Chapter 8
CHAPTER 8
BILLIE
S tanding in the kitchen beside Axl, he towered over me. He prepped the tea kettle and turned on the gas stove.
“You want more chamomile? Or something with caffeine?” he asked, glancing back at me over his shoulder.
“Actually, caffeine would be great,” I said, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “Maybe Earl Grey? Irish Breakfast?”
“You got it,” he said, opening a drawer by the sink. I was used to that drawer being used for silverware. Now it was filled with boxed tins of tea. He popped open a can and pulled out a beautiful fabric bag full of tea leaves. These were not grocery store teas. These things looked fancy enough to throw at a wedding.
Staring at his black-and-red checkered back, I could not reconcile the fact that this burly, smart-ass hottie was also a tea drinker with a very tidy kitchen. He looked like all the rugged, handsome men in his fishing and flying magazines. Now the interest in planes made sense, and I assumed he fished, too. Smoke River was known for amazing fly fishing in the spring and summer. For a moment, I imagined him standing knee-deep in waders, shirt off, as he tossed his fly into the water .
He glanced back at me and smiled. Holy shit. I was staring. I coughed to break the awkward silence. “So are you going to caffeinate before we head out into the cold?”
He grabbed the kettle as it started to howl and poured hot water into two travel mugs. “No. If you recall, I drank a shitload of Red Bull. I’ve had enough caffeine to last me a while. It’s nasty stuff, but I do love that garbage. It’s one of my vices.”
The way he confessed, I wanted to ask him about his other vices, but I wasn’t going to go there.
“Milk?” He opened the refrigerator.
“Yes, a splash.”
“Soy, almond, oat, or regular?”
My jaw about hit the floor. “Regular,” I whispered. Who was this guy? With every passing moment, Axl revealed another of his confusing layers. Cocky, muscle-bound, arrogant, a pilot who thought his spatial skills made him Superman on the highway. He liked fancy tea, stocked a barista-level milk bar, and the ultimate non-sequitur, harbored a secret love for Red Bull.
“You okay?” he asked.
I must have looked like a deer in headlights. “Yeah, sorry. I got distracted. My mom didn’t let me drink a lot of soda growing up.”
He nodded. “Smart. I got into the habit of using coffee and energy drinks to stay awake when I was in the military. Not a great habit.”
I expected him to say more, but he didn’t. He measured and poured two shots of whiskey into each of our mugs and put the travel lid in place. He wiped down the counter. The kitchen was once again spotless.
Remembering the stacked pizza boxes and suspect-smelling sponges in my ex’s apartment, I had to admit I loved watching this guy clean.
“There you go,” Axl said, handing me my mug.
“Thanks.” I blew on the lid and held the drink with both hands. The heat felt so good and cozy. I took a sip and immediately felt the bloom of the whiskey going down my throat. It tasted delicious and felt even better. “Damn, that’s good. ”
His eyes moved up and down my body. I knew he was assessing my “gear” or lack of it, but the way his gaze moved over my hips made my stomach feel all swirly. And was it my imagination, or did Axl’s gaze pause on my chest? I self-consciously crossed my arms. “I should go put on my parka.”
“Good,” he said, “because it’s cold outside.”
“I know it’s cold outside,” I said. “It’s snowing.”
He walked to the back door and returned holding a pair of his leather boots. He sat down at the kitchen table and laced them up. His hands were large and looked strong. He moved like a man who didn’t like to be rushed.
I figured this was my cue to get prepped for the great outdoors. I retrieved my duffle and pulled out my old purple puffy coat. I held it out and cringed. It was so bright it almost looked neon with a slightly lighter purple fringe around the hood.
It reminded me of Grimace from McDonald’s or that singing dinosaur, Barney. But function ruled over fashion, especially in the mountains. I swallowed my pride, held the sleeves of my sweatshirt, and stuffed my arms into the puffy sleeves of the coat.
I looked up to see Axl standing in front of me. Sipping his tea, a huge grin crossed his face. “Wow, that is bright,” he said, pretending to shield his eyes. “Obnoxious, even.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, exhaling and sticking my hands deep into my puffy pockets. “I shouldn’t have said that about your Jeep.”
“It’s all right. I’ve heard it all before.” He took another sip of his tea. “You need a hat.”
“I have a hood,” I said, pulling the purple hood over my head.
“I’ll get you a hat,” he said, walking down the hall. He returned a minute later holding a gray knit cap. “Take this.”
“I don’t need it.”
“The wind is going to whip your hood off faster than you know,” he said.
I glanced outside and listened to the howl.
“Fine,” I said, pulling the hat onto my head.
“Good girl,” he said .
“Don’t patronize me.”
“You missed.” He pointed to my hat. “It’s crooked.”
I fumbled with it while he watched.
“Can I?” he asked, pointing to my forehead.
“Fine,” I said.
He reached out and shifted the beanie on my head. His fingers touched my cheek as he pushed a stray lock of my hair back under the cap. My skin tingled at his touch. Axl stopped for a second, his deep-green eyes locked on mine, and I wondered if he felt it, too, but then he glanced away. The moment was gone, if it ever happened at all.
“There you go. It’ll keep you warm. You ready?” He paused at the back door, his hand on the knob. I nodded and followed him outside into the storm. Cam trotted a few steps behind.
Holy shit . The wind howled and felt like a small cyclone the second I stepped outside. Axl was right. I was so glad I was wearing a hat. The hood of my coat whipped back like a windsock. Snowflakes blew sideways, stinging my cheeks. Trudging across the yard felt like traveling somewhere remote and unwelcome. The weather was so much worse than when I arrived. I could hardly believe it. Axl led the way to the truck. Cam’s black-and-white fur stood out against the snow in front of us. She stayed close to us both.
The blue tarp across the truck bed bowed heavy with snow. I trudged forward squinting as snowflakes stung my eyes. The real problem with this weather was the wind. Snow wasn’t the problem in a winter storm. It was visibility and fast-falling temperatures. Most cars could get traction on fresh powder, and I knew I had chains. With no visibility, it didn’t matter if I could drive on a road if I couldn’t see.
“I’ll open the barn!” Axl shouted. “Stay close, Cam!”
The dog jumped and darted through the snow, never far out of sight.
I unhooked the tarp and got it off the truck. It whipped and flapped in the wind like a wild, winged creature. I managed to crumple it in my arms as Axl passed, carrying a stack of four boxes as if he were Hercules. Cam was right behind him. A load that size would have taken me multiple trips.
With the barn door open, light from inside made it easier to see the entrance. I grabbed bags from the front seat and got moving. The sooner this was over the better.
It didn’t take as long as I expected to empty the truck. Axl slammed the back gate closed and waved me inside. “We need some of the boxes. They aren’t all on the pallets,” he said, wiping his forehead. His cheeks flushed, green eyes sparkling, he looked energized, like someone enjoying a hard day’s work.
“Wait,” I said, a sinking feeling crept through me. “What pallets?”
He pointed to a pile of boxes close to the door, sitting on the dirt. I knew that those boxes were part of my haul.
“Oh, so you mean my boxes are in the wrong place.”
He shrugged. “I’m not saying anything, but we should move all the boxes to those pallets.”
“Sorry,” I said, exhaling and looking at the ceiling. “We didn’t have those on the floor last time I was here.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I made improvements to the barn. If you are going to store your mom’s shit here, let’s make sure it doesn’t get wet or ransacked by raccoons.”
“Seriously? What is up with the raccoons? They were always super cute when I was here.”
“Raccoons are never super cute,” he said. “They are fucking monsters.”
“I think we need to agree to disagree,” I said, smiling.
“Seriously, they are like big rats with tails. Come on, let’s get these moved.”
Axl and I got to work relocating all my boxes. Cam darted in circles around us, clearly happy to have her paws out of the cold snow. Growing up, we used the barn as a storage shed. A row of silver trash cans sat along the back wall where we stowed rakes and other gardening tools. We had a stand-up gas lawnmower and an old driving one that didn’t work. Mason promised mom he would fix it, but that never happened.
The barn under Axl’s care was a drastically improved space. For one thing, pallets covered parts of the floor. There was also an entirely new floor across a majority of the barn with a shiny work bench in the back. Evenly spaced tools hung from the walls. They looked well-organized and pristine.
“Looks good in here,” I said as we shifted the last set of boxes. I stretched my arms, moving them back and forth at my elbow like a hinge. My muscles shook; I was so damn tired.
“Thanks.” He looked around the space as if surveying. “Part of the deal with Louise is that I take care of the place.”
“That’s great. She loves stuff like that,” I said before I could stop myself. What the hell was wrong with me? Axl used the present tense. He definitely didn’t know about Gran, and I’d made it even more weird by not telling him she was gone.
“She didn’t really give me a honey-do list,” he continued, a half-smile across his face. “I’ve just done things that make sense to me.”
I opened my mouth to correct him, but I couldn’t say the words. “That’s so great,” I said, my stomach twisting in knots at my reply.
I thought about the re-posted fence line outside and the well-kept drive. He made improvements for Gran, and she wasn’t here to see it. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. The words were too raw. I was liable to sob and I couldn’t do that, not tonight.
“I send her emails about once a month with an update.”
“You do?” I asked.
“Yeah, but she doesn’t give me a lot of direction. I am going to assume that’s good news.
I was stunned. Axl wrote Gran emails, and she never answered?
Axl looked around the barn as if running through a mental checklist in his mind. “I think we are done.”
“We are?”
“Yeah. Your stuff will be safe in here. You ready to go inside and get warm? We should get out of the cold. Cam’s ready to go in, too, aren’t you, girl?” He stood under one of the new overhead floodlights, shadows crossing his face, his lips curling into a smile. Cam rubbed her body up against his legs.
“Ladies first.” Axl held open the door for Cam and me.
The bracing cold wind stung my cheeks as soon as I stepped out of the barn. I walked across the drive, making sure each of my footsteps landed. My boots did not have the best traction.
I should have told him about Gran, I thought with every step. Telling him was the right thing to do, and now that I hadn’t told him, the time for truth-telling had passed.
I opened the kitchen door with Axl a step behind me. Cam darted in first. She shook off her fur and jumped onto the couch curling up against the arm. Axl and I kicked snow off our shoes and took off our snow-covered coats.
His cheeks flushed, Axl rubbed his hands together.
“I will light a fire,” he said. “Finish your tea. It’s still warm.” Axl knelt before the fireplace, stacking kindling and logs on the grate.
“Thanks,” I said. Shivering, I walked across the room, grabbed a blanket, and curled up on the couch. Cam sat on the opposite me. She sighed and closed her eyes. I fiddled with my necklace. The clasp slid to the front which meant I could make a wish once I righted it. “I wish the snow would stop, and I could get back home where I belong,” I whispered to myself.
“You say something?” Axl asked.
“No, it’s silly,” I said. “Just making a wish about the snow.”
“Huh,” he said. “If wishes were horses than beggars would ride.”
“You don’t believe in making wishes?” I asked.
“Nah,” he said. “I have found that most things in life take hard work, and even then, they don’t always work out the way you want.” He crumpled paper and stuffed it in the kindling cracks.
“That’s sad,” I said, taking a sip of my tea. Axl was right; it was still warm.
“It’s not sad. It’s real,” he said. “I haven’t made a wish in a long while. I don’t see the point.”
I wanted to ask him why, but I knew it wasn’t my business. Axl and I were in this cabin together because circumstances beyond our control placed us here. Already, time felt different to me, although only a few hours had passed since I walked into the kitchen and met naked Axl.
Naked, gorgeous Axl, who clearly knew how to take care of this cabin, I thought.
“You know, snow like this, we may lose power.” Axl struck a match and lit the paper on fire. The flames spread throughout the kindling, and the fire roared to life. It was so sexy watching him work. “There she goes.” He rubbed his hands together. “I know there is some cold air coming in from the damper, but this wood is good and dry.”
He stood up and took a seat across from me and Cam.
“Did you chop the wood?” I said, my voice broke a little bit, which was embarrassing.
“Yeah,” he said as if it was no big thing.
No big thing. I saw a vision of Axl standing in the back field, an axe in hand. He’d raise his big muscle-bound arms into the air and swing that axe. He’d probably work that axe so good, so hard. A wave of heat and wetness bloomed between my legs as I imagined Axl working the wood. Oh, my god. I wanted to have sex with him. I needed to take a cold shower or go lay down in the snow.
“If the power goes out, I’ll keep the fire going out here with Cam.”
Cam lifted her head sleepily and then closed her eyes again.
“You sure you can get me out of here in the morning?” I asked, pulling the blanket up to my chin. Already, the heat of the fire was warming my bones.
“Oh, yes,” he said, admiring his work in the fireplace. “I’ll get you out. No worries.”
“Wonderful,” I said, relieved and also the tiniest bit hurt that he sounded super happy about the idea of me departing.
“We should dry out our clothes,” he said.
I started to stand.
“No, I got you,” he said. “Stay put and rest.”
He laid our boots and coats in front of the fire before sitting back down across from Cam and me.
“You want a blanket?” I said, realizing I’d taken the only two blankets in the room. My eyes were so tired. I struggled to keep them open.
“Nah,” he said. “I run hot. Takes a lot to get me chilled.”
I’ll bet you do , I thought, immediately chastising myself.
We sat quietly listening to the crackle of the fire and the howl of the wind outside. The windows rattled from time to time, and snow beat against the glass, sounding like ice pellets.
“Thanks for helping me tonight,” I said.
Axl nodded in response.
Our clothes lay in front of the fire. There was something intimate about seeing our wet things side by side. My breath grew shallow, and I was aware of my heart beating inside my chest.
“Glad I was here,” Axl said. “No one should be alone in a storm like this.”
“You are right,” I whispered, rubbing my forehead. The truth was, I felt like such an idiot. What the hell would I have done if I’d ended up at the cabin alone? I didn’t know where the matches were. I may have found the kindling out back, but I certainly would have struggled to unload the truck and get a fire going as fast as he did. I grew up coming to this cabin every winter, but arriving in a snowstorm was so different. I was unprepared. I wasn’t used to needing help like this.
“You may not believe me, but I am normally not this unprepared. I am usually very organized,” I said.
“I bet,” he said, his voice playful.
“It wasn’t supposed to snow, and I figured I’d get up here, no problem.”
“It was a good plan until it snowed.”
“Yes,” I said, straightening up on the couch. “It was a good plan until it snowed, thank you.” I thought about Mom and my friends back home, remembering my other mistake of the day. I had no phone charger. “Do you have an iPhone charger?”
I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was close to midnight. I wasn’t going to call mom this late, but I thought if I could get a tiny charge, I could text or at least catch up on messages from my friends.
He shook his head. “Hard no. I’m a flip-phone man. ”
“You are kidding me,” I said.
He responded with a blank stare.
“How do you do email?”
“I use my laptop when I go into town,” he said, shrugging.
“Don’t you read the news online?”
“No,” he said.
My mouth dropped open. “Don’t you like to know what is happening in the world?”
“Not really,” he said. “I call people I want to call. I text, and that’s it. I’m done.”
“All right then.” I sighed. “I guess Mom will just have to wait to hear from me. It’s fine. It’s all fine.”
Axl cleared his throat. “So,” he said, “what do you do for work that has you always on your phone?”
“I manage a property in Seattle, an apartment building called the Holiday.”
He nodded.
“So, you see I’m pretty familiar with leases.” I felt guilty bringing that up, but he was being so quiet, and I felt all jumpy. It was hard not to notice how the fire danced across his strong jaw and sparkled in his eyes.
“How long have you had the job?” he asked. His tone seemed awkward, as if he were unfamiliar with small talk.
“A few years,” I said. “I moved to Seattle after college, before … ” My voice trailed off.
“Before I rented the place?”
“Yes,” I said, wanting to change the subject. “What do you do when you aren’t hiding out here in the winter.”
“I had a business in Florida for a while. It did all right, so that gave me options,” he said. “I got tired of the heat and the grind, so I do my own thing now. I may do some fly-fishing tours in the spring.”
“You are a guide?”
“No. I don’t mind that type of work, but I like to fly people in and fly people out. It’s an uncomplicated transaction. ”
“Where’s your plane now?” I said, swallowing. I didn’t mind talking about planes. I just didn’t want to get in one.
“She’s parked at the Smoke River Airfield and probably buried under a foot of snow by now if Mason didn’t bring her in the hangar.”
“You want to call him?”
“No signal,” he said. “I’ll check on her in the morning after you’re on the road.”
I nodded.
Once again, we slipped into silence. It wasn’t comfortable; I barely knew him. “So, this is what you do? In the winter, you just sit here in the snow.”
“Yep, I just sit here in the snow.”
“I didn’t mean that to sound rude.”
“It’s fine,” he said, a half-smile crossing his face. “I stay pretty busy most of the year, and I like the cold, which is why I planned to be here through the winter.”
I rubbed my eyes, the heat from the fire and the weight of the two blankets were making it hard for me to think coherently.
“You ready to climb into bed?” Axl asked.
“You know you don’t need to give up the bedroom,” I said. “I slept many a night out on this couch, and I think Cam is pretty fond of me.”
“She does like you, which is a compliment.” He stood up. “I insist you take the bed. I just changed the sheets.”
“Okay, that’s very nice of you.” I stood up, legs wobbly. I wrapped myself in one of the blue blankets. “You mind if I take this blanket with me?”
“Be my guest.” He nodded down the hall. “I am guessing you can get yourself settled then?”
“Yes,” I said. “I know the room well.”
He stood staring at me beside the fire.
“I know this is an awkward situation, but thanks again for your help tonight,” I said.
“It’s no problem,” he said, hands sliding deep into his pockets. “You want me to wake you up tomorrow? ”
“Yes, please,” I said. “Seven a.m.?”
“Seven a.m.,” he said. “I’ll see you with bells on.”
“With bells on.” I wrapped my arms around my body and walked down the hall to the bedroom. I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and sleep. I just hoped that the naked and glorious body of Axl Grey didn’t show up in my dreams.