6. A Formal Rejection #2
“Really?” My voice was disbelieving. That must have been what the flashes were trying to show me. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Really.” He finally turned to look at me. I almost gasped at the pain and resolution there. Dakota fully expected me to reject him. I hated that I put that look on his stunning face. My mate was beautiful. Too good for me , I repeated to myself.
“Blake’s a powerful alpha, despite his young age. He could keep control of my bear with no issues, at least long enough to get me away.”
“I didn’t know we could do that.” Then I thought about the last part. “Away?”
“Away. I’d have to leave Sweetwater for a while.”
“How long?” Goddess, I hated the idea of him having to leave.
“No idea. Likely a few months, maybe a year.”
“Moon, no! What about your family? Work? Friends?” I’d be hurting so many people with my selfishness.
“My family is aware of the situation. There’s not much you can get past Papa.” His lips twisted up fractionally. He twisted, returning to watching Angelica bounce. “As for work, I don’t have a job currently.”
I felt my brow furrow in confusion, only marginally consoled by the fact he had his family to lean on. “But you’re Kade’s boss.”
“Was. He quit yesterday, and they had already fired me. My replacement was ready to take over, so I left not long after Kade did.”
“He was here yesterday, but I didn’t realize he was leaving his job. Did he tell you about the council?”
“No,” he looked wary, “what about them?”
I filled him in about the council and we sat and discussed the implications for all shifters with the shake up.
It was so easy to be there with him. The conversation was simple, with us just relaxing in the yard while Angel played happily.
Something was off, though. My fox knew that this space wasn’t ours.
It wouldn’t settle. Having our fated mate next to us was worse because it knew I wouldn’t entertain the bond.
I knew this was just a respite. I’d successfully taken him off topic, but it wasn’t fair to him.
“Dakota, I’m not going to formally reject you.”
“Does that mean —?”
“No. I think we should continue as we are. Let’s just ignore the bond.” It was the only way. As much as I hated it.
“That’s your solution? Just ignore it and hope it goes away?
” He got up, looking furious. I shrank back, fear locking my limbs.
He towered over me, radiating rage, and I prayed Angel wouldn’t see me cowering from the giant.
Noticing my response, regret filled his face.
He immediately sat and reached for me, pausing before we touched, and I flinched.
“Moon, no! Jasper, I’d never. I’m making such a mess of this.
” This was everything that I feared. I didn’t want to have a mate treat me with kid gloves.
I was too messed up for a true mate bond. He’d be better off alone.
Deep down, I knew that I just couldn’t fight my instinctual reaction. It would have been the same for any person looming over me like that. I reacted badly to people being angry. My fox worked to reassure me that everything was okay.
Rationally, I knew there was no way that Kade would have a violent man in his life.
My boy was an impeccable judge of character.
My visions hadn’t sparked to protect me, so I was in no real danger.
Even Rincoln’s ability to dampen others’ extra senses didn’t affect my premonitions, allowing me to move, so blows were glancing rather than full punches.
Since nothing had flared to warn me, nothing was going to happen.
“I’m okay, sorry. Habit.” I offered apologies, embarrassed at my behavior.
“I know better than to move like that around you. Kade told me how you’d been treated. I just need to know how we are going to deal with this. You don’t want to bond, but you don’t want to reject me. Can you see my problem?”
Silence stretched between us, pulling taut until it snapped. “I get it. I do, but I have someone I really care about. We’ve been together for years.”
“You don’t love him, though.”
“No. Eventually, I could,” I admitted. “I’m still working things through.”
“The Luna has literally made us for each other. Why won’t you give me a chance?” His gaze was imploring.
“Tell me, Dakota. Why do you want this? You don’t even know me. You’re close with my son, but that’s all I know about you. Why should I give up someone I trust, that I care about for fate?”
His mouth gaped. “Fate is why I want this. I’ve felt a pull to you since I saw a photograph on Kade’s dresser. You’re gorgeous, Jasper. I can hardly keep my eyes off you. Can you feel the pull? You can, can’t you?”
I needed to be honest here. “You are probably the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, Kota.
” The nickname slipped from my lips. He smiled, his eyes warm, lips slightly parted.
“It doesn’t mean we have to jump into anything.
I don’t know what my long-term plans are.
I need to reconnect with my son. To put my kids first for once,” I said imploringly, begging him to understand.
“And that means putting whatever fate has planned aside. I have Silas to think about. He’s been there for me for three years.
No matter our connection, I don’t want to throw that away on a whim. ”
“So I’m supposed to wait for you to figure out that no one will be better for you than me?
” Anger leached into his voice and I watched him restrain his temper as I trembled in my chair, fighting the urge to shift to protect myself.
“This is a bunch of bullshit, Jas. I’m not going to wait for you.
” Bitter jealousy swirled through my stomach at the thought of him with someone else.
Hypocrite . “When you finally come knocking at my door, you better be ready to beg for forgiveness.”
Dakota rose in one fluid movement, stalked over to Angelica and hugged her carefully, then left without another word or look in my direction.
Fuck.
I was still beating myself up about the whole thing hours later.
Deep down, I feared that I’d blown any chance of ever being with Dakota, which was stupid, since I had no intention of being with him.
I blew out a breath and closed Angelica’s door.
She was fast asleep. Tired out from a day playing on her new trampoline and talking about Dakota visiting.
Loneliness seeped into my bones, making everything ache. I wanted to just lie down and try to block out the world for a while, but hiding from my problems would only make them worse.
Picking up my phone, I called Karina, hoping that she would have time for me.
“Hey, Jas, I have half an hour before my next appointment.” I’d forgotten about the time difference.
“Okay, I’ll be quick and you can bill me if you like for taking up your break.” Quickly I outlined the issues with Blake and Kade and I briefly touched on the Dakota situation.
“Right. Well, let’s put aside the Dakota thing now.
I’ll just say this; I think that while what you’ve done may seem hurtful, as your friend and therapist, I know how hard it was for you to get to this stage with Silas.
Go with your gut on this. Plenty won’t agree, but they didn’t have to counsel you out of panic attacks after your heats.
Fate might want to pull you in one direction, but we all have a choice.
“As for Kade and Blake. You know what you’ve got to do. You need to apologize to them both and make an effort with your son-in-law. Kade is a superb judge of character, in your opinion. Trust that fate and Kade have chosen the best mate for him.”
“You’re right, it’s just hard.”
“Nothing is ever easy. This man, his family, will be in your life for a long time, The Luna willing. If you want anything like the relationship you had with your son before, you need to make steps now towards repairing this rift.”
“You’re right,” I sighed.
“Oh, honey, I know.”
Her words lightened my mood. A chuckle escaped, and everything seemed just a little easier to handle.
Taking a deep breath, I settled comfortably on my bed and made the call that was long overdue.
“Hey, son. Could I speak to Blake, please? I owe him an apology.”
“Papa? Are you okay?” his voice was filled with concern. He was far better than I deserved.
“Yeah. I just… I was pretty awful when I first saw you both. There’s no excuse, and I’m sorry. I’d like to say that to Blake, too. He’s been so generous with his time, the job offer–” My words stopped my throat and I had to close my eyes against tears.
“I told him this wasn’t you. We get it, Papa. You had to come alone to a strange place, to see me after years apart. Then I looked so different and was mated already. I’m not going to lie. It was strange and a little hurtful, but I just needed to see it from your side.”
“How’d you get so mature?” I tried to joke.
“I had the best papa.” Kade’s voice was teasing. “Can I put the phone on speaker? Blake is here.”
“Please.”
“I can hear you now,” said Blake. Not being able to see him made it difficult to tell what he was thinking. Not that his facial expressions gave much away, usually. I think that was part of what I struggled with. Never knowing how to adjust my actions to keep him calm.
“Blake, this is long overdue, but I need to apologize for my behavior the day that we met and every time since then. I’ve been cold and rude. There’s no excuse –”
“Jasper,” Blake interrupted. “Like Kade said, you’ve been through a lot, and maybe we all just needed a little room to breathe and work through our feelings. It was such a tense time for us all. I think we can make allowances.”
“You are perfect for my son. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. Can we start over? I’d like to get to know you properly. Work up to you calling me Papa one day. Do you think that would work?”
“Starting over sounds like a great idea. I’d love nothing more than for us to all get along. Maybe one day you’ll call me Son.” There was a crack in his voice and I imagined he was trying to hold back tears, too.
“When Angelica and I come for dinner with the omegas and to tour the school, could we join the pack? I’d like to make it official. Sweetwater is our home now.”
There was no mistaking the warmth in Blake’s tone or the gasp that Kade let out. “Of course. Welcome to the Sweetwater pack, Jasper.” We’d work up to him calling me papa. There was plenty of time now that we were settling here.