41. Jolie
JOLIE
Ben told me not to worry so much about this. He told me to let it go. He reminded me that it’s probably just a rumor.
And there’s a chance it is.
A friend of a friend. Not to mention the fact that I heard all this from a complete stranger.
That has gossip written all over it, right?
Yet I can’t seem to let it go. Something about the story is eating away at me.
I even had a dream about it last night. I was in my dorm and woke up in a cold sweat after picturing myself on a bed, little video cameras recording me from every angle as some guy thrust into me.
It wasn’t Ben. I didn’t like it. In fact, it hurt, but I didn’t know who was doing it to me, and I woke up with a racing heart and this icky feeling all over my body.
Checking the time, I saw that it was only three in the morning and didn’t see how I could ever get back to sleep after that, so I snuck out of bed, trying not to wake Nylah as I crept into the hallway.
Taking my laptop down to the common room, curled up on a couch and tried to get some studying done.
But I couldn’t study.
That dream haunted me, to the point that I am now walking to class with every intention of sitting next to the girls I was with last Friday.
I find them near the back of the room and walk right up to them, forgetting all common curtesy as I plunk myself beside them.
“How’s your friend of a friend? Any update on her ‘situation’? ”
The girls frown at me, their expressions screaming, “Who are you?”
I point at my chest. “Jolie. I was sitting in front of you last week and heard you talking about that poor girl who was recorded having…” I glance around me, then lean forward and mouth, “Sex.”
“Oh, that.” The one beside me raises her eyebrows. “I haven’t heard any more.”
“Well, do you know her name? Do you know if I could talk to her?”
“Why would you want to do that?” The one on the right eyes me up suspiciously.
“I just… I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to help her.”
The girl bulges her eyes at me. “She doesn’t want people to know about this.”
“But you told…” I point at her friend.
“Yeah, because we’re besties. We tell each other everything. You were just listening in when you really shouldn’t have been.”
I shrink back and mumble, “Sorry. It was hard not to hear, and I’m just… I’m worried for her. If I found out some guy did that to me? It’d be eating me up inside.”
“Yeah, well, I think it might be eating her up too,” the girl on the left murmurs.
“What do you mean?”
“Claire.” Her friend tries to shut her up.
“What? She’s gone. It’s not like it’s going to matter.”
“She’s gone?”
The girl on the right sighs. “Yeah. That’s what I heard. She couldn’t take it, so she packed her bags and left over the weekend.”
Packed her bags and left.
Images of my old roommate, Julia, rushing to get her stuff together and leaving so abruptly whistle through my head.
That didn’t happen to her… did it?
She wouldn’t tell me why she left. She just kept repeating that it wasn’t working out and she wanted to go home.
But…
My lips part and I spring out of my seat, whacking my toe on the chair beside me and limping out of the classroom. I can feel everyone’s surprised gazes on my back, but I ignore them all, hobbling as fast as I can and denying the pain until I reach a quiet spot around the edge of the building.
With trembling fingers, I pull up Julia’s number, skimming all the unanswered texts I’ve sent her.
Argh, I can’t call from my phone. She’ll see my number and ignore it.
And even though it hurt me so deeply when she first left, if what happened to her is the same thing that happened to that other girl, then it explains so much.
Wriggling my throbbing toe, I ease into a walk and wish there were still pay phones around like they have in the old movies. That way I could call her and not have the issue of caller ID.
I really need to talk to her.
Stopping near a bench seat overlooking the park, I plunk down and ignore the guilt of missing class. This is important. Really important.
I bite my bottom lip and hover my thumbs over the screen, trying to come up with something good.
“Just text her the truth,” I reprimand my hesitation and just decide to spill.
Me: Hey Julia. I know you don’t want anything to do with Nolan U anymore, and I think I know why.
I mean, maybe. Maybe I’m totally wrong about this, but I heard a rumor the other day that a girl was recorded having sex and she didn’t know about it, and then the guy who recorded her threatened to post it online.
The girl was so upset that she packed up and left, and then I started to think of you and wondered if that happened to you too.
Did it? I mean, did something really awful happen to you that you didn’t feel like you could tell me?
When you first left, I thought I’d done something wrong, but now I’m wondering if something horrible was done to you and you just had to get out of here.
I’m not trying to start trouble or stir up bad memories, but I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me. I won’t bother you again after this, I promise. You can put Nolan U behind you and forget everything.
Please.
Can you tell me what happened?
I don’t even bother proofreading my message and just hit Send. It might be riddled with mistakes, I don’t know. But I want to get it to her before I lose my nerve.
And now I just have to wait.
The sun beats down on me, a nice contrast to the crisp autumn air. I close my eyes, lifting my face to the warmth… and then my phone starts ringing.
I’m so surprised, I nearly drop it.
Fumbling the device in my hand, I gape at the screen.
“It’s Julia,” I whisper. “It’s Julia!”
So answer it!
“Oh!” Swiping my thumb across the screen, I stutter out a greeting. “J-Julia?”
“Hey, Jolie.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re calling me.”
“I am. And, um…” Her voice sounds kind of shaky. “I’m sorry I didn’t sooner. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your texts. I really wanted to leave Nolan U in my rearview, you know? But then when you said you thought I’d left because of you, I had to make it clear. It wasn’t you.”
My shoulders sag with relief, and for some weird reason, I suddenly feel like crying.
“It was… That rumor, it’s…”
“Oh my gosh, is it true?” I ping up straight again. “Did that happen to you?”
There’s a thick beat, and then she lets out a soft whimper. “You can’t tell anyone about this, Jolie. I’m serious. He said he’d post it, and I never want anyone seeing that.”
Resting my hand over my chest, I struggle to breathe as that sinks in. The rumors are true. They’re true!
“Who is this sicko?” I ask.
“I don’t want to say. It’s just a guy who was really nice to me, and then I stupidly went out with him.
I thought he was great. He said all the right things, you know?
” Her voice wobbles, tears tearing at the syllables when she keeps going.
“And when he invited me back to his place, I just said yes without really thinking. His apartment is so cool, and I remember feeling lucky that he’d chosen me.
I was picturing him as my boyfriend, jumping ahead into the future and imagining us walking around campus hand in hand.
I’d be so proud of my smart, handsome, witty boyfriend. ” She whimpers again.
“Oh, Julia. I’m so sorry.”
“I hadn’t planned to sleep with him that night, but he started kissing me and took me into his room.
I just followed like a stupid, mindless lamb to the slaughter.
When I lay down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling, it was covered with these cool red roses and fairy lights.
It looked so magical, and I was caught up in how romantic it all felt.
I had no idea there were video cameras hidden in the middle of them all.
I had no idea he was recording the whole thing.
” She sniffs. “He stripped me naked, Jolie. The camera would have caught everything.”
I blink, staring straight ahead, unable to answer her because something in my brain has just clicked.
The tumor I couldn’t find, it’s just come crashing into my consciousness, and all I can see in my mind’s eye is a ceiling covered in roses and fairy lights. A ceiling I stared up at while I lost my virginity to…
“Kieran,” I croak.
“What?” Julia snaps at me. “How do you know that?”
And now it’s my turn to cry.
Oh my gosh.
Did he record me too?
Panic surges through me in a hot wave. It’s so terrifying and overwhelming that I think I’m about to drown. Seriously. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe!
“Jolie? Jolie,” Julia snaps again. “How did you know it was Kieran?”
“I went on a date with him too,” I manage to rasp. “I saw that ceiling, Julia. I saw that ceiling!”
Okay, now I’m officially freaking out, like seriously losing the plot here.
Jolting off the bench seat, I start to run, the phone still clutched to my ear as I make a beeline for my dorm room.
By the time I get there, I’m out of breath, but Julia has stayed on the line with me, listening to me pant and sob in her ear.
Bursting through the door, I slam it shut behind me and actually walk all the way into the bathroom. Locking it, I slump to the ground, pressing my back against the door and pulling my knees to my chest.
“Jolie, just breathe. It’s okay. Just breathe.”
“It’s not okay!” I wail. “I slept with him too. Did he record it? Do you think he recorded it?”
“You slept with him?” Julia’s surprise is…
well, understandable. We kind of told each other everything in those first few weeks.
She knew how green I was. She wasn’t quite as fresh as me, as she’d had two boyfriends in high school and lost her V-card to one of them, and she seemed a little more prepped for the big bad world than I was.
But she hadn’t been prepared for Kieran.
None of us had.
“I’m really sorry to tell you this, but I’m guessing he recorded you too.”
Her words hit me like bullets, each one lodging into my reality and making me want to throw up.
“And if you’re not really careful, he’ll use it against you. Are you still working at the paper?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “Sort of. I’ve had one article published, and he asked me to do some research, but I screwed it up and now he’s ignoring me.”
“Quit.” Julia’s voice catches. “Walk away now.”
I go still. “But I don’t want to walk away. I want to be a journalist. I need to get articles published in the school paper. That’s what you wanted too.”
“Yeah, until he threatened to post our sex tape online.”
“How did you find out about it?”
She huffs, but then it turns into this whimpering sound again.
“He wanted me to write a glowing review about him for this assignment thing he was working on. He needed proof from his peers that his work was impeccable and was collecting character references. I can’t even remember what the assignment was about, he just needed quotes.
He told me exactly what he wanted me to say, and I wasn’t comfortable with that, so I told him that I could write something, but it needed to be my own words.
He didn’t like that and told me I had to use what he’d written or he’d expose me.
I had no idea what he was talking about, but then he showed me, Jolie.
He pulled it up on his computer, and he showed me our sex tape.
” She starts crying again, and I sit on the bathroom floor, leaning my head back against the door and closing my eyes.
“He told me he’d post it on all those porn sites where you can upload stuff for free.
You know the ones? The ones that anyone can access! ”
I’d never watched them, but I’d heard of them.
“I could barely think straight. I was so horrified that I just agreed, and he told me I was a good girl and sent me on my way.” She cries some more, losing her words for a minute.
I just sit here in horrified silence, unable to say a thing.
Why didn’t she tell me any of this? How was I so blind that I didn’t even notice her distress or what she was going through?
“I hate that I did it. I hate that my name is attached to him. He wrote the nicest things about himself, and they’re all bullshit,” she hisses. “Why did I let him do that to me, Jolie? Why!”
“I…” I wish I could give her a decent answer, but I can’t. I can barely form a coherent thought, let alone words out loud.
“The next time he called me into his office, he wanted me to trick one of my professors into saying something that made her sound racist. He wanted me to record the conversation so he could use a sound bite. He had a script written out and everything. He was halfway through coaching me, and I just lost it. I told him I wouldn’t do it and I was out.
” She sniffs. “I left the next morning, and I’ve been scouring porn sites for my video.
I haven’t found it yet, but it haunts me, Jolie. It seriously haunts me.”
Letting out a shuddering breath, I lick the tears sliding past my mouth and finally manage, “Maybe he’s just all empty threats.”
“I wouldn’t risk it. Has he asked you to do anything yet?”
“Just that research I wasn’t too keen on. When I didn’t supply it the way he wanted me to, I could tell he was annoyed. He asked to see me in his office, but I bailed while he was talking to someone else. I’ve been avoiding going back ever since.”
“Don’t go back.” Her voice pitches in fear. “Do not enter that building again. Don’t give him the chance to use you the way he used me. Don’t do it.”
I nod. It’s not a hard request to agree to.
I’m staying as far from Kieran as I possibly can.
Except that…
“He ran you out of here,” I whisper. “Julia, he ruined your college experience. And he just ruined another girl’s as well. How many recordings does he have? How many women is he coercing? Scaring? This isn’t right. We can’t just ignore this.”
“How are we ever supposed to fight it without risking our complete humiliation? I won’t do it, Jolie, and neither should you.
Just shut up, quit the paper, keep your head down, and stay the fuck away from him!
” Her harsh tone and biting words make me flinch.
“I mean it, Jolie. Do not think you can beat him, because you can’t. ”
“Julia—”
“No, I won’t be part of this. If you start sniffing around, he might post every video he has just to punish us all. Do not do this. I will never speak to you again if you pursue this. I will never forgive you if my video ends up online.”
And with that, she hangs up on me.
I pull the phone away from my ear, blinking down at it. My eyebrows dip, a buzz of annoyance ripping through the middle of my shock and horror.
He can’t get away with this.
If we stay silent, then he’s going to keep on doing this.
That’s not right.
But how am I supposed to stop him without risking all the girls he’s done this to?
Without risking myself?