19. The Sickness #2
I called James, Dakota’s Papa, for reassurance, and he set everything straight.
He worried for Angel as much as I did and vowed to check on them in a few days.
“Call me anytime that you need, okay? I’m so glad you bonded finally.
Welcome to the family, officially.” His words had a few tears falling. Family. I had one again.
I hadn’t gotten to know Si’s family. We were too temporary for that, and I was supposed to be in hiding.
Rincoln had challenged his father for the alpha position long before I came along, winning by killing the older man.
His mother had left the pack in disgust after, so my children didn’t have any grandparents on that side.
My own weren’t worthy of the title since they gave me away.
“We’ll get Deke at the gate. Tomorrow we can get things we might need in Northarbor.
We won’t be visiting the compound unless absolutely necessary.
” Blake said from the driver’s seat. His voice was firm, an undercurrent of stress in the pinch of his lips.
With Blake in control of things, I felt a little less scared.
The house and neighborhood were quiet when we pulled up. We all stayed in the car, an air of reluctance to take that step. Leaving the car to enter the house meant that this was really happening.
Quickly the car heated, deciding for us. “Angel’s room has a trundle bed, so we can share, Deke.” I called to Deke as we walked up the short path.
“Tomorrow we’re taking a trip to see Poppy. We are going to want to silence some of these rooms. The walls are paper thin.” Kade announced as we entered the house. “It’s weird being back here.” His words echoed my thoughts.
The mood turned melancholy as we tried to get the house ready to live in.
I’d left a lot of things behind because Dakota had decorated Angelica’s room so perfectly.
I’d swapped out the double bed for a single with a trundle bed and that occupied what had been Kade’s spare room.
The bigger bed had disturbed her sleep, though she still occasionally had nightmares in the single, hence the extra bed.
Deke looked at the setup thoughtfully. “I can sleep on the couch if you’d rather have the privacy.”
The couch, while comfortable, wouldn’t let him get near as much rest as the bed. “No, I’m happy to share with you.”
“Won’t Dakota mind?”
I laughed his concern off. “First, he’s not that kind of alpha. Second, we’re bonded now, so I dunno.” I paused to find the words. “It’s like I can’t see anyone but him like that.”
For some reason, Deke’s face fell, and I wondered if I hurt his feelings.
He scanned my face and laughed, but it was weak.
“I’m not into you, Jasper. You’re hot but so very taken.
I guess I’m jealous of people around me finding their fated mates.
” He looked at the bedroom door and lowered his voice.
“I’m so happy for Blake. What he and Kade have is so perfect.
I can’t help but want that for myself. Did you know I was about to be mated once? ”
“No. When?” I could hear the shock in my voice.
“It was just when I turned twenty-one, literally just the legal age.
My father wanted a closer tie to the Sweetwater pack than his sister mated to the alpha.
My uncle picked an omega for me. Days before we bonded, she met her fated mate.
My uncle wanted her to ignore the call, as her mate was a lion shifter.
He liked to keep like with like. She refused, and he forced her entire family out.
My gasp was loud in the silence that followed his words. “No! You can’t ignore bonds like that.”
“You did.” He pointed out, not unkindly. Ouch .
“Thanks for that reminder.” I gave a self-deprecating chuckle.
“I was being an idiot and hurting us both. It wasn’t like Silas was there for me to bond with either, so I was only resisting from one side, if that makes sense?
It didn’t trap me between feelings for Silas and Dakota.
Part of the reason Si and I fell apart was because the bond had Dakota in my head all the time.
I wasn’t giving Si a reason to take a risk on us. ”
I could see it clearly now. From the minute I’d met Dakota, I’d pulled back from Silas further. I had always held him at a distance. My past ensured a natural distrust of alphas, but meeting Dakota and getting to know him through Kade had sealed the end of my relationship with Silas.
“This is true. All he would have had to do is see you two in a room together and he would have sensed the bond. Moon help me, the way you both watched each other! The two of you hooking up helped, but I’m glad you completed the bond. It’s good for the pack.”
“The Luna has a plan for the Sweetwater pack. I truly believe that.” A vision teased around the periphery of my sight. “It’s just a feeling that I have. Who knows, your mate could be around the next corner.”
Deke helped me get the beds ready, and I felt good about having him share a room with me.
Shifters needed close bonds with someone to stay healthy.
Wolves in particular needed touch and, with a pregnant mate, Blake wouldn’t want Deke too close to Kade.
I could be a pack substitute for Deke and he could protect me for Dakota.
It was ridiculous that I still didn’t properly consider myself as pack, still seeing myself as an outsider.
Perhaps that would change once I started teaching and had a place in the hierarchy.
As we lay in our beds, my mind wouldn’t settle.
My heart was miles away at the compound with my mate and sick child.
Dakota was sending regular updates, but it wasn’t the same as being there in person.
I wanted to be of use to them, not a burden like I’d often felt in my relationship with Silas.
As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t switch off.
The day’s events spinning through my mind.
The implications were too far-reaching for me to grasp.
Shifters could die. Friends. My daughter could and I wasn’t able to be with her.
It was cruel, this separation. I wanted this baby so badly, yet there was no way I’d risk his safety.
“Jas, go to sleep.”
“I can’t switch my brain off.”
A hand reached up, and I latched onto it. A life raft in a stormy sea.
“You are growing his cub.” He clutched my hand tightly.
Like Dakota, his hands were bigger, rougher than mine.
The sensation put me at ease instantly. “Being safe is helping. He couldn’t look after you both properly.
Let him look after Angel while we keep you and Kade safe.
” His voice broke. “It’s an honor to do this. ”
With Deke holding my hand and his reassuring words in my ear, I managed to finally drift off. He didn’t let go of my hand the entire night.
Sounds that a papa should never hear his son making woke us. My son was… vocal in his pleasure.
“Fuck!” Deke exclaimed, sitting up from the trundle bed. “We are seeing Poppy this morning for the wards.”
“Shit, I’m sorry Deke. I took them down so I could hear Angel,” I apologized.
“Nah, it’s fine. I know why they aren’t there and it wasn’t like we had much time to prepare for a stay here.
” We shared a commiserating look. “It’s lucky we had this house to come to.
We’ll just get wards for both rooms and the bathrooms. I think we will all need a bit of privacy, especially since we don’t know how long we will be here. ”
Deke was being far too reasonable for this early in the morning. He had a point, though. Over the last couple of weeks, my sex drive had heightened, and while the fear might dampen that, I wouldn’t be able to go long without having to take things in hand.
Keep it down, won’t you? I wasn’t above using the pack link to embarrass my son. Deke’s deep, throaty chuckle was worth it.
“Oh. My. Goddess! Papa!” Kade’s shriek made my morning.
Deke laughed again as he stretched. “I’m going to wash up and then check what we have in the kitchen. I’m making you breakfast.”
“I’m going to let you.”
He smiled and went to the bathroom next door. Kade emerged from his bedroom looking flustered, five shades of red on his face and neck, and reeking of sex. He stayed in the doorway, looking unsure. This was new territory for us both.
“Morning,” I said cheerfully, pushing past our mutual mortification. “Let’s go see Poppy as soon as possible, please.”
“Sure, Papa. Let’s get breakfast out. I’m pretty sure we have nothing here.”
The kitchen packed us some food before we left . Deke used the pack link to inform us. The walls were far too thin.
“Deke is cooking.”
“Ooh, I’ve never had his cooking before.”
“You’re in for a treat,” Blake informed us as he emerged, fully showered, from the bedroom. His face held traces of a blush, and he couldn’t quite meet my eyes.
“Look, this is uncomfortable for us all. It’s perfectly natural for a mated couple to um… copulate.”
“Sweet mother moon, never use that word again, Papa!”
It was Blake’s turn to snigger. He turned away when Kade glared at him.
“I’m just saying it’s embarrassing to hear it, not that I’m upset that you do that. As your papa, I like to pretend that The Luna placed those babies there herself, not my son-in-law. Privacy is very much a priority right now.”
Understanding dawned on their faces. Blake was the one to change the subject. “So is food. The pack kitchen had made a basket of some things for pancakes. A couple of boxes of the mix and some fruit. Kade will need more than that with the babies. Lots of protein and green veggies.”