Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Walker
The sexual tension between us just continues to grow with every breath we take in the same room. If Eli hadn’t interrupted the other night, I’m sure I would have kissed her. It’s all I’ve been able to think about.
My body is in a constant state of arousal when she is around. I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like no matter what she is doing, it turns me on. Even watching her wash bottles was giving me a boner.
I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when we were younger and I didn’t have control of my own horniness.
Forget being productive at work. My current clients are lucky their cases are slam dunks for me because I don’t think my brain could focus long enough to read through hours of evidence and case law.
Which presents a pretty big problem, considering I’m gunning for the largest case of my career.
Yesterday, while Jessie watched Eli in the morning, I got some more face time with Stewart and Henry. They asked where I’d been this week.
It’s been four days, and they’ve already noticed that I’m not clocking twelve-to-fourteen-hour days, like I usually do.
I lied and told them my mom was sick. It’s a shit excuse, and I know I’m going to hell for it, but I panicked.
What I should have done was tell them the truth.
I should tell them about Eli. I know it’s the right thing to do.
It also would effectively take my name out of the running for this pharmaceutical case.
Tonight is my final night with Jessie here. Tomorrow is Friday, and there’s no reason for her to spend the night on the weekend. I know if I get her to myself for too long, I’m going to do something I’ll regret.
That’s why I’ve made a reservation for us to go out to dinner with Eli. Though at this point, I wonder if being in public could stop me from finally taking her in my arms and kissing those delectable lips.
Just as I’m pulling my shirt that’s covered in Eli’s spit-up over my head, my front door opens. It’s weird, knowing Jessie has a key to my place and just walks in whenever she wants. I like it—and that’s a fucking problem.
“Walker,” she calls from the other room.
Eli is out there in her swing. She probably won’t last long. I just gave her a bottle, but she seemed squirmy, like she wanted to move around. I just needed to come in here and change real fast.
“I’m in here,” I shout as I toss my shirt into the hamper and open my drawer.
“I was thinking that maybe”—her voice sounds like it’s getting closer—“Eli should …” She’s now standing in front of me.
It’s the same damn look she gave me the other day when I opened the door without a shirt on. It’s dangerous because it tells me just how affected she is by me, even when she pretends to hate me.
“Eli should?” I say to try and keep the conversation moving.
Maybe if we both pretend we don’t want to fuck each other’s brains out, the energy between us will settle.
She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment. I try not to smile, thinking if only she knew what I would do to corrupt her if I had the chance. If seeing me without a shirt on creates such a reaction, I can’t imagine what would happen if I got a chance to lick her sweet little cunt.
Fuck, now I’m hard.
“Dinner!” I nearly shout, startling her and making her jump back in surprise.
“What?” she asks hesitantly.
I cough and nervously clear my throat as I try to save face. She’s the only person who can garner such intense emotions from me. I’m not used to feeling like this.
“Dinner. Um, I made reservations for us to go out to dinner,” I reply, trying to maintain a sense of indifference. “I thought getting out of the apartment would be good for Eli.”
“Oh, um, yeah. That sounds great. Dinner.” She shifts uncomfortably on her feet. “I’ll just go, uh … get changed first if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, totally. Get changed. I’ll be out there in a minute.”
She nods her head, then backs away slowly, like she has whiplash and is still trying to figure out what just happened.
I realize I’m going on the closest thing that might ever come to a date with Jessie. For some odd reason, my stomach twists at the thought.
I close my T-shirt drawer and walk into my closet. After taking too many minutes to decide, I land on a plain black button-down with jeans. Nice but can pass as casual with little effort.
I race into my bathroom to put on extra deodorant, run some more paste through my hair, and squirt on some cologne.
When I walk back out to the family room, Eli is starting to grunt and groan in the swing. I take her out and scan the room as panic sets in.
What the hell do I bring out to a restaurant?
Shit. This was a bad idea. What if she’s hungry? Or needs a diaper change? Or poops up the back of her pajamas like she did yesterday? Where will she sleep if she gets tired?
“Okay, I’m ready,” Jessie calls from behind me as she exits my guest bathroom. “What’s wrong?” she asks immediately.
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you saw a ghost.”
I look around the room, not sure how to respond. “I don’t know what to pack. How do people bring babies to restaurants? I might need all of this stuff.” I gesture around the room, slightly dramatic.
She brings her hand up to stifle her laughter. “You just pack a diaper bag.”
“With all of it?” I ask.
She grabs a bag and throws a few different onesies in it, diapers, and wipes. Then she measures two bottles with the formula and packs a bottle of water. I just stand and watch, thinking she is the only one I would have wanted to experience this past week with.
It’s been a roller-coaster ride of emotions, but having Jessie around makes everything better.
“Where will she sleep?” I follow up with when she stands in front of me with the diaper bag.
“The stroller. They allow those in restaurants, you know.”
I nod my head. “Okay, that will work. Maybe we can walk her there in the stroller and get her asleep.”
“Now you’re thinking like a dad.” She smiles.
We buckle Eli into the car seat that slides into the stroller, then ride the elevator down to the street. Luckily, I actually thought about the logistics of how hard it would be to travel far with Eli, so the restaurant I booked is only a couple of blocks away.
It only takes us five minutes to get there. Eli fell asleep almost instantly. Jessie said noise and movement knock most babies out. I guess that’s what makes bedtime such a horrible time with babies. Quiet and still.
I’m surprised how easily we get settled at our table with Eli’s stroller parked right next to us. The moment I sit down and realize it, I take a deep breath.
Jessie opens her menu and peeks over at the sound of my sigh. “I think I can actually feel the relief in that sigh.”
I chuckle to myself as I grab the menu in front of me. “I might have been internally panicking the entire way here, wondering about everything that could go wrong.”
“Let’s get you a drink. You need it.”
“You’re not wrong about that,” I reply. “But I think we both need it. How about we share a bottle of wine?”
She raises an eyebrow. “You trying to get me drunk?”
I smirk. “It’s not like it’s hard. You’re such a lightweight.”
Her mouth falls open. “Rude.”
I shrug. “You’re not denying it.”
Just then, the waitress—a tall brunette—approaches. She smiles down at the stroller. “She’s precious. Congratulations.”
I look over at Jessie, realizing she thinks Eli’s ours. Together. Jessie’s throat bobs as her eyes catch mine. She doesn’t know what to say.
“Thank you,” I reply.
It’s not worth correcting her. Plus, a part of me wants it to be true. I might never have Jessie, but maybe tonight, I can pretend it’s real.
“I think we are going to share a bottle of the 2010 Chianti,” I tell the waitress.
We decide to place our orders quickly as well, just in case we’re on borrowed time with Eli.
After the wine is poured and we wait for our food, I can’t stop looking across the table at Jessie. I know this is supposed to be a night where I keep her at arm’s length, but the idea of treating this like a real date is too tempting.
“Tell me something,” I ask her as I lean back in my seat.
Her forehead scrunches, like it always does when she’s confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean … tell me something about yourself that I’ve missed over the years. You know, with all this hate between us … I know there’s tons of stuff in your life I’ve missed.”
I can see she is skeptical of why I’m asking. I don’t blame her. For years, I’ve kept my distance, treating her like the plague in order to protect her. Now, I’m too close—and I want more.
“You’ve missed a lot in the last nine years, Walker.”
“Nothing like the present to change that,” I challenge as I take a sip of wine. “I’ll go first if you’d like.”
Her lips purse with interest as she leans her elbows on the table. “Fine. I’ll go if you go.”
I match her posture, our faces now only a foot apart. The urge to reach across the table and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear is strong, but I resist.
I scrub my chin as I think of something that she doesn’t know about me that might give her a glimpse into a part of me not everybody knows. “Hmm, I forgot my birthday three years in a row. I never realized it until I got home and saw a message from Eva, wishing me a happy birthday.”
Her eyes bug open as her hand lightly hits the table. “Walker, that’s awful. What about your parents?”
I cock a brow at her. “Come on, Jessie. You know my parents. They’re too busy to remember something like their kids’ birthdays.”
“What about the guys?” she asks.
I shrug. “They’re busy too.”
“Well, that’s just sad. That’s no way to live your life. That’s not a flex, Walker.”
“I never said it was. It was just the first thing that came to mind.”
I wonder why it’s what came to mind. Is it that, underneath everything, it bothers me that I never remembered my own birthday or had anyone in my day-to-day life who did?
I don’t hold it against the guys. We don’t remember shit like that. Even if we did, we aren’t the type to call the other up to tell each other it’s our birthday.
But I remember Jessie and Eva always made such a big deal out of one another’s birthdays. It made me smile to see how easily they showed affection toward each other.
Her head shakes back and forth, like she is still in disbelief at my confession.
“Your turn,” I tell her.
She places her wineglass on the table and sits up straighter. “My turn. Okay, let me think.”
She mimics my gesture earlier and scratches her chin. I can’t help but laugh at her performance, leaning forward curiously as I wait.
“Okay. I’ve got one. I have an Excel spreadsheet, ranking each dessert I try in the city.”
“Every single dessert?” I ask to clarify.
She giggles and nods. “Every. Single. Dessert.”
“You’re kidding?”
“Nope. Not kidding at all. It’s long. Extensive. I give them star rankings from one to five and explain my reasoning.”
I find that incredibly endearing and very like Jessie. She’s always loved her sweets. “I think that means we need to get a dessert tonight. I’ll help you rank it.”
“You mean, you don’t think that’s the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard?” She snorts before she takes a sip of wine.
“It’s a cute kind of pathetic,” I tease.
She tosses her napkin at me, and my head falls back with laughter. The waitress interrupts with our dinner, which is exactly when Eli decides to grace us with her presence. I scoot the stroller closer to me to pick her up and instantly notice the foul smell coming from her.
“I think I need to change her,” I tell Jessie. “Where’s the restroom so I can change her diaper?” I ask the waitress.
She looks at me awkwardly. “Oh, there’s only a changing table in the women’s restroom. Maybe your wife can change her?”
I nearly fall out of my seat. “There’s no changing table in the men’s room?”
“Uh, no, sir. I’m sorry.”
How in the hell am I supposed to change my daughter’s diaper? Is this some kind of rule everywhere? What about a single dad like myself? Am I not allowed to take my baby out?
I start to panic as I realize the world might not be set up for the convenience of my and Eli’s situation. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have been so bold, thinking I could handle going out after only one week with a baby.
“I’ll take her, honey.” Jessie smiles knowingly at me. “You do so much already.”
She stands up and takes Eli from my arms, then grabs the diaper bag. My knee bounces up and down nervously as I watch her disappear with my baby that I apparently can’t take care of in public.
By the time they’re back, Eli is happy as a clam. I take her from Jessie and prop her up on my lap.
“You eat,” I tell her. “I don’t want your food to get cold.”
I grab a slice of pizza and take a bite, the taste not even registering in my brain.
“Hey,” Jessie calls from across the table, pulling me from my thoughts. “It’ll get easier. Not every restaurant will be like this. This one is apparently stuck in the dark ages.”
“So, when I go out to dinner, it’ll be a toss-up on whether or not I can take care of my baby?” I reply with a bitter taste in my mouth.
The sympathetic look on her face tells me everything I need to know.
The rest of the evening sinks under a heavy weight.
What I thought I needed—a distraction, a way to smother the fire of my longing—turns out to be something else entirely.
I’m forced to see the truth—I have a hard road ahead of me as Eli and I try to carve out our place in a world that was never built with us in mind.