. I’m clueless about it all.”
Stating that wasn’t shameful. Julie was a solid friend. I could count on her. Admitting this in front of Nate felt weird, but I knew he had to be a good guy at the core. Brandon wouldn’t have befriended him or stayed friends with him if he were a jerk.
Opening up about how na?ve I felt was freeing.
And now that I’d experienced this slightly confusing thrill of a man asking me out, I latched on to the possibility that this could be how I’d move on. Like this could be my Christmas miracle. If not a miracle coming true, then a holiday mission.
Screw going home and faking my happiness for my family. The hell with pretending my life was jolly and well.
I could focus on trying to feel loved and wanted for once. For being myself.
Eric wasn’t really my type. He couldn’t be if his name didn’t stick from the get-go, but that didn’t have to matter. If I wanted to worry about finding a man who was my type…
I dragged my gaze to Nate. He fit. He’d check my boxes. Smart, charming, funny. Dashing, even. He wasn’t overly ripped and bulky like Kyle was becoming. I doubted Nate shaved. He’d be all man, but not in a suffocatingly masculine or superior way.
If I had a say in moving on, even for a fling, with a man who appealed, my boss would be the candidate.
Oh, stop.
That was just nonsense. Hooking up with my boss? My brother’s best friend? That was just an old crush coming to the surface.
I knew better than to borrow trouble like that.
But then he turned, breaking his absent stare off to the side to lock his warm, brown gaze on me.
And it happened again. That little flicker of awareness deep in my belly. The faster pulse that dizzied me.
No. Not Nate. I couldn’t lust on him like this.
That would just be… wrong.