Chapter 21 - Nora
I heard a knock on the door and looked up. Jade peeked into the spare room I was taking, holding a cup of coffee. “Morning, how did you sleep?”
I slept terribly. I kept seeing Kaleb’s expression, and I cried until I had nothing left. But there was no changing the fact that I was pregnant. We couldn’t unring that bell.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry that I came here and ruined you guys’ night.” When I arrived, I found Brandon and Jade were getting ready to go out for date night. Jade instantly canceled it, offering me the spare bedroom and a shoulder to cry on. But I didn’t talk. I just told her I wanted silence.
I could hear her yelling at Kaleb through the walls. She was screaming at him to get his shit together. I tried to drown it out, but it was hard.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” she said, stepping into the room. She walked over and sat down on the bed. “I can put two and two together to know you and Kaleb fought.”
“I told him. Or well he found out, and I had to tell him.”
Jade nodded. “I see, and he reacted?”
I nodded. “We argued.” I took the coffee and had a sip.
“He will come around to the idea.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
Jade shook her head. “It’s not possible that he won’t.”
I clung to the mug, staring into it. I suddenly wished things were simpler. I wished I could turn back time to when we weren’t in this.
“Everything is going to be okay.”
I chewed on my cheek because I had been repeating those words to myself since I told her.
I kept saying that no matter what, I would figure things out, even if I had to do them alone.
But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be alone raising a child.
I didn’t want to have to tell them when they were older that our relationship was fake, and somehow, along the way, it got messy.
How we made a mistake. How their father thought this entire thing was a mistake.
I wiped at my eyes and felt Jade wrap her arms around my shoulder. “You’re going to make me murder my brother, you know that.”
I sniffled, half laughing as I looked at her. “He’s right, though. This was all a mistake. We shouldn’t have done this. If we just stuck to the rules, we wouldn’t be here.”
Jade gave me a sympathetic look. “That’s not true.”
“No, it is,” I countered. “If I had said no, we wouldn’t be here.”
Jade didn’t seem to know what to say to that. She just leaned against me, and I sniffled, rubbing at my eyes again.
I left for work an hour later, needing to get myself busy. With the extra animals in the shelter, Mike needed any extra help.
I started taking the dogs out and cleaning their kennels.
While the dogs were outside, I started filling the dogs’ food containers.
I went and changed the cat’s litter while Mike started taking the dogs for a walk.
I was filling the cat’s food containers when I heard Mike getting back.
He had Rose and Lily with him, both wagging their tails eagerly as he opened their cages, putting them back.
“They look happy,” I said as I shut the door to the cat’s area.
“They are full of energy. Damn near took me out on the way back.”
I laughed, looking at the dogs. They looked happy and nothing like how they looked when we first got them.
They were covered in dirt and frightened with wide eyes.
I remembered holding them close, feeling their bodies shake with fear.
Looking at them now, you wouldn’t even know that was something in their past.
“I’m going to take Spot and Dililah for a walk next. Can you keep your eyes on the rest of them out there? I know that Frank and Chili seem to be getting at each other a little.”
I looked outside, taking in Frank, who was sitting in the grass. Chili was on the other side of the yard, but he was constantly starting things. I think it was mostly because he was feeling lonely and unsure of what to do with himself since being here.
“I sure can. Do you want me to walk the dogs?”
He shook his head. “No, I can walk them. It’s good for my joints. Besides, you’re better at handling the kittens than I am.”
I chuckled as he took the dogs, and I slipped back into the cat’s room. I offered each kitten a small bottle of milk and made sure to give our old cat, Willow, her medication before heading back to the backyard.
Most of the dogs were enjoying the weather, but I could see Chili was walking closer to Frank, who was watching him. I watched as Frank’s upper lip went up, and he bared his teeth at Chili.
I pushed the door open, ready to start yelling, so they wouldn’t get into a fight, but it was too late. Chili nipped at Frank, who quickly bit back. They erupted into a fight, snarling and barking, filling the area. All the dogs instantly turned to watch them.
“Hey! Hey!” I went running across the yard, yelling at them. “No! Break it up! Stop it! Frank! Chili!”
Chili finally backed away, and Frank bared his teeth, growling at him. “Enough!” I yelled, stepping between them.
“Frank, go!” I pointed toward the shelter, knowing he was being territorial.
Frank moved, walking toward the shelter.
I sighed, looking over at Chili. He was a medium black dog.
We weren’t exactly sure what he was mixed with.
But we could tell from his constant need to be around me and another dog that he was lonely.
I bent down, petting him. “You should know that Frank is not a cuddling type by now. You two have already gotten into it. Look at you, you had a scratch on your face now.”
I ran my hand over his head, wiping at the scratch. “You just need a little extra love, don’t you?”
After a few pats, I pulled myself up. I collected all the rest of the dogs and got them inside and into their kennel. I got Chili in his kennel. I sat down in the doorway, running my hand down his back.
“I know you’re still adjusting. It’s hard to adjust to everything. You were around maybe one other dog while here you’re surrounded by tons of them.”
I smiled as Chili lay down on his bed, sighing heavily as he stared at me. I watched his brows move as he looked around, still a little skittish. “Someone is going to adopt you. You’ll be out of here before you know it.”
I heard the door open, and Mike came back with Spot and Delilah.
Delilah was the only other dog that we got from the shelter.
Unlike Chili, she got along with the dogs.
She knew how to read the cues the dogs gave her, but we figured that was because she was a couple of years old, while Chili was hardly a year old.
“Whatcha doin’?” Mike asked as he hung up the leashes.
“Just sitting with Chili.”
“Did he get in a fight with Frank?”
“A little,” I admit. “I think he’s just lonely. You think he and Spot would get along since they are both young?”
“They spend time together, but I think he just needs more time to adjust. Spot has been here for a while, so he knows how everything goes. He knows to leave the dogs alone when they want to be left alone. Chili will learn.”
I glanced back at Chili, taking in his little frame. He was an energetic dog that just needed a little more love.
“I need to run out and pick up some more food for the animals. You going to be okay holding down the fort for a while?”
I nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.”
Mike gave me a smile before slipping out. I looked back at Chili. I took in his little paws and the smoothness of his fur. “I get feeling lonely.”
I sighed, looking around the room as I leaned back against the frame of the door. “But sometimes it’s nice to be alone. It’s better than being left behind.”
I thought about my argument with Kaleb. I kept seeing how angry he was, his words playing over and over in my head.
“I’m in a relationship, well…it’s a fake relationship with real feelings. It’s messy. And I’m pregnant as a result of this messy, fake relationship.”
Chili watched me, his eyes never leaving me.
“He’s a stubborn man. Thinking that he’s not good when that’s far from the truth.” I thought of all the time we had spent together. All the times he made me feel safe. He always smiled so sweetly at me, talking like I was a friend rather than someone beneath him. He never made me feel little.
“He’s made me laugh so many times, made me feel like I was worthy of something. It was nice. But has an overbearing father, whom he thinks he’s exactly like. I never saw a resemblance.”
I remember trying to find the connections between Dale and Kaleb.
You could tell they were related, but they weren’t the same person.
Dale had cold, ungrateful eyes while Kaleb’s were soft and kind.
Even the way they stood with their shoulders back.
Dale looked like he owned the world and believed it, while Kaleb was approachable and welcoming.
Even the way they spoke, you could tell they were nothing alike. So I didn’t understand why Kaleb was so scared of turning into his father. They were nothing alike.
“Sometimes it’s better to be alone. You can’t get as hurt. You get left feeling like you’re in someone’s way. Like you’re a burden. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want anything to do with me now.”
Which is going to be difficult because it’s not just about us anymore.
“That’s not true.”
I jumped, snapping my head toward the door. Kaleb stood leaning against the frame with the door propped open. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept much last night. He stepped into the back, the door swinging shut behind him. “That’s far from the truth.”
“Could have fooled me,” I said, staring at him.
He paused, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looked nervous as he stood there, seeming unsure of what to say.
“I need to apologize for how I reacted last night. I shouldn’t have said everything was a mistake.”
I swallowed, feeling my body stiffen, knowing he had to have heard me. Did he hear everything I said?
“And you’re not a burden. I want to spend time with you. I want you around.”
“Didn’t feel like that last night. You seemed pretty clear.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I was in the wrong. I let my fear of becoming like my father get the better of me. I’ve been trying my entire life to be a better person than him, never wanting to step into his shoes, and last night I did. I should have been the man you needed.”
He moved closer to me, bending down to my level. “I have let my father control so much, even now, when I get back. I tried not to upset him, tried to do what was right because it was easier, but I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done trying to appease him.”
His eyes softened. “Nora, you are carrying my child. You are the most important person in my life.”
I chewed on my cheek.
“Give me a second chance at this. Let me make this right.”
“This was fake,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “Not all of it. It wasn’t all fake, Nora. As much as I tried to fight it, there is something there. You know it. I know it.”
I wanted to. I wished I could just agree and happily accept his offer, but I couldn’t. There was no way to just erase what had been said, no way to turn back time.
“I need time.”