Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
BILLIE
A bby and I chatted until the first worker knocked on the back door to start the morning shift. I hugged her, and she headed off to her open house. I took over managing the home repairs.
As Abby exited through the kitchen door, it occurred to me that this was the back door entrance she used when we were in high school, and something healed inside of me. We were just kids when we fell out with each other. A part of me still felt like a teenage girl nursing a broken heart, pointing fingers and placing blame. It was time for me to realize I was a grown woman now.
Listening to the steady thump of hammers, I went back upstairs. Mom’s door was still closed, and if she managed to sleep through this noise, I wasn’t about to wake her. We had two days of construction before we needed to empty out the rest of the house if Mom wanted to put it on the market.
I planned to pack up my old room and then Gran’s so it would be clear for the stagers next week. I supposed I could go back to Seattle before the open house, but I wanted to talk to Mom before I made any decisions.
In an hour, my room was packed. A stack of boxes sat in the corner. Instead of driving the boxes to Smoke River, Abby had secured us a temporary storage unit that cost almost nothing.
I sat on my bed and stared out the window at the Rockies. Sun glinted off of the snow-covered mountains. Blue sky finally replaced the thick, gray snow clouds. I hugged myself, thinking how relieved Mason and everyone up at Smoke River would be by the break in the weather. I just hoped the snow didn’t melt too fast and flood the town.
I carried boxes downstairs and then tackled Gran’s old room. I cracked open the door and inhaled. The comforting scent of cinnamon and lavender greeted me. My eyes flooded with tears like a reflex. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of loss. As I surveyed her room, my feelings of grief shifted to frustration. Why hadn’t she told me about Axl? I rubbed my forehead, knowing there were no answers for me here.
I sat on her bed and assembled a few cardboard boxes. The dresser would be easiest to empty, so I tackled that first. I knew that Mom got rid of some stuff right after the service, but as I packed up Gran’s work-out clothes, her gardening clothes, and her sewing clothes, I couldn’t help but laugh. Gran was prepared for everything.
The bottom drawer of her dresser wouldn’t open. At first, I thought it was just old and broken, but then I saw the keyhole. I sat back on my heels. It was locked? Why would Gran lock her drawer? Where was the key? I checked her closet and her nightstand. I even went through her bathroom drawers. There was nothing.
I eyed the drawer, not wanting to damage the old wood by prying it open with a knife. I also didn’t want to bother Mom. She needed her rest. My eyes caught on a grade school drawing of mine hanging by Gran’s door.
It was a rough but simple picture of a yellow star high above a mountain peppered with pine trees. I’d written a poem across the snow.
Star light star brigh t
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
The poem reminded me of Gran’s shooting-star key ring. I stood up. There were all those extra keys. I still had them in the pocket of my vest. I darted into my room and found the set. Mixed in with the normal-sized keys was a smaller, forked key that looked like it might fit.
I went back into Gran’s room and knelt in front of the dresser. “All right, Gran,” I whispered. “What are you hiding in there?”
I slipped the key into the lock and turned it. The drawer clicked open. I felt a thrill of nerves. I was raised to respect people’s privacy, but we needed to pack up this house. “Sorry, Gran,” I whispered, pulling the drawer open.
Inside, there was a stack of normal sweatshirts and sweatpants. “Okay,” I muttered. I lifted out a lavender set, a hot pink set, and a navy-blue set with stars across the top. Gran loved her cozy clothes. There was something hard and square packed inside the navy-blue sweatpants. I pulled out an Apple laptop. At the very bottom of the drawer sat a white charger.
“What were you doing, Gran?”
I sat on the bed and opened the laptop. I hit the power button, and it turned on. A small charge remained so I immediately plugged it in. Her username was filled in but the password field was blank.
I didn’t even know Gran had a laptop. As far as I knew, she and Mom always used the computer in the kitchen. I didn’t know her password. I tried her birthday. I tried my birthday. I tried, “smokeriver,” and “prescottwomen.” Finally, my eyes drifted to the framed drawing and poem by her door.
I typed
Star light Star bright .
The computer unlocked, revealing Gran’s desktop.
“Holy shit,” I gasped. My hands shook as I looked at her Home Screen. There wasn’t much on it besides a browser, an email client, and a photo album.
I opened her email. Her inbox had over a hundred unread messages. I sighed and scrolled through the subject lines. Gran received regular updates from the church, her Pilates studio, and it seemed she was still getting emails from my old high school. None of the messages had been opened. She’d died six months ago, and her email kept accepting messages as if nothing had happened. My stomach twisted in knots again, the normalcy of her inbox a reminder that she was gone, but the world kept moving as if nothing was wrong.
I froze when I saw his name.
Subject : Smoke River update - October
From: Axl Grey
I didn’t click on it. My hand shook, realizing he wrote Gran just last month. I did a quick sort of the inbox and saw that Axl wrote Gran every month, just like he’d said. I guess he didn’t lie about everything. I made sure the charger stayed plugged in, and I scooted back against Gran’s pillows. I scrolled back to Axl’s first message to Gran in June. It was the beginning of summer. She died a month later. I clicked on the message.
Subject: Thanks and a question
From: Axl Grey
Louise,
First, I want to say thank you for talking with me about the cabin at Smoke River. Mason did a great job showing me the ropes, but it was very helpful to get your insights into what I’ll need to watch for as the weather changes. I can see why you love this place. You told me that it’d be a good fit for me and Cam, and you were right. I’m glad you talked me into staying. You are right. I made a good decision staying in Smoke River. Thank you for helping me see that.
Here is the list of items I thought I’d tackle first at the cabin. I know you told me that the rent’s enough, but I don’t do well with idle hands, and I know you’ve given me a good price. As we discussed, I insist on making some improvements at no charge to you. Also, you haven’t cashed my check yet. Please let me know if I should do a wire instead.
Improvements:
- Southern fence line
- Barn - electrical upgrades, flooring improvements, heating system (I’m going to use this space a lot, thank you!)
- Insulation in the cabin
- Bathroom, expansion - update the tub
- Southern field - drainage
Please let me know what you think. I don’t want to overstep, but I figure I can chip away at this list. Cam and I have been walking the property daily. You can hear the river from the back porch, and it does sound like it’s talking to me. It’s just like you promised.
You mentioned email is the best way to reach you before you travel. I’ll keep providing you updates and wish you well.
Best,
Axl
I looked up from the computer, my heart racing. Gran talked Axl into staying at Smoke River, and he was paying for all those improvements out of pocket. My heart warmed a bit, realizing that he wasn’t totally taking advantage of Gran. Nothing in this email contradicted what Axl shared.
My heart lurched, noticing Gran’s reply.
Subject: Re: Thanks and a question
From: Louise Prescot t
Axl,
Thank you for your newsy message. I love knowing you will be at the cabin, keeping an eye on things for me. When I’m unable to get up the mountain, you being there gives me great comfort. Thank you for taking this on.
Tears flooded my eyes. Gran died just a few weeks after she sent this message.
I like your list. I am sending it back to you in priority order and would like you to focus on the fence and the barn to start. I hate looking out that window at a sagging fence line. It makes the property look abandoned. I want people to know it’s a happy home. Knowing you and Cam are there makes me smile. You can hold on the bathroom for a while. I agree the tub is small, especially for a man your size, but that is a bigger investment.
I would prefer a wire, please send funds to the OACA Bank Account below.
Gran listed an account number in Smoke River. I sat up in bed as I read the numbers. I knew, or I thought I knew, where Gran and Mom kept their money. I had no knowledge of this account. I glanced at Gran’s door, hearing the sound of Mom walking down the stairs and her voice in the kitchen. She was up. I needed to tell her about the computer and what I was learning, but I couldn’t tear myself away.
A couple more things to know about me and the cabin. My family has owned it for years. It’s a magical place, and you should be prepared to know that wishes come true to those who skip a rock across Smoke River.
“Oh, Gran,” I whispered, thinking that Axl probably rolled his eyes at this. I actually laughed. He’d made fun of me for throwing that rock into the roaring river. So he had heard about making a wish in that white water before. “Told you so,” I muttered.
I plan to travel, so I might not be replying for some while. Please send me updates and know that even if you don’t hear from me, I’m appreciative of what you are doing. It means a lot to me.
My heart pounded. She told Abby she intended to travel, too. When Gran’s heart gave out, it was a surprise to Mom and me, but I suspected Gran knew what was coming all along. She was getting her house in order. My hands shook as I continued to read.
Please send me updates and if you need anything. Talk to Mason. He has known me a long while and always knows what to do.
You and Cam stay warm and cozy. I can tell you feel the love of Smoke River in your bones. Thank you for giving me the comfort of being there. You are needed, and I know that you being there is going to lead to happiness for you and to others I hold dear.
Love,
Louise Prescott
I looked up, breathless. Axl would have read this and figured Gran was just a kind, doting old woman. He wouldn’t have read anything into her messages, but as I soaked up her words, I felt as though she were telegraphing a message to me. She picked Axl. She asked him to take care of the place. She said she was leaving. She thought Axl would lead to happiness for others she held dear. Was it me?
Axl and Gran had one more exchange on this thread. As far as I could tell, she hadn’t sent him another message.
Louise,
You’ve got it. I appreciate your trust in me and want you to know that Cam and I already tore down half the southern fence. I thought you might like a few pics .
Axl
There were three pictures attached. One was of Cam running across the field, her legs fully airborne, as though she were flying. The fence line was half missing with a few sturdy new posts in the distance.
Axl took a picture of the posts, which showcased his workmanship.
And there was a selfie. Axl with his arm around Cam, sitting on the ground in front of a fence post. The sun shone on his skin and his reddish-gold beard. He looked happy, relaxed, his deep-blue eyes sparkling.
My body stirred as I looked at his gorgeous face.
Axl,
Beautiful. I made the right choice. I wish I could walk the property with you now, but know I love it.
Louise
My heart clenched looking at the date. Gran died three days later. This was the last message she replied to. The rest of Axl’s messages were unread.
Mom knocked on the door. “Honey?” She poked her head in.
“Hey,” I said, looking up from the computer.
“What’s that?” she said.
“Gran’s computer?” I said, pointing to the screen. My heart pounded.
“Oh, you know, she mentioned she wanted to get an Apple. I didn’t know she did.” Mom shrugged. “You should probably take that home to Seattle. I don’t need it.”
“Yeah,” I said, looking at the list of messages. “Hey, Mom, did Gran ever mention an account at OACA bank?”
“OACA, the Smoke River branch? No. No, we have our main account, which you have access to, and a business account.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’m just checking into some stuff.” I didn’t want to tell her what I’d learned until I understood the situation. If Gran’s secret emails had me reeling, I had no doubt Mom would be doubly upset. “I’m just going to poke around here and then pack up this room.”
“Great,” Mom said. “Abby is going to come by. We’ll do another run to the storage facility. I just can’t believe we’re getting this done.”
“Yes, we are getting it done,” I said, painting a big smile on my face.
Mom closed the door and I went back to the messages.
Subject: Smoke River July
From: Axl Grey
Louise,
I’m sorry. I meant to send this last week. I hope you haven’t been wondering about me and Cam. We’re doing fine and really settled in. It’s been hot and humid, but with the windows open, we get a nice breeze from the river. You are right about the mountain air up here. It helps me sleep.
The fence is complete. It looks beautiful. I’m starting on the barn and want to thank you for being comfortable with me building up the floor and fixing the lights. I think you’ll be happy with the updates.
I wired you funds. Any questions, let me know. I may have a friend coming to visit for a week or two. Just a temporary thing but wanted to make sure you are aware.
Best,
Axl
I stiffened. Was he talking about Angel? I had to assume so. I wondered what Gran would have said back if she understood the situation. I hated the idea of Angel and Axl using the cabin as a secret get-away.
Subject: Smoke River Au g
From: Axl Grey
Louise,
Summer here is beautiful. I wanted to share the sky. The northern lights reached the cabin last night. I have never seen anything this beautiful. The barn is done.
I’m wondering if you are okay with me working on the path to the river. I walk it daily. It helps me think. I’m not sure if I mentioned to you that I used to be in the military. I was in Afghanistan and spent some cold, lonely nights in the mountains. Sometimes I wake up and think I’m still there. Since coming to Smoke River, it hasn’t happened once. You are right. This place may heal people. I think it’s healed me.
I’ve spent a lot of time on my own. My friend has left, and I don’t expect I’ll be having more visitors. You mentioned something to me when you offered me this place, that the cabin at Smoke River was a place a man could become his best self.
I have to say that these few months are helping me see things clearly. I know you are traveling, and you don’t need to reply, but I wanted you to know that I appreciate our conversation and your trust in me with your home.
Here is photo of the lights. Wherever you are in the world, I hope you enjoy it.
Axl
Something shifted in Axl. He told me that this summer he ended things with Angel. I hadn’t believed him. It didn’t excuse what he’d done, knowingly sleeping with a married woman, but reading his words softened my heart. Axl wrote to my grandmother like someone who needed a friend. I ached, wishing she were alive to reply, wishing everything was different.
Subject: Smoke River Sept
From: Axl Gre y
Louise,
The barn is done! A few photos for you to enjoy. I’ve been spending a lot more time in town helping Marcus out at the airport. I mentioned to you that I was retiring from my business, but I don’t intend to give up flying.
I’ve been thinking of doing some flight instruction using Smoke River as my base. Maybe even leading some fly-fishing tours. The point is, there is a lot of possibility for me and your property here.
I don’t feel restless. You’re right. There is something about the sky, the land, and the river here that grounds me.
I hope your travels are going well.
My heart ached at this sentence. Axl thought Gram was on vacation. He had no idea she was gone, yet he continued to write her.
I appreciate you listening to my musings about the property and my life. You don’t need to reply. I appreciate your time, knowing you are reading these when it suits you. I love being here. This place feels like home. Thank you for sharing it with me, and I look forward to showing you what I’ve accomplished when you are back.
Best,
Axl
I felt sick. Axl genuinely cared for my grandmother, and I’d cruelly told him she was dead without thought. No wonder he had gone white. My pulse throbbed in my forehead. Gran and Axl had a connection, one that went back months. He wasn’t just an arrogant asshole she rented to. I had the feeling Gran vetted him. In fact, it sounded like they were friends.
As I lay back against the pillow, the email client pinged with another message. I sat up, my heart thumping as I read the subject and sender. I opened the message, and barely breathing, I read it.
Subject : Goodbye
From: Axl Gre y
Louise,
It feels foolish to write you, but there are things that I need to say to someone. Talking to you always came easily to me, and I realize I don’t want to stop. When I moved to Smoke River, you took a chance on me, and I made a commitment to you. You chose to rent to me, and I promised to give you updates. I know now that you aren’t going to read this. Still, I’m going to stay true to our agreement by giving you a final update and saying goodbye.
Goodbye? I sat up straighter in the bed. I felt breathless, my mouth dry.
I didn’t realize how good it felt to write to you until this week. Knowing you were on the end of the line waiting for my updates felt right to me. You gave me a purpose that felt more important than any business deal or flight I’ve taken to date. Thank you for this.
I know now your travels have taken you far away from me. You are far from Smoke River and far from your family. I’m sorry I didn’t get more time to talk with you or share this place with you.You told me everything would be all right if I stayed in Smoke River, and it is.
I met your granddaughter, Billie. She was surprised I was here. I was surprised to meet her, but I’m glad to have known her. I don’t know why you didn’t tell her about me, and it’s okay. You know this already, but Billie has your eyes. We were stuck in the snow together for two days, and I am grateful for every moment I spent with her. Her love for you is as deep and wide as the snow drifts that trapped us in this cabin together. She has a strength in her heart and a spark of joy that inspires me.
You may not know this, but I haven’t always done the right thing. In fact, I’ve fucked up. I have spent my life believing that I don’t want a relationship that is real or one that will last. I’ve picked the wrong women on purpose. I believed that is all I deserved. I think you know that. I am afraid you think I’m a better man that I really am.
I need you to know that I am a better man now. It’s because of you, because of Billie. You are good women, and your granddaughter is the kind of woman who makes a man like me want to change.
I’m not good enough for her, and that’s okay. She knows it now, but I have to tell you that I love her. I love your granddaughter, and because she deserves more than me, I’m leaving.
I know it’s ridiculous, but I want to give you my notice. I’m leaving Smoke River. I’ve wired additional funds to cover the improvements I planned but wasn’t able to execute. Since you are away, I am hoping that your family can put these funds to good use.
I’m sorry you’re gone, Louise. I didn’t realize what you meant to me until Billie told me the news. You made a difference to Billie, and I want you to know you made a difference to me.
Cam and I are packing up today. Mason is on-board to manage things and will make sure Billie is notified that I’ve gone. It’s best for her and for me.
Thank you for taking a chance on me. Wherever you are, know I’ll see you in the night sky.
Love,
Axl
Love, Axl.
Tears streamed down my face. I wiped them off with the palm of my hand and stared at Gran’s ceiling. Axl loved me? He loved me, and he was leaving?
A wave of panic moved through me. My body tensed. I needed to see him, to know if it was true. He hadn’t told me the truth about Angel or his path, but I also understood that I didn’t really give him a chance. The connection I felt between us wasn’t one-sided. It was real. I needed to see him, even if it was just to say goodbye in person.
I jumped out of bed and called Mason’s cell. It went straight to voicemail. Pacing in Gran’s bedroom, I left a message.
“Mason, it’s me. It’s Billie. I need to talk to Axl.” I paused and exhaled. “I think he’s leaving Smoke River. I need you to stop him. I’m coming back up the mountain. Please stop him, Mason.”
I ran downstairs, gripping Gran’s key chain in my hand. I felt the same sense of urgency the night I ran from Abby and Mom and escaped to the cabin. This time, I was running toward something, not running away.
Mom followed me into the drive, her eyes wide. “I don’t understand. You’re going back?”
“I need to see Axl,” I said, walking to the truck. “Mom, Gran knew him. She picked him to live at the cabin, just like she picked Abby to sell this house. She told both of them she was going to travel. I think she knew her time was short, Mom. I think she knew.”
Mom’s mouth dropped open. She exhaled. “Wow,” she whispered, pressing her knuckles to her lips.
“I called Mason,” I said.
“Did Mason know?” Mom said, her voice tense, her hand still covering her mouth.
Abby pulled in front of the house. She climbed out of the car, holding bags from King’s Burgers.
“I brought lunch!” Abby sang, walking up the drive.
My phone rang. I answered.
“Mason,” I gasped.
“Hey, I got your message.”
“Is Axl there?”
“His plane is still here,” Mason said. “But he has plans to leave today. I can try to delay him, Billie, but I’m not sure he’ll listen to me.”
“You have to stall him,” I said, keys in hand. Abby was now beside Mom, a puzzled expression on her face.
“I’ll be there in two hours,” I said to Mason. My body tense, I couldn’t talk fast enough, breathe fast enough, move fast enough. I needed to go .
“I’ll try,” he said, his voice full of concern. “Billie, drive safe. Is your mom there?”
“Yes, you want her? Mom?” I called, motioning her over.
“No, nope, nope, just tell her … ” His voice trailed off. “Just tell her I say hello. Actually, no. Forget it. Don’t say anything.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, waving Mom off. Since when did Mason avoid talking to my mom? I’d find out, but I had bigger problems right now. “I’m on my way. Stop Axl, please.”
I hung up the phone and looked at Mom. “I’m going back up the mountain. You going to tell me what’s going on with Mason?”
Mom’s face changed. Her lips moved into a tight line. “Nope,” she said, arms crossed. “Nothing to tell.”
“Right,” I said, not believing her.
Abby walked up the drive and handed me a King’s Burgers bag. My mouth watered as I inhaled the salty fries.
“You go,” she said, nodding at my mom. “I’ve got this. We’ll be fine until you come back.”
“Thanks, Abby,” I said, giving her arm a quick squeeze. “I appreciate — ”
“Would you shut up and get out of here?” she said. “I told you this morning you should go. He could be taking off any minute. Drive, girl, drive!”
“Drive the speed limit, please!” Mom added as I backed out into the street. She and Abby stood arm-in-arm as I turned and headed down Maple Lane. It was time to go back to Smoke River.