Chapter Nine
Somewhere between asleep and awake, Valon savored the sensation of Marc gently running his fingers through his hair.
From the pillow on Marc’s lap, Valon accepted the peace he offered.
He kept his breathing even. Valon had slept more since Marc began sleeping with him at night than he ever had before.
It was probably wrong how much he adored the way Marc spoiled him.
Valon needed to sit down and come up with a plan to make Marc feel as special as he made Valon feel.
Today, he didn’t want to think about anything.
Ry’s death was at the back of his mind, waiting to pounce.
Every thought he had made him feel like a bad person and torn.
There was a lot of guilt associated with how he felt about Ry being gone.
Maybe his feelings were justified. But sometimes, Valon wondered if he was a cold person.
It was a little scary how quickly he could slam the door on his heart.
He was damn good at walking away and never looking back.
Life had handed him the chance to finally do that with Ry.
That was exactly what Valon planned to do.
“How is he?”
At the quiet question, Valon peeked his eyes open for half a second. Just long enough to know who spoke.
Marc kept stroking his hair. “He’s okay. Tell me what happened.”
A moment passed. He didn’t know if German checked to see if he was asleep or simply shrugged.
“He was jogging and ran right into traffic. I guess he didn’t check to see if it was safe to cross.
A woman on her way to work couldn’t stop quickly enough to avoid him.
She’s pretty shaken up. They don’t intend to charge her with anything, since Ry wasn’t at a crosswalk.
She wasn’t at fault. They took her to the hospital, though. It seems she’s a huge mess over this.”
“I imagine so. That’s a lot to live with.”
Valon was confused. Why didn’t Marc know how Ry died?
He had been in the kitchen with Kash for a while before Valon sought him out.
Why was German the one getting that information for Marc?
He had been glued to Valon’s side the entire day.
When did he have time to ask German to find out for him?
He could have just asked Valon. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to put that burden on Valon. Still, it just seemed odd.
“Since you don’t need me any longer, Steel plans to reassign me.”
Why would they suddenly not need German any longer?
“If you want to stay on here, I’m sure Valon would be fine with that.”
Valon heard the smile in German’s voice when he responded.
“I appreciate that, but you know me. I don’t stay anywhere too long.
Hopping from state to state keeps life interesting.
I didn’t mind so much when it came to guarding Jathan.
His busy game schedule kept us moving. I’m not built to stay in one place for too long. ”
“Okay. I get it.” Marc sounded resigned if not a little unhappy.
Valon had known the pair were friends, so he kind of got it.
But Steel was right; they already had plenty of security on property.
German wasn’t really needed here. He hadn’t understood why he had been sent in the first place.
Not that it mattered. He didn’t run that shit.
“I should probably start packing. When Valon wakes up, be sure to let him know it was an honor.”
“I will.”
Silence followed. He drifted closer to sleep.
“How long do you plan to pretend you’re sleeping?”
Valon never opened his eyes. “I’m not pretending.” Even he heard how slurred his words were.
“Good. I love you. You need to rest.”
“Love you too.” His voice sounded far away, as if someone else spoke in the room. He kept drifting a few seconds at a time. Valon had no idea why he couldn’t commit to the nap. His mind got the best of him. “Who do you think will plan his funeral?”
“I don’t know. Does he have any living relatives?”
Valon really had to dig deep. He had disassociated for most of his childhood. A vague memory rose. “He has a sister in the Midwest somewhere. I don’t really know her. She never came around.”
“There you go.” Marc’s hand moved from Valon’s hair to his back. He rubbed slow circles between Valon’s shoulder blades.
“Mhmm. That feels good. Do you think I should offer to pay for it? I have the money, and I don’t want anyone else to have to shoulder that burden. His sister didn’t come around for a reason, I’m sure.”
“If no one claims his body, the state will bury him.” Marc sounded like there was nothing he cared less about than Ry’s death. That was fair. Valon should feel the same. He was so confused.
Valon was awake now. He felt defeated. It seemed even Marc didn’t understand his mixed feelings.
There was a sliver of him that hurt over this situation.
The ridiculous child inside him, who had dreamed Ry might love him someday, wanted to cry about Ry’s passing.
But Valon couldn’t, and he felt like he was expected to feel nothing.
For the most part, he did. But feeling like he had no one to talk to about the small child inside him was isolating.
Valon tried harder to shut down his mind.
“If you want to plan the funeral, I’ll do it with you.
Whatever you need right now, I’m here. I know you’re dealing with a lot of mixed-up emotions.
No matter how much of a monster he was, ultimately, he was your dad.
He’s gone. There’s nothing more he can do to harm you now.
But if you need to do something to help close the book on him, I’ll be by your side every step. ”
Goddamn it. Marc always said the right things. It was like he could read Valon’s mind. “I think I need to handle it.”
Marc ran his fingers through Valon’s hair again. “Okay. I’m with you.”
Wow, he really was and Valon could breathe again. One way or another, Valon had to keep Marc. His life was better because Marc existed. He was safe.
Warm water poured over his hands as Marc rinsed the plate he had just washed. There was a good chance Ledger had a cleaning crew. At the very least, he probably used the dishwasher. Marc enjoyed the mundane task. He felt useful in a situation that made him feel helpless.
Ry’s funeral had been… odd, to say the least. Marc couldn’t think of a better way to describe everything that had gone down.
First, it turned out Ry had a will and had requested to be cremated.
He had also left his gym to Ledger, which made Marc wonder if all the blackmail and stalking had really been about keeping some part of Ledger.
Maybe Ry had always believed Ledger would be his again in the end.
It was hard to feel like there had been a funeral service at all when there was nothing more than an urn with a picture beside it.
It had been a generously young picture of him.
That made it even harder to connect the situation to an actual death.
Even if anything had felt real, the day was way more than Ry deserved.
In the smallest of ways, Marc understood how Ry had ended up resenting Valon.
To his core, Ry had been a narcissistic, cheating bastard.
Nothing had mattered to him more than his ego.
His desire to avoid child support had left him tied down.
Ry had been more than willing to gnaw off Valon’s leg to be free, only to wish he had the life he destroyed back.
The saddest part was, Marc imagined Ry had decided to have a child to stroke the same ego that led to his destruction.
He just hadn’t possessed the foresight to see how much freedom he would lose.
In some ways, Marc imagined his father had done the same.
Except Marc’s dad had actually wanted the trophy that was Marc.
Marc still didn’t know which fate was worse.
“You know you don’t have to wash dishes. Valon pays someone to clean.” Ledger chuckled. “That keeps me torn between aggravated and frugal. He’s paying for the service. It would be rude not to use it. On the other hand, it seems pretty pretentious.”
Marc turned a smile Ledger’s way. “As crazy as it may sound, I actually like doing dishes, especially at times like this. I don’t like standing by helpless to help. So at least it’s something.”
Ledger nodded and leaned back against the counter where Marc worked.
He crossed his arms, looking thoughtful.
“You know, when I first realized Valon and you were dating, I had some huge reservations. That’s nothing against you,” Ledger tacked on as if not wanting to insult Marc.
“In fact, it’s kind of the opposite. He’s blossomed so much with you being his guard and friend.
Once that relationship changed, I was scared as hell of what would happen to him if you two didn’t work out.
We couldn’t reach him before you. How bad would he be without you?
But the more time that passes and the more I see you two together, I’m not as scared of that outcome.
You love him. In general, you’re just really good for him.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for you to have brought my real son back.
” Ledger looked around. His expression darkened.
“I fucking loathe the fact that he feels like he needs to do this. This entire day has been way more than Ry ever deserved.”
Marc nodded along, finishing his last dish.
“Agreed, but I’m all for whatever it takes for him to leave Ry behind.
I hate the moments when I watch the happiness drain from him.
Every time, I know exactly what he’s thinking about.
I want that to stop. He’s started counseling again.
I told him I would go with him. Healing has to start somewhere.
I’m glad he finally confided in you. You two love each other.
I don’t want Valon to lose that connection. ”
Ledger eyed him for a moment. “Well, damn. Maybe you’re the one I need to worry about. I have a feeling losing my son would wreck you.”
Before he could stop it from happening, since it really wasn’t the time, Marc chuckled. “I won’t be losing him.” Valon had exactly the same chance as an ice cube in hell of getting rid of him now.
Valon appeared behind him. His arms encircled Marc, and he kissed Marc’s nape. “Why am I not surprised to find you doing something completely unnecessary? You’re incapable of doing nothing.”
Ledger flashed him a smile and winked. He kissed Valon’s forehead. “Proud of you, kid.” He walked away, leaving them alone.
Marc turned and squeezed Valon as much as he could without hurting him. “I’m proud of you too. You did something today most people would never do. You’re a good person.” A hell of a lot better than he was. Marc might have donated his body to one of those body farms.
“Not really. I had a thought.”
“Whatever it is, I love it already.” Seeing Valon smile was worth any ridiculous statement.
Valon huffed. “You don’t know. Maybe you’ll hate it.”
That would never happen. “Go on.”
“My next tour starts in two weeks. Once we’re on the road, we won’t get a ton of alone time. How do you feel about taking the next week and a half or so and going somewhere? It can be super touristy or completely secluded. You can choose. I’ve been damn near everywhere.”
Like Marc would say no. “Since you’ve been everywhere, give me your top three favorites to choose from. I’m not well-traveled enough to pick a town from thin air.”
Valon looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he brightened. They were going wherever he said first. The place obviously made him happy. “Salem is a lot of fun. It’s beautiful and full of history. Ibiza is super cool. Or we could just do Disney World. I love that place.”
Okay, so the choice didn’t turn out to be as easy as he thought. “Well, I have no idea where Ibiza is, and I was ready to answer Salem until you got to the end. Now, I’m torn. I’ve never been to either place, but I know I secretly coveted Disney as a kid.”
Valon shrugged. “Let’s do both. We can check out Salem for a couple of days and then spend the rest of our vacation in the parks.
You’ll love it there. You truly are in a bubble.
This is great. I’m so excited.” He went up on his toes and kissed Marc.
Marc practically felt the joy rolling off Valon in waves.
He really hoped this wasn’t some odd coping mechanism.
He was past ready for Valon to always feel this way.
The quicker they got started, the better.