Chapter 17
Sunny felt like a new man after a bath and a pair of fresh clothes at Avalon Palace.
He couldn’t help but compare the bright marble splendor of the building to his own dark and run-down Sunderland House, which was covered in black crepe.
Opening the curtains and scrubbing the entire place down would not make it into a palace like this one, but it would at least improve it.
At the moment, he could not imagine Mantheria in such a dingy place.
She was all that was pristine and perfect.
As were all the Glastonbury estates; he knew that she oversaw their maintenance, and she would not accept anything less.
Even though Sunny had been bone-tired riding his horse to Avalon Palace, he had still noticed that every cottage was in excellent condition, and there wasn’t a fence or roof that needed mending.
Mantheria got her managing abilities from her mother, and Sunny couldn’t help but think that she might be disappointed in his own performance as a landlord.
He preferred to be as far away from the estate and his mother as possible.
He’d mostly left the day-to-day running of his property to the steward, something a Stringham would never do.
This was another area he could improve upon in his life before he asked Mantheria to marry him. Reaching his hand into his pocket, he felt the gold circlet with his fingers. He didn’t know why he carried it around with him like some sort of talisman.
Or rather, he did. Sunny held on to the ring like it was hope itself.
Hope that Mantheria could love him.
Hope that he could be the sort of husband that she deserved.
And hope that he could become a good stepfather to her son, although he had no example to model himself on.
Leaving his room, he walked down the grand staircase and through the gallery hall.
At the end, his eyes were arrested by a painting.
It was the current Duchess of Glastonbury, Mantheria, as large as life and just as brilliantly beautiful.
The piece of art must have been commissioned soon after her marriage, for she looked young and happy.
Her smile was carefree, and her eyes positively danced.
This version of his beloved he had not seen in much too long.
“Glastonbury had it painted while we were engaged,” Mantheria said from behind him.
Her lovely yellow hair was down, and her white dress was unadorned except for a shawl around her shoulders.
She looked impossibly youthful and very much like the woman in the painting.
“It was thought to be a good likeness at the time, but not anymore, I’m afraid. Time catches up with all of us.”
His eyebrows drew together, and Sunny shook his head. “I will have to disagree with you, Duchess. You are more beautiful now than you’ve ever been.”
Mantheria bumped her shoulder against his. “Flatterer. Perhaps you would like to write a poem to me about it. Or a sonnet.”
He remembered the poetic offerings of her other suitors—not that they’d been too impressive. Sunny did not create ideas. He merely translated the stories that others had written. “I would compare you to Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, or her Roman name, Venus.”
She snickered, and the sound shot straight to his heart. “The only word that I can think of off the top of my head to rhyme with Venus is not at all appropriate for a poem.”
Catching the euphemism, Sunny laughed loudly, the sound echoing down the long marble hall.
Mantheria surprised him by resting her head on his shoulder. “I hate this painting and the girl in it even more. She thinks that she knows everything, but she doesn’t know much of anything at all. She just hasn’t realized it yet.”
His pulse heightened, and Sunny could feel the weight of the wedding ring in his pocket.
His mind told him that it was too soon to let Mantheria know his feelings, but his heart was impatient to declare his love for her.
The last few days spent in her company had caused him to experience every emotion, and the thought of parting with her for even a few days was not to be endured.
Sunny stole his arm around Mantheria’s waist and lightly held her side as he leaned his head lightly against hers. “I have waited for twelve years to be at liberty to tell you why I didn’t come and dance with you at your coming-out ball.”
She laughed softly. “Oh, that is long forgotten. We were both so young. I was very foolish to expect anything from you. It had only been a kiss under mistletoe. One that I had demanded you give me.”
“I already had strong feelings for you, and I thought that dancing would lead to courtship. And I was afraid that I would be a disappointment as a husband and a father. Like my rakish, never-do-well father was. I felt as if I had no example of what a happy couple and family could be. I thought that I would fail miserably, so I didn’t even try.
I allowed my fears to control my actions, and I have regretted it every day since. ”
“I have always been glad that you didn’t come.”
He stiffened in surprise. “Truly?”
Mantheria sighed. Her head was still resting against his shoulder.
“Truly. I would have ruined our friendship if I had become your wife. I was not ready for marriage at seventeen, and I made a glorious disaster of it. I guess some of us are not cut out for the state of wedded bliss. I have long thought that it is most unfair that unmarried men are called bachelors and unmarried women the derogatory term of spinsters—when both can freely choose the single state.”
Sunny let her words roll around in his mind.
He supposed that the difference between the two genders was that women didn’t do the asking.
Therefore, it was assumed that if they were single, they weren’t beautiful enough or wealthy enough to receive offers.
Mantheria was stunning and rich. Whereas the state of bachelorhood was sometimes a choice based on financial matters and freedoms. “You would never have been a spinster.”
She stepped away from their light embrace, and he missed the smell of her hair and the warmth of her body against his. “I wish I had been—except for Andrew. But I suppose now that I will be a widow for the rest of my life, for I have no intention of ever marrying again.”
The ring in his pocket felt as heavy as a stone. “Whyever not?”
Tears filled her lovely light blue eyes as she shook her head. “It is better that we remain simply friends, Sunny. I would make us both miserable if we ever attempted to be more to each other. I don’t have the right disposition for marriage.”
He tried to swallow down the words and his feelings, but he could not.
Sunny had loved Mantheria for twelve unrequited years.
His heart could not endure another dozen.
“I love you, Mantheria. . . . I have always loved you. If you returned my feelings, it wouldn’t be misery, I promise you, but joy for us both.
” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden ring.
“I have carried this with me since the funeral. I know that it is too soon, but I need you to know that I will do anything in my power to prove my devotion to you. I want nothing more than to be your husband and a stepfather to Andrew. I care for him, too.”
Her face paled. Mantheria wrapped her arms around her waist and took a step back from him. Not good signs.
“My feelings are only the warmth of friendship. And I assumed that you felt the same way.”
“Mantheria, please give me a chance to prove myself to you. I love you with all my heart. I could not dream of asking another woman to be my wife.”
She pulled the shawl tighter around her thin body. “I don’t want to marry again, Sunny. I do not wish to be a wife who is subject to a husband. Marriage to me felt like a cage, and now that I am free, there is no way I would willingly fly back into that cage.”
He stepped toward her. “I won’t cage you.”
Mantheria held up one hand, and he stopped. “Loving you would be the worst cage of all, Sunny. Don’t you see? If I allowed myself to care for you, I would grow to hate you for your lack of responsibility.”
He wanted to defend himself as a man and as a duke.
He was no better or worse than most gentlemen.
He enjoyed the money from his estate. Was it so bad that he left matters in the hands of his steward and did not actively oversee them?
And how could he possibly accomplish the running of his own household when his widowed mother ruled the roost like a badly tempered crow, dressed all in black?
“I can change. I’ll take a more active role in the running of my estate.
And I am not a completely idle fribble. You can ask Wick or Matthew.
I have translated and published several Greek plays into English.
Not under my own name like Helen. Still, they’ve done rather well. ”
She shook her head slowly. “I would never doubt your word, Sunny. And I have learned so many classical stories from you in the last few days. It is clear that you are a clever and accomplished scholar. And I think that you could change, but do you even want to? You have enjoyed being a sunny, carefree lord for as long as I’ve known you.
Never facing what is unpleasant. You always leave when things get difficult.
And in my experience, marriage was both unpleasant and difficult. Good night, Sunny.”
Helplessly, Sunny watched the woman he loved walk down the long hall alone. In his heart, he begged for her to glance back at him in regret. But she didn’t. Her shoulders were back and resolved.
He’d been weighed.
He’d been measured.
And he’d been found wanting.