18. Nate
18
NATE
I woke up with Rachel’s naked body pressed flush against me. She’d fallen asleep after we cleaned up and showered together, and I hadn’t lasted long either. Cuddling in her bed, I felt no urgency to leave. With how tightly she held on to me and nestled in the nook under my arm, it seemed she was against the idea of my leaving too.
The dinner reservations were forgotten. The carriage ride was a moot point.
We spent the night together, waking to have sex once more, slowly, to suit her adjusting to this new event in her life.
In the bright light of the morning, I yawned and smiled wide.
“You smile a lot.”
I jolted a bit, realizing she was already awake. Not only that, but she was staring at me too.
“Is that a problem?” I asked, leaning in to kiss her soundly. She sighed happily against my lips. “Good morning,” I added sleepily. And it was. Any morning that had me waking up next to this sassy woman would be a good one. Feeling her warm, soft body pressed to mine was a grounding, comforting sensation I didn’t want to give up anytime soon.
“Morning,” she replied.
“Is it bad that I smile often?” I asked.
“No.” She shrugged. “I’ve just noticed that you do.”
“I have a lot to be happy about.” I proved it by rolling her over until she lay on top of me.
“Oh, do you now?” she teased, grinding against me.
I groaned, putting my hands on her ass and keeping her right where I wanted her. “Pace yourself, Rach.”
She laughed lightly. “I am sore.” Leaning down, she kissed me soundly. “But I’m not complaining.”
Good. While it was always a goal to please a woman and have her wanting more, Rachel’s feelings mattered to me—a lot.
I was a little surprised that we’d caved so quickly. That one second with her, and I was a goner. We’d been resisting each other all these weeks, and now that we’d fallen for each other and spent the night in bed together, it almost felt surreal that it had happened.
If she were to ask me what we were doing, I wouldn’t know how to sum it up for her. It didn’t feel like a fling, which was what I'd envisioned at first. That we could engage in casual sex, both for her to not be so down and mopey about Kyle dumping her and for me to distract myself from the stressful memories of the holiday party.
This didn’t feel casual anymore. As I gazed into her eyes, soft with a sated expression, I wondered how I could have ever considered anything between us as being casual.
But can I really let go and just take faith that my heart could be safe with her?
If sleeping with her wasn’t a casual thing, that implied our feelings were deeper than surface level. For six years, I’d guarded myself from letting any woman matter, and here she was, threatening just that.
“You look like you’re thinking awfully hard for the weekend,” she teased.
I smiled quickly. “I was just thinking about what Brandon said the other night.”
She furrowed her brow, showing the little V over the bridge of her nose. “About your ever wanting Yasmin back?”
I gripped her ass, reminding her that she was on top of me. “She’s not even on my mind, Rach.”
“Then what?”
“About your having a crush on me.”
She groaned, lowering her head, and I chuckled.
“Well, you did,” I said.
“I did,” she agreed, “but I don’t want you to think of me as some younger idiot with a crush.”
“Then how should I think of you?” I challenged playfully.
“As…” She looked to the side, pensive. “A woman who wants to enjoy her time with a man.”
That sounded simple. And doable. But I wondered if she was holding back from saying something else.
“And how might you want to enjoy your time with me?” I asked.
“First, I wouldn’t mind getting up to go to the bathroom.”
We laughed as she hurried to get off me. “And then,” she said as I sat up to get out of bed after her, “I wouldn’t mind breakfast.”
That was all I needed to hear. Her commitment, even if it was just for this morning. Having a woman want me for who I am was a damned good gift to receive. And it wasn’t even Christmas yet.
As we spent the morning together, getting breakfast at a little place down the block, I came to accept that Rachel was a gift. She distracted me from work. She helped me not to dwell on how I would soon have to face an event where I was previously and horribly stuck with a public humiliation.
Breakfast turned into a stroll along the paths cleared of the fresh snow. Then that walk turned into running errands together. And after that, we got lunch.
All day, we stayed together. It was fun, and when it came time to find dinner somewhere, I realized the thought of “teaching” her anything hadn’t crossed my mind.
I hadn’t mentored her one bit. I didn’t plan to, either. While that arrangement and agreement hung between us like an awkward afterthought, I wasn’t going to bring it up. This real, natural companionship that we’d forged outside the office felt too good to give up.
Later, after dinner, I coaxed her into some last-minute shopping for gifts I’d procrastinated on. Then, on the walk back to her place, I cajoled her into going ice skating near Rockefeller. And lastly, doing the scavenger hunt on New Year’s biggest Christmas tree.
“Okay. I think you’ve Christmassed me out,” she said as we walked away from the hub of festivity.
“Nonsense. That’s impossible. Did you always hate this season?” I asked.
“No. And I don’t hate it.”
“Am I shoving it in your face like your mom does?” I cringed, worried I could be too pushy. It was just hard not to be in a good mood and want to share the joy. It was a celebratory time all around, more so because I had Rachel to be with during it all now.
“No. Not at all.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m having fun with you, really.”
It was kind of her to say so, even if I was pushing her close to her limit.
“Speaking of Christmas, though,” she said. “You’ll be at your cabin, right?”
“I plan to be. I’ll head back to Rockton after the party.”
“And my parents are invited this year?” she asked.
“Yes. My parents. Yours. Brandon. It’s a huge event.”
“So when we show up together, and I’m your plus-one…” She cringed as she looked at me. “How do we play that?”
“Like this?” I held her hand, tugging her toward me until I could peck a kiss on the top of her head. “You’ll be my plus-one.”
“That’s it?”
I mentally tensed, wondering if she was putting me on the spot and asking if I wanted something more than this great day we were sharing so far. I wanted her. No red flags were raised. She could be the woman to break this spell of committing myself to loneliness.
Yet, I held back. Something about being so heartbroken at this specific time of the year kept me from jumping into anything solid with her. Casual sex felt like too cheap of a label for us, but I wasn’t one hundred percent on announcing her as my girlfriend yet.
“Just be there with me.”
She smiled, but it didn’t look sincere. “That’s all you need from me? My role is to just be there at the party with you and prove all the gossipers wrong about you? To ward off the whispers from those who want to comment about how you were treated at that party previously?”
I nodded. No. I wanted a lot more, but I wasn’t ready to state that.
I want you to just be there with me for good.
If only I could open up my heart to let her in like that.