13. Jolie #2
Angelica nods. “It would have been stronger with more, but I think he’s done a good job speaking for the team, so you’ll get away with it.
” She taps her finger on the pages I’m now holding.
“Have you got your laptop on you? You could make those changes right now and submit the article. I’ll tell Kieran I’ve already gone through it. Tell him it’s worth publishing.”
“Really?” My voice pitches in excitement.
“Yes,” Angelica laughs. “You’re a good writer, Jolie.”
Oh my gosh, those words mean everything coming from her.
“Thank you,” I manage to rasp as she gets up and walks toward Kieran’s office.
I swallow and try not to shake as I pull out my laptop and quickly make those changes. I only have to rewrite two paragraphs, adding in her suggestions, and then it’s just five small punctuation errors I missed.
Within fifteen minutes, the article is good to go.
“Kieran said to pop in. He’s keen to read it.”
“Uh… now?” I whip around to look at Angelica.
She nods, her eyebrows starting to dip.
Crap. What’s my face doing?
I quickly school my expression and nod, forcing a smile as I rise from my seat. Carrying my laptop carefully into Kieran’s office, I avoid eye contact, placing the computer on his desk, then stepping around to the other side of it so he can’t reach me.
“Good morning.” He smiles.
“Hi.” I wave at him, then tuck my hand behind my back, embarrassed by the dorky move.
Kieran lets out a soft laugh, then focuses on my article. I stand there sweating while he silently reads it through. As soon as he’s done, he leans back and smiles up at me.
“This is good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m going to run it. Good job, Jolie.”
“Wow. Thank you.” For a moment, I forget about the awkwardness between us and give him a bright smile. “That’s amazing.”
“You deserve it.” He nods before gently closing my laptop and handing it back to me.
Our fingers brush for a moment, and I flinch.
He sighs. “About the other night. I—”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off because I’m pretty sure I’d rather die than have this conversation.
“I take it you don’t want a repeat, then?”
I shake my head, then quickly have to say, “No offense. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m just not ready for that kind of thing.”
“Okay. I understand.” His voice is husky, and I can’t decide if he’s disappointed or relieved.
Whatever. I need to get out of here.
“Well, I better get to class.” I hug the laptop to my chest and start backing out of the room.
I, of course, bump into the door and let out this weird squawk, which I have to try and laugh off. My face floods with heat and I dip my chin, spinning out of the room and practically running for the main exit.
“Don’t forget your bag,” Angelica calls after me.
Ugh!
“Thanks.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m great.” I pause and force the brightest smile I can. “He’s going to publish it.”
“Wonderful.” She smiles back, but her eyes are starting to narrow at the edges.
Seriously, what is my face doing right now? I’m smiling, right? She can see that I’m totally cool and all is well?
You suck at this. Get out of here.
“Well, I’m off to class.”
“Okay, bye. Have a good day.”
“Yep.” I bob my head, then bolt out the door. By the time I make it outside, I’m feeling wrecked all over again, and the thought of going to class seems way too much to handle.
Is it okay to take a mental health day?
Might as well. Like you’ll be able to concentrate on anything anyway.
With a defeated sigh, I head to my dorm, figuring I’ll just miss my morning classes, then force myself to the afternoon ones.
But I don’t manage those either.
And I am holding Bridgerton entirely responsible. And maybe Ben Evers, because he was the one who told me I was allowed to watch it.
I started the first episode, assuring myself that I wouldn’t get invested and I was just “skimming” to see what the fuss is about.
But then I found Daphne so freaking relatable, and now I can’t stop watching her. When she finally got it on with Simon, I was transfixed.
Is that really what sex is like?
Or does that only happen after you’re married?
Either way, they made it look so easy. So enjoyable.
But it’s just fiction. It’s not real.
But what if it is like that?
I chew my lip, wondering if I should also read the novel, just to really see what it’s all about. Pulling out my phone, I search the Nolan U library app and put a hold on a copy of The Duke and I by Julia Quinn. Maybe if I read the entire series, I’ll get some more answers.
In fact… I start searching the app for romance novels and set aside five, which I’ll pick up tomorrow.
I know I’m not really supposed to read these types of books.
According to my mother, they’re “pornography on a page,” which is why I never dared to tell her that Esther—the girl I sat next to in about three of my classes senior year—snuck me copies of her secret stash, and I read a few of the pages she’d earmarked for me.
It was kind of scandalous… but also kind of delicious.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been curious about it all, you know?
I wanted to experience what these women on the page were experiencing—the rush, the high… kind of like what Ben described.
But it wasn’t like that for me at all.
I frown, wondering if reading these books is a waste of time. But surely they can give me some kind of guidance.
I want to figure out this sex thing, and what safer way to do it than through books and TV. No one’s touching me. No one’s expecting anything from me. I can make sense of it at my own pace.
My lips twitch, a little thrill running through me.
Picking up books from the library is so fun, and yes, I know I could download them to my phone and read the e-book version, but I’m a paperback girl, and it’s not like I’ll have to hide them under my bed.
I don’t live at home anymore, and Nylah probably won’t care what I’m reading.
She seems worldly and wise.
She’s probably had lots of sex and been really good at it.
Me, I’m gonna learn.
I’m gonna learn everything I can about this whole new world of sexual pleasure, and then maybe, I just might change my mind about whether or not I want to do it again.